Love Rewritten

by J. Saman

  “Great. It’s an away game, but not far, so I should be back by seven. Do you want to come by around nine?” His hands are all over me. My arms, my waist, through my hair, against the back of my neck.

  I look up at him, his light blue eyes sparkling in the overhead lights of the elevator. “I can do that.”

  The metal doors of the elevator open and we both step out onto my floor, making our way down the hall towards my door. His hand is on my waist, holding me up against his side. But he pulls me back two doors down from my own causing me to turn around to him, scrunching my eyebrows in confusion.

  “I want to kiss you and I can’t do that with your brother and Xander breathing down my neck.” His hand comes up, brushing across my cheek as his eyes look into mine.

  “Probably true.” I smile, and his lips come down to capture it.

  Both arms snake around my waist, lifting me off my feet effortlessly. I clutch onto his strong shoulder muscles, holding on tight as he kisses me with reckless abandon. So deep and passionate that I feel it in my dangling toes.

  He sets me down an untold amount of time later, resting his forehead against mine. “You’re very short.”

  I laugh. “You’re very tall, and I did wear heels today,” I remind him.

  He nods against my forehead a crooked smile pulling at his lips. “You did, but you’re still short.” His lips brush against mine again. “You need to go inside,” he says against my mouth. “I’m having trouble making myself leave.”

  “Good night, Brandon.” I lean up to brush my lips against his. “Thank you for dinner. I had a good time tonight.”

  He pulls away from me, but only slightly so he can see me better.

  “I did too, Abby.” He leans in and kisses me again. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Another kiss and then he’s back up to his full height before playfully nudging me towards the door to my apartment.

  Unlocking my door, I open it slowly before turning back to Brandon who hasn’t moved from his position two doors down. I throw him a wave before entering my apartment and shutting the door, locking it behind me. It’s dark and quiet inside, Aubrey’s not yet home and I have no idea if Xander is or not.

  But I can’t help wonder as I pass Xander’s room, heading for my own, what tomorrow will be like between us. His door flies open as I pass and he and I both start, before we stare, daring the other to speak.

  “You’re home.” It’s not a question clearly since I’m standing in front of him, but I nod all the same.

  “I am.”

  We watch each other.

  “I didn’t mean what I said before.”

  I shake my head, having no idea which thing in particular he’s referring to. Does that mean he’s not going to leave me alone? I’m sort of having mixed feelings on that.

  “You look so much more than pretty tonight,” he says softly, sadly, his cobalt blue eyes boring into mine. I gasp before I can help it, but he doesn’t allow me to respond. He simply walks past me into his bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

  He doesn’t want me to follow him.

  But oddly, there is nothing I want to do more right now.

  CHAPTER 9

  I SPENT ALL DAY YESTERDAY working on my manuscript. It seems that work from my other classes has taken a back seat to this, because after sitting in the library for five hours, I’ve only managed to write another twelve pages. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a perfectionist and as such, I’m never happy with my work.

  It’s a problem.

  So today, instead of working in the library again, I’ve been bouncing back and forth between the breakfast bar in the kitchen and my bed. I made Aubrey read some of it and he gave me some helpful pointers, but I still feel lost in this work.

  Completely consumed by my inevitable failure, I slam the lid of my laptop down, shoving it aside and propping my elbows on the counter, covering my face with my hands.

  “Problem?” Xander’s voice reaches me from the living room where he’s been working from the couch most of the day.

  “I can’t do this,” I admit, hating myself for it.

  We haven’t spoken to each other much since Thursday night after the bar, but what we have said has been civil. Not friendly by any means, but I’ll take what I can get from him and so far, it’s an improvement.

  “Do you want me to read it?” he asks softly. I hear the fabric of the couch rub as he gets up, his naked feet slapping against the wood floor as he makes his way over to me. I lower my hands from my face and turn in my chair to look at him. It’s an honest offer, but I’m afraid of just how badly he’ll judge me on it.

  At the same time, what do I have to lose?

  “You sure you wouldn’t mind? I really could use all the help I can get.” I bite my lip nervously. “It’s shit, just so you know,” I add as he sits down in the stool next to me, sliding my computer towards him and opening the lid.

  “I doubt that.” He grins, but just barely. “I’ve read some of your stuff before, remember?”

  I smile at his handsome profile, because yes, I do remember.

  “That was a long time ago.”

  He chuckles softly as he types in my password. “Are you saying that your writing abilities have worsened over the years?”

  I shrug. I don’t really have an answer for that. Halpern thinks I can write. That I have talent, but I’m just not feeling it. In fact, all of this is making me want to just focus on Biology and be done.

  He starts to read over my paper and I can’t stand how awkward I feel sitting here watching him do it, so I get up and walk into the kitchen. I need something to do. A proper distraction.

  “Do you want coffee?” I ask, anxiously looking over at him as his eyes oscillate back and forth across the screen.

  “Uh, sure,” he says, not really paying attention to me.

  I’m not really in the mood for coffee, it’s actually almost dinner time, but Aubrey is bringing home a pizza when he comes back from the gym in an hour so I’m not going to start cooking.

  “Espresso okay?” I call back. What is wrong with me? I want to shake my head at myself.

  “Whatever, Abby,” he smirks. “Shut up and stop talking to me already. I’m trying to read.”

  I roll my eyes at his joking tone. Walking over to the cabinet, I pull out the bag of espresso, but then decide that a cappuccino will take more effort so I pad over to the fridge and pull out some milk too.

  I load everything up into the espresso machine and hit the button, setting the large mug under the spout.

  God, I’m so nervous right now, I’m practically vibrating with it. Clearly the last thing I need right now is a strong dose of caffeine, but it’s a little late for that now. The high pitched hissing of the milk steaming along with the mechanical popping of the machine fills the room and I’ve never been so grateful for such an annoying sound.

  I’m humming Keep Ya Head Up, by Tupac and I hear Xander chuckle lightly at me, but I’m ignoring him for now as I work the coffee.

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll go easy on you. No need for nerves.”

  I both hate and love that he knows me so well.

  The first cup is finished so I walk it over to him, reaching across the counter to carefully set it down next to him. He doesn’t acknowledge the coffee or me, but I take that as a good sign and go about making another one for myself.

  Ten freaking minutes later, I’m sipping my cappuccino and flipping through a magazine that I care nothing about.

  I’m going out of my damn mind here.

  Just when I’m about to say something to him, he looks up and finds me.

  “Come sit down.” His authoritative tone instantly puts me into action and I set down my coffee and magazine before scooting around the counter next to him. “Did you really write this?”

  I want to laugh, but instead I groan, because that’s probably the worst thing he could have asked me. I can’t even speak, so I nod instead.

 
“And where did you get the idea for this story?”

  I shrug, feeling beyond small. Leaning my elbow on the counter, I prop the side of my face up in my hand looking in his direction. “I used to imagine I was a magical fairy when I was kid who could go around and heal the sick, but it all started from a dream I had once.”

  He nods his head, staring at the screen like he’s thinking about this. “Didn’t your high school boyfriend, Kyle, have leukemia or something?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not what this is about.”

  “You aren’t connecting with the fairy, Abby. You seem to just be writing a story, but there is no real emotion in it that comes from you.”

  God, he’s right. “I know.” I’m so freaking defeated. I’ll never be able to get this done. Never.

  “Why did you pick this story?” He shifts in the chair a little, angling toward me without looking at me.

  Another shrug. “I didn’t know what else to write about.”

  “Look,” His eyes find my cheek. I’m biting the hell out of my lip as I worry my fingers on the counter. “It’s not bad. I don’t mean to make you feel like your writing is subpar. Some of it is very good, but I feel like if you were actually writing a story you cared about, it would not only be easier for you to write, but it would come out better.”

  “I don’t know what to write about, Xander,” I whine like a three-year-old before dropping my face to the stone counter.

  “Fiction doesn’t have to be fantastical, Abby, just not historically accurate.”

  Sitting back up, I lean my side against the back of the stool, dangling my legs between us. “I like fantastical, though. It’s fun to write.”

  “Just not this fantasy.” I can only shrug, because I honestly don’t know anymore. “Okay. Then what other types of fantasies do you have?”

  I see the smirk he’s trying to hide and offer him one of my own. “Did you always have such a dirty mind?” I jest and his grin broadens, but he manages to contain it before he speaks again.

  “Just answer the question.” He’s still smirking and I have the biggest urge to reach over and touch his mouth. How weird is that?

  “Hmmm.” I’m so tempted to mess with him, but we’re actually having a normal conversation so I don’t want to ruin that with sexual innuendo, even if it’s not serious. “Promise you won’t laugh at me?”

  “I make no promises, but if it helps, I rarely find anything you say amusing.”

  “Asshole.”

  He laughs as I shake my head.

  “Superhero twins.” Surprisingly, he doesn’t laugh at that.

  “And what about these superhero twins?”

  “When Aubrey and I were young, we used to pretend we were superheroes. Sort of the way all kids do.”

  “I never did that.”

  I roll my eyes. “Well, aren’t you always the exception to the rule? Anyway, Aubrey was all about Superman at the time so he could fly and see through shit and laser things with his eyes. But I was sort of a smaller version of the dark and twisted girl I am now, so I would be able to read people’s minds and manipulate them into doing whatever I wanted.”

  Xander laughs loud and hard at that. “Not much has changed in that department.”

  “Hey, I do not manipulate people and I certainly can’t read minds.” I’m trying for indignant, but the huge grin on my face gives me away.

  “Sure,” he says sarcastically. “Continue.”

  “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” I glare at him with a raised eyebrow. “I was always the bad girl in our little superhero play. And that had me thinking about superhero twins where one is the good guy and one is the bad girl and how both of them reconcile that.”

  “Okay.” His eyes skirt mine. “Not bad. Needs more details. What are their superpowers? Same as when you were kids?”

  He pulls up a blank page on the screen and we spend the next hour, until Aubrey walks in, brainstorming and coming up with an outline for my manuscript. Something I hadn’t done with the last one, which is probably why I ran into so much trouble with it.

  “I don’t even know how to thank you,” I tell Xander with all sincerity, leaning over and giving him a kiss on his cheek. He blushes a little, looking rather uncomfortable with my affectionate gesture. “You helped me so much tonight. You’re aces.” I smile, touching his shoulder before getting up and going into the kitchen to help Aubrey with the pizza.

  “It was my pleasure, Abby.” He looks up at me with a warmth in eyes I haven’t seen in years, but he doesn’t say anything else, and I don’t expect him to. I suspect he’s reached his limit with me and that’s fine.

  I can accept that.

  “Are you guys going out tonight?” I ask, shoving a piece of mushroom pizza into my mouth. I’m freaking starving, not having had anything to eat today.

  We were out late last night celebrating Grace and Gavin moving in together that I almost felt like canceling on Brandon and just staying in. But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him think that I’m blowing him off or anything.

  “Don’t know. You still going to that party?” Aubrey asks, leaning against the counter, a piece of pizza folded in half in his hand.

  “I am.” I scrunch my nose. “I’m freaking exhausted after last night and would much rather stay in and work on my paper.” I look to Xander with a soft smile he doesn’t return or even acknowledge. “But I told Brandon I’d go, so . . .” I trail off with a shrug before taking another bite of my pizza.

  “Can’t say I love the idea of you going alone to a party like that,” Aubrey says, looking over to Xander to back him up, but he doesn’t. Xander has once again turned to stone. At the bar last night, he wouldn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me. So being the child I am, I ignored him back.

  But today he was so very different with me.

  His help was unsolicited, and greatly appreciated. And he was playful. Teasing me and smiling and he even brushed some hair out of my face. It was . . . god, I don’t even know what it was. Nice doesn’t seem like enough. Probably because I had butterflies the entire time.

  Just like I used to have whenever I was near him.

  But now that I’ve had a taste of the old Xander, I’m kind of craving more. I know I need to let that one go, despite how hard it is to do.

  “I know,” I nod my head, partially in agreement with Aubrey on this, even if he has no idea why. “But Nina and Samantha are working and Grace is with Gavin tonight. I don’t plan on drinking or staying long for that matter.”

  “Do you feel like you can trust Brandon to keep an eye on you and not try to take advantage?” Aubrey asks through a mouth full of food as he wipes the grease away from his lips. Gross.

  “I’m not a little girl. I can handle myself. Brandon won’t take advantage of me, nor would I let him if he tried. I already told you I’m not drinking. I’ll be fine. Promise.” I give a reassuring smile, even if I’m a little miffed at his patronizing tone. “I’m surprised you don’t want to go and pick up your usual order of a blonde bimbo,” I half tease. “After all, it is Saturday night.” I stuff the last bite of crust into my mouth, crunching it slowly before I hop up onto the counter.

  “Very true.” Aubrey grabs another slice from the box before shutting the lid and turning to Xander. “You want to go out and see who we can manage to bring home?”

  Xander shrugs a shoulder like he couldn’t care either way. “Sure. I’m in.”

  “Okay, we’ll go with you.” Why does it sound like he’s doing me a favor?

  “Jesus, it was bad enough having to deal with you having sex.” I point at Aubrey. “Now I’m going to have to hear it from both of you?” I shake my head, really not liking that idea. And it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s Xander having sex. Nothing at all. “Yuck. Maybe I should just stay with Brandon tonight.” I’m not serious, but I kind of want to see Aubrey’s reaction.

  “You better fucking not, Abby.” He pushes himself off the
counter, holding his drooping slice of pizza out to me in warning. “You barely know the guy.”

  I laugh, throwing my head back. “You are such a hypocrite.” I shake my head smiling. “But don’t worry. I’m not serious. But I think I may need to invest in ear plugs now that I share a wall with someone again.” I jump off the counter. “I’m going to get ready.”

  An hour later I’m ready to go. I’m wearing my Silversun Pickups concert tee, ripped skinny jeans and my Chucks. My damp hair is up in a ponytail and my eyes are dark and smoky. I’m sure I’m completely underdressed for this type of party, but this is how I feel comfortable, so I’m going with it. In all honesty, I’m too beat to make an attempt at anything beyond my makeup.

  So fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, right?

  Aubrey and Xander are waiting for me when I walk out in the living room, playing their usual video games and cursing each other out. “You bitches ready?” I ask.

  Both sets of eyes leave the television to look at me, but no one comments on my outfit tonight since it’s far from sexy.

  “Let’s do this.”

  The house is large, and in relatively good repair for an old Victorian that has housed students since the dawn of man. It’s in a row of other houses that are similar, and equally as noisy when we pull up in my car. I told them I wasn’t drinking tonight and I meant it, so I offered to be the designated driver.

  The three of us enter the house single file, but I stop just inside the entrance.

  I don’t like being here.

  My body erupts in chills and a shiver runs up my spine.

  Jesus, I didn’t realize it was this house.

  I grab out before I even realize what I’m doing and catch Xander’s arm. His eyes turn back to find mine and suddenly, I’m beyond relieved that him and Aubrey are here with me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, concern etched in his tone and expression. He reaches out, cupping my cheek with his warm hand, and I melt into him for the briefest of moments before I remember myself.

  I can’t tell him.