Love Rewritten

by J. Saman

  “You sure?” he asks, clearly wanting to leave but not wanting to hurt my feelings with it either.

  So much for staying with me this afternoon. Whatever, it’s fine.

  “I’m sure. Thanks for meeting me and walking me back here. Go do your work. I know you’re not going to get anything done tomorrow.” I pull back my comforter and crawl into bed, sighing contentedly when I rest my head on my soft pillow.

  “Thanks, babe.” He walks over to me, bending down, practically in half to give me a soft kiss on my lips first and then my forehead. “You feel a little warm. Do you want me to get you something for that before I go?”

  “Nah.” I wave him off. “I’m just going to sleep.”

  “Call me when you wake up. I’m busy tonight, but I’d like you to come to the party at the house tomorrow night.”

  That’s the last thing on earth I want to do. “I doubt I’ll be up for it,” I say through a yawn.

  “Try, Abby, otherwise I might not see you.”

  I don’t respond, instead I roll over, closing my eyes as he walks out of my room, shutting the door softly behind him. The sound of his heavy steps down the hall grow progressively quieter until I hear the front door shut.

  My body squirms a little, trying to get comfortable, but I can’t seem to accomplish it. I’m so tired and I know I should sleep, but my aching brain is still reeling from my meeting with Halpern. After another ten minutes of restlessly moving about, I sigh out in frustration, throwing my blankets off of me.

  I need Tylenol or something, because I’m feeling like shit and I think Brandon was right when he said I had a fever.

  Today is Wednesday and everyone is going to be clearing out of here in the next few days for spring break. Spring break that I’m not going on because of my stupid manuscript that I now have all semester to work on. As much as I’d love to go to Vegas with my friends, I’m also liking the idea of having the place to myself for a week.

  Originally they were only going for three nights, but decided to extend the trip and go camping in the desert for a few nights too. And as cool as that does sound, camping is not really my thing. I’d just end up annoying everyone with my protests over having to pee outside and no hot showers.

  Even Brandon will be gone.

  He’s scheduled to fly home Friday afternoon after class, to visit his brother who will be home on leave from the Marines.

  He invited me home with him, but I declined, using my manuscript as the reason, but that’s not entirely why I said no. That just seemed a bit too serious. It’s one thing to meet his family and I’d actually like to meet his brother because he sounds like a cool guy, but a week? Yeah . . . no.

  I yank open the top drawer of my dresser, finding a pair of warm, fuzzy orange knee socks, and putting them on before putting on my Luke and Leia slippers and walking out into the hall. After searching through every cabinet we have, even in the boys’ bathroom, for pain relief and coming up empty, I trudge back down the hall and knock hesitantly on Xander’s door.

  He’s been quiet in here the whole time, but I know he’s still there, probably doing work. No answer, so I knock again a little louder, before opening the door slowly and as quietly as possible.

  “Xander?” I whisper, not wanting to wake him if he’s sleeping.

  He’s not, he’s sitting on his bed, with his huge headphones on—not the headphones I got him for his birthday, I note—listening to music and working on his computer.

  “Xander?” I call a little louder, knocking on his door again so I don’t startle him.

  His head whips around, a little stunned despite my attempts. He peels his headphones off, holding them in one hand and sitting up to face me.

  “What’s up?” he asks, not really annoyed, but not really wanting me in his room either. Our temporary truce sort of went downhill after that morning in the kitchen. He’s not mean to me or anything, but he makes it clear that he doesn’t want to be around me, or have much to do with me.

  “Sorry to bother you.” I’m hovering by the door and just the simple act of standing feels like a lot. “Do you know if we have any Tylenol or Advil? I think I have a fever and I feel like crap.”

  “Oh.” He sits all the way up, tossing his headphones on the bed and looking me up and down with an amused smirk. “Nice socks.” I roll my eyes, but that doesn’t feel good so I stop it quickly. “I think Aubrey used the last of it the other night.”

  “Okay.” I really need something, but I’ll just go back to bed and hope it breaks on its own. “Thanks anyway.” I nod, stepping back out of his room.

  “Wait.” He holds his hand up, like he just suddenly remembered something. “I might have some in my drawer.” He waves me into his room further, so I take a few reluctant steps and stand awkwardly in the middle.

  Opening the top drawer of his nightstand, he fishes around in it until I hear the telltale sound of pills rattling around.

  “Here,” he says, standing up and walking towards me with a bottle of Advil in his hands.

  “Thank you so much.”

  I can’t even explain how happy that makes me. He gives me a curt nod, dropping the bottle into my hand and turning away, jumping back on his bed without another word. I want to tell him about my manuscript, mostly because he helped me so much with it at the beginning.

  “Xander?” He turns. “Do you have a quick second? There is something I want to tell you.”

  “Um.” He seems uncertain, looking at the door past me. “Isn’t Brandon waiting on you in your room or something?” he says with an edge that I ignore.

  I shake my head. “No, he left a while ago.”

  “What is it?” His expression is totally impassive as he sits down on his bed, bare feet flat on the floor, hands folded in his lap.

  “Can I sit? Standing feels like a task right now.” I smile tightly to try and lighten the tension between us.

  He waves his hand at the bed next to him since that’s the only place in his room to sit. I walk the four feet and sit on the edge, but I’m secretly dying to lean back because just this small part of his bed feels like heaven, so I can only imagine what the rest would feel like.

  “I had a meeting with Halpern this morning about my manuscript,” I start, angling my body to his a little so I don’t have to turn my head all that far to see him.

  He’s not looking at me. He’s staring across the room at the corner, which speaks volumes about the way he feels about me. He’d rather look at nothing than me.

  I don’t know why I’m even sitting here telling him this. He won’t care. He’ll make some comment, maybe even a pleasantry and be done with me.

  But I’m sitting here, so it’s too late to just get up and walk out without telling him something.

  “Halpern is impressed with what I have so far.” He doesn’t even acknowledge my words. Not even a flicker in his deep blue eyes. “She said that she wants me to turn it into a novel instead of just a short story. Wants me to work on it for the rest of the semester and if it turns out good, wants me to try and publish it.”

  “Wow.” He nods his head once and his eyes finally shift in my direction, but only a little. His posture is so rigid that it has to be uncomfortable.

  I’m making him uncomfortable.

  He’s trying to tolerate my presence when he considers me intolerable.

  I stand up slowly, so as not to hurt my aching head more. The bottle of Advil is clutched firmly in my hand. I face him, looking down at the top of his head since he won’t look up to meet my eyes, or even my cheek.

  “Yeah. Well, I just wanted you to know since you helped me with it in the beginning, for which I’m very grateful.” I sigh, realizing that this is a lost cause. “I’ll leave you alone. Thanks for the Advil.”

  I turn, moving back to his open door when he calls out my name, stopping me. “Thank you for telling me. I always knew you were something special.” My head rolls to the side, over my shoulder so I can see him, but he already has his h
eadphones back on, shutting me out completely.

  CHAPTER 18

  I SLEEP FOR THE REST of the afternoon and right through the night after taking the Advil, which must have broken my fever, because I wake up sweaty with moist clothes sticking to my skin. I feel a little better after finally getting some much needed rest, as Brandon would say. Speaking of Brandon, he leaves tomorrow and I won’t get to see him today because of lacrosse practice and the away game that gets him home late.

  Hopefully I can see him for breakfast or something before he leaves for the airport, otherwise it will be close to ten days before I do.

  Aubrey and everyone else are leaving Saturday morning at the butt crack of dawn.

  The smell of bacon and eggs finds its way into my room and for once, my stomach rolls from it. I don’t have an appetite. I swear I’ve lost at least five pounds in the last week from stress and this damn cold that just won’t quit.

  “Morning, sleeping beauty,” Nina says from the kitchen.

  “Hey.” I smile, surprised and happy to see her here. “I didn’t know you were coming for breakfast.”

  “Thought I’d drop in and see how you were feeling.” She walks over to me, all maternal, and touches the back of her hand to my forehead. “I don’t think you have a fever.”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “It broke overnight.” I walk over to the stove looking at the pans of food that are still hot and waiting for me, but I just as quickly walk over to the coffee pot instead.

  “You’re not eating?” Aubrey asks, concern etched in his voice. I always eat, and he knows this.

  “I’m just not hungry yet. Maybe I’ll grab some soup or something later.” I pour myself a cup of coffee, but even the smell of that is turning me off, so I put the full mug down on the counter untouched.

  “I’m worried about you, Abby.” Aubrey looks to Nina quickly before turning back to me. “Maybe you should go home for the week instead of being here.” He places his hands on my shoulders. “You don’t look right.”

  “Thanks,” I deadpan, but then feel bad because his eyes are heavy with his worry. “I’ll be fine. The last thing I want right now is to get on an airplane to fly home. If I don’t get better in a day or two, I’ll go back to the health center.”

  “It’s closed next week, honey,” Nina chimes in, sipping her coffee and picking at some eggs on her plate.

  “Then I’ll go to a walk-in.” I look back and forth between the two of them. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”

  Aubrey sighs, scraping the remains of the food from the pans into the sink as he starts to do the dishes. “I feel better knowing you won’t be all alone, at least,” he says above the sound of the running water.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, hopping up onto the counter, leaning back on my hands.

  “Xander’s going to be here,” he clarifies, looking at me over his shoulder as he loads a pan into the dishwasher.

  “He’s not going to Vegas with you guys?” I look at Nina and then Aubrey completely confused.

  “Nope. He canceled last month. Never even bought a ticket.”

  “Why?” I scrunch my brows confused.

  “Said he had a lot of work to do and didn’t want to spend all that money for hotel,

  airfare, food and gambling. It’s a lot, so I can’t really blame him.”

  “It is, but that’s not stopping me,” Nina says contemptuously.

  “Nina,” Aubrey starts, “you work your ass off at that bar. Xander doesn’t work during the year and is here on aid and loans. This is like a two-thousand-dollar trip, at least.”

  “I guess so,” she shrugs. “I still wish you were coming with us.” Nina looks over to me, moving around Aubrey and hopping up on the counter next to me.

  “We’ll plan a trip for this summer together. A beach weekend or something.”

  I smile weakly because I’m starting to feel like my fever is coming back. I’ll have to buy Xander a new bottle of Advil to replace the one I’m sure I’ll go through.

  “Damn straight.” She tilts her head at me, shaking it softly. Her blonde hair scraping against her shoulders. “You’re not going to class today, honey pie. Go back to bed before I drag your ass to the doctor myself.”

  I nod my head once, sliding off the counter. “Will I see you before you leave?” I ask, standing in front of her.

  “I’ll come by to check on you tomorrow afternoon. I want to borrow that red sequin shirt of yours anyway.”

  I snort. “Nina, it will be tiny on you. It’s small on me and I’m shorter than you.”

  She throws me a wink. “That’s the point.”

  “Such a slut,” I tease, blowing her an air kiss. “Sorry about not eating the food, Aub.”

  He waves me away. “It’s fine. I have to go to class in a few, but I’ll bring you back some soup on my way home.”

  I smile, wanting to hug my brother, but I don’t because I’m afraid of getting him sick before he leaves. “You are the best brother in the whole wide world.”

  “I know,” he laughs, shooing me away with both hands. “Go to bed before you give Nina and I the plague you carry.”

  As I pass Xander’s room, his door opens, making us both jump. “Shit. Sorry,” he chuckles as I grab my chest. “We keep doing that, don’t we?”

  I nod. He scared the crap out of me. I’m far too out of it right now.

  “Do you mind if I hold onto your Advil? I’ll replace the bottle with a new one.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” His eyes look down to the floor like he just remembered he’s not supposed to look at me.

  “I guess it’s just you and me next week. I’ll stay out of your way,” I offer.

  “You’re never in my way, Abby.” He looks up, giving me a weak smile. “I hope you feel better. I don’t like seeing you sick.” Shutting his door behind him, he leaves me standing there in the hallway. I watch him go for a moment before turning back to my room.

  Is it weird that I miss him?

  I don’t know why I’m such a self-destructive masochist where he’s concerned, but I am.

  Crawling back into bed, my eyes shut, but because I slept so much yesterday, I can’t sleep now. I should be working on my manuscript or emailing out of my classes or catching up on my French, Spanish or microbiology homework, but I can’t seem to muster the energy.

  So I close my eyes and try not to think about all of the things I have to do, or the fact that I’ll be alone with Xander for an entire week.

  I open my eyes when my mattress shifts beneath me. I must have fallen asleep after all, because now the early afternoon sun is shining through my window across my face. I turn my head, which thankfully doesn’t ache, to see Brandon’s smiling face.

  “Hey,” I rasp, my voice full of sleep. “What are you doing here? I thought you had an away game.”

  He crawls into bed behind me, so I scoot over to make room for him to spoon up against my back. “We did, but the other team had to forfeit.”

  “Why?” I ask, twisting a little so I can look up into his face, which is propped up in his hand.

  He chuckles lightly, shaking the bed. “The entire team went out to an all-you-can-eat buffet last night, and now they have food poisoning.”

  “Jesus. Are they okay?”

  He shrugs. “Nothing serious, but enough to make them cancel the game and give us the free win.”

  “Wow. Why didn’t they just postpone the game?”

  “Because illness isn’t really a reason to postpone. If it was weather related or something like that, then they would have.” His free hand comes up and brushes my bedhead out of my face. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better I think. I missed class today, but I couldn’t have gone. I’ll email my professors later.” I move so that I’m on my back now, looking up into his eyes that are filled with a quiet awe. “I’m glad you’re here. I was worried I’d miss you before you left.”

  “I would have come by tomorrow anyway, but
this works out even better.” He turns his head back to my door. “I can’t stay long, I need to help grab the keg and shit before tonight. You coming?”

  Is he seriously asking me that?

  “I think I’ll skip this one.”

  He frowns, but nods all the same. “Can I lay with you before I go?”

  I smile, reaching up to touch his soft, freshly shaven cheek. “I’d like that, as long as you don’t mind sharing a bed with a sick girl.”

  “I don’t. I’m rather fond of this sick girl, so I’ll take the risk.” He leans down to brush his lips softly against mine.

  “What time is it?”

  “Two-thirty. Why?”

  “Ugh,” I groan. “I’ve been asleep since nine this morning and that was after sleeping all afternoon and night. I really should get up. Shower at the very least.” I wrinkle my nose making him laugh.

  “I can help with that.” He gives me an impish grin.

  “I’m not really up for fooling around.” I smile, with a sheepish shrug.

  “You do realize I’m leaving tomorrow, right?”

  “I know and I’m sorry.”

  He sighs out. “It’s fine.” His nose drops to my shoulder, breathing me in. “Mmmm. You smell so good. I’d almost tell you not to shower.”

  “You’re nasty and I need a shower.”

  “Can I join you, even if nothing fun is going to happen?”

  “Sure.”

  We stroll into the bathroom, my head a little clearer, but my body still feels heavy.

  Reaching down for the hem of my worn tee, I pull it over my head. I’m not wearing a bra underneath and Brandon’s hands immediately find my breasts, cupping me from behind. But his touch doesn’t feel right. My body is achy and nothing feels good at the moment.

  “I’m sorry, Brandon, I’m just not into this right now.”

  He lets out a harsh sigh, his hands dropping from my chest.

  The room begins to fill with steam and I quickly finish undressing, regretting my decision to let Brandon tag along. He wordlessly undresses too, joining me in the hot water that feels amazing against my tacky skin. I stand here for a few moments, just letting the water rain down on me, enjoying its heat.