by J. Saman
I can’t get enough.
I’m touching him everywhere my hands can go.
His mouth moves over mine in a way I’ve never been kissed before. Xander exudes a confidence and control that has me panting as I think about how he’ll implement both of them on me. Lifting up the thin fabric of his shirt, I rake my nails slowly up his heated soft skin.
More. I need more.
“Baby,” he rasps, dragging my bottom lip between his teeth. “We should—”
“No,” I interrupt him, because I know exactly what the noble bastard is about to say and I’m not having any of that. I’ve waited far too long for him. I’m vetoing our earlier conversation about waiting.
I want this moment.
I don’t care that I just broke up with Brandon today. I haven’t seen him in a week anyway. And I don’t care that Aubrey will throw a diva-sized fit. He’s my brother, not my keeper. He shouldn’t have any sort of say in who I can be with.
I step back, out of his embrace. My eyes are trained on his while his chest moves up and down as he tries to catch his breath.
It’s fucking hot and it makes my knees weak.
My fingers glide slowly up over my hips, grasping onto the hem of my shirt. His heated eyes fly down to watch my every movement and I smile at his reaction. My shirt skims up my stomach slowly before I pull it up and over my head, tossing it to the floor by my feet.
His eyes widen as he takes me in within the confines of the muted darkness.
I appreciate that look for a second, before turning around and taking a step toward his bedroom door. Unclasping my bra in the back, I hold it in place as I reach for the door knob, entering his room.
He hasn’t moved, or at least, I haven’t heard him move yet.
But I’m not worried about that.
The straps of my bra glide smoothly down my shoulders and arms before falling to the floor. The room is glowing softly from the small desk lamp he left on, which is on the other side of the room from his bed.
Perfect.
His hands are on my hips now, rubbing up and down in small circles over the curve. Warm wet lips meet the crook of my neck as he lifts my heavy hair, brushing it over one shoulder and covering my bare breast.
My hands skirt down my stomach, brushing his finger tips on their descent, before I get to the button of my jeans. His hands fly down, covering mine and stopping me before I can get too far.
“No,” he rasps against the skin of my neck as he trails kisses up, making me shudder. “I’m going to do that with you facing me.”
I moan.
“Turn around, sweetheart.” It’s a command that I quickly follow.
His eyes are pure fire, blazing a dark deep blue that has me breathless with anticipation. They sweep down from my face languidly, enjoying every dip, curve and smooth surface of my skin. I’ve never felt as worshiped as I do right now.
Never more beautiful or sexy.
His hands come up, cupping me firmly, holding the weight of my breasts in his hands, squeezing me once before moving outward towards my ribs and down.
“You are a goddess.” His voice is awestruck.
Finding the button of my jeans, he undoes them, lowering them past my hips.
Dropping onto his knees, he helps me out of both my jeans and my panties. The fact that I’m standing here naked, in front of him, while he’s still fully dressed doesn’t bother me the way I would have thought.
I like standing this way before him.
I like the way his eyes rake in every inch of my body as if he can’t decide where he wants to start first.
“I’ve pictured you in my head,” his eyes lock with mine, “just like this, so many times.” My fingers find the softness of his inky hair. “But never in my wildest dreams did I ever picture you to be as beautiful and perfect as you actually are.” He smiles softly, shaking his head a few more times. “Abby, I’ll never be done with you, and I haven’t even had you yet.”
“Good.” I smile. “Because I think that kiss out there has ruined me forever.”
He pulls his shirt over his head. His eyes on me the entire time, only broken briefly when his shirt flies over his head. His chest is . . . well, it’s incredible. He used the word perfect to describe me, but that seems to be the only word in my head right now as I look upon him.
Perfect.
My fingers itch to touch him, to run my hands all over his smooth muscles. To drag my tongue down his slight happy trail and lower to what I know is below, waiting for me. But he doesn’t remove his pants next the way I hoped he would. Instead, he grabs my hips, pulling me to him, running his nose over my most sensitive parts before inhaling deeply.
Jesus.
My eyes roll back in my head and an embarrassingly loud moan leaves my mouth. He’s on me in an instant, lifting me up and tossing me onto his bed with a heavy bounce.
“We have two more nights,” he says, standing over me with a look of intensity in his eyes, “including this one, where we don’t have to worry about being with each other the way I need to be with you.”
I nod, not really knowing where he’s going with this.
“You are not to hold back, Abby.” It’s a directive. “I want to hear every sound you make and when you scream out my name,” his head bows a little, “which you will do,” he assures me. “I want us to wake up everyone on this floor with it.”
I’m about to do that for him now and he hasn’t even touched me yet.
Domineering Xander is a new thing to me, but I certainly am not complaining. In fact, I’ve never been so turned on in my life.
“Okay,” I say simply, but he doesn’t laugh. His molten eyes rake over me before crawling on top, capturing my mouth with his, skin against skin in the most enticing of ways.
Our kisses turn from leisurely to frantic in a matter of seconds. His hands caress every part of my body, watching as they move. Bouncing between my body and my face as if he cannot decide which he wants to look at more. His mouth trails behind his hands, exploring me, tasting me, learning me. My back arches off the bed.
I’m crazed.
So overwhelmed by him and what he’s doing to me.
It’s so unbelievably good that I do scream out his name as I’ve never even come close to doing before.
He owns me. Knows my body so much better than any lover before him and this is only our first time.
His hands intertwine with mine, lifting them above my head. Dark, heavy lidded eyes, train on my face, watching, as he enters me. We groan in unison, moving together, each thrust bringing me to a whole new level. His eyes locked on mine, knowing that what this is, what we’re building towards together, is paradisiacal.
How sex and passion and lust and magic and love are all meant to be felt and experienced.
Because it is all of those things wrapped up into the most explosive, earth shattering, body crippling, and soul draining experience.
“I love you,” he whispers as we lay in each other’s arms, fingers still running over the other’s skin in tender caresses. “Every girl I’ve ever been with has been you. You are all I see. All I want, Abby.” He shifts, looking down to meet my eyes. “Forever.”
“I love you too,” I whispered back, an easy smile spreading across my lips. “You’re the reason that I never lasted with any other guy longer than a few months.” I tilt my head up off his chest to catch his eyes. “They were never you.” I smile, reaching up to brush some hair off his still glistening forehead. “And you were all I wanted.”
“Can I keep you naked in my bed for the next . . .” he lifts his head up to see the clock on the nightstand, before lowering it back down to the pillow with a smirk, “thirty-six hours or so?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Sure.”
“Hey, Abby?” He moves out from under me, positioning himself so that he hovers over me, staring right into my eyes from only inches above.
“Yes, Xander?” I smile, reaching up to touch his cheek.
�
�You were worth the wait.” Then his lips come down on mine again.
And all I can think is, you were too.
CHAPTER 28
“WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I hated playing with dolls.” Xander laughs at me. He’s been doing that a lot. We’ve been playing the game he just created called, ‘Tell me something no one else knows’. It’s a tough game, because usually the things no one else knows about you are things you don’t want anyone else to know.
His laughter runs through my body like a current.
We’re both naked in his bed, well sated and very spent, but neither wanting to go to bed just yet.
That said, I can see the early signs of dawn creeping up the sky from just outside his window. We turned off the lamp over an hour ago, thinking that we’d both pass out, but our incessant questions and need for further information has kept us going. Maybe we’re trying to beat the clock and not miss a single moment of our unspoiled time together.
“What do you mean you hated playing with dolls?”
I prop myself up on my elbow, looking down on him, playing with the lines of his chest with my free hand. And Christ, these lines. I find I can’t get enough of his skin or his body, so I keep touching him in small ways. He’s only too willing to do the same with me.
“All of my girlfriends were really into Barbies and Disney princesses, and for the sake of our friendships, I played along.” He’s doing that smile thing he does when he likes what I’m saying. “Partially because I was young and I was afraid they wouldn’t want to play with me again, and partially because I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking dolls.”
He laughs again, leaning up to kiss the corner of my mouth. “What would you rather have played with?”
I shrug up one shoulder, moving the side of my cheek back to his chest. I rather enjoy the rhythm of his heart beat against my face. “Honestly?” I giggle as I think about it.
“Of course,” he answers easily, his hands running down my hair soothingly.
“Video games.”
He scoffs.
“Or sports. Usually football or basketball.”
Now he’s really laughing at me.
“It’s rude to laugh,” I say with mock indignation. “This is why I didn’t tell my girlfriends about it.”
“I just find it amusing that a girl so short would like basketball over Barbies.”
I pinch his side by his ribs, making him yelp and flinch away from me. “I wasn’t always short. I grew first and I grew fast, so at one time, I was considered tall for my age.”
“I like you little. It means I can lift and move you how I want.” He leans down to kiss the top of my head. “Actually, I think I like everything about you.”
I smile and I know he feels it against his chest because he kisses me again. “Your turn.”
“I hate my family.” The way he says that makes my chest tighten. I can feel the darkness creeping into him. “They’re evil people, my parents. Did you know that?”
“Not fully. Aubrey told me that you never liked to go home and that was why you always spent holidays with us or Gavin.”
“Yeah. They’re pretty much your worst nightmare come to life. But I don’t have to see them again and that’s fine by me.”
God, what do I say to that? “Did they hurt you?”
“Yes. A lot. That was one of their favorite past times. It slowed a bit as I got older and bigger and stronger. It became easier for me to distance myself from them.”
I gaze at him, reaching up to caress his face. “I’m sorry that was your life. But you came out stronger on the other side.”
He smiles, looking deep into my eye as if he can see through me completely. “I guess so. But if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I’d say it’s why I walked away from you. Why I was such an asshole.” He stops there, but I get it. There is only so much disappointment a person can take. Only so much pain and loss. He put up walls. He had defense mechanisms. I can’t exactly blame him for that.
His childhood must have been the worst sort of hell.
“You can’t leave me with that. I need something not so serious and morose.”
He sighs, making my head rise and fall with the expansion and contraction of his lungs. “I was twelve the first time I had sex.”
“What?” I shriek, jumping up with what I’m sure is a look of consternation on my face. “You’re kidding me, right?”
He shakes his head, very amused by my reaction.
“God, that seems so wrong.”
“She was older than me, obviously.” He’s looking into my eyes, totally relaxed and enthralled. “She was sixteen and we were neighbors. Not really friends, but not, not friends either, if you get what I’m saying.”
“Not really, but go on,” I encourage.
“So anyway,” he smiles, looking up the ceiling, his eyes distant as he remembers, “she snuck into my room one night and told me that she was tired of being a virgin.”
“She was a virgin?” I shriek again, making him chuckle and nod.
“She was,” he confirms and I might just be a little sick.
“And she was tired of that at only sixteen?” I’m beyond incredulous. What kind of girl was this? To take advantage of a twelve-year-old boy?
He shrugs. “So she crawled into my bed and sort of had her wicked way with me.”
“Holy shit.” I’m flabbergasted. “Was it any good?”
He laughs, looking down at me, his eyes back in focus now. “For my first time as a twelve-year-old boy?”
I nod.
“Anything was better than my hand, so yeah, I guess it was good, given the situation.”
“And you never told anyone?” My voice is skeptical. I thought all boys bragged about things like that. I run my hands back over his chest because I simply cannot help myself. His body really is something else.
“Never,” he admits. “I was embarrassed because the first time I blew my load before I even got in her.”
I start cackling hysterically, throwing my head back and everything, but then I realize his words and my head snaps back to his. “Wait.” I hold up my hand. “The first time?”
He nods, smiling big now. “We did it three times that night, first time included,” he snickers. “Each time only lasted about a minute, though.”
“Wow.” I poke his ribs again. “Nice control.”
“I’ll show you control.” He flips me over onto my back and before I can even react to the action, my hands are pinned above my head and his hard naked body is grinding into me.
“What happened to us going to sleep?” I ask breathily, a small moan escaping my lips.
“You’ll go to bed when I’m done with you.” He leans down to kiss me. “Which is probably when we’re both dead.” And then he slides inside of me and I no longer care about being tired.
I finally fell asleep, wrapped in Xander’s arms, just as the sky was filling with sunshine. But when I wake up, I’m alone among the tangled sheets. I sit up, enjoying the quick head rush before stretching my deliciously sore muscles.
The clock on the nightstand says 11:42, which makes me groan in annoyance. I hate sleeping late, and even though I have only gotten about four plus hours of sleep, and am still beyond tired, I get out of bed. Partially to pee, partially because I’m hungry, but mostly because the apartment is far too quiet and I want to know where Xander is.
I’m anxious as hell to see how things will materialize between us in the light of day.
We have yet to discuss anything related to Aubrey and I know that this could end up being an issue.
No, it will be an issue.
Aubrey never wanted me near any of his friends growing up and when I started dating Kyle, well, he had a lot of trouble adapting to that one. Especially since Kyle was our best friend growing up. He and his older brother, Ryan were our neighbors.
Aubrey sees Xander as the brother he never had, and I know Xander views him that way as well. Xander is an only child, with not
the best home life, so to say that he’s become part of our family is an understatement. He’s been to our house in Philadelphia and lived in our apartment in New York. My parents adore him.
So what and how we’re going to tell Aubrey is essential.
And it’s going to get ugly when we do.
Of that I’m sure.
Since my clothes from last night are thrown haphazardly in a trail of breadcrumbs leading to the hall, I pick them up as I go, walking into my room in only my panties. It’s almost comical that I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame in my own apartment, going the two feet to my bedroom.
But yeah, that feeling is there a little, especially with Xander being MIA when I woke up.
I haven’t decided if that stings me or not.
Forgoing the shower that I desperately need, I throw on some yoga pants and a very worn, oversized Beastie Boys t-shirt. My reflection is downright scary. I have mascara smeared under my eyes and my hair is so snarled and tangled that it might as well be dreads. Pulling a brush through it quickly before throwing it up in a makeshift bun, I set to work on my face, washing off last night’s makeup and sweat.
When I’m done, I look a little better. Not great, but better.
Xander has seen me looking way worse, so I don’t give it another thought before I go back out towards the living room to see if he’s hiding there and to find my phone. He’s not there. My apartment is empty and suddenly, so is my gut. Did he run? Was last night too much for him and now he regrets it?
God, I hate that I’m doubting this. And fuck that, right?
Why the hell should I be insecure?
I grab my phone, about to text him when there is a knock on the door.
Oh.
My head snaps over and I start to laugh. “Did you forget your keys?” I call out, thinking it must be Xander, but when I open the door, it’s not. It’s Brandon. “Hi.” I jerk back completely shocked that he’s standing in front of me.
“Can I come in?” He looks like shit. Good shit, but shit all the same. His eyes are heavy with deep purple rings under them. The type of eyes that say he was up all night. But I can’t tell if he’s hungover or not, mostly because he’s showered and dressed like a normal human, whereas I am not.