by J. Saman
“Uh.” Can he come in? I don’t really want him to. “How did you get in the building?” Nice stalling, Abby.
“One of your neighbors. Can I come in?” he asks again, a bit more desperation in his voice and I don’t know what to say. His large hands are hanging onto frame of the door, his massive body taking up the entire space.
“Okay, but just for a couple of minutes.”
This is a really bad idea. I can feel it. But what am I supposed to do, slam the door in his face? That’s just not my style. If he needs another round of closure, I can give that to him and then he can get the hell out.
I step back, walking backwards towards my kitchen before I bump into the wall separating it from the open area leading to the living room. He follows me, shutting the door behind him, which I do not like for some reason, but leaving it wide open would seem weird. His fingers fly through his still damp hair a few times, brushing the length away from his face. It makes him look boyish, innocent really, though I know he’s anything but.
He’s silent, taking in my appearance and I find myself a little relieved that he didn’t show up here ten minutes earlier.
Where is Xander? Why isn’t he here?
“What did you want to say, Brandon?” I start, unable to handle the uncomfortable silence between us. My arms come up, crossing over my chest as I play with the edge of my sleeve. I feel exposed because his eyes do a slow raking of my body. It sends a shiver up my spine. The ugly kind. The kind that tells us girls with our sixth sense that this could be bad. Not necessarily dangerous, just bad.
I’m instantly uneasy.
“First,” he finally begins and I want to take a relieved breath that we’re getting to the point, but the fact that he said first, indicating that there is more than one thing to be said, annoys me. “I am so sorry about yesterday. All of it.” He starts to pace in small movements, never taking his eyes off of me. “The shit with Chris and the pills, but also the girl. I want to explain that.”
I hold up my hands stopping him, because I’d rather he not. “You really don’t need to.”
He shakes his head. “No. I really fucking do.” His voice is strong, like nails, and I don’t like it. Brandon was nothing if not gentle—well, most of the time—but this is a different guy in front of me. He’s got the eyes of a desperate man and desperate men have been known to do things they otherwise wouldn’t do.
“When I left here, I went right to the bar.” He stops pacing, facing me, and tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. My hands are behind me, holding onto the wall I’m leaning against for support. “I was really upset. With myself mostly for not having told you sooner about that night. For letting you figure it out on your own and losing your trust in me. So my intention was to just have a beer or two and sort through my thoughts.”
I’m nodding, even if I don’t know why. Maybe to keep him talking so he’ll finish and get the hell out of my apartment.
“But two beers quickly turned into six and then a girl was there, talking to me. I unloaded on her and for some reason, she let me. I didn’t tell her about that night, just that my girlfriend and I had a fight and I was scared I was going to lose her.” His red-rimmed blue eyes bore into me. “I’d ended up having a shot or two with her and before I knew it, she was following me home. Said it was just because I was drunk and she wanted to make sure I got home safely.” He starts to pace again.
Why is he even telling me this?
“And then, when I got home, she was out of her car, following me inside.” He sighs, covering his face with his hand for a moment, blowing out a breath before dropping them back down to his sides. “I was so wasted, Abby. So drunk. I had no business driving and I didn’t know what I was doing. I ignored her. I walked right up to my room, with the idea that I was just going to pass out and wait for you to come.
“But then she was there, in my room, and she started taking off her clothes. Said she wanted to make me feel better. That I could use her and my girlfriend would never find out about it.” He opens his mouth to speak, but then the front door opens with a jingle of keys and a click of the lock that was not in fact engaged since Brandon got here.
Both of our heads turn at once.
Xander walks in with a small smile on his face that looks like it’s been there since he woke up this morning. His eye is slightly bruised from his fight with Chris. Other than that, he looks great, despite our lack of sleep. He’s holding a white paper bag and two coffees.
He went to get me breakfast.
And my heart melts.
His sweet adorable smile vanishes in an instant when he spots me and Brandon standing here. Xander looks at me. Blinks. Looks at Brandon. Blinks again and then back to me with a slight frown.
And my heart bleeds.
“Hi.” I smile brightly at him.
“Hi.” He looks back and forth between me and Brandon again. “I got you breakfast.” He holds up the white bag. “And coffee.” Holding up the white to-go cup that’s in his other hand.
“Thank you.” I smile again, though my insides are doing a weird flip that’s a fine line between nausea and butterflies.
“What’s going on here, Abby?” Xander asks softly, looking at me with way too much hurt in his eyes.
“Brandon is here to talk to me.” I look up at Brandon. “Aren’t you, Brandon?”
He nods, looking at Xander a little perplexed since he knows that he and I haven’t been on the friendliest of terms.
“Yeah. Do you think we can have some privacy?” His tone is clipped, making me cringe. I really don’t want this to turn into something.
Xander takes a step toward me, his eyes fixed on Brandon who has a good four inches and twenty pounds of muscle on him. Arms crossed over his chest, he says, “Sorry no, I can’t.” Shit. “Why is he here with you, Abby?”
“Actually, I think that should be my goddamn question.” Brandon jumps in, turning to face me full on. He jabs his thumb in Xander’s direction. “Did you fuck him?”
Jesus. This just went from bad to so much worse. Is it cowardly if I just run away from both of them back into my room? Yeah, I think it is.
I take a deep breath and look at Xander, because he’s really the only one here who deserves an explanation and my attention. “Brandon showed up shortly after I woke up. Said he wanted to talk, so I let him in, but only for a minute or two. I think he’s almost done actually.” I look to Brandon.
Brandon’s eyes darken and he looks over to Xander and then back to me. “I thought he
hated you. I thought you told me he couldn’t stand you. We’re broken up less than twenty-four hours and you jump into bed with this guy?” He jabs his thumb in Xander’s direction again. “What the hell, Abby? I came here to beg for you to come back to me. To tell you that I love you and you’re already screwing around with someone else?”
“Abby?” Xander’s voice is calm. Calmer than I would be, but that’s sort of his thing now, isn’t it? Xander is always calm. Rarely loses his cool unless it’s planned. Like yesterday with Chris. That was Xander being methodical. He let Chris get the first hit. The rest was “self-defense”. But right now, his calm voice is exactly what I need. “What do you want me to do?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.” I smile at him again and the corner of his lips quirks up a bit.
“Brandon,” I turn my eyes back to him, “I told you yesterday that I was done. I hear what you’re saying about the fact that you were drunk and this girl came on to you and your dick just happened to put on a condom and jump inside of her on its volition.” I put up my hands because he looks like he wants to say something, but I’m on a roll here, so I don’t really want to stop. “I get it. I do. And I don’t care. I wasn’t saying those things yesterday to hurt you. They’re the truth.” I lean forward, looking him directly in the eyes so he hears me loud and clear. “As far as Xander and I? Well,” I shrug, “it’s simply none of your business, nor are you in any place to comment or judge. So I’d like
you to leave now, please.”
Brandon stares me for a solid minute. I don’t even think he blinks, which is a little unsettling. I don’t lose eye contact with him either, but I can see Xander in my periphery, inching closer to me. He’s getting into protective mode, I can sense it, and I don’t want him to. I don’t want anything to put Brandon on alert or set him off.
“Brandon, please go. I’m sorry things went downhill so fast with us. I think overall, you’re a good guy who made a few bad decisions. But I can’t be with someone who is privy to a drugging and does nothing about it. I can’t be with someone who screws the first girl to come around before we even break up, but most importantly, I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
He shakes his head, back and forth, an angry scowl marring his face. His eyes bounce to Xander for a beat before meeting mine again.
“Whatever,” he mutters. “You’re not worth this bullshit anyway. You’re not that special.”
Xander looks like he’s about to launch himself at Brandon, his fists ball up into white knots, so I reach my hand out to stop him.
Brandon throws him a smug grin before turning and walking straight for the door with heavy loud stomps. His boots making themselves known to our downstairs neighbors. The door slams behind him and the breath I didn’t realize I had been holding, rushes out of my chest as my body sags back against the wall.
“Damn, that was intense.” I giggle, pretending to wipe the non-existent sweat from my brow.
“Are you okay?” Xander sets the coffees and the bag of food down on the counter before coming over to me, pulling me into his chest.
I nod, inhaling his smell that I’m quickly becoming addicted to. “I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. And when that asshole showed up.” His voice is filled with regret.
I pull back and look up into his indigo eyes. “What did you get for me?”
He leans down, kissing my still swollen lips.
“Café Americano with skim and sugar, and an egg and cheese on an English muffin, but it’s probably cold by now.” His hand comes up, brushing a few errant hairs that escaped from my messy up-do off my face.
“How did you remember what I like to drink and eat?”
His lips brush against my nose before my lips. “I remember everything about you.” He smiles. “Even when you thought I wasn’t paying attention, I was.”
“I think I could love you always, Xander Novak.”
“Think and could are not enough for me.” He winks to let me know he’s not seriously rating my words. “I will love you always, Abigail Scofield.”
CHAPTER 29
“I DON’T LIKE THIS,” I admit, the warm afternoon air whipping across my face as we drive on the highway with the top to my convertible down. “I hate that you won’t tell me where we’re going.” I pout and Xander continues to ignore me. “I thought your plan was to keep me inside the apartment naked until Aubrey got home.” I’m being petulant now as I sit here with my arms crossed over my chest.
He chuckles, reaching over to take my hand, moving it between us next to the gear shifter. “For one,” he glances at me briefly before turning back to the road, “we needed to get out of the house.” I jut out my bottom lip. “Two, I wanted an excuse to drive your sweet ass ride.”
I’m a spoiled daddy’s girl. I freely admit that, and while Aubrey got a top of the line Explorer because that’s what he said he wanted, I got a loaded black BMW convertible. It’s not usually my style to go with extravagance, but it’s what I wanted and my dad said yes.
“And three?” I prompt when he doesn’t follow this up. He was being strange before we left the house. I thought we’d take a shower together but he told me that he didn’t want to. When I got out, he had this look about him and once I was dressed, he practically dragged me out of the house.
“Three . . .” His eyes find mine again. We’ve been driving south-east for an hour or so and he’s given me no hint of anything. “Three, I’ll have you naked within the hour.”
Have I mentioned that I hate surprises? I really do. I decide to have a little fun with him. “You know,” I reach over, removing my hand from his and brushing my fingers through the back of his hair, “if we had taken your car, I could be going down on you right now.” His eyes widen before they fly to me. I bite my lip before slowly licking the space where my teeth just were. “Having a standard sort of gets in the way of that.” I lean over, running my tongue up the shell of his ear.
He groans. “You’re killing me, Abby.” He reaches down with one hand to adjust himself. “We still have forty-five minutes left of this drive and now I’m going to be picturing your mouth on my dick the entire time.”
I smile, brushing my lips against the lobe of his ear making him shudder. “Good,” I whisper. “Because that’s the first thing I’m going to do to you when we get wherever it is we’re going.”
“Fuck,” he growls, making me laugh. “You’re evil. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do.” I lean back into my seat. “But I think that’s why you like me so much.” I wink, which gets a laugh out of him.
“Did you know I’m working for Meridian Investments this summer?”
I snort. “Random. But no, I guess I didn’t. What does that even mean?”
His hand finds mine again and he gives it a squeeze. He looks nervous. “It means I’m going to be in New York this summer.”
“Really?” I smile. “That’s great. Where are you living?”
“Aubrey said I could stay in your apartment again.”
Now I start to laugh. Last summer, the place I interned for was located in Boston so I didn’t stay in New York with Xander and Aubrey. When I would go to visit, Xander would always go somewhere else that weekend. My parents bought an apartment in New York shortly after 9/11 happened. It’s a two bedroom, two bathroom condo in Chelsea. And it’s nice. Really nice. My parents don’t usually spare expense with stuff like that. You should see our family home outside of Philadelphia or the ski house in Vail.
“Did Aubrey mention that I will also be in New York this summer?” I’m almost hysterical now, but Xander isn’t laughing.
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
I shake my head. “No. But as you know that apartment is only a two-bedroom. Where did Aubrey say you’d sleep?”
“The pullout in the office.” His eyes keep scanning from me to the road. He clearly wants to see my reaction to all of this.
“Well.” I smile now that my laughter has subsided, shifting in my seat so that I’m facing him. My hair, which is pulled up into a tight bun, still manages to fly across my face in the wind from the open top of the car. “It’s a good thing your girlfriend likes to share a bed with you then.”
He smiles, but it quickly fades. “You don’t have to. I realize it’s a big step and all that.”
I roll my eyes, but he can’t see them behind my dark lenses. “Xander, we live together now.”
“I know, but now we have our own rooms. Our own beds. There we wouldn’t.”
I sigh, resting my head back against the leather seat. “Please stop this. I’m fine with it. I would tell you if I wasn’t, but me wanting you in my bed isn’t the biggest issue, and you know it.”
He doesn’t comment, but we need to discuss it and if we have a long drive ahead of us, now is as good of a time as any. “Aubrey is going to shit a mountain lion when he knows about us. Sharing a room in New York is really the least of it. We actually have to get to that point and Aubrey is going to have a lot of problems with this.” I point my finger back and forth between the two of us.
“What do you want me to say, Abby? He’s my best friend. My brother. I love him, but I love you more.”
“I don’t want to come between the two of you,” I say flatly.
“What does that mean?” His tone is sharp, but I don’t think he intends it to be. I think he’s worried about what I’m going to say. We’re in a tight pickle�
��dumb idiom—anyway you look at it.
“It means I love you, and I love Aubrey, and I don’t want to this to be an issue.”
“But it will be and you know it, so I’ll just have to explain things and hope he
understands.”
“I think I should be the one to talk to him.” I pull my knees up to the seat, still sitting
sideways, facing him.
Xander shakes his head emphatically. “No. It needs to come from me. Guy to guy.”
I think about this for a minute. I don’t like that idea. Not one bit, but I get where he’s coming from. “Okay,” I concede. “But I want to be there when you do.”
“No, Abby.”
“Yes, Xander, because he needs to hear it from me too. Trust me on this. I’ll let you talk and I won’t interrupt, but if he sees me there with you, he’ll know we’re serious and maybe it will be an easier pill to swallow.”
His head angles towards mine with a smirk. “Are we serious?”
Dick. “No.” I shake my head. “You’re right. I’m just using for you for amazing sex.”
One of his hands flies off the steering wheel and squeezes my thigh just above my knee, making me jump and giggle. I’m so freaking ticklish it isn’t even funny.
“Stop!” I squeal, trying to pry his strong fingers from my leg to no avail. “Please.” Oh God, I can’t take this. I’m laughing so hard as he continues to squeeze my leg, tears are running down my cheeks.
“You’re just using me?” He’s having way too much fun at my expense. “Only want me for sex?”
“Yes. Ah!” I’m squirming all over the place, sliding back and forth in my seat, but he’s relentless. “Fine. You win. We’re serious. Holy shit, stop!” But he doesn’t. I’m going to pee my pants if he’s not careful. “We’re so serious that I’m a half second from making you marry me. Stop!” I cry out and he does. Finally.
I sag down into the seat, trying to catch my breath, pushing his hand away as he laughs his ass off at me. I flip down the sun shade and open the mirror, wiping at the makeup that has streaked down my face.