“I wanted to apologize to you for last night. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. There is no excuse for it, and I assure you it won’t happen again. The first rule I place on myself is that all Zeds in my care feel safe and secure. I jeopardized that, and I deeply regret it. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I haven’t given you a reason to grant it, but I do hope you won’t let my actions distress you. You did nothing wrong, and no one other than Kaleana knows about it.”
The apprehension in Will’s eyes hadn’t lessened, but confusion had joined it. Malcolm paused to see if Will wished to say anything. It was apparent he wanted nothing more than to be excused from Malcolm’s presence. “I also wanted to thank you.” That got a reaction. A little jerk of his head as Will moved his gaze to Malcolm’s face. “It took an immense amount of courage to approach me like that, which makes the way I reacted even worse. You only told me what I needed to hear. I had lost sight of my most important responsibility, and you provided an effective reminder. The welfare of the Zeds in my care is the most important thing to me. I hadn’t realized how derelict I had been in my duties until you brought it to my attention. Thank you for doing it. You need not fear anything from me. You’re welcome to speak to me at any time.”
Malcolm didn’t expect Will to believe him, but there wasn’t anything he could say to convince him. The anger still held Will. It amazed Malcolm how like Billy he looked, but Billy had never had such anger. Malcolm supposed he had been too young for it. No, it had never been in Billy’s nature. That wouldn’t have changed, even with age and life experience. Or at least he hoped not. He’d never really know.
Will was all fire. Malcolm had already been burned by it, but that didn’t bother him. He was much more worried that Will would end up burning himself if he didn’t learn how to control and release it.
“Was there anything else, sir?” Will sounded as though he wished he were free to yell at him. Malcolm wouldn’t have minded.
“No. You may go.”
Will walked slowly and deliberately out of the dining room. It almost completely masked his limp, which Malcolm assumed was the point. Excusing him from mealtimes would have been the nice thing to do, but it wouldn’t ultimately serve either of them. Will didn’t need to like him, but he did need to figure out how to live in the same house. Malcolm promised himself he’d make it easier on him in the future.
12
Twelve
The sun sat low in the sky, casting a red glow over the world outside the library window. The soft, melodic voice Will had chosen for his Glass Tab whispered in his ears one of the stories from a mythology book.
“It’s time to go, Will. We’ll be late if we stay any longer.”
“Just a couple more minutes, Syrus. I promise we won’t be late.” It wasn’t just that the book he was listening to interested him, even though it did, or that he was reluctant to cease reading when he was learning to make sense of the words as quickly as he heard them so that he wouldn’t need the tab anymore, even though he was. It was that he dreaded mealtime.
“Come on. You know it’ll be worse if we’re late.”
Syrus was right. He always was, but there was something so caring about him that prevented his perpetual rightness from being even the slightest bit annoying. It would be awkward to amble in after everyone else was seated. Will marked his place in the book and helped Syrus to his feet.
Malcolm had been making regular appearances at mealtimes. It seemed Will was the only one who felt any tension. The others bantered and went on as if everything was normal. He supposed, for them, it was. He was the interloper. After his apology, Malcolm never directly spoke to Will again. Will didn’t know whether he was thankful for that or not. He supposed he’d be mad at Malcolm either way. If he didn’t talk to him, then he was a bastard who relished excluding Will from the little family. If he spoke to Will, then he was a sick, arrogant prick who enjoyed making Will uncomfortable. Will knew it wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. Will didn’t see why he needed to be.
“I hate to ruin the mood.” Malcolm’s voice cut through the laughter around the table. Dessert was almost over, and all Will could think about was getting back to the library. “Eval is tomorrow. That means Vitabars for breakfast and lunch.” Groans echoed around the table. Even Will caught himself dreading it. He’d come a long way from Emporium if the thought of a Vitabar was depressing. “I know, but we can’t have all that fat and sugar in your blood. We don’t want the Geneticists thinking I’m too soft on you. We’ll leave at one o’clock.”
No one ate any more dessert. Will’s own stomach knotted at the thought of another bite of banana cream pie. When everyone pushed back from the table and stood, Will followed them to the lounge. He’d been going to the library after any meals Malcolm was present at in order to avoid being in his presence longer than necessary.
In the lounge, Will took his usual seat in the large orange cushion. He wished Malcolm would leave. When it was just the Zeds, evenings were quite pleasant. Will only came tonight because of Eval. He needed the support of the others. From the subdued conversation and the many locked hands, it appeared they felt the same.
“Let’s play a game of cards. Nick, go get the deck from the cupboard.” Nick rose at Tony’s gentle command. “Come on, everyone. Let’s circle round. No use brooding. It won’t delay tomorrow or make it come any quicker.”
Will complied, not because he wanted to, but because he needed to show solidarity with the others. Tony dealt a hand of Pick ’Em and Draw, a simple game that wouldn’t require much thought but would keep them occupied. Malcolm, as usual, didn’t participate. He leaned back on the sofa, eyes focusing on one boy at a time.
Will wondered how many Evals they had seen each other through. Even in the most divisive groups of Zeds Will had belonged to, they always came together around this time of year. Everyone experienced Eval, but it was the worst for Zeds. No surprise.
“Your turn, Will.”
He didn’t know who had spoken, but he looked at his cards. He didn’t care about the game. “I’ll draw one.” Will picked a card to discard and took the replacement from Tony. The game proceeded.
Everyone had to go through Eval once a year. Zeds went at the same time as their Alphas so as not to inconvenience them too much. The actual act itself wasn’t so bad, except for the injection. They were physically examined, and a blood sample was taken. The whole thing was quick and completely humiliating.
Across the table, Rufus fiddled with his collar. The cool weight suddenly became unbearable to Will, and he ran a finger underneath his. The collars were the worst part. Everyone had a chip with their genetic code embedded in their neck at the base of their skull. It was primarily used for identification purposes. On Alphas, the implants couldn’t even be seen. Nothing marred their perfect skin. Betas had a tattoo to mark theirs. Zeds had the collar. It was fused to the spine with sensors designed to alert the Geneticists to any drugs in their system. As soon as the collar detected any medical intervention, it would turn red and alert the Geneticists. Any attempt to remove it would send an electric current through the body with lethal intensity.
The game ended. Will didn’t know who had won. He tossed his cards on the table, and Tony gathered them up, preparing for another hand. The eyes around the table, usually so cheerful, were all strained and wary. While Will had never witnessed it, there were tales of mishaps, collars accidentally killing Zeds during Eval, especially when they needed to be switched out for a larger size or newer model. Depending on who told the tale, it wasn’t always an accident.
A cold weight settled on Will. He looked up from his hand to see Malcolm staring at him. The palpable stress and concern in his gaze stunned Will. He focused on his cards, but he couldn’t shake the weight of Malcolm’s scrutiny. He didn’t know why Malcolm was stressed. No Alpha had ever died during Eval. It wasn’t even possible.
“All right, I want you all in bed. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Will didn’t feel at all tired. Tony wordlessly put away the cards. They all stood and filed out. Even gruff Carson was fidgety. There’d be hardly any sleeping tonight. There were questions Will wanted to ask, comfort he wanted to seek in the camaraderie of the others, but the silence was too thick, too absolute to break. They weren’t leaving until the afternoon. There’d be time for talking in the morning. If he could make it until then.
The dense, chalky taste of the Vitabar was worse than Will remembered. It was the quietest meal since he’d arrived. Despite being used to eating a hearty breakfast, Will couldn’t bring himself to eat more than half of the bar. Part taste, part nerves.
“Everyone change into your swim trunks. We’re going to the pool until lunch.”
Will’s head snapped to where Malcolm sat at the head of the table. Those eternally cool eyes were as serious as always. Will didn’t have the nerve to ask to be excused. Even if he did, there was no reason for Malcolm to grant his request. He’d done nothing to curry any kind of favor.
“How you holdin’ up?” Carson asked once they were on the staircase.
“Fine.”
“Don’t go lyin’. First Eval after comin’ here is a shock. We’ve all got to enter the real world again. It’s natural to be nervous.”
“I wish he’d just leave us alone. I want to read. It’s a horrible day for swimming anyhow.” Thick storm clouds had rolled in overnight. Will had been looking forward to a morning in the library.
“Not a chance. Malcolm never leaves us alone durin’ Eval time, and he likes us to be active.”
“I don’t see the point.”
“To the rest of us, he’s a comfort. I bet by this time next year, he’ll be one to you too. We like the security he brings, and he knows it. He makes it easier for me. He worries about us on the best of days and even more durin’ Eval.”
Will took his time, neatly folding his clothes after he removed them. He pulled on his swim trunks and a T-shirt. The first shirt didn’t look right, so he changed it. He tried and discarded three shirts. If he took long enough, perhaps they would leave without him. If that happened, there was a chance he could sneak off to the library and not be missed. Besides, it wasn’t as if he were one of Malcolm’s favorites. He’d probably be relieved when Will didn’t show up.
After ten minutes of stalling, Will felt he had taken as long as possible and went downstairs. They were all waiting for him at the back door. A sprinkling of rain pattered against the glass windows, amplified by the silence of the room.
“We were about to send a search party for you.” Tony smiled at Will. The others moved toward the door. Malcolm’s eyes were darker than Will had ever seen them. His plan hadn’t been such a good idea.
They dashed through the rain to the rec center and its indoor pool in subdued silence. Given their destination, there wasn’t much point in umbrellas. This was Will’s first time at the pool. If the weather wasn’t good enough for the beach, he simply hadn’t swum. He sought out a lounger on the opposite side of the pool from Malcolm. Carson joined him, as did most of the others. Kaleana and Syrus moved to settle next to Malcolm, but a few soft words from Malcolm prompted them to move to where Will sat. Malcolm watched them intently. It was more than a little unnerving.
“Come on.” Nick jumped in, pushing Stu with him. Their splash echoed in the cavernous room. As soon as they surfaced, laughter and screams filled the air as they proceeded to wrestle. Rufus jumped in to keep them from getting too rough.
“You know,” Kaleana said, “we don’t have to use the pool. The hot tub might be a better fit.”
“Now you’re talkin’.” Carson pulled Will to his feet and then took Syrus by the hand to navigate him over the slick floor and dodge the splashes coming from the pool.
Will had never been in a hot tub before. His last Alpha had owned one, but it never pleased him to have Will join him. Will was surprised to see that this particular hot tub had ten seats like loungers situated in a circle. Each seat had its own set of jets with a control panel to adjust the intensity.
The heat penetrated his skin, sinking deep into his muscles. He melted into the nearest seat, which happened to be next to Kaleana. How had he been here for weeks and just now discovered this bliss? Sure, the beach was fun, but this was relaxation on a level he had never experienced before. Once Carson, Syrus, and Tony were settled, bubbles quickly overtook the calm surface of the water. Will turned to the control panel for his seat and turned on his own jets, eager to experience what was eliciting low groans from everyone around him.
“Oww.” The acute force of the jets against his left leg brought more pain than pleasure. Will drew his leg away from the jets, pulling it toward him, trying to massage away the pain.
“Here.”
Will jumped slightly as Kaleana’s body stretched over him. The sharp needles poking his leg had erased everything else from his vision. Over Kaleana’s body, he saw the other occupants of the hot tub staring at him, startled from their own reveries.
Kaleana fiddled with the control panel, and the jets suddenly changed. The water went from fierce pulsing to gentle rolling. “Try that.” Kaleana settled back in her seat, and Will tentatively stretched his leg back over the jets.
“Aww.” He melted into his seat.
“Better?”
“Much. Thanks.”
“There’s dozens of different settings. It’s just a matter of finding the ones you like.” Kaleana looked up and nodded in Malcolm’s direction. Will noticed Malcolm had stood and advanced a few steps toward the hot tub. At Kaleana’s nod, he retreated back to the lounger, but he didn’t take his eyes off the hot tub.
“You might want to start coming here regularly, Will. I’ll join you if you like. The heat and water could be good for your leg.” Tony’s gentle brown eyes softened Will’s instinctive desire to snap back that he didn’t need anything for his leg.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“It’s a date then. I wouldn’t mind a little relaxation myself.”
“Are you nervous, Will?” Kaleana asked.
Will couldn’t tell whether it was her asking or Malcolm. For some reason, it mattered.
Carson cut in. “Course he is, Kaleana. Don’t make the boy admit to it. Aren’t you?”
“Always.”
“You do a good job of hiding it.” Will couldn’t detect any nervousness at all coming from her. Besides, Malcolm would never let anything happen to Kaleana.
“Thanks. Years of practice and the knowledge that I’m safe make it easier.”
“Strange how years of belonging to Malcolm can dim the fear, but it never gets rid of it completely.” Tony’s own nervousness appeared to be overwhelmed by his worry for everyone else. Will wondered whether his concern was to distract himself or if it genuinely outweighed his own fears.
“Nope, or at least it hasn’t yet.”
“And if it hasn’t gone away for you, the rest of us are screwed.” Carson’s strangled laugh was a marked difference from his usual full-bellied effort.
The boys in the pool splashed and laughed, but it all seemed forced, as if they were trying to convince themselves that it was just another day. The steady hum of the hot tub anchored Will. Talking also helped, but none of it distracted him from the dark presence watching all of them.
“He looks pissed, like he’s about to snap.” Will didn’t need to name him. They would all know whom he was talking about.
Carson looked behind him and then turned back. “Nah, that’s his stressed face.”
Will’s brow furrowed. “What does he have to be stressed about?”
“He worries about all of you,” Kaleana said. “This is always a tough time for him. He doesn’t like giving up any control.”
Will could believe that. He’d never lived anywhere that was so under the control of the Alpha who owned it, especially given the fact that he kept busy actually working. “Eval isn’t a big deal for Alphas.” It annoyed him that Malcolm pretended Eval was
in any way as stressful for him as it was for the Zeds.
Carson grunted. “It is for one who refuses to procreate. He gets interrogated every year. We’re not the only ones who notice he’s odd. He’s under a lot of scrutiny. How many Alphas do you think collect disabled Zeds and never have any of them die?”
It was damned odd. Will had never considered that Alphas were under the eye of the Geneticists as well. “Why do you think they let him get away with it? I’ve never heard of an Alpha not mating.”
“He’s important, even for an Alpha. You’ll see it in the way the other Alphas act around him. Like they’re scared. Ain’t that right, Kaleana?”
“He is important.” Kaleana nodded, but it was quick, as if she were eager to change the subject, which made Will want to explore it further.
“Why? I’d think that an Alpha who works so much wouldn’t be as important. I thought the most important ones just lounged around doing nothing but having sex and torturing Zeds.”
Kaleana’s face puckered, as if she tasted something bitter. Steel entered her eyes. “He works because he chooses to. The lazy Alphas are too busy chasing pleasure to gain much power. He’s been able to get away with his lifestyle because he’s one of the few Alphas who works to keep the world running smoothly.”
“And what kind of work keeps the world running smoothly?”
“Don’t, Will. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you.”
“Must be pretty important if he can get away without procreating. He doesn’t even have sex with us.”
“How would you know?”
That thought stopped Will short. He’d just assumed since no one ever talked about it that it didn’t happen. He knew the some of the boys slept with one another, but he didn’t feel comfortable taking any of them up on their offers yet, mainly because of his leg. He shook his head. No, they were all discreet, but they wouldn’t be able to keep something like that a secret. Then again, Kaleana could be the one he slept with. Carson had led him to believe that wasn’t the case, but Kaleana would be able to keep it quiet if she was warming his bed. She was the resident keeper of secrets.
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