Malcolm immediately pressed back on Will’s finger, and he added another. Will’s cock was trapped against Malcolm’s thigh, enjoying the friction. All he wanted to do was slide it into Malcolm, to feel the tight heat currently surrounding his fingers on his erection. He released Malcolm’s nipple from his mouth and removed his fingers. Making sure he had his balance on his right leg, he eased into Malcolm.
Shit, it felt good, so much nicer than his hand ever could. It was so tempting to start thrusting furiously, but he didn’t want to be too rough. He started slowly, easing out a little then back in. No, this wasn’t going to work. He wanted it too badly. He leaned over Malcolm, supporting his weight on his hands on either side of Malcolm’s body and kissed him on the mouth as he picked up the pace.
Malcolm’s cock was trapped between their bodies, and Will felt the pre-come smear on his stomach. He wanted to last, to make it good for Malcolm, but it just wasn’t possible. Long before he wanted to, he was coming. He broke off the kiss and reached down to jerk off Malcolm. After a few minutes, Malcolm’s face crumpled in ecstasy as he came, and an airy moan escaped his lips. It was the most expression Will had ever seen on his face. Even during sex, he had kept himself perfectly controlled. Once Malcolm finished, Will collapsed next to him to recover.
“I didn’t mean for it to be so quick.”
“No, that was good.”
“Where’s whatever you put on your welts last time?”
“In the bathroom.”
Will got up and retrieved a likely looking bottle. “Is this it?”
Malcolm rolled over then nodded when Will showed him the dark green substance. “Put gloves on. There’s a box under the sink.”
Yes, couldn’t have anything that might be considered a medical substance on his skin. The collar would detect it, and the Geneticists would pay them a nice little visit that would probably end with Will being taken away.
With medical gloves in place, he squeezed some of the gel into his hands and tried to warm it before touching Malcolm’s enflamed skin. Despite his efforts, Malcolm hissed at the first contact. Will tried to be gentle as he rubbed it in, but Malcolm squirmed under his touch.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
“Your touch. It’s too light. It’d feel better if you were firmer. You’re not going to hurt me.”
Will increased the pressure, and sure enough, Malcolm settled down. He even thought he heard a satisfied groan or two. It occurred to Will that Malcolm genuinely interpreted physical sensations differently than he did. If someone rubbed his ass this way with this many welts, he’d be scrambling to get away.
When he was done, he threw away the gloves and put the gel back. Malcolm sprawled on the bed, his eyes closed. Will wasn’t fooled into thinking he was sleeping. Malcolm vaguely reminded Will of Lewis, the first Alpha he belonged to, who would stubbornly close his eyes anytime he wanted whoever was around to leave. Perhaps Malcolm subconsciously held to the childhood belief that if he couldn’t see anyone, then no one could see him either.
Will was having none of it. The only question he had was whether or not he should put his clothes back on. The question barely registered before he’d answered it. Malcolm wasn’t going to be putting clothes on, so it wouldn’t be awkward for Will to forego them as well. It felt too damn nice to feel another person’s skin on his. He walked to the bed and pulled back the sheet.
“You’ll catch a chill.”
Malcolm moved and allowed Will to cover him. As soon as he was settled again, his eyes closed, clearly dismissing Will. Instead, Will climbed into bed next to him.
Malcolm opened his eyes. “You don’t have to stay.” His gaze was unreadable.
“Oh, so you’re the use-him-and-dismiss-him type?”
That got a response, though a small one. A flash of uncertainty. “No. You may stay.”
“Good. Let me hold you.” Will scooted until Malcolm rested his right arm on his chest and his leg was over Will’s. They were silent while Will slowly stroked his fingers up and down Malcolm’s smooth back. It took several minutes for Malcolm to finally relax, his muscles loosening under Will’s fingers, his weight releasing onto Will’s chest. Another few minutes and it was clear he wouldn’t fall asleep. Good. They needed to talk.
“You couldn’t control it.”
“What?” Malcolm lifted his head slightly.
“That first day, when I went to your room, you said Zeds couldn’t control what happened to us. Well, you couldn’t control what happened to you as a boy either.”
He settled back onto Will. “There are still so many things you don’t know about me.”
Will didn’t doubt that was true, but it didn’t change the fact that Malcolm was a victim as much as he was. It had never occurred to him that Alphas could be victims. Life was easier, simpler in a world of blacks and whites. Simpler, but not necessarily better.
“May I speak to Kaleana about what you’ve told me?”
“I don’t see why not. Now I’ll have the both of you psychoanalyzing me.”
At least Kaleana had the same no-nonsense approach with Malcolm as she did with everyone else. Whether he wanted it or not, Malcolm needed someone poking around inside his head because he certainly wasn’t managing matters on his own. His outward appearance no longer fooled Will.
“I want to give you what you need. I want to be the person you turn to for it. I only have one condition: that you communicate with me. I have to be safe. That’s why I can’t risk doing it again too soon. I’ll always listen to you. You have my obedience and respect, but I won’t harm you, even if you order me to."
“You have no idea where the line is.”
“That’s up to me.”
“And who’s the Alpha?”
“I’m serious, Malcolm. When I hold that belt, I have to be the one who decides when it stops. If anything were to happen to you, that’s on me. I’d rather err on the side of caution.”
“Even if you did harm me, I would never take it out on you.”
“I know. I never thought you would. You’re the only person who thinks you’re a danger to anyone.”
Malcolm made no reply. Will hoped he would consider his words. Holding him close, knowing the trust he exhibited in laying himself bare to Will, overwhelmed Will with a protective urge. The fact that Malcolm carried such guilt and weight over what happened with Billy saddened him on a deeper level than he even knew he possessed.
Malcolm deserved happiness and peace. Something in Will yearned to be the person who provided it, but in order to do so, he had to give up his anger. He couldn’t hold that belt in his hand if anger had even the slightest hold over him. Even if Malcolm miraculously transformed into an extraordinarily communicative person, it wouldn’t matter if Will was so lost in the grip of his own rage that he didn’t notice. They both had things they needed to work on, but they’d get there in time. Will had to believe it.
21
Twenty-One
There had been a dreadful moment when Malcolm thought Will might actually spend the night in his bed. He knew he wanted to want Will to stay—in fact, he’d wanted to be in a position where he could want such a thing for quite a while—but it was too soon. As much as Will seemed to think Malcolm was making himself vulnerable during beatings, that wasn’t the hard part. It was difficult; there was no question about that. Few people were allowed to know about that part of him. However, stripping naked and allowing Will to beat him was much easier than letting him into his mind to see beyond the exterior he so carefully constructed for everyone’s benefit.
This was exactly why he’d always been content with Kaleana providing for his needs. If only he’d allowed her to continue. He couldn’t help it, though. His overwhelming response to buying Will had taken him by surprise.
That was a lie.
He’d chosen Will because he looked so much like Billy. From the moment he saw him, he knew he’d have him. It’
d been foolish to pretend that everything would be fine. Just seeing him stirred up long buried feelings. At first, it had seemed a good reminder of old lessons. Years and distance had made him lax. Will had reminded him that he needed to put the Zeds first, above his own desires. It hadn’t been right for him to ask for the kind of service from Kaleana that she had been providing.
Maybe that had been the wrong move. Kaleana and he had a relationship that worked. She did what he needed, and that was the end of it. They had always been close, but she never pried into parts of him that he wasn’t ready to share. She held claim to some of his heart, but not the most intimate corner of it. That place had only been occupied by one person, and his shadow still kept it in cold darkness. Malcolm liked it that way. He’d grown accustomed to it like the pain he loved. At first, it hurt, but given the right time and circumstances, it became comfortable and then morphed into a pleasure Malcolm couldn’t find anywhere else.
If only Will hadn’t been such a wild card. Malcolm didn’t like unpredictable variables. Much of his time was spent eliminating them from his life. That’s why people were always tough for him. All of his other Zeds had the basic unpredictability of being human, but none of them were like Will. No one pushed him the way Will had. They’d grown close, sure, but never intimate. There was always a line they refused to cross, respecting his boundaries and only coming as close as he invited them. Will took no care as he bashed through those boundaries.
Except he had taken care, as best he could. Malcolm had given him the opportunity of a lifetime. He knew how much Will hated Alphas. The desire to savage Malcolm once he’d been given permission to beat him must have coursed through his veins. That hadn’t bothered Malcolm because recently, he hadn’t been craving pain for the sexual pleasure it brought him. Instead, he’d been looking for some kind of redemption. He wanted Will’s savagery. Instead, he’d received concern and understanding.
The entire affair was completely unexpected. Malcolm hadn’t prepared for it. How could he engage with Will and keep him safe at the same time? Any feelings beyond affection only muddled things. The most important consideration was the safety of those under Malcolm’s care. He couldn’t guarantee that if he let emotions cloud his judgment.
It didn’t matter. Maybe if he’d seen this coming, he’d have headed it off. Now there was no going back. Withdrawing would only hurt Will. Besides, he didn’t want to. For the first time in his adult life, someone came to him with eyes wide open, aware of what he was and did not turn away. That kind of closeness had a warmth that had been foreign to him for too long. The potential of what Will offered him staggered his mind. He didn’t know where Will would take him, only that he desperately wanted to go with him.
Malcolm’s selfishness astounded him. If he truly cared for Will at all, he’d keep him at a distance before he discovered things that would hurt him or feel rejected because of what Malcolm wasn’t willing to share. It wouldn’t end well for Will, but Malcolm couldn’t help himself. Will had been right about one thing: Malcolm needed him. He only hoped that need wouldn’t ruin them both.
22
Twenty-Two
“Will? Malcolm said you wanted to talk to me.” Kaleana popped her head into the library. Of course Malcolm would arrange it. Always in control.
“Yes, I do. Can we go to the sunroom?”
Kaleana nodded. Will put the book he’d been pretending to read away and followed her out of the room, away from Syrus’s keen ears. Will trusted his friend not to eavesdrop on purpose, but he didn’t want him even catching stray words of the conversation that was about to follow.
Kaleana waited for him to begin.
“I suppose he told you what happened last night?”
“For the most part.”
Will wondered what parts, if any, he’d kept from her. “I want to do this for him, but I need to know more. Some things concern me. I don’t want to do more harm than good.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“I thought it would have been simple for you. You’ve been itching to hit someone—most of all an Alpha—since the day I met you.”
Will shook his head. “It’s not like that, Kaleana. Not with him. He’s not like the others.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. He’s really made himself vulnerable to you in ways he hasn’t with anyone else. In some ways, not even me.”
“There’s a lot about his history that I was hoping you could fill in.”
“Ask me anything. Malcolm’s given me permission to tell you anything that I think is necessary.”
Will noticed the caveat. He respected her need to protect Malcolm. They were close, even for an Alpha and companion Zed. Will didn’t want to intrude on Malcolm’s privacy, but he needed more information if he had any chance of navigating the hazards of Malcolm’s mind. “You were with him before the incident with Billy?”
“Yes.”
“Was he always like this?”
“Like what? That’s a pretty broad question.”
“Cold. Calculating. Did Billy’s death cause it?”
“Yes and no. Malcolm was never very talkative. He’s always been introverted. I think that made Billy’s death even harder for him. However, something about him died right along with Billy. It’s like Billy took all Malcolm’s warmth with him to the grave.”
A certain amount of relief filled Will at that answer. He didn’t think he could imagine a Malcolm who was more like Nick. Something about his demeanor fit him so perfectly. Only the cold felt out of place. Will hoped he could warm him. “Can you tell me more of what happened? I think I got the six-word version.”
“He’s not of many words in the best of times and even fewer when talking about Billy. I want you to understand that I’m not breaking his confidence. He expected you’d ask, and he knows it’ll be quicker and easier for me to tell you.”
“Easier for him.”
“I don’t think he realizes how easily we see through him. He’s probably convinced himself that this way is easier for you.”
“Only because I won’t be Syrus’s age by the time I get the story.”
Kaleana smiled. “I was given to Malcolm as a companion on his twelfth birthday. I was sixteen. You know how it is. We were supposed to be friends and then explore sexually as he got older.”
Will snorted. “That had to be a failed experiment. Has he ever liked girls?”
“No, and I think his family knew. It was very strongly hinted to both of us by the time he was fourteen that we needed to start being intimate. Malcolm wanted so badly to please his parents—especially his father—that he tried, but it never worked well. I had to report back, which tore me apart inside.”
“We don’t get to choose our loyalties.”
“No, but I knew where my heart was. I’ve loved Malcolm since the first day I belonged to him.”
Will felt for her. Love wasn’t highly recommended for any Zed but to fall in love with your Alpha who could never want you that way?
“Don’t give me that look. I’ve never loved him like that. It’s more like I imagine a big sister would feel, you know, in one of the Beta families. He never fit in with his family. It didn’t help that he was an only child.”
“Was he their natural-born son?”
“Yes. He had to be. No one born to a Beta with two differently colored eyes would be placed as an Alpha.”
Supposedly, all children were tested at birth, no matter their parents, but Will had never heard of an Alpha’s child being placed as a Beta. There were so few children born to Alphas to begin with. A baby could be torn from a Beta mother’s arms, but no one would treat an Alpha woman that way.
“So you’re not going to give me some story about how his genetic test was perfect other than the differently colored eyes?” Will smiled as he spoke, but Kaleana’s expression turned grave.
“Well, it had to have been perfect other than that. Otherwise, they would have made him a Beta.”
; She didn’t believe her words. Will didn’t understand why she would lie all of a sudden. At least it proved she hadn’t been lying so far. This one he’d been able to spot without even trying. “Of course.”
Kaleana nodded and continued. “His mother didn’t much mind. She was just happy to have been able to give birth. You know how Alpha women are. She’d gotten her status, so she didn’t really bother herself with the raising of her child. The only thing she really took a stand on one way or another was making him wear contacts so both of his eyes were blue. That was one thing her and her husband were in firm agreement on.”
“I can’t picture him with two blue eyes.”
“Neither can I, but it’s how I met him and how I lived with him for years. Anyway, they both knew he wasn’t attracted to women, so they bought me because of my age and experience. It wouldn’t be a problem if he could perform with a woman. They didn’t care who he liked or fucked as long as he would one day give them grandchildren.”
“I don’t know why having children is so important to them. It’s all just a status symbol. Their family units aren’t nearly as close as the Betas’.”
“They’re fulfilling their duty by improving the species. It doesn’t really matter. I technically belonged to Malcolm, but I knew who controlled my life, so I reported back to Malcolm’s father. I felt horrible every time. I would have lied, but I’m shit at it. Malcolm’s father began spying on him when he was sixteen. He wanted to see what we were doing so he could fix the problem.”
“We can’t have medical care, but he thought he could make you grow a cock?”
Kaleana laughed. “I guess he thought I must be doing it wrong or something. Anyway, that’s how he found out about Billy.”
“Who was he if he wasn’t a companion for Malcolm?”
“A boy his mother entertained herself with. He was two years younger than me, so he would have been eighteen at the time.”
[In Distress 01.0] In Distress Page 16