by Jodi Thomas
Bethanie cocked her head sideways. “I don’t understand.”
“Remember years ago during the first months of the war? You and your mother saved my life. I was half crazy with fever from a head wound and lack of water. Your mother doctored me and you gave me a drink.” His voice was low and he could not stop his hand from moving to her face. Tenderly, he ran his fingers along her jawline. To his amazement, Bethanie turned her chin into his palm.
“You were one of the Rebel soldiers?”
“I remember you asked me where I was from and then told me you had an uncle and aunt in San Antonio. Later, after I was free, I wished a hundred times I’d asked their names.”
Bethanie raised to her knees and pushed his hair back from his forehead. “We treated many men on both sides.”
She leaned closer to examine the thin line high on his forehead that told of a long ago healed head wound. Her breasts brushed lightly against Josh’s shoulder as she moved, unaware of the effect her action was having upon him.
Bethanie rocked back on her heels. “I remember many soldiers who were covered with dirt and blood.” She smiled. “Much like you were a few minutes ago.”
“I remember a beautiful girl.” Josh’s voice was thick as every sense came alive within him. She was so near. He could smell her soft fragrance and feel her light, timid touch as her hand rested on his leg. Suddenly, he could bear the closeness of her no longer. “Bethanie,” he whispered as he moved toward her. “Bethanie.” His lips touched hers as he repeated her name.
Bethanie opened her mouth as if to protest. Her lips trembled beneath his touch as his hand drew her closer to him.
“Never have I wanted to hold anyone as much as I want to hold you,” Josh whispered. “Don’t pull away from me, Bethanie.”
Josh watched her eyes carefully, reading the expressions blended in the beautiful green depths. Her surprise evaporated into curiosity as he tenderly traced the outline of her mouth with his fingertips. Slowly, he slid off the log to kneel beside her, their bodies lightly pressing together as his lips touched hers.
Josh felt his kiss ignite a fire within her. Its flames spread from her satiny lips to each part of her flesh resting so invitingly against him. Shyly, she raised her hand to his chest. He felt her warm fingers brush over his shirt in a halfhearted effort to push him away. His muscular body didn’t obey her light pressure and she continued moving her hand as though she found his warmth beneath her fingers thrilling.
“You’ve driving me mad with your touch, Bethanie,” Josh whispered just before his tongue divided her lips and tenderly played with her mouth.
They swayed as dancers to the music of explosive feelings that were coursing within them. Josh’s arm encircled her waist to steady her and pull her closer to him. His body pressed against her from his thighs to his shoulders and still he felt the burning desire to be nearer.
When finally Josh was able to pull his mouth away, Bethanie rested her head on his shoulder. He could feel even the slight movement of her breathing. He moved his face into the velvet of her hair and whispered, “I’ve wanted to hold you since I first saw you in the hotel.”
For a long moment they clung to each other, the brush with death lingering in their thoughts. Josh realized he’d never felt more alive than at this moment. His senses engulfed him into endless folds of new sensations. The air smelled fresh and seasoned with spring. He could feel the warm sun against his back and Bethanie against his chest. Her heart pounded next to his own, and her soft breath against his neck warmed like a southern breeze.
“Bethanie,” Josh whispered. “Don’t be afraid of me. You must believe I’d never hurt you.”
The dam that had been bottled up for months in Bethanie suddenly broke. Gulping for air, she cried her pain. “Josh, hold me. Hold me.”
Josh touched her hair and urged, “What is it, Bethanie?”
Bethanie nodded as if silently agreeing to confide in him. “These past few days seem like one long nightmare. First Uncle Wilbur’s assault, then the endless ride yesterday, and now almost being killed by Indians.” She clung to him tightly as tears rolled freely down her cheeks. Josh smiled as he kissed her wet face and pulled her to him. “Trust me, Bethanie. Let me into that quiet world you’ve built.”
“I must,” she whispered, her fingers clutching his shirt as if she were suddenly afraid of being alone. “Or I’ll go mad.” Her sob tore at Josh’s heart. “I need someone. I can’t be alone any longer. Just for a few minutes let me need you.”
Josh had never been asked such a question. “I’ll be here and my shoulder can withstand a flood of tears, so go ahead and cry.” Josh gently lowered himself into a sitting position, pulling Bethanie with him. He sat facing her with his leg bent to support her back.
As Bethanie cried out her pain and fear, Josh felt a depth of tenderness for her he’d never felt for a woman. He loved the way she’d been brave in the face of danger. He loved the strength he’d seen in her when she’d faced Martha’s wrath, and the silent courage she’d shown at leaving the hotel. But most of all, he loved the touching way she needed him. He kissed her cheek as she cried and realized his need for her was no less than hers was for him.
When Bethanie finally stopped crying, she wiped her eyes and mumbled an apology for her display of emotions.
“Wait,” Josh held both her shoulders. “I…” he tried to put his thoughts into words. “I feel like a young pup.” He laughed. As he looked at her beauty, a smoldering fire from within warmed his face. “This is what I want to say.” He drew her to him, pulling-her body hard into the wall of his chest. The honesty of his action spoke more than words ever could.
As his lips found hers, this time there was passion burning in his kiss. Bethanie did not withdraw. His body wouldn’t have allowed it, even if she’d wanted to retreat. She wrapped her arms about his neck and moved even closer to him. He could feel her need for him rushing to meet his own longing. She was no longer holding back, but accepting all he offered and asking for more.
Josh’s kiss grew bolder as his hands moved over her. He smothered Bethanie’s gasp as his fingers slid up under her shirt. He spread his hand over her flesh and felt her tremble in his arms. Yet, she didn’t fight, but met his kisses with a hunger of her own.
Josh’s fingers moved in waves along her slender back as he showered her forehead with warm kisses. His mouth returned to her hungry lips. Her zeal surprised him as Bethanie pulled his mouth once more to her lips.
The knowledge that she was enjoying his embrace as much as he boiled in his blood. While his tongue traced her lips, Josh moved his hand up to cup one of her breasts. This time it was Bethanie who smothered Josh’s gasp as he felt the fullness of her.
Bethanie laughed at his shock. He hadn’t guessed she would be so well developed. His warm hands explored her flesh with tenderness and awe. Bethanie leaned back against his leg, enjoying with sheer pleasure as a new ecstasy filled her body and soul. She wanted Josh to see the joy in her face as he touched her beneath the loose shirt she wore.
Josh began at her neck and moved his mouth slowly down. His kisses heated her skin, already warmed by the hot sun overhead. Josh moved to her ear and whispered, “God, you taste wonderful.”
Reaching the buttons of her shirt, he paused before returning to her ear. Circling his open palm lazily over her nipple he urged, “Unbutton your shirt, Bethanie. Let me see what I hold.” His mouth branded ownership across her hot cheek.
Bethanie suddenly pushed Josh from her and leaned away from him. His hand cupped her breast as pain touched his warm brown eyes. “I can’t let you go,” he answered, fearing her withdrawal. His words were half cry, half command.
She smiled at his contracted face. They were facing each other as they sat on the ground only inches apart, and she had to fight the instinct to return to his arms. His hand slid from her breast, and his face saddened in thinking he had gone too far. Slowly, deliberately, she raised her fingers to the top button of her shirt.
She watched his face change seasons with each button’s undoing. Bethanie leaned against his leg and threw her head back, her red hair cascading over his knee. The warm sun touched her face as his hand slowly spread her shirt apart. She heard his sharp intake of breath as one mound was exposed. Smiling to herself, Bethanie wondered if his view gave him nearly the pleasure his hands gave her. She opened her eyes as his head lowered between her breasts. The whiskers of his beard brushed her pink tips. Bethanie gasped in surprise as Josh’s mouth covered one nipple.
Bethanie let her arms fall to her sides as she sat powerless to do more than gently sway to the magic of his mouth and hands on her body. He returned again and again to part her lips with his fire. She answered his kiss and tried to press close to him, but repeatedly he pushed her away so his hands could roam freely over her as he whispered wonder in her ear.
Josh finally wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her to him. “Bethanie, Bethanie,” he whispered in a low voice thick with need. “I want you more than life itself. I never thought it possible to hunger for a woman so. I don’t want to frighten you, but I cannot let you go.”
“I know,” Bethanie answered. “I love the way you touch me. I’ve never been touched before.”
“You’re a virgin?” Josh stated more to himself than Bethanie. “I should’ve realized. How could I have thought otherwise?” He hadn’t believed the names Martha called Bethanie, yet it never occurred to him that a woman so beautiful who had reached twenty would be untouched. “No man has been with you?” he whispered.
“Of course not,” Bethanie answered with a touch of anger mixed with her confusion over his reaction. “Except for Wilbur’s pawing the night before we left, I’ve never been touched by a man.” She ran her hand slowly over his chest.
Josh tried to ignore her touch. Could it be true she had no idea how her fingers stirred his blood? He kissed her palm. “Bethanie, I never thought I’d be saying this to a woman, but we’ve got to slow down.” He stroked her hair lovingly. “What I feel for you is stronger than just passion. I’ve never taken a virgin, and I will not take you now.”
Anger flooded Bethanie’s brain as fire flushed her cheeks. “What makes you think it’s all your decision? I’ve got a mind of my own. Besides, my virginity is mine to give, not yours to take.” She pulled her shirt together. “But don’t let me challenge your warped code of what’s right.”
Bethanie stood and stormed toward her horse. Josh followed. He raked his fingers through the dark thickness of his hair. “Bethanie, I don’t understand your anger. You’re mad because I won’t take you here in the grass?”
Bethanie’s hair swung around her in a whirlwind as she turned from him. “I’m angry because you think you could ever take me, period! I have something to say about it. I’ve lived all my life without a man around. I think I can continue the pattern without any problem.”
Josh followed her to her horse. “Bethanie, listen to me.” He grabbed her arm and swung her to face him. “I live by a set of rules. One just happens to be leaving innocent girls untouched.”
“Fine.” Bethanie jerked her arm free. “Then, don’t touch me.”
Josh slapped his hat against his leg in frustration. Why couldn’t she understand that sometimes a man’s code is all he has to live by in this wild country? He bit his tongue deciding not to say more now. The fire within her seemed to blend as mightily with anger as with passion, and he didn’t want to fight with her. He took a long breath and managed to keep his voice calm as he said, “We’ll talk later. Right now we’d better double back and find the others.”
They mounted their horses in strained silence and retraced their path. Though Josh seemed occupied with watching for Indians, Bethanie’s thoughts set judgment on her recent actions. Being in Josh’s arms had felt more wonderful than she’d ever dreamed, but had she given herself too quickly over to her feelings. All her life she’d been careful to hide emotions of pain; now she seemed to have no bars on her feelings of love. Her lack of experience with men left her confused and frustrated, but she finally came to the conclusion Josh would be worth the effort to understand. She was angry at him for setting the law down for them both, but she respected him for his action. She knew very little about him really, but he was a man worth knowing. And worth loving.
Chapter Six
The dying March sun blinked between an aging line of elms as Bethanie and Josh discovered their hastily abandoned campsite. It seemed years to Bethanie since she’d mounted at dawn to Josh’s shouting and heard the thunder of horses coming up the ridge. Had it only been this morning when she’d heard Martha’s scream of death? All lay quiet now; nature in its kindness had brushed over the frantic scene with a tranquil breeze. She felt as if she were much older than she’d been when she left this camp. Having lived through the fear of attack somehow lessened the nightmare. Life seemed a series of unforgettable minutes strung together with the thread of time. Bethanie knew she’d lived a few hours today which would endure forever in her mind.
She watched Josh follow a set of tracks which led in the direction of the woods. His head was down, his hat low, shading his eyes. She wanted to catch his glance, but Josh was concentrating on his task. Bethanie could still feel his touch on her body…his lips on her mouth. He’d awakened a feeling in her she hadn’t even known existed. She studied his profile with alternating waves of anger and longing. He was a handsome man, with his dark hair and brown eyes. The beard that framed his strong jawline was thick and trimmed short. She wondered how many other women he’d held so tenderly. This new way of touching which he’d taught her was both thrilling and frightening.
They rode a mile in silence before Josh reined up, swung from his saddle, and knelt to study the ground more closely. As he stood and paced slowly, leaves crackled noisily, crying a crumbling death in the silent spring air. He read signs Bethanie failed to see or understand. “They stopped here,” he stated, his voice sounded tired and worried.
“Why?” Bethanie asked. She saw only new green life shooting out from underneath the golden foliage of winter.
Josh walked in a circle ignoring her question. He kicked at the ground, then headed toward a cluster of trees hovering around a large, fallen tree trunk. Slowly, he moved to the old log bordered by a white skirt of rocks. He removed several of the stones and dug a few handfuls of dirt out from under the log. As Bethanie watched with interest, he replaced the rocks and stood to face her. His voice was sober as he spoke, but his eyes were filled with kindness. “They stopped here to bury your aunt.”
Bethanie scrambled off her horse and ran toward Josh as he continued. “I was afraid she was dead when I heard her scream. It’s a wonder she made it this far from camp. Mike knew leading a horse would slow him down. He buried her under this log to keep animals from getting to her. We can bring some men back to get the body later, if your uncle wishes.”
Bethanie knelt beside the rotting log. She pulled wild honeysuckle vines over the decaying wood, freshening the air with their sweet smell and blanketing her aunt’s grave. “Are you sure it’s Martha’s grave?” Bethanie asked in disbelief, not hearing all Josh was saying.
“Yes,” he answered the question that needed no answer. She’d heard Martha’s cry and seen the arrow lodged deep within her aunt’s back, yet still her mind needed to question.
Bethanie pulled off her hat and shook her head, allowing her still-damp hair to blow freely for a moment. Aunt Martha was a cruel woman, but this seemed a harsh way to die. Even with her cold heart, Martha warranted more than an unmarked grave in the middle of the wild country. She’d never shown Bethanie anything but contempt, yet Bethanie was saddened by her death. Now, Bethanie realized, Allison was her only blood kin. Her only family. She reached across the log and touched the tiny flowers of the wild honeysuckle vine as gently as one might brush the covers over a sleeping child. Death had claimed another as it had claimed so many of those in Bethanie’s life.
Josh moved behind her and place
d a hand on her slender shoulder. “It had to be done, Bethanie. If they’d stopped longer, they’d all have died.”
“I know,” Bethanie answered, yet his reasoning did little to lift her spirits. She stood and dusted her denims.
As Josh moved nearer, Bethanie turned and walked back to her horse, impatient to be gone from this place. He nodded, not resenting her action, but accepting it. “I know you well enough by now to know that you don’t plan on talking about it.” He took a long breath. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman with less to say.” He was talking more to himself than to her. “I’d like to hold you until the woman I saw this afternoon returns, but you’d pull a mask over yourself as thick as night.”
Bethanie didn’t want to hear any more. She wanted to change the subject away from both her aunt and this afternoon. “Where do we go from here?” She stepped gracefully into the stirrup.
Josh seemed to understand her question, yet his eyes studied the slim curve of her back as he spoke. “This is as far as we can track the others. From this point on, Mike is making sure to cover his trail. See the brush marks?” He pointed to the tiny crisscross marks on the ground. “My guess is, they led the horses down to the stream and rode northwest. We’ll never be able to follow them, but we can travel faster. If we go north, we’ll be harder for any Indians to follow. We’ll reach the ranch no more than a day after Mike.”
“I wish I knew if Allison was all right,” Bethanie wondered aloud, searching the trees to the north, half hoping her tiny blond cousin would appear. She felt a sudden closeness to Allison in knowing she was the last of her blood kin.
“She must be all right. Three horses left this clearing. Dusty will help Mike with Allison. She’s no horsewoman, but the boy’s a survivor. I knew it the minute I saw him. He reminds me of my brother years ago before the accident. Ben was as wild as the Texas wind and I, being five years younger, could never keep up.” Josh laughed to himself, remembering some long-ago day. “We’ve got some hard riding before sundown, so let’s go.”