by Jodi Thomas
Bethanie urged her tired mount into action. She wondered what Josh meant about an accident, but there was no time to talk as they rode away from the unmarked grave of her aunt.
Josh rode hard, and by nightfall every bone in Bethanie’s body ached in fatigue. The country was growing flatter with longer patches of land between clusters of trees. She rubbed her neck, tired of searching the ground for rabbit holes that might cripple her mount. They silently watered the horses before Bethanie curled up on the ground, too exhausted to eat the piece of dried jerky Josh handed her. She was only vaguely aware of Josh building a small fire. For once she slept until dawn without disturbing dreams.
As the sun brushed the morning, Bethanie rolled to her side. The air chilled her cheek as a warm arm moved across her waist. She came fully awake, the knowledge that Josh lay beside her registering in her sleep-numbed brain.
She shoved away and scrambled to her feet, waking Josh with her haste. He opened sleepy brown eyes and smiled up at her. He looked younger with his hair out of order and worry lines gone from his forehead.
“Mornin’, beautiful.” Josh raised to one elbow, his alert eyes growing awake to danger as he watched Bethanie pacing before him.
She stormed suddenly at her unsuspecting companion. “Is there not enough room in this vast land? Must you sleep on top of me?”
Josh rose and began pulling his boots on. “Do you always wake in such a grand mood?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow in half laughter, half curiosity.
Bethanie clenched her fists. “Only when I find myself pawed in my sleep.” Her voice rose with each word, sending nearby birds fluttering from their nesting places.
Josh was completely awake now and angry at her accusation. “I wasn’t pawing you. I was trying to keep you warm.” He rolled his blanket hastily into a lopsided tube.
Bethanie’s green eyes flashed fire at him before she turned her back. She kicked at the pile of ashes sending the remains of last night’s campfire flying. When she turned back, Josh was busy saddling the horses. She knew he was right, and she regretted her outburst. Bethanie frowned, deciding she must be losing her mind. Where was the calm girl who only a few nights ago had said she needed no one? Where was her mother’s endless strength that Bethanie always modeled her behavior after?
Bethanie neared Josh as he placed the saddle on her horse. “I’m sorry,” she said to his back.
“What?” Still angry, Josh turned to face her.
“I’m sorry,” Bethanie repeated. “If I had a bed, I’d climb back in and get up on the other side.”
Josh couldn’t keep a smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Maybe we’re both a little touchy. I’m not worth much without coffee and Mike has the pot in his supplies.” Without hesitation he opened his arms, welcoming her. Bethanie stepped into his embrace as an act of truce. He held her tightly for a moment, then smiled down at her. “We’d better ride. With luck, we’ll reach the ranch late tonight.” Brushing back a strand of hair, he kissed her lightly on the forehead.
They mounted the horses in silence. Josh rode hard and fast as the sun moved across the endless sky. He only stopped to water the horses and hand Bethanie a few bites of food. By mid-afternoon, gloomy clouds bubbled over the sky, promising rain and cooling the air.
As the day passed, Bethanie’s mood blended with the cloudy sky above. Though she rode beside Josh without comment, questions rumbled in her mind as the sound of faraway thunder rumbled in her ears. Soon they would be at his brother’s ranch. Would he leave her there? Would she ever see him again? If she did see him, eventually she’d have to tell him about her parents, about how her mother and father never married. How Aunt Martha’s names for her were true, she was a child without a father. Josh didn’t seem the type who would judge her for her parents, but neither had others over the years. She knew firsthand how strong he was on principles. He said he had a set of rules he lived by. Maybe one of those rules was not getting involved with illegitimate offspring. Bethanie didn’t even have a last name. Her mother had told her once that when the Shakers took her father in as a baby they gave him only one name, Mariah. So he wouldn’t have had a last name to give Bethanie even if he had seen fit to marry her mother. She used Lane simply because her mother had worked on a small ranch called Willow Lane.
As Bethanie rode, she remembered her first year of school when friends pulled away, one by one, because their parents didn’t want them around a child without a father. She’d been so withdrawn and lonely, her mother had finally taken her out of school. She completed her education at home with a mail-order tutor. No matter where her mother worked as a cook, part of her agreement always included the money for the tutor and books. Bethanie didn’t mind not going to school, for she loved doing her lessons in the kitchen while her mother worked. The thought of Josh staring at her with contempt as so many others had chilled Bethanie even more than the northern wind sweeping over the land.
Rain began splattering on them in huge droplets by late afternoon. Josh pulled his horse up a rocky area that seemed to lead in no direction. The low, rocky hills spread over a small area like hastily abandoned toys of a giant child. The rocks were dark with rain and looked cold and unwelcoming.
“This storm’s about to break,” Josh shouted above the violent thunder. “I remember a cave around here somewhere. We’re only a few hours’ ride from the ranch, but we’ll never make it in the downpour that’s fixing to hit.” He dismounted and led his horse into a maze of stone canals.
They walked to a small boxed-in area which would offer the horses some shelter from the storm. Josh pulled the saddle off his horse and staked the tired animal. “This rock is high enough to keep the horse out of danger from flash floods. I’ve seen these sudden spring storms build a six-foot river in an hour that’d be swift enough to sweep a horse down.”
Bethanie followed Josh’s actions with less ease. The shadows from the rocks around covered them, giving the area a dark, brooding atmosphere. Her horse was skittish, seemingly afraid of the shadows.
“The cave’s just a few yards this way,” Josh yelled as he slung his saddle over his shoulder. “Leave your saddle and I’ll come back for it.”
“I can carry it,” Bethanie stated with more energy than she felt. She noticed his eyebrow raised in frustration, but he made no comment. She would do her part whether he approved or not. Bethanie didn’t want anyone to think of her as helpless ever again.
They climbed slippery rocks for several feet until Josh suddenly disappeared into a black hole between two boulders. Bethanie followed only a step, then froze, afraid to move farther into the blackness that surrounded her like a thin, musty soup. She could.hear Josh rummaging in his gear a few feet away. A match struck and an instant later a candle’s golden glow lit the tiny cave.
“I only have this stub of a candle, but it’ll last till we get bedded down.” Josh placed the candle on a jagged rock table. “There’s not much room in here, but you can spread the blanket there.” He pointed to the back side of the cave. “I’ll spread out here by the entrance.”
“All right.” Bethanie shivered; she’d rather not be by the front, anyway. No telling what might crawl in out of the storm. The width of the cave was little more than that of a double bed, but at least it was dry.
As she laid down the blanket, Bethanie heard the clouds release their promised wrath. The thunder seemed to echo off the walls of the cavern, giving her an eerie feeling. Their small haven between these rocks had been made by some ancient tumbling of the earth, and its timeless darkness seemed to resent the guests. Bethanie was too tired to let the place spook her. She crumbled slowly down under the blanket and pulled it tightly around her.
She relaxed, watching Josh’s shadowy form in the candlelight. He stripped off his coat and gun. As he bent to place them beside the candle, Bethanie studied the trim, muscular line of his body. His raindrop-spotted clothes molded to him like a second skin. She felt an ache within her to hold him, a longing to
feel his arms warming her. Frustrated, she turned her back to him. Yet, as she listened to his movements, she couldn’t turn him from her mind.
After several minutes, Josh blew out the candle and lay down only a few inches away from her. “Bethanie,” he whispered, “are you awake?”
Bethanie didn’t move or speak. She was afraid of what he was going to say. She wanted to sleep and not think about all that had happened between them. Or of how it might end.
“I need to say this, whether you listen or not,” Josh stated with determination. “Since I first saw you at the hotel, I’ve been attracted to you. I can see your movements in my mind’s eye as clearly as if they were before me in bright daylight. But it’s not just your body I’m mesmerized by.” His unexpected laughter filled the tiny space. “Though I must admit it holds a few beautiful surprises. But, I’m attracted to you…your high, strong spirit, and the fight I see in your eyes. I’ve watched you face danger with bravery, and hardship with uncomplaining strength. Yet I’ve seen you be kind and patient with Dusty and defiant with Martha.” He was silent for a long moment, then added, “You’re a fascinating woman.”
Josh paused and Bethanie felt tears flood her eyes. He continued complimenting her in his warm voice, caressing her with his words. She turned silently toward him in the total darkness.
Josh’s tone was low as he hesitated slightly. “Bethanie…I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m in love with you.” He laughed nervously. “I can’t explain it; but one thing I swear, I’ve never loved anyone in my life before. I always thought when it happened there’d be a time when I wasn’t sure, when I’d have to think about how I felt. But, Bethanie, what I feel for you is fact, and time eternal will never alter it.”
Bethanie reached toward him in the darkness. An instant after she touched his shoulder, he was pulling her to him. He encircled her in his strong arms as if fearing he might lose her. His hold was so tight, Bethanie could barely breathe. She ran her fingers into his thick hair and drew his face close to her.
“Josh,” she whispered as his lips covered her mouth. There was no need to talk, for they both felt the other’s tender emotions as they molded together. “Josh, I feel the same as you, but I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of me?” Josh whispered.
“No, afraid you will turn away from me.” Bethanie’s voice was soft, her words blending with the splattering outside.
“Never,” he laughed. “Never…” His words trailed away as his mouth once again found her lips. As his kiss deepened, Josh gently began to move his hands over her damp clothes. He trembled slightly as his fingers slid into her shirt, touching the warm softness of her flesh. He pulled an inch away and whispered into her hair. “I’ve tried all day to push the feel of you from my mind. To forget the sweet taste of your lips and body. I’ve raged war with my feelings and almost lost my sanity. I think I’m addicted to you.”
Bethanie tingled with a warmth flushing her skin and burning her cheeks. Josh was so sure he’d never turn away from her, how could she doubt his word? The fire from her cheeks spread through her limbs and centered on each spot Josh touched. She found him even more exciting under cover of night. Without sight, her other senses sharpened to aid her. Timidly, she placed her hands on his chest and struggled with his shirt buttons. As his shirt opened to her efforts, she pressed her fingers over his muscular chest. Her hands drifted over his shoulders and touched his injured arm.
Josh tightened in pain and Bethanie stopped. “Did I hurt you?” she whispered.
“No,” Josh laughed. “Your touch could never bring me anything but pleasure.”
Timidly she began to move her fingers over his flesh, carefully avoiding his bandaged arm. Bethanie was so fascinated with her exploration, she hardly noticed Josh was skillfully unbuttoning her shirt and pants. His palm slid unhampered from her shoulder to her flat stomach. He laughed with joy as his hands moved up and down her body. Each stroke of his fingers descended deeper into her denims, until he reached the curly hair covering her womanhood.
As Josh moved his fingers over her abdomen and lower, Bethanie let out a low moan and rolled to her back, allowing him more freedom to explore. He moved above her, pulling her clothes free from her hips. Slowly, lovingly, he began to show her of his love, touching her as softly as snow one moment, then pulling her so near the next second that she could hardly breathe. He’d move above her as his fingers caressed each curve of her flesh and his mouth lovingly tasted each hollow and mound. She moved her head from side to side in sheer pleasure as rapture flooded her brain. He stroked and tugged at her nipples until they were pointed and begging for more attention. Bethanie couldn’t have directed him, but she responded with new joy to each touch. His breathing grew more rapid, yet his touch was unhurried, almost lazy as he explored. His fingers would slide over her most private parts, then brush away, only to return with slightly more pressure the next time.
Josh shifted to his side and lay close to her as his hand played with the inside of her thigh. “You don’t talk much for a woman,” he whispered, playfully kissing her ear. “But your body tells me a great deal.” As he spoke he moved his fingers between her legs to the warm mound covered with hair.
Bethanie moved to his rhythm. She wasn’t afraid or ashamed. To her surprise, she knew all that was happening was right for her. In a few hours they would be at his brother’s ranch, and she had no idea which way her life would turn, but she’d have tonight. Her first taste of love would not be rape from a drunken uncle, but the gentle paradise of Josh’s arms.
Josh moved his hand up suddenly to cup her breast. His words reflected his pain, as if he were being tortured. “Why don’t you stop me, Bethanie?”
“Do you want me to stop you?” Bethanie whispered in confusion. How could he touch her so lovingly and want her to stop him?
His voice was low, the words tearing from him. “I’ll not take a virgin. I must not. You don’t belong to me.” He removed his hand. “I love you, and the feel of you is opium to my brain, but I will not.”
Bethanie heard the sadness in his words and the cold pain of his withdrawal from her side. He was an honorable man and wouldn’t go against the set of rules that forged his behavior. The air seemed suffocatingly thick as they lay in total darkness, listening to each other breathe.
Bethanie raised to one elbow. “Do you want me, Joshua?” she asked in her brief, frank way.
“More than anything,” Josh answered. “But…”
Before he could finish, Bethanie rolled the inches between them. Her breasts pressed against his bare chest. “There is no more to be said. I am yours,” she whispered, knowing she meant for a lifetime, and not just for a night.
Josh groaned in a blending of pain and pleasure as he pulled her closer. “I can’t fight myself and you, too. Be mine, then, Bethanie, for tonight and forever.”
Bethanie pushed her fears of the future aside and gave herself totally to this man. He had spoken her very thoughts, and she knew they were meant for each other. Tomorrow would be time enough to talk of her past. Tomorrow.
Chapter Seven
Gray dawn filtered into the cave in varying hues of smoky light. Tiny specks of dust danced in the humid sunbeams, forming a lacy, transparent curtain across the opening. Bethanie stretched, allowing her mind to drift back to the night hours. Josh had made love to her with a passion and caring unlike anything she imagined could exist on this earth. In the vibrating peaks and quiet, holding valleys, she found a world of fathomless wonder, a place of belonging she’d never known before. When he had finally moved inside her, Bethanie knew she’d love this man all her life. They became one in spirit as well as in flesh. Afterward, in the lethargic motions of returning to earth, he’d held her close and they’d listened to the music of the rain outside.
As Bethanie pulled the blanket from around her face, she realized Josh’s warmth was no longer beside her. Panic filled her, disturbing her tranquility with lightning force. Could he have left and enco
untered trouble? She scrambled into her scattered clothes. The borrowed cotton shirt fought briefly with her frantic fingers. Thoughts of Josh being attacked by stalking Indians or wild animals filled her mind as she pulled her pants over her hips. What if he’d heard some noise and left to investigate without waking her? Worse, Bethanie thought with fearful pride, what if he’d just left her as her father had, without any good-bye? With no thought of caution, Bethanie darted from the cave.
The rocks formed wet, slippery walls on either side of her as she maneuvered down the stone trail in the direction where they’d tied the horses. The morning was blindingly white. A lone vulture circled a quarter mile to her left, crossing the sun with each trip. As she rounded the curve where the animals had been tethered, she slipped and tumbled into the opening.
Pulling her tangled hair from her eyes, Bethanie saw Josh standing between the horses. His laughter rattled the crystal-clear morning and danced across the stony earth, newly washed with rain. He hurried toward her, smiling. His hat was propped back, allowing the sun to touch his face.
“Morning.” Josh’s eyes warmed to a hickory brown as his gaze traveled over her possessively. “A man could get drunk with one look at you, woman. But we need to work on your entrances.” He dropped the reins, forgetting his task completely. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling her to her feet. “Let me see if you broke any bones in that tumble.”
Bethanie laughed with excitement and relief. “I’m fine, really.” She was foolish to think Josh would leave her. Last night they had shared dreams and plans enough to last a lifetime.
Josh kissed her nose as his hand moved tenderly down her back. “You look great in the morning.” His eyes turned a smoky brown. “But you felt magnificent in the darkness of the cave.” His voice grew husky with remembrance. “I was blinded more from the want of you than the night. I only regret I couldn’t see you.” He pushed her hair back from her eyes. “What about you? Any regrets?”