As he talked, pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place, and the pain in Amanda’s chest lessened. She nodded encouragement.
“She became my friend, I thought. She sympathized and held me while I cried for you. No one else knew how much you’d hurt me. I took comfort in her arms and about a week after you’d gone, I lost control. Looking back now, I know Susan orchestrated the entire thing. From breaking us up to seducing me while I had no defense. That’s no excuse, but that is what happened. I should’ve been stronger. There was only that night, but when she came to me a month later and said she would be having my baby, I figured one time was all it took. She arranged the wedding ceremony right away, but her baby was Down syndrome and died. If he’d lived, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. The poor little guy didn’t have much of a chance either way.”
Amanda frowned. “Maybe you could’ve gotten custody.”
Chad’s lips lifted in a mocking smile. “The baby was full-term, but we were together little more than six months when he was born. He wasn’t mine, Amanda. I could’ve never proved he was. She used us for her own purposes. I’ll never understand why she picked me. She certainly didn’t care anything for me.”
The truck cab was dark and silent as if they were cocooned within their own world. Amanda tried to process what Chad told her. Had Susan only pretended to be her friend? She searched Chad’s face and eyes and saw sincerity. He told the truth.
“Yeah, it’s true. Every word.” Chad spoke as if he’d read her mind, which wasn’t so hard to imagine. He’d done that before. He turned the ignition key and his truck roared to life. “I’ll take you home, Amanda. It’s getting late.”
She nodded, unable to think beyond the idea of what Susan had done. Amanda looked at the park while Chad backed his truck out and pulled away. It had been late that night when Susan set her trap for Chad. She got them both to the park to witness a scene of her own making. Oh, she’d been clever. Yet, in the long run, she’d lost so much. But so had Chad.
“I’m sorry, Amanda.” Chad’s voice in the silent cab startled Amanda.
She turned toward him. “I need time to think about all of this, but one thing I believe now is that you weren’t totally at fault. You’d never done anything to make me think you’d been unfaithful. Susan knew that, and she set up a scene to convince me. I shouldn’t have believed it even then.”
“I’m sure she explained everything thoroughly.” Chad’s voice was bitter.
“Yes, she did. In fact, she thanked me for showing up when I did.” Amanda turned toward the window when tears burned her eyes. She squeezed them away but couldn’t stop the emotions that roiled in her chest. Her breath quickened as she relived that night. “Susan started crying before we got back to the dorm. She said if I hadn’t come along when I did, she didn’t know what might’ve happened.”
At Chad’s sudden intake of air, Amanda turned to look at him. His jaw clenched and he shook his head. “I thought she was your friend. I trusted her and look where it got me.”
Amanda’s head ached from an emotional turmoil she thought she’d put in her past. She hadn’t expected this and didn’t fully know how to handle what Chad had revealed. Their conversation drifted into silence as Chad turned his truck south toward Litchfield. She watched the dark countryside drift past as they rode on the highway. She saw a road sign that said they were on I-55, and a little farther another said Historic Route 66. How interesting when the past and the present blended together to make one road. She wondered if her life, hers and Chad’s, were like the old road. Once Route 66 had flourished with life and purpose. Now the old road had been changed, torn apart in many places and rebuilt into something else so the Mother Road was scarcely recognizable. Isn’t that what had happened to her dreams and even to her life? Chad, too, had changed from the innocent boy he’d been fourteen years ago. He’d been torn apart by deceit and manipulation until his basic beliefs had taken a beating. The loss of his sister and brother-in-law only added to his bitterness. Was there hope? As Route 66 had accepted the new, safer freeways across its miles, could she and Chad learn from their past and forge a new relationship or, at least, a new friendship?
They didn’t talk on the drive home, but Amanda’s thoughts churned. When Chad stopped in front of her parents’ darkened house, she turned to him. “Thanks for telling me, Chad. I needed to know.”
He simply smiled and opened his door. “You’re welcome.”
She waited while he circled the truck. They walked without touching to the front door where Chad grinned at her. “You aren’t locked out, are you?”
She laughed, glad for a break in the tension that had gone on long enough. “You have a good memory, only this time I have my own key.”
His grin disappeared as he looked into her eyes. “My memory isn’t so good except where you’re concerned. I’ve never been able to forget you, Mandy.”
She searched for words and could find none. Then his attention centered on her mouth, and she knew he wouldn’t wait for her response. He moved closer, giving her time to back away, but she couldn’t move except to lift her face toward his. She watched the distance close, and his lips brushed hers in a short, friendly kiss that left her wishing things were different between them.
He opened the door for her and she stepped inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mandy. Good night.”
She could only nod and watch him walk away.
Throughout the rest of the week, Amanda drove to Chad’s house each day and cleaned. By Friday she’d worked her way into the bedrooms and was vacuuming when Chad came inside. He spoke as soon as she turned the cleaner off.
“Hey, this place is looking real good.”
“It is, isn’t it?” She smiled at him. “Maybe ready for a little girl to come home?”
He frowned. “I finished the roof, the glass is all cleaned up, Rick came out yesterday and inspected. He says the house is solid. He didn’t find any other problems. The barn still needs to be rebuilt.”
“She won’t be living in the barn, Chad.”
“I know.” He sighed. “She’ll have to live in the house with me.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” As soon as the words left her mouth, Amanda wished she could call them back.
Chad’s eyes darkened as they searched her face, as if he looked for a truth she didn’t want revealed. Maybe he was right. Maybe she had been holding her emotions in check, keeping them private from him. Neither had mentioned Susan or the night they’d split up since their outing in Springfield and their confidences at the park. They also hadn’t mentioned the kiss that night or how unsatisfactory it had been. Amanda wanted more than friendship. Maybe Chad didn’t. Maybe she shouldn’t read more into Chad’s expression than his concern for his niece.
“Will the social worker come and inspect the house first?”
“Before Kara can come home?” His gaze shifted, and the intense expression on his face lifted as a wry smile took its place. “Oh yes, you can count on it.”
Amanda knew the house would pass inspection. She straightened the cheerful Sunbonnet Sue quilt she’d smoothed over Kara’s bed. Someone had sewn love with careful stitches into the small cover with bright patches of colorful fabric in the dresses and matching bonnets. “You don’t need to worry about an inspection. It’s just a matter of time, then.”
“Yeah, the house is ready.” He leaned against the door frame as if he didn’t feel comfortable coming all the way into the room. “I can’t decide if I want time to speed up or slow down. I’m going to see her Sunday afternoon again. If I come to church will you sit with me? We could go get something to eat and then visit with her.”
Amanda gripped the bed railing for support. Did she want a baby she couldn’t have to become part of her life? Her arms and her heart remembered how precious Kara felt as she snuggled close. How could she put herself through the bittersweet torture of holding Kara? Through the longing to have her own child when she knew it couldn’t be? Yet, how cou
ld she walk away from the one thing she wanted more than anything else? A family of her own.
She wasn’t so naive as to think she and Chad could pick up where they’d left off. Too many years with too many hurts had gone before. But they could be friends, and friends helped each other. Life couldn’t get any simpler than that. Chad had a need and she helped with the house. Would it hurt so much to help him learn he had nothing to fear from Kara?
“Almost every Sunday after church my brother comes for dinner. Sometimes Karen comes down, too. You are welcome if you don’t mind eating with us.” She waited as he stared across the room toward the window.
When he spoke, his voice was low. “I remember. I doubt your folks would want me there. Brad maybe, but not the rest.”
“Brad and Karen. As for my parents, maybe you don’t know them as well as you think you do.” She unplugged the vacuum cleaner and wound the cord in place. “They don’t hold grudges. I’m not sure they ever believed you did wrong in the first place. I’m the one with that problem.”
“What about now, Mandy?” He stepped into the room and took the vacuum cleaner handle from her. “It’s a matter of trust, isn’t it? Who do you trust is telling the truth, Susan or me?”
Emotion clogged her throat, but she spoke around it. “I’ve never known you to lie, Chad.”
He started to say more when his cell phone rang. Amanda took the vacuum cleaner and pushed it from the room while he talked. She stored the cleaner in the utility room and walked through the house admiring her week’s work of cleaning. The house looked and smelled good. Kara could come home at any time. Chad needed to talk to the social worker and get the ball rolling.
“That was the lumberyard in Litchfield.” Chad spoke from behind her. “They’re bringing a load out for the barn. I’ll talk to Pastor Mattson Sunday morning and see when they can come for the barn raising.”
Amanda turned and saw his wide grin. He looked the happiest she’d seen him since the tornado. She couldn’t help smiling, too. “Sounds like fun. I hope Kara is home by then. I was just thinking you should call and get an inspection of the house. Tell them you’re ready to bring her home.”
His grin disappeared, but he nodded. “I’ll do that. Today.”
“Good. Now why don’t you show me what you want packed away, and I’ll get started on that Monday?”
A sigh tore from him as he looked around the room. “I guess it all has to go by the end of summer. We need to start with the closets. I don’t want to drag stuff out now until after the social worker is satisfied. I’d better call her now.”
While he talked on the phone, Amanda went into the kitchen and opened a cabinet door. Jessica had plenty of dishes. Probably a lot more than Chad and Kara needed. Maybe she could start here. Would Chad want to keep everything, sell it, or give it away? She’d have to ask.
“Well, it’s set.” Chad walked up behind her and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. “She’ll be here Thursday afternoon.”
“Kara?” Amanda’s heart lost a beat.
“No, social services.” A frown pulled the corners of his mouth down. “Kara stays until they decide, but I’ve got to go see her Sunday afternoon. Do some more bonding.”
If he’d been heading for the gallows, he couldn’t have looked more frightened. “Still need the company?”
Her offer visibly wiped the stress away as if a cloth had moved over his face leaving a smile in its place. “Would you, please?”
Amanda smiled and nodded. What else could she do? Her heart, her very life, had been captured by this man long ago and more recently by his sweet niece. If Jeff and Charity had lived, everything would be different. But she was alone now, and her love for Chad had never truly died. That truth hit her with bittersweet knowledge because love wasn’t enough. She could scarcely wait until the day Kara came home to stay. Yet she wanted to prolong the time before then because, after Chad and Kara truly bonded, she would no longer be needed.
She shoved away from the counter and walked away. “I’ll go home then and see you Sunday.”
“How about tomorrow? We could go car shopping.”
Amanda swung back to search his face. “For me?”
He chuckled. “Yes, for you. I don’t need a car.”
“That would be great.” She laughed with him. “Thank you, Chad.”
Chapter 9
S aturday morning Amanda directed Chad to Bob Larson Motors, a used car dealer in Litchfield where her dad had bought his truck and her mom’s car. “This is where I saw what I want.”
Their shoes crunched through the graveled lot to a dark blue compact car. Chad opened the driver’s door and gave a quick look inside, pulled a lever that popped the hood, and then stepped around to lift it. Amanda watched him touch a wire where it attached to the motor then move on to something else that she couldn’t identify. He bent over the fender, and she wondered if he’d crawl inside to see better if he could. The thought made her giggle.
He turned his head to look at her and grinned. “Are you laughing at me or the car?”
“Both.” She couldn’t stop her smile any more than she could turn away from his.
“Mornin’, folks.” Bob Larson stopped in front of the car. “Hi, Amanda. I didn’t realize that was you. How’re you doin’?”
“Fine. Bob, this is Chad Randall. He knows more about cars than I do and offered to help me find one.” As Chad straightened, Amanda said, “Chad, Bob goes to the same church as my folks. We always look here first for cars.”
The men shook hands and Chad said, “Amanda’s already picked this one out for looks. What can you tell me about it?”
Amanda listened to the car’s history, but let Chad ask the questions. They walked around the car checking for dents and scratches, inspected the tires, and looked in the trunk. She wanted to sit behind the wheel and see how it drove, so she was glad when Bob made the suggestion. “Let me go get the keys and you can take it for a spin.”
“That would be great.”
Amanda drove to her parents’ house and stopped in the driveway. Chad gave her a questioning look. “Are you hoping for a second opinion?”
She released her seat belt. “Wouldn’t do any good. No one’s home.”
Before he could respond, she hopped out, ran around the car, and opened his door. “Don’t you want to drive?”
He grinned and swiped his hand across his brow. “Whew, I thought for a minute you were going to throw me to the lions.”
“Mom and Dad?” She laughed. “Maybe Daddy, but Mom always thought I made a mistake.”
As soon as the words popped out of her mouth, she wished she could recall them. He stepped from the car and towered over her. She stepped back. He stepped forward and caught her hands. “Mandy, what do you think?”
She gave him an innocent look. “I like the way it drives, but I’d like to know what you think, too.”
“What I think?”
She breathed easier and nodded.
He looked deep into her eyes. “I think we both made some stupid mistakes, but God has given us a second chance. I think it would be another stupid mistake to ignore what’s going on between us right now.”
“Chad.” She put as much warning in her voice as she could. He couldn’t mean what he’d said. He only wanted her to help him with Kara. Too many years had passed to heal all the hurts they’d caused each other. All the damage Susan had done to their relationship. “Let’s just look at the car. Please? We’re friends now. I don’t want to ruin that.”
He gave a short, bitter laugh but released her hands. “Yeah, Amanda, we’re friends.”
He left her to get in the car and went around to the driver’s side. They didn’t speak again until Chad pulled into the lot and parked. Then he turned toward her. “If you want this car, I think it’s fine.” He shrugged. “The price is right, the tires look almost new, and I can’t find any problems.”
She nodded. “Thanks, Chad. I really appreciate this. Mom will be
glad to have her car back.”
Amanda wrote a check for the full amount of the car and drove it home. Chad followed her to the house, and she thought he might come in, but he only stopped at the curb long enough to remind her he’d see her the next day. As he drove away, loss for what she’d once almost had pressed against her heart.
Chad wanted more than friendship. Why did that scare her? Why couldn’t she forget the hurt Susan had caused? Chad said he was innocent and she believed him. She loved Jeffrey, but he’d been gone for years. She couldn’t cling to his memory forever. She felt ready to move on, to find someone who would love her in spite of her inability to bear children. Just not Chad. She couldn’t do that to him. She loved him too much.
She let herself into the house as the full implication of her reluctance hit her full force. She loved Chad. Whether her love had never died or she’d fallen in love all over again, she didn’t know. But the love that burned in her heart at that moment was real and the realization tore through her.
She shoved the door closed with enough force to rattle the window. Why had this happened? She’d ignored him for years, refusing to listen to anything pertaining to him or Susan. She hurt so much from the love she’d lost. Now they’d been thrown together to be hurt again. Her heart ached.
She ran upstairs to her room where she’d always sought solace from life’s problems. There she sat on her bed and picked up her Bible. Lord, please give me direction. Show me what to do about Chad. Does he know You? He says You’re giving us a second chance. Is that what this is all about? You know I can’t have children. Tears filled her eyes.
If Chad is innocent like he says, he deserves better. He thought he’d married Susan because there was a child. Surely he wants children and I can’t. I just can’t.
Tears fell from her weeping heart and she clutched her Bible close.
Route 66 Reunions Page 39