“No, never a wart, Mandy.” His voice grew soft. “More like a beautiful woman who’s going to go take a shower now and dress for dinner with me. You did bring a change of clothes, didn’t you?”
She shook her head and his smile wavered.
He shrugged. “Then go home and get ready. I’ll pick you up there.”
She sighed. “Oh, all right.”
She turned, but not before she saw his eyes light up and the smile return that always set her heart tripping in time. She was in trouble and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop now. She wanted to go to dinner with Chad. She wanted just this one night to relive a time that had been jerked from her grasp.
Chapter 7
T wo hours later, Amanda sat in Chad’s truck while he drove north toward Springfield. She shouldn’t be here. What did she think she was doing?
“Do you have a favorite restaurant you’d like to go to?” Chad spoke over the music from his CD player.
She tried to remember the places they’d gone to back in college but could think of only one. “What about Martinels? They used to have pretty decent food.”
Something flickered in his eyes, but he nodded. “Sounds good to me if they’re still in business.”
“They should be. There’s been a lot of promotion for Historic Route 66 lately and they’re sitting pretty close to it.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.”
A shiver chased down her spine. Route 66 had played an important role recently in her friends’ lives. Tessa reconnected with her son’s father because she decided to travel the old road. Sarah said Kevin used the road as the base from which to re-win her heart. He even proposed to her near the beginning of Route 66. First Tessa, and then Sarah, had been brought together with the one man she couldn’t forget. Was she next?
No, that couldn’t be. Amanda turned off the inner voice that mocked her with possibilities she believed were impossible. Long ago she’d forgiven Chad for what he’d done, but how could she ever forget?
“I guess you haven’t been back this way much.” She needed conversation to keep her imagination quiet. “I usually only got home once a year. Karen lives in Springfield, but other than a short visit when she picked me up at the airport, I always stayed with Mom and Dad. But Jessica must have drawn you to this part of the state once in a while.”
He nodded. “Yeah, we tried to get together for the holidays and maybe once during the summer.” His jaw clenched. “If I’d known what would happen, I’d have made the trip a whole lot more. At least maybe then Kara would know me.”
“She’ll get acquainted, Chad. Just give her a little time. When Karen’s oldest daughter was that age, she screamed every time Brad tried to play with her. It really hurt his feelings, but he kept trying. Now she thinks he’s the greatest uncle ever. She tags along after him any time they get together.”
In an obvious attempt to change the subject, Chad said, “The old road went through every town, large or small, didn’t it? We’re on Historic 66 now. No wonder it didn’t last. Those people must have gone at a snail’s crawl back then. We’re too impatient nowadays.”
“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Amanda gave him a pointed look and smiled at the guilt that crossed his face. She laughed. “You and Kara are going to be inseparable before long. I can feel it.”
“Yeah, I bet.” He slowed and turned on his blinker. “Looks like we’re about there.”
All right, she wouldn’t say anything more about Kara.
They were seated at a candlelit table for two waiting for their dinner when Chad said, “You know the museum is just down the road from here.”
Amanda smiled. “I remember. Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. It was one of your favorite hangouts.”
“Maybe we could go again sometime and check it out. See if there’s anything new or something we missed.” He grinned at her.
“Chad”—she shook her head—“I doubt you missed anything. Now me, maybe.”
“Your favorite subject was English, I know.” He made a face. “I never could understand why anyone would rather write an essay than study out the facts of specific times in our history. Our lives today are what they are because of the events of the past.”
“Yes, Mr. Randall.” Amanda laughed. “But you never seemed to mind when I helped you write a paper for class, did you? Remember all those good grades you got?”
He chuckled, but something in the depths of his eyes reached into her and tugged on her heart. “You were good for me, Mandy. We made a great team. We still do. After all this time, you’re still helping me.”
“Temporarily.” Amanda let that one word stand between them as she turned toward the waitress arriving with a large plate in each hand. “Looks like our food is here.”
Chad watched Amanda take a sip of water and set the glass back. He could scarcely believe he sat across from his Mandy after all this time. He’d thought he was dreaming when he recognized her in Jessica’s front yard. He’d been afraid to speak to her but had managed a few words. He loved that she’d gone to see Kara with him, and to see her in the house and looking so at home today was more than he’d ever expected. Now, being with her at the restaurant where they’d gone the night he’d proposed was truly beyond belief. Did she remember? Maybe they could erase the last fourteen years and begin again. But first, he’d have to open some painful wounds and convince her to let him talk.
“I don’t think this restaurant has changed at all.” Amanda looked around the dining area.
Several tables were filled. A young couple sat at one. There were a few older couples, but just as it used to be, several tables were taken by college-aged people.
He nodded. “It does look the same. Do you remember the last time we were here?”
Her eyes darkened and a flush touched her cheeks. She remembered.
She looked down at her plate. “We came more than once, Chad, and it was a long time ago.”
“I’m only asking about the last time.” He pushed because he hated sweeping what they had into a dark corner where it could be forgotten. “I can’t forget, Mandy. I won’t. Just as our country’s past affects us today, our personal past makes us the adults we are. We have hurts in our past, and we need to take them out and talk about them so they can heal. So we can heal.”
Her gaze met his, and he felt as if he could get lost in the emerald depths of her eyes. His beautiful, sweet Mandy. If only she’d let him tell her what he suspected. Maybe she could confirm what he thought he knew.
“Some things are better left in the past.” Her voice sounded soft and uncertain.
He hesitated, not wanting to run her off. “Let’s enjoy our meal, our time together. We’ll talk later.”
She visibly relaxed as she smiled at him. “That’s a good idea. And we will talk, Chad. I want to know and understand, too. It’s just hard for me, although I don’t know why that should be. You’d think fourteen years would be long enough.”
She didn’t say long enough for what, but Chad knew. Long enough to cover the pain. Long enough to forget. He’d never forgotten her, and now he knew he never would.
They ate baked potato wedges and fried fish while they talked about everything except the one subject they both wanted to avoid but couldn’t forget. Finally Chad had to at least skirt the edge. “Tell me about your husband. What was his name? Where’d you meet him?”
Her eyes became wary, but she blotted her lips with the napkin and answered. “Jeffrey. We met at church.”
“Will you tell me about it?” He’d be hurt in the telling, but he had to know.
“I went to California to live with my cousin and went to the church she and her family attended. The Wilsons were members of the church, too. His parents and my cousins still are. Jeff was a junior at the university there. We married not long after we met, and I worked while he finished his degree.”
“So you didn’t go back to school?” Why couldn’t he ask if she’d loved her husband
since that’s what he really wanted to know?
She shook her head. “Not until about a year after the accident.”
“Can you talk about the accident?” He knew she meant the car accident that took her husband’s and her daughter’s lives. “Were you injured?”
She nodded but stared at her plate. “I had internal injuries as well as some broken bones. I was either in the hospital or in therapy for over a year.”
“Oh Mandy.” No words described the pain he felt knowing she had suffered so much. “I’m sorry.”
She did meet his gaze then, and she smiled. “No, don’t be. Jeff and Charity are at home with the Lord. Many of our darkest moments are a tool God uses to bring us closer to Him if we allow Him to. I lost so much then, but I gained, too. I’m stronger now than before. I’m closer to the Lord than I’ve ever been, and I’m learning every day to rely on Him. He holds me in the palm of His hand. If He leaves me here to walk with Him or takes me home tonight, I know I’m safe.”
Chad watched the sparkle in her eyes as she talked, and he sensed she meant exactly what she said. She held no bitterness toward God for taking her husband and child. He’d like to know her secret. How could she give up the ones she loved and say all was fine? Surely she loved her baby, but did she love Jeffrey?
“You’re a better person than I am. Always were.” He stared at his plate.
She laughed. “Hardly. I’m the spoiled baby of the family. Just ask my older brother and sister, if you don’t believe me.”
He looked up with a smile. “Naw, I’ll take your word for it. Remember, I’ve seen you in action.”
“What a terrible thing to say.” She slapped at him and hit air. “You owe me for that.”
“Oh? And what will pay for my transgression?” He chuckled, glad the heavy conversation had ended.
“You asked about my husband.” She searched his face, her eyes holding him captive. “Now, it’s your turn. I was told you married Susan. When did that happen and how?”
He choked when a piece of fish tried to go down the wrong way. He coughed and took a long swallow of water before it settled into the right passage. “Sorry, but I wasn’t expecting that.”
“You don’t want to tell me?” She challenged him.
“It’s a time I’d rather forget, but you’re right. You need to know.” He looked across the table at her and wished he could erase Susan from his past. “We had a wedding ceremony about a month after you left. How did it happen that I agreed to marry someone like Susan? That’s simple, if not honorable. She convinced me she was carrying my child.”
Chapter 8
A manda lost the ability to speak or think. Her world froze in time and space with only Chad’s face within her vision. She saw pain and more in his eyes. Regret? Shame? Sorrow? Guilt? His gaze never wavered. Hers didn’t either.
He covered her hand with his. “Mandy, let’s go somewhere private and talk. If you’ll listen, I’d like to tell you everything as I know it. Susan deceived both of us.”
“Susan deceived us?” She spat out the words, her voice scarcely more than a whisper, yet loud with emotion. “She obviously wasn’t the only one.”
“Please, Amanda.” Chad stood and tugged on her hand. “We need to talk this out. I want you to know everything before you start blaming only one of us.”
“Before I blame you.” She let him help her stand only because she didn’t want to create a scene. Yet.
She waited while Chad paid for the food that now sat as a heavy lump in her stomach. She allowed him to open and hold her door while she got in the truck. Neither spoke while he drove to a nearby park and stopped. Chad lowered their windows and turned off the lights along with the engine. He sat in the dark silence, staring straight ahead as if he saw what Amanda could only imagine.
When he didn’t speak right away, the darkness pressed against her. She had to know what he saw. She’d waited for answers far too long. “Where’s Susan now?”
“I don’t know.”
Chad’s whispered answer hit Amanda like a yell. She pushed back into the corner of the seat against the door. “Why? Are you divorced?”
“No.”
She shrank even farther from him. “You’re still married?”
He shook his head. The torment in his eyes tore through her. “I never married Susan. I only thought I did.”
“You’re making no sense.” She fumbled for the door handle. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get away.
His hand closed over her arm. “Amanda, wait. Let me tell you all of it. Will you listen?”
Something in his tone calmed her. She nodded and he removed his hand.
“I stupidly believed Susan. She set up the wedding. We each had a witness. Kevin stood up with me. We signed the papers and the minister took them. I didn’t know until she left me that she’d hired a fake minister. He not only wasn’t ordained, he wasn’t even a minister. Just a good actor who needed his next fix. At least that’s what she told me the day she left.”
Amanda made a disgusted sound. “And you believed her?”
“Not really. I checked with the county, and sure enough, there was no record of our marriage. It was a sham. She used me and tossed me aside when there was no need.”
“Why would she need a husband? She had no morals.”
Chad gave a quick laugh. “True enough, but her father did. Her father was very strict and quite wealthy. If she’d had a child outside marriage, he’d have cut her off.”
Amanda looked into his eyes. Surely Chad wouldn’t make up such a story. He’d never been deceptive. Had Susan deceived them both as he claimed? But she’d seen him with Susan, and he’d admitted there was a baby. The bitter thought left a sour taste in her soul, and she covered her lips with her fingers and pressed hard.
“I’m sorry, Mandy.” Chad’s gentle voice surrounded her. “I’ve wanted to tell you for days. The timing never seemed right. That’s one reason I wanted us to go out tonight. There’s so much to say. Will you listen to the rest?”
He turned to face her, watching her. She looked across the cab at him. The streetlight scarcely illuminated the inside of the truck, but she could see Chad well enough to know this wasn’t easy for him either. She should be angry at him. Angry and shocked as she’d felt in the restaurant, but somehow those emotions had evaporated, leaving a numb acceptance instead. Now she felt detached, as if the story of Chad’s life didn’t affect her.
She nodded. “What about your child? Why did you tell me you had no children?”
“I never had a child.” Chad shrugged. “That’s another of Susan’s deceptions.”
What was he trying to pull? His words cut like thorns scraping her heart. She choked out the accusation she’d held inside for fourteen years. “That isn’t true. I saw you, Chad. I saw the two of you together in the park that night.”
As she said the words, the realization hit with enough force that she gasped. “It was this very park. How could you do that? Chad, how could you bring me here of all places to talk about Susan and you? Don’t you know I loved you?”
“You loved me then, Mandy, and I loved you. But Susan and I didn’t do what you think. Not that night. That was another of her deceptions. Oh, there were many.” His voice sounded bitter as if he’d like to spit the words out and be done with them. “She played us both for fools that night. She was your good friend telling me you’d sent her here to talk to me. To tell me it was over between us. I was hurt beyond reason and she took advantage of that, consoling me. The hug you saw was only that, Amanda. Only a hug.”
“You were all over her.” Amanda’s eyes burned and she swiped at them. She would not cry another tear over Chad. Not now. Not after what he’d done. “I know what I saw. Besides, she told me what happened.”
“She lied to you.” Chad’s quick harsh laugh told his feelings. “Let me guess. Did she tell you I came on to her? Did she tell you I asked her to meet me here?”
“No, she said you just showed up an
d told her you wanted to call our wedding off. She said you’d been having second thoughts. Then she said you came on to her. You seduced her. Where’s the deception, Chad? I saw you when I got here.”
“And why did you come? Who invited you? Susan? I think I understand better now. She told you to meet her here at the park at a certain time, didn’t she? But why would you? What did she want to tell you that had to be said in a secluded spot where no one else would hear? Things about me? Maybe the same things she told you after giving her performance with me. A performance, I might add, that I fell for because my heart was torn in two at the time.” His voice lowered. “I’d just been convinced that the woman I loved more than my own life wanted out. She said you’d been talking about going to California.”
“For a visit, not to live.” Amanda’s head spun. She didn’t know what to think. “I told Susan I’d been invited to California. I never said I was going. I wouldn’t have gone if you and Susan hadn’t…”
“Amazing, isn’t it, how different the truth is from what we’ve believed all these years. Susan should have been the one who went to California. She’d been a better actress than she was a pretend wife.” Chad sounded bitter and Amanda was beginning to believe him.
“I don’t understand all this, Chad. There are parts missing. How about your baby? You aren’t so gullible to believe that unless there was cause.”
A deep sigh tore from him. “I’m sorry, Mandy. You can’t imagine how sorry I am. I’ve regretted my weakness from the night it happened. But please believe me when I say nothing happened until after you left. Susan said she’d talk to you that night. I believed her and waited until the next day to see you, but you’d already gone home. I tried to call you. No one would let me talk to you. I drove to your house and Brad met me outside. He said you’d gone to California just like Susan said you’d planned. Why wouldn’t I believe everything she told me by then?”
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