Route 66 Reunions

by Mildred Colvin

  In spite of her resolve, one tear left her eye and rolled down her cheek. Chad pulled her to the sofa, and they sat together as he held her close. She sat in the comfort of his embrace for long seconds, fighting the tears that soon won. He patted her back until the storm of crying ended and she pulled away.

  “I’m sorry, Chad. That was uncalled for. You can fire me if you want.” She grabbed a tissue from a box on the coffee table and mopped up the evidence of her emotional display.

  His chuckle brought a smile to her face. “I can’t fire you yet, because I need to go buy some paint. Can you believe I bought all the lumber for the barn and forgot to get paint? I’d feel a lot better if someone either stayed with Kara or came along with me.”

  “And since she’s sleeping now, I’d better stay here.” Amanda smiled. Maybe he needed her a little bit still.

  He kissed her lightly on the lips. “That’s what I thought. I won’t be gone long. Maybe an hour and a half. Will you be okay?”

  Amanda sighed. “I’m fine. Just emotional.”

  “Then it wasn’t anything to do with our past?” His eyes held vulnerability that touched Amanda’s heart.

  She shook her head.

  “Have you forgiven me, Mandy? I know what I did was wrong, but—” He stopped and took a deep breath. “No, there are no excuses. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I should’ve followed you to California and demanded you listen to me.”

  “You didn’t know what Susan told me then.” Amanda touched his hand, and his fingers curled around and through hers. “She was very good at deception, to you and to me. I should’ve known you would never force a woman, but I believed her story. Of course, I forgive you, but I need to be forgiven, too.”

  “Not in my opinion. She made sure you saw what she wanted you to see, and then she acted the part of the ravaged woman.” He gave a short laugh. “I’d probably have believed her myself. But all you saw was an innocent hug that I thought was her consoling me because you wanted out of our engagement. She said you were going to dump me and go to California. Then you did.”

  “Because she convinced me I should.” Amanda shook her head. “We were both so gullible.”

  After a short silence, Amanda looked into Chad’s eyes. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad I came back home. I believe God led me here, to help me let go of the past. I hold no ill feelings toward you or Susan. Not anymore. You were as innocent of wrongdoing as I was. She was a victim of her own sins. I hope she’s figured that out by now.”

  “I always knew you were a better person than me.” Chad’s gaze held a touch of admiration.

  Admiration she didn’t deserve. She shook her head. “Only I’m not. I was angry for a long time. I didn’t even know you and Susan supposedly married, because I refused to listen to anything about either of you. Even now I’m sorry it happened and that we didn’t trust each other enough to stop her. But we can’t look to the past. A verse in Philippians says, ‘Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ That’s what I want to do. I don’t want to become burdened with the past. God has much better planned for our future than we ever had in the past.”

  His hand tightened around hers. “Are you saying there’s a chance for us?”

  She flinched from his question. She’d been thinking of heaven and he’d taken her words the wrong way. Did they have a future together? So much still kept them apart. What of Chad? He’d been reading the Bible, but did he serve the Lord? Had he ever been born again? At this point, she didn’t know.

  As if an arrow of wisdom pierced her mind, she saw the events of their past as stepping-stones laid out for Chad to come to a right relationship with the Lord. What of her? She, too, had stumbled through life saying she was a Christian, while she lived for herself. Only after sinking to the depths of grief for her husband and child had she started reaching upward to the One who gives true life. She continued daily to struggle with her journey toward God, so she couldn’t judge Chad.

  She met his questioning gaze without wavering. “I don’t think we can answer that now, Chad. There’s too much we don’t know about each other.”

  “Then you aren’t counting us out? If you need more time, that’s fine.” He looked around the room and back to her. “We’re always working here or taking care of Kara, so we haven’t spent much time together. Will you go out with me? On a date like we used to. Maybe we can get someone to watch Kara.”

  And tell him she couldn’t have children? How would she find the words? How could she tell him she was no longer a complete woman? He’d back off and her heart would break for sure.

  “I don’t know, Chad.” She stood, pulling her hand from his and missing the warmth. Still she crossed the room to stand inside the dining room. She held the back of a chair for support as she faced him. “Is that such a good idea?”

  He stood but didn’t move forward. “Your mom would watch her. Please ask her. We’ll go this Friday afternoon to Springfield. Wouldn’t you like to see the museum again? We’ll go out to eat and take in a movie like we used to.”

  Oh, the temptation. Her fingers tightened around the chair back to keep from moving forward and exposing her heart by accepting. What he proposed meant they’d be together with no distractions for several hours. Alone with Chad. Time to explore their feelings and learn about each other. Yes, she wanted to.

  She spoke from her heart. “I can ask.”

  He grinned. “Great. We’ll plan on it then.”

  She couldn’t stop her answering smile. He seemed so sure of himself, and he was probably right. Mom adored Kara. She’d welcome the chance to keep her for as long as she could. Mom liked Chad. Always had. Dad did, too. In fact her entire family acted like he’d come home when he spent Sundays with them.

  He moved to the door and opened it. “I’ve got work to do. If you want something to keep you busy while Kara sleeps, you might go through the bookshelf in here. I took out a few books, but I don’t want the rest. Take any you’d like and box up what’s left. Do the same with the movies.”

  “Okay, I’ll take a look. There’s just a month left before I need to concentrate on school. I guess you’ll be leaving for Rockford about then, too.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” He looked as glum as she felt. Then he shrugged. “We still have a month, and I’ve got to get some red paint. All barns are red, aren’t they?”

  She laughed. “Of course, that’s why the color is called barn red.”

  “Good thinking.” He went out the door with a smile.

  Kara woke from her nap not long after Chad left. Amanda kept her busy inside until Chad’s truck on the drive signaled his return two hours later. He came in for lunch then went to the barn and began the enormous task of painting the large building. She helped him paint that afternoon while Kara played and slept in her playpen in the fresh air.

  Working with Chad and Kara brought the sense of family Amanda longed for. She loved Chad. He seemed to love her, too. He wanted to renew more than friendship by revisiting their old college haunts near old Route 66. She wanted to, too, but should she? Chad had always been a nice guy, but nice guys aren’t always born-again Christians.

  Pain ripped through her heart at the thought that Chad might be an unbeliever, but she had no assurance of anything different. The deeper her love for him grew, the harder it might become for her to walk close to the Lord.

  That evening as she helped her mother clean the kitchen after they ate, she said, “Chad asked me to go with him to Springfield Friday afternoon.”

  “Oh really? What for?”

  “The Lincoln Museum, dinner, a movie.”

  Mom turned from the sink and looked at her. “Doesn’t that sound like a date to you?”

  Amanda laughed. “Yeah, I kind of thought that’s what he had in mind. He wanted me to ask you to watch Kara for us.”

  “I’d love to.” Mom’s smile
faded. “But I won’t be home from work until five and besides, are you sure this is a wise idea?”

  Amanda’s heart lurched at her mother’s question. So she wasn’t the only one concerned. She shrugged. “I don’t know. I love him, Mom. As much as I ever did. In fact, where it really counts, he hasn’t changed much. He’s still the kind, considerate man I knew fourteen years ago. I love talking to him, spending time with him.”

  “So what’s the problem?” Mom turned and leaned against the sink, her arms crossed, her gaze searching Amanda’s face.

  Amanda pulled a kitchen chair out and sat down. “I don’t know if he’s a Christian, and I don’t want to be unequally yoked. At least Jeff believed the same as I do.”

  The love she’d shared with Jeff couldn’t compare to her feelings for Chad, but Jeff had been a dedicated Christian man. He’d been good to her, and he’d loved her in his own way. She’d had a good marriage. If and when she married again, she wanted an even better one. One like she and Chad could have if they both served the Lord.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t go.” Mom’s eyebrows raised in that you’d better-listen-to-me expression Amanda recognized. “If there’s doubt in your mind, there’s a reason. You are right to be cautious. We can’t always go by our feelings. Pray about this, Amanda. If you have peace, I’ll watch Kara. If not, you’ll have to tell him no.”

  Mom was right, but that didn’t stop disappointment from weighing heavily on Amanda. She’d pray just as she’d been doing, and tomorrow she’d tell Chad she couldn’t go. God had been dealing with her about getting too close to Chad. He wouldn’t likely change His mind just because she asked Him again.

  Chapter 15

  A blanket of clouds overhead and rain on her windshield matched Amanda’s mood as she stopped behind Chad’s truck. They wouldn’t be painting the barn today. In fact, she probably didn’t need to be here. They’d be celebrating the Fourth of July in less than a week. If she stayed home, she could find plenty to do preparing for her family’s annual barbecue.

  With a sigh pulled from the depths of her soul, she opened the car door and ran to the porch. After a quick knock on the door, she opened it and stepped inside.

  “You running from a little water?” Chad appeared in the dining room doorway with a wide grin.

  Kara had been crawling across the living room floor, but now stopped and sat watching her. She squealed and clapped her hands. “Mama.”

  Amanda’s mouth fell open as she looked at Chad.

  He laughed. “Sounds like you got promoted. Hey, stay there by the door. I want you to see this.”

  With a couple of long strides, he crossed the floor and picked Kara up. He carried her to the opposite side of the living room from Amanda and knelt. Standing Kara in front of him, he said, “Now hold out your hands and see if she’ll come to you.”

  Amanda’s heart pounded. Kara could walk? She’d been close several times, but Amanda hadn’t let her go for selfish reasons. Walking turned a baby into a toddler, and she didn’t know if she was ready to lose her baby. As if Kara would ever be hers. Chad obviously had no such qualms.

  She did as Chad asked and crouched down about six feet from them with her hands reaching. “Come here, Kara. Come to Manda.”

  Kara squealed again and stiffened in Chad’s hands before taking a tentative step forward. He loosened his hold and, keeping his hands a few inches to either side of her, followed her as she took several more steps before wobbling.

  He started to catch her, but she plopped to the floor with a wide grin and crawled rapidly the rest of the way into Amanda’s hands. Amanda caught her up into her arms and held her close for a kiss. She blinked her eyes. “You’re such a big girl. If I cry it’s only because I can’t stand the thought of you getting all grown up.”

  She looked up to see Chad watching them with an almost smile on his face. Their eyes caught and held. He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “You could watch her grow up, you know.”

  Tears rushed to her eyes and she brushed them away, breaking contact with him. “No, Chad. Don’t say that. You have a life in Rockford. My job is here. In four short weeks you’ll be gone.”

  “What about Friday night?” He hesitated. “Did you ask your mom?”

  She nodded.

  “And?”

  She sighed and, after another hug, set Kara down beside her toys. “I talked to her and told her my concerns. She suggested I pray about everything, which I did.”

  When she didn’t continue, Chad said, “So you think God cares who you date? Marriage, maybe—and yeah, I admit I want to marry you, Mandy—but Friday is just a date. That’s all I’m asking right now. Just some time to talk and be together without distractions.”

  Tears threatened. Amanda hated crying just as she hated the conflict his confession placed on her. Her heart leaped at the thought of being Chad’s wife and Kara’s mother then sank with a burden of regret because she couldn’t. She pulled a tissue from the box on the coffee table and dabbed her eyes.

  “You want to go, don’t you?” He knew her too well.

  She nodded but wouldn’t look at him.

  “Then why won’t you?”

  Her head jerked up as her eyes met his frowning but beloved face. She kept her voice soft for Kara’s sake. “Don’t you understand how torn inside I am? I can’t go with my feelings, Chad. I have to do what’s right. I have to let you both go.”

  “I don’t see that, Mandy. We’re two halves of a whole that need to be back together. You can’t tell me your life is complete without me. I won’t believe you. I know mine isn’t and never has been. Without you, I’m only existing.”

  “Without Christ, you are only existing. I can’t make you complete, Chad. Only Jesus Christ can do that. Do you know Him as your personal savior?”

  There. She’d laid everything out before him. She hadn’t intended to, but maybe the timing was more right than she knew. She waited while a muscle twitched in his jaw.

  He shook his head. “Now you sound like Jessica. When we were kids, I went to church as much as she did. So I got away from all that for a while. I’ve always tried to live right and treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated. I messed up with Susan. I admit that, but does that make me so bad? I asked your forgiveness. What more do you want, Amanda? A full confession of everything I’ve ever done?”

  She shook her head while his words added weight to her heart. “No I don’t, Chad. God does. ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.’ First John 1:9.”

  He gave a short laugh and spoke under his breath. “So now I’m unrighteous.”

  Amanda didn’t know what to say. She breathed a quick prayer for guidance, but Chad spoke first.

  He stood and glanced out the window. “You know I don’t think the rain’s going to let up anytime soon. Maybe we need some time apart. I’ve got things covered here, so if you want to go home, that’s fine.”

  He was angry with her. The muscle in his jaw stayed clenched. But he was right, too. They did need time apart. She’d messed everything up by her impulsive attempt to witness to him. As soon as she got home, if she didn’t start crying and feeling sorry for herself, she’d spend some serious time in prayer.

  She stood, too. “I think you’re right. I’m sorry if I said anything to offend you, but what I said was the truth. I do love you, but God loves you so much more.”

  “Yeah, sure Amanda. I know. I’m not a stranger to church or the Bible.” His cell phone rang and he jerked it from his pocket. “Hello?” He walked through the dining room into the kitchen, leaving Kara on the floor.

  Amanda decided she’d better stay and keep an eye on Kara until he returned, so she sank to the sofa to wait.

  Within a few minutes he was back, and his eyes widened when he looked at her. “I’m glad you waited. That was a real estate agent in Rockford. She’s found a couple of houses she thinks I might like, so I’ve decided to go back early.”


  Amanda straightened. “What do you mean? Are you buying a house up there?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, I thought about it. There won’t be enough room in my one-bedroom apartment for Kara. A house may be more than we need now, but I probably should get up there and get things settled before school.”

  Amanda stood. “I see. When are you leaving?”

  “By noon tomorrow.”

  His answer hit her like a blow to the stomach. Why so soon? To get away from her of course.

  “Please, may I come back tomorrow to tell Kara good-bye?”

  He looked from her to the baby who crawled over and pulled up on his leg. He picked her up, and Amanda knew she was no longer needed. He’d the same as said so. Still she needed that last few minutes with them both before they left. Even if they couldn’t be in her life, she would love them both forever.

  He nodded. “Sure. We didn’t get everything packed up, but I don’t imagine it’s necessary yet. Not many people want to buy a house that’s in the path of tornadoes, so I doubt it’ll sell too soon.”

  “You may be right.” Amanda gave Kara a quick kiss and hug before she turned back to the door and this time went outside. Chad didn’t follow her, but she heard Kara’s voice calling, “Mama.”

  Chad stood where she’d left him, aching for her. He held Kara close and patted her back as she continued calling for “Mama.”

  What’d she been talking about, anyway? Saying he needed to tell God everything he’d ever done. In the first place, God already knew everything. In the second place, the only really bad thing he’d ever done was believe Susan and give in to her seduction when he missed Amanda so much he couldn’t think straight. God knew he was sorry for that.

  He made a disgusted sound and turned to the kitchen. “How would you like to have a cracker?”

  He put Kara in her high chair and gave her a graham cracker. Thankful when she took it and her tears for Amanda stopped, he turned to the kitchen cabinets. After several minutes of opening and closing doors and drawers, he turned away. Everything looked fine where it was. He took Kara out of the high chair, gave her another cracker, and went to the back of the house where Amanda had some things boxed up. Might as well see what was in them before he took them to storage. He needed to find a real estate agent and list the farm anyway.