Impossible

by Laurel Curtis

“How is thirty perfect for you?”

  I saw a flash of something cross his face, but he quickly hid it before moving on to give me an answer.

  “Okay, pay attention because I’m only gonna go through this explanation once,” he said with mock seriousness while shaking one long perfect finger at me.

  “Okaaaay.” I drew out the word intentionally, based on what the vibe that was rolling off of him. He had started it like a joke, but I could see in his eyes- his freaking beautiful eyes- and in the lines of his face that he was serious. He was playing the answer off like it was a joke, but it most definitely wasn’t one to him. It was personal.

  Smartly, I was getting scared.

  “Well, I’m thirty-two and I’ve always wanted a woman younger than me, but old enough to get it. Old enough to understand life the way I do, old enough to understand hard times, old enough to like the fact that I had CJ in my life and not see it as a burden.”

  That made good sound sense, but it didn’t seem to warrant any uneasiness on his part and I didn’t think that it was a complete answer. Fishing to get further into his brain, I questioned, “Why younger than you?”

  He shook his head as he muttered, “It’s not for shallow reasons like you would think. I’ve met some older women with absolutely bangin’ bodies.”

  Undeniably, I wasn’t a fan of hearing about his other women, and I didn’t mind if he kept that part of the commentary to himself, shooting him a grimace that told him so.

  “Anyway, there are a couple of reasons. First of all, I always liked the idea of the possibility of more kids. It’s not a must, but it is a plus.”

  Another rational answer. The younger the woman, the better odds for safe pregnancy and for straight up desire to reproduce.

  He paused again, carefully considering the fact that he was about to tell me the rest, and I could see it wasn’t an easy decision to make. “And I know that this thought is a little on the irrational side but I’ve always had it. I figure if a woman’s younger than I am, I got a better shot at not havin’ to watch her die.” He licked his lips, trying to find the right words to explain what he was trying to get across to me. “You find somebody that means that much to you, somebody you weren’t born to love- like your family...because trust me, I know that love is strong enough...but this is different...somebody you legitimately fuckin’ choose to love, to spend all your time with...and you had the option not to...I’m just not sure I could handle being the one to lose it.”

  If I’d looked into his eyes I might have seen that what he was saying was coming from some deeper place. A place that suggested a true, gut-wrenching knowledge of loss.

  But I didn’t, because I was going to be sick. Slamming on the breaks and swerving to the side of the road, I just barely heard his, “Roni, what the fuck,” before I jumped out of the barely stopped car and ran for the grass, my steak and potato making their second appearance not a second after I got there.

  As I heaved and choked, I felt him move in behind me, grabbing my hair and rubbing my back in soothing circles.

  “Jesus, Roni, you okay baby?”

  I shook my head, unable to answer and then threw up again.

  He didn’t know just how much I understood what he said. How much I knew how it felt to be the one to lose everything. The one who survived. He didn’t know how impossible it was to get over. But he had pictured it. When he looked into his future, he longed to not have to deal with it, and I couldn’t blame him. But it also meant that I was the absolute wrong woman for him because I sure as hell couldn’t do it again. And on top of all that, as if it wasn’t freaking enough, I couldn’t have more kids. I had always known the accident had done too much damage.

  When I thought I had everything out, Coleman pulled me back into his arms and settled me in the grass.

  “Sit sweetheart. Relax.”

  He sat with his legs surrounding me on the shoulder of the road and rubbed his hands up and down my bent legs in soothing strokes, whispering into my ear with gentle words the whole time.

  After a few minutes of just sitting there together, he whispered directly into my ear, “You okay, baby? You want me to get you some water or anything?”

  I shook my head but whispered contradictorily, “I just want to brush my teeth.”

  He kissed my hair and then extricated himself from around me carefully, letting his hands slide up my body as he stood up.

  “I’ll get your toothbrush and a bottle of water.”

  Pulling my knees together, I put my forehead down on them and wrapped my arms around myself. Ugh. What was I going to say to him? How was I going to explain myself?

  He was back in what seemed to have been only seconds, and I decided to put the fact that he had had to dig through my bag to find my toothbrush out of my mind.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  I opened the bottle of water and wet my toothbrush, making quick work of putting the toothpaste on the bristles and brushing the taste of vomit out of my mouth.

  “You sure you feel up to chasing today? Or do you just wanna find a room somewhere and get some rest?”

  A room somewhere? Absolutely not. “I want to chase. I’m fine.”

  He sighed deep, obviously resigning himself to the fact that I was determined to keep my plans as they were, and then grumbled, “At least let me drive the rest of the way to where we’re starting.”

  That I could agree to. He would have to focus on the road instead of me, which was right in line with what would make me feel better.

  “Fine.”

  He squatted down in front of me, his hands finding their way to my jaw. “Do you need to sit out here for a minute or are you ready to go?”

  I started to stand up in answer, but before I knew what was happening his arms went under me, and he scooped me up.

  I shrieked, “What are you-”

  “Shh. Just relax.”

  I narrowed my eyes and mumbled, “I don’t need you to carry me.”

  “I know you don’t need me to, baby. But I want to, I need to. I don’t like seein’ you so vulnerable. You’re normally so strong.”

  If he only knew. God, maybe he didn’t know me at all. I wasn’t strong. It was all a front.

  When we got to the Tahoe, he opened the passenger door and set me inside. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the headrest as soon as my ass hit the chair.

  I figured he would move away, shut the door, get on with it- you know, the actions that most people would move on to. But, no. He moved into my space, cupped my cheek, and touched his lips to mine.

  I jerked my head back, my eyes flying open, and I squealed, “What are you nuts? I just got done puking.”

  He looked right into my eyes, a tiny smile lifting one corner of his mouth as he whispered, “Trust me, Banty. I’ll take your lips any way I can get them.”

  “You really are crazy.”

  He just smiled even bigger and then touched his lips to mine again, my eyes open and watching him the whole time.

  When he pulled back, his smile was still wide on his face as he whispered, “People tell me that all the time.”

  I just looked at him, the feel of his lips once again fresh on my mind, and watched as he backed away, shut my door, rounded the hood, and climbed into the driver’s seat.

  He didn’t hesitate to fire it up and pull the gear shift into drive, looking over his shoulder before he pulled back onto the road and put his foot on the gas.

  Speaking calmly, like he hadn’t just kissed me multiple times and rocked my world, he muttered, “I’ll do my best to come close to the schedule you would have kept.”

  I fought to keep my voice even and answered, “I’d appreciate it. We still have a lot to do when we get there.”

  “No problem.” He looked over at me, lifted a hand to my face, and rubbed his thumb against the purple circle I knew was under my eye. “Why don’t you take a nap while I drive?”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to nap bec
ause I didn’t know how I would wake up, but it was like he was the Sandman because not a scant second after he said it, I drifted off.

  While I slept, I felt like I could hear him talking to someone, maybe on the phone. “I know. You were right about her. She’s that something special we’ve been waitin’ for.”

  I couldn’t focus on it, and I couldn’t pull out of my sleepy haze, so I guess I would never know what he really said, or who he said it to, or what it meant.

  ********

  I jerked awake, a few of my short screams filling my ears, but instead of comforter, my fingers of one hand curled into the leather of the passenger seat of my Tahoe while the other moved mindlessly along my scar.

  And then I remembered where I was and who was with me. Shitdizzle.

  I sat up quickly, pulled my hand away from my scar and searched the empty car. What the hell? Where was he, and why were we stopped?

  Just then, the driver side door opened and Coleman climbed in. “Hey, you’re awake!”

  Well, thank God, he hadn’t been there to see me wake up, so I guess that was something. “Yeah, how long have we been here? I have research to do.”

  He inclined his head in my direction and reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear. “Don’t worry, baby. We just got here. I noticed all the other chasers so I stopped here, figuring it would be a good spot.”

  Other chasers? Oh, Jesus. They had seen him too. He had gotten out of the car. Crap, I wouldn’t hear the end of this.

  He talked right through my freak out, casually mentioning, “I actually met a couple of them. They were nice.”

  Of course they were nice to him. Number one, he was a man. And secondly, it was like he was some kind of freaking narcotic. He mellowed most people out, and they had warm, loving reactions to him.

  Though, I guess that could work the other way, and someone could react strongly against him. But I hadn’t seen it happen.

  Looking down at my lap, I tried to sound casual as I asked, “Not one named Max, right?” but failed.

  His eyes narrowed and his jaw tensed. “No one named Max. But why’d you ask me like that?”

  I faked innocence, knowing I had just opened a door I hadn’t intended to. “Ask like what? I didn’t ask like anything.”

  “Don’t shit me, Banty. I’m not a fool. What happened between the two of you?”

  Sweet lord, his alpha was coming out full force. He could be so sweet to me, that is, when he wasn’t being an asshole, so I forgot he could be so intimidating. “He’s just never been really nice to me. Doesn’t like the idea of a female chaser out here amongst you men.” I paused and looked into his eyes, but he raised a brow.

  Okay, so he wasn’t buying that that was the whole story. I took a deep breath, shrugged my shoulders and finished, “Especially one who wouldn’t let him into her pants.”

  “He do anything to you?” he whispered, as the muscle ticked in his jaw. I could tell he was just barely keeping it in check. Max better hope he didn’t end up one on one with Coleman, that was for sure.

  “No. I did, however, do something to him.”

  The anger cleared from his face, but it was promptly replaced with confusion.

  “I kneed him in the balls.”

  A smiled lit up his beautiful features, so I added the last detail. “Hard.”

  At that, he burst out laughing. “Shit yeah, Banty.” He winked, which melted me into an absolute puddle of goo in my seat before whispering, “That’s my girl.”

  “You like that I knee guys in the balls?”

  “Other guys, absolutely. Me? Not so much. You can do other things with them though.”

  My eyes bugged out and my mouth fell open. “You did not just say that to me!”

  “I did, baby. And I’ll tell you somethin’ else. Hang around me long enough, and you’re probably gonna hear a lot worse than that.”

  The beginnings of a smile tugged at one corner of my mouth, but I fought hard not to give him the whole smile. He didn’t need that much encouragement. The twitch of my lips had been enough. Instead, I opened my door and hopped out, figuring changing seats with him was long overdue. I needed to get ready, and I needed to follow my routine. He could observe, but I needed the rest to be the same and I needed him to not distract me.

  I took in my surroundings to see that there were several other chasers there, thankfully the mild mannered ones, and we were in the parking lot of yet another restaurant. I rounded the hood, headed for my seat, but Coleman hadn’t moved and didn’t look like he was going to.

  I opened his door and stepped into the ‘v’ that it created, prompting Coleman with a “what are you waiting for” look.

  Taking me off guard, he leaned out grabbed my hand and pulled me so that I fell into his body. He got right in my face and asked, “Be honest. Would you rather I went in the restaurant and hung out so that you can get ready like you usually do, without my distractions?”

  The way I was feeling with him in my space at the moment was a clear indicator of the correct answer. “Yes.” Absolutely freaking yes.

  A chuckle escaped his mouth just before he leaned down and touched his lips to mine, his tongue darting out and licking the crease my two lips formed.

  Oh. My. God. “You’re awful at not being a distraction.”

  He chuckled again, touched his lips to mine again, and then shifted me out of the way and headed into the restaurant.

  I swear I could hear the silence coming from the other chasers, it was bleeding out of them so strongly. If I had to guess, I’d say they were almost as shocked by my behavior as I was.

  The best thing to do was ignore it, so that’s what I did. I climbed into the driver’s seat, closed the door, and only allowed myself a glance at Coleman through the rearview mirror as he opened the big glass door of the Podunk place.

  Taking a deep breath, I pushed him out of my mind, and fired up my computer.

  It was time to find us a storm to chase. Hell freaking yeah.

  Chapter 7

  This Should Be Interesting

  It was go time. I had just finished my research, picked out what I thought was the best area to position ourselves, and the adrenaline was pumping through my veins. As much as chasing was a vehicle to escape my problems, I also really loved it.

  I kicked open my door, jumped down to the ground, slammed it closed, and hightailed it into the restaurant to get Coleman. True to his word, he had stayed in there and out of my hair, but now it was time to roll.

  As I jogged to the door, vehicle after vehicle of the other chasers pulled out of the parking lot getting started just like we were about to.

  I pulled open the door, hopped inside, and let my eyes adjust to the lighting of the restaurant before scouring it to try and find Coleman. I didn’t know how I would find him when I got in there, but the way I did was not at all what I expected.

  He was in a booth toward the back, and there was a line of people waiting to see him.

  I carefully pushed my way forward, afraid that I was going to start a riot when I got a load of the looks people were giving me. Coleman heard the grumbles, lifted his head, and upon noticing it was me, promptly put an end to it- and made my heart skip a few beats in the process. “Relax, everyone. It’s my girlfriend.”

  Girlfriend?

  Holy shitdizzle. Someone freaking hold me up because I was losing the ability to stand on my own.

  He kept his eyes on me and asked, “Ready to go?”

  My eyes went back and forth, taking in all the people who were now staring at me, and I answered, “Um, yeah.”

  He smirked, a facial expression that was solely aimed at me, before pulling his eyes away and changing his face. “Okay, you heard her, I’m outta time. So as I come by you, I’ll sign somethin’ if you want, but I don’t have any time to talk. Sorry.”

  He really was a rock star of the rural world, and I guess the boonies of Oklahoma were a prime location for his biggest fans.

  Wow. That was unr
eal. And totally un-freaking-expected.

  He did as promised, making his way to the exit, but quickly signing everything that people held out to him as he went.

  He finally got to the last person before the door, pushed it open, and held it for me as I walked through it into the hot outside air.

  “Sorry I held you up, Banty.”

  I ignored that and moved on to the elephant sitting on my chest. “I’m your girlfriend?”

  He tossed his arm around my shoulders as we walked and explained, “Think of it as an affirmation or visualization on my part. You know. My way of testin’ the theory that you can wish something into reality by basically pretendin’ it’s true.”

  I knew if I questioned him this would turn into a much bigger conversation, one that we didn’t have time for, so I let it go.

  “Just get in the car, Oprah.”

  He scoffed, “Do you know how rich she is? If she wished that shit into reality, I’m all about givin’ it a go.”

  I couldn’t help it, my cheeks started to puff out as they lifted. Once again, he had me freaking smiling. It was impossible to be anything but happy when he was being playful.

  Shaking my head as we separated at the back of the car, we each walked to our doors and opened them simultaneously.

  I climbed in, started her up, and made sure all of my software and other various equipment was up and running. Remembering the camera I had mounted on his side of the car, I said, “Do me a favor and fire the camera up for me.”

  The look on his face turned mischievous as he jested, “I can think of a few things we can do with these cameras if we can’t find a storm.”

  Pulling my face into a scowl and raising my finger, I told him, “You promised you would be good.”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll behave. Scouts honor.” He raised his hands and gestured his oath, but I wasn’t buying it.

  “Something tells me you were never a boy scout.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted as he murmured, “And you’d be right. I didn’t have time for that shit, I was on a bull.”

  I pulled the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot as he finished, “Or chasin’ girls.”