Nalin thought every day of the upcoming suffrage convention in Dallas. Being around other women who shared her passion for equal rights filled her with a sense of comradery and purpose, and she felt almost faint thinking about what an honor it was going to be hearing Susan B. Anthony speak. She also felt happy that Carter would be attending with her. She hoped he would come to understand the validity of the movement after listening to the speakers.
One thing Nalin didn't have much hope in changing was the way Carter viewed her pa, Billy. The two of them were just a few insults short of becoming sworn enemies. That's why when Billy stopped by for a visit in the middle of the afternoon, Nalin felt glad her husband wasn't around. She'd tried to convince Carter that her pa wasn't a horrible person, but Carter, in his typical stubborn fashion, didn't waver in his opinion. He argued that a man who neglects his family is the worst kind of man.
"Hi, Pa! What brings you here today?"
Billy took off his worn woolen hat. "It's been a coon's age since I've seen you. Why haven't you visited?"
Nalin motioned for him to follow her inside and rolled her eyes out of his view. Her pa had a way of making himself out to be the victim in every scenario. If he lost a bet, the winner was a cheat. The shoddy relationship he'd had with his wife was her fault because she didn't speak good English, and his poor health was due to a fragile constitution, not because he drank too much.
Nalin poured her pa some coffee and set a piece cherry pie on the table. "Sit and eat some pie, Pa. You know I don't like to visit you at that hotel. It's not got the best reputation. It's better for you to visit here like you're doing."
Billy sat down at the table and grunted. "What you mean is that the high-falutin' saddle stiff you call your husband doesn't want you to visit a place he considers beneath him."
She bristled. "He only wants me safe, Pa. Let's not have this quarrel again."
Nalin loved her pa. He was her only blood relation left on earth as far as she knew, and she felt affection for him in the same way she might a lost puppy. He had never been like a father to her. For as long as she could remember, he was more like a brother or friend. She resented how he didn't provide for her and her mother while she grew up, especially when she saw how worried and sad it made her ma. His selfishness was a bone of contention between them, but he loved her in his own way. He was good company too, as he always made her laugh.
Billy ate the pie in earnest. He looked skinnier than the last time she'd seen him, which worried her. She didn't like the idea of him going hungry.
"I'll make you some supper, Pa. I've got a plucked chicken in the keep."
"Thanks, hon. I sure would like that."
Nalin lit a fire in the stove and got to work cooking. She placed the rest of the cherry pie on the table. "Eat as much of that as you want. I'll make another for Carter tomorrow. How you been?"
Nalin knew the answer to this question wouldn't be good. She was sure to hear about his money troubles, but she would not be moved this time. She wouldn't be giving him any more money behind Carter's back like she had a month ago.
Although Carter didn't know that Nalin had given her pa money recently, a number of years ago, Billy had asked her for money when Carter wasn't around. That time, Nalin told Carter about it, and he wasn't pleased. He gave Billy some money for food along with a lecture never to ask his wife for money again. Carter also ordered her to always consult him like she had. She obeyed that order until a month ago, when Billy convinced her to hand out without Carter's knowledge. He promised to pay her back in a week, but he broke that promise like so many others he'd made.
Billy didn't have anything good to say about his life, despite having benefited from some extra cash. He reported, "Can't say things are great. I've not had a fair shake in life, as you know, what with your ma dying on me so soon. It all went downhill from there. Now my business is crumbling."
Nalin bit her tongue. She decided not to point out that he never paid his wife attention while she was alive. It certainly didn't seem right to use her as a crutch in conversation about his misfortune. Nalin wondered which failing business he was referring to exactly.
"What business is crumbling, Pa?"
"Don't be smart, Nalin. You know I had a profitable moonshining business before the temperance skirts interfered."
Nalin could see where this was headed, and she decided to stop it before it started. "I hope you know I can't give you any more money, Pa. You promised you would pay me back in a jiffy last month so I could replace it before Carter noticed, but you haven't. He could find out any day that the money's missing, and he'll have my hide if he discovers I gave it to you."
Bill looked wounded. "The only reason I haven't paid you back is because of a dirty lowdown cheat at the saloon. I wanted to double what you gave me so I could pay it back with interest, but he as good as stole it from me in a game of poker. I'm certain he had an ace up his sleeve. That's why I need a bit more today, just to buy some vittles."
"You gambled with it, Pa? I didn't think you were gonna do that! I can't give you any more." She sighed. "You can come here whenever you're hungry though. I'll cook for you. Carter's not one to deny a man a meal when he needs it, but he'd blister my behind if he knew I gave you money that you gambled away."
"It's not right, your husband giving you lickings," Billy grumbled. "I never laid a hand on you or your ma."
It was true, he hadn't. Nalin didn't mention that instead he handed them disappointment and neglect. A walloping every once in a while would have been preferable.
"He's a different kind of man, Pa, but he's good to me."
Billy snorted. His contempt for her husband was palpable, and it was mutual. Carter generally kept a scowl on his face whenever her father was around and answered him in scornful, one-word sentences.
Billy and Nalin ate the meal together and turned their focus to pleasanter subjects. "Care for a cowboy cocktail, Pa?" Nalin asked with a grin, knowing what his answer would be.
"You have fire water here? You've been holding out on me, girl! Fill 'er up."
Nalin poured whiskey for them both. After a couple shots, Nalin felt giddy and lightheaded. Joking back and forth with Billy, the time passed quickly.
Nalin noticed it was nearly five o'clock. "Carter will be back soon, Pa. Stay and smoke a cigar with him. You seem in a jolly mood now. Maybe you and he can have a good jawing for once."
"That's the truth. I'm feeling quite jolly, thanks to your company and that bit of neck oil you got. You ain't by any chance in a giving mood now, are you? Can't you scare up a few bucks for your old pa?"
The whiskey had torn down Nalin's resolve. "Oh, very well. Just a few dollars then."
Nalin walked to the bedroom and opened the bottom dresser drawer, where she retrieved the wallet in the back. She removed the last of the money, which was fifty dollars. She handed her pa the bill quickly, as though getting it out of her hand somehow released her from being responsible.
Her head was spinning, which only made her want to drink more. She picked up the bottle of whiskey on the counter. She poured another glass for herself and one for Billy. "You always get me in trouble," she said.
Billy grinned at her. "Life's too short to be good all the time, you know."
A deep voice responded. "Life's too short to waste on idleness and drink too."
Nalin and Billy looked up as Carter closed the front door and took off his hat.
"Hi, honey," Nalin said, immediately on edge. Her husband's presence, which usually brought her delight, now felt like an unwelcome shock of reality, like being doused with cold water after playing in the mud.
Carter observed her. "You're drunk, Nalin."
Billy chortled. "Nothin' wrong with that. Don't be so crusty, Carter. You're too young to be such a curmudgeon."
Carter glowered at him and said nothing in response. He walked to where Nalin sat on the stool and kissed her cheek. He looked around the kitchen.
"There's no chuck left,
" he said, sounding disappointed.
Nalin looked at the counter and on the table. She groaned. "Pa, you weren't supposed to eat the whole chicken."
"I was hungry," he said, shrugging. "I haven't had good chow in a fortnight. Your husband gets three square meals a day. I don't see why he should complain to miss one."
"I work hard to ensure your daughter and I don't miss a meal," Carter snarled. "What are you doing here, Billy, besides bending your elbow and moppin' the plates?"
Nalin got a sinking feeling that the afternoon was about to go very sour. Carter could barely tolerate her pa on a full stomach, and he tended to become easily provoked when hungry. She tried to shake herself out of her tipsy state. It was often necessary for her to act as a clearheaded peacemaker between the two men.
Billy stood. "I'm here visiting my daughter, of course. But I can see I'm not welcome anymore, so I'll take my leave." He moved in the direction of the door.
Carter raised his voice and addressed him as though he were an errant child. "Not so fast."
Billy turned to face him. Nalin observed the two men and was struck by the differences between them. Billy was much older, but he had a guilty, childlike look about him as though he were about to receive a dressing-down from a schoolmaster. His shoulders slouched, and he dipped his head.
Carter stood straight and tall, looking deadly confident and fierce as a lion about to attack his prey. Nalin felt sorry for her pa, since she'd been on the receiving end of Carter's predatory stare before and knew how intimidating it was. She appreciated that her husband was strong, but when he was wrathy, he wasn't a person anyone felt comfortable being around.
"Are you here wanting anything, Bill? I hope you didn't ask my wife for money again behind my back."
Billy did his best to act offended, which wasn't very convincing. "I can't believe you think so low of me. I told you a few years ago I wouldn't ask her again."
Carter was no fool. He narrowed his eyes at Nalin for a moment, and Nalin wondered if she appeared as guilty as she felt. Carter then turned his attention back to Billy. "Stay where you are."
As he strode into the bedroom, Nalin and Billy exchanged looks. Billy appeared a bit uncomfortable, but Nalin felt positively terrified. Her heartbeat quickened when she heard the bottom drawer of the dresser open. A moment later, it slammed shut.
Carter walked back wearing a grim expression. He stood in front of Billy and held out his palm. "Your jig is up. Hand it over."
Billy let out a sigh, retrieved the fifty dollars from his pocket, and placed it in Carter's open hand. Carter looked at it. "Don't play games with me, Bill," he barked. "Give me the rest."
Billy's voice turned into a whine. "That's all I have."
"Bosh! I had more than three hundred dollars in there. Hand it over before I lose my temper."
Nalin felt sick to her stomach. "Carter," she said in a small voice, "The rest is gone."
Carter turned his scowl in her direction. "Say that again, Nalin?"
She shifted on her feet and looked down. She knew she was up a tree and had no choice but to confess. "I gave the rest to Pa a month ago. I thought he would pay it back before you noticed, but he lost it gambling."
She looked up to see a dark cloud descend over Carter's face. He turned to Billy and pointed at the door. "Get out." His voice was even, but low and dangerous.
"Is that any way to treat your father-in-law?"
Nalin couldn't believe Billy's nerve. She felt ashamed of her pa and ashamed of herself.
Carter took a step toward him. "You're nary but a bunko artist to me. You'd better high-tail it out of here before I clean your plow and drag you to the marshal. I could see you imprisoned for theft."
"I didn't steal the money," Billy argued. "Nalin gave it to me."
Carter looked livid and two shakes away from thrashing him. "It wasn't hers to give, as you well know. I won't tell you again to leave."
Billy walked to the door. Before he left, he turned and spoke in defense of his daughter. "Don't be too hard on her. You and me, we're men. We know the worth of three hundred dollars. Nalin's just a woman. She doesn't know it's a cowhand's six-month salary, and I didn't let on how much it was."
Carter took another step toward him. "So now you want to look after and protect her? And from me? How dare you!" Carter shouted, his voice shaking with rage. "Get the hell out of my house. The only person in this room Nalin needs protection from is her lily-livered father. You've taken food off your own daughter's plate by stealing that money. Even the most despicable men don't generally do that to their own offspring."
Billy finally left, hanging his head like a whipped dog. The door closed behind him. Carter stood still and stared at it, his back to Nalin.
When he spoke, his words sliced through her heart like a knife. "You're the last person I thought would betray me. I trusted you."
"Oh, Carter, I didn't mean—"
"Not another word." His voice was cold as steel. Turning, he gave her a hard look. While removing his buckskin work gloves, he said, "Go to the bedroom and close the door behind you. I want you out of my sight."
Nalin burst into tears and left his presence. She had never seen her husband look so angry. Worse, he looked hurt.
She didn't know how long she stayed in the room, but it was long enough for her to become completely sober. For a few minutes, she heard the sound of dishes being cleared from the table, but she didn't hear anything after that. Either Carter had left the cabin or he wasn't moving. She wanted nothing more than to beg him for forgiveness, but she didn't dare open the door before he fetched her. She had a horrible feeling that this misdeed was beyond forgiveness and that Carter would never trust her again.
The door opened suddenly in the middle of her racing thoughts. "All right, Nalin, I've calmed down. Are you sober?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then it's time to talk about a few things. Follow me." He walked to the kitchen next to the table.
She stood in front of him and looked into his eyes. His expression was stony. She couldn't find a trace of tenderness.
"I'm sorry, Carter," she said, tears flowing freely. "Please punish me, I deserve it. But please don't hate me."
Carter didn't respond right away, and each second that ticked by filled Nalin with increasing fear that he would never forgive her.
"Why would you ask me not to hate you? I'm angry enough, Nalin, without that nonsense."
Nalin could tell he was struggling to keep his voice level. "I'm sorry," she said, crying. "But Carter, I'm so afraid. Tell me my wicked deed hasn't caused you to lose your love for me. I beg you to tell me that before you punish me. I've never seen that look on your face. It looks like you hate me and will never forgive me. I can't bear it!"
Carter raised his voice to a bellow, which took her by surprise, since he rarely yelled at her. "This is the look of a husband who feels betrayed by his wife! It's the look of a man angry with himself for not stowing that money properly at the bank or in a safe. It's the look of a business owner worried about the future of his business and his ability to pay his employees. It is not, I repeat, not, the look of a man who hates you."
In a stern voice closer to its usual volume, he added, "I will always love you. Is that what you need to hear, young lady?"
"Y-yes. Thank you, Carter." She hiccupped.
He scowled at her. "Say it. Say, 'My husband will always love me'."
Nalin did so in a quiet, trembling voice.
"Say it again. Louder and with confidence."
"My husband will always love me," she repeated, trying to settle her sobs.
"Again!" he shouted, and slammed his palm down on the kitchen table.
"My husband will always love me!"
"Do you believe it? You will repeat it until you do, even if it takes all night."
"Yes, sir. I-I believe it."
"Good. You're going to need to remember how much I love you during this punishment. Bend over the table and lift your s
kirts."
# # #
It was the longest, most painful punishment Nalin had ever endured. When it finally ended, she straightened from her bent position over the kitchen table. Her skirt and petticoat fell from her back in a wrinkled heap over her scorched rear end. He had spanked her for what seemed like ages. She thought it would ever end. He used his belt for the licking and snapped it again and again on her bare bottom. He then lowered his punishment to her upper thighs. He didn't spare a single tender area from fewer than three licks delivered by the swinging leather.
From where she stood bawling with her hands in her face, she heard Carter looping his belt back around his waist and buckling it. Her bottom and legs felt like they were on fire. She couldn't stop crying. That was the harshest Carter had ever been with her. Even in the couple times she could remember him taking his belt to her, he hadn't delivered more than ten licks. She was certain this time he'd administered at least thirty, though she'd lost count along the way, unable to focus on anything but the pain. Still sobbing, she wiped her face with her hands and looked over at him. He half-leaned, half-sat on the arm of the sofa. His arms were crossed, and he was watching her.
Catching her eye, he delivered his stern, even-toned lecture. "That was no small theft, Nalin. That money was for grain for the animals. It was to buy food for us. It was for mandatory supplies. You compromised the workings of this ranch and the salaries of my men, not to mention your own security for the future. I won't be able to recover that money. I want to provide and care for you in the best way that I can, and I need you on my side to do that. Instead, you betrayed me by acting like a common criminal. Do I need to lock away money from my own wife, the one person I have always trusted?"
"N-no, Carter. I'll never do it again," she sobbed. "Can you forgive me?"
"Yes. But I need to know that you understand what you've done. Do you understand how serious it is for a business to lose that much money?"
"I d-didn't understand. I thought you said it was emergency money for us."
"It was in a way. It's what I saved up in the last year to prepare for lack of future income. Drought and dry grasslands are anticipated for the next two years according to Farmers' Almanac."
The Submissive Suffragette (Lone Star Love Book 1) Page 4