“Don’t tell me you’re not good enough for me. It’s not true,” I say.
“Then what is? You keep sending me mixed signals, wanting me one moment, pushing me away the next. Am I really what you need?”
“Yes, you are. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it so confusing.”
He sighs. “What do you really want from me? Because if you want my love, you’ll get it completely. The full, uncensored, crude, fucking X-rated version of it. When I love someone I do it with all my being, not just my heart. When you’re with me your soul, your body, and your mind are all mine. I don’t do just one thing. I do it all. Hard.”
My pussy clenches with need in response to his confession. I look down at my plate, unable to say a word. I can’t believe he just said that. Biting my lip, I hear him clear his throat. All his feelings just came spilling out, and I’m sitting here, wondering what to say. I’ve seen him for who he really is, and sometimes it scares me.
However, fear shouldn’t hold me back. Not anymore. I’m not that weak, fragile little girl anymore that was bullied in high school. I’ll fight for what I want, and what I want is him. I know that now. I know it with all my heart. There’s no one in this world who could love me as wholly as he does. It’s amazing.
Courage is what I need. Courage to face my fear of the unknown that comes with loving this man and conquer it. To be loved by him is to face my inhibitions head on and to just let them go. I need to learn that his love is enough.
“I want you,” I say with a trembling voice. “I never wanted anything else.”
“Can you handle what I am?” he asks.
“I can try.”
“I’m not going to be any different than what you experienced in my bedroom. That’s who I am, and I won’t let anyone make me believe otherwise. I accepted that fact long ago. It’s your choice. I can love you like no other man can, if you accept how I give it.”
“I know. I realized that this is how you are …”
“I. Won’t. Change,” he says.
“I’m not asking you to change. I don’t want that. I want you for who you are. It’s just … difficult sometimes. I’ve never loved someone before. It scares me a little, because I have no idea if I can let go of everything.”
His rigid face relaxes a little and he reaches for my hand across the table. “You don’t need to let go of anything but your fear of me. I will always love you. No matter what I do, it’s all for that. You can trust me. I love all the nooks and crannies of your body. I don’t care how it looks. You don’t need to be insecure around me. None of it matters.”
I smile at him and he smiles back, squeezing my hand.
“But, you have to realize that if I want to fucking take you against the wall, or in a fucking car, or strapped to a bed, I will fucking do it. I take what I want and own it. That’s me.” The rawness in his voice excites me, stirring the butterflies in my stomach.
“I’m not going to be stopped by something as irrational as shame,” he continues. “You don’t need to be embarrassed or feel shameful about anything. Your body was made to be loved in every way possible, and I’m making sure that’ll happen.”
I giggle a little from all the dirty things he’s saying. It’s like he’s pouring his heart out, putting every inch of himself into each word. I admire his easiness with his sexual desires. That he can just give in to his needs. I want to be able to do the same. No rules, no shyness, no boundaries. My virtues are standing in the way of everything that makes life worth living. He really doesn’t care about anything. He’s found a way to accept all the emotions, needs, and hurt that comes with life without letting them rule.
It’s incredible.
“I love you,” I say. This is my heart spilling its guts. “And I don’t want anyone else but you, just the way you are. I’ll try my best to separate my fears from you. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want to be able to enjoy life.”
“And sex,” he says, laughing a little.
“And sex,” I repeat, chuckling as well.
Hunter smiles at me, the look in his eyes deepening. He scoots his chair back, still holding my hand, and gets up. He raises my hand, lifting me up from the chair, and steps closer. “C’mere.”
He laces his fingers through mine and pulls me closer, drawing me to his chest. Gazing up into his dreamy eyes, I let out a sigh of relief. I’m glad it’s resolved now.
Hunter cups my jaw with one hand, gently caressing my cheek as he inches forward. His lips graze mine, and a fleeting moment of breathlessness passes between us. Softly pressing his lips to mine, he kisses me until all my worries float away. His mouth has a way of making me feel better. With his soft, sweet pecks he sets me free. My heart is almost exploding from my chest; that’s how much I feel for him. I can’t imagine going through one day without him. Not anymore.
“I love you so much,” he murmurs against my lips. “You’re my Leafy.”
I draw him closer with my hand wrapped around his neck and kiss him again. I don’t want to take my lips off him. Tears almost spring into my eyes because I feel so lucky I can’t believe this is all real. That he is really mine, and that he loves me.
Someone clears his throat, and Hunter pulls his lips from mine.
“Sorry to interrupt your little morning fuck,” Jessie says.
My eyes widen. “We weren’t—”
“Sure looked like tongue fucking to me.”
A flush appears on my cheeks and Hunter laughs. “Hey, if you don’t want to see it, look the other way,” he says.
“I’m coming outta my room, fuckface, where else am I supposed to look? The first thing I see is you two making out like you’re ready to strip naked.” Jessie slaps Hunter on the shoulder and walks to the stove. He yawns and stretches, his ripped muscles showing underneath his white shirt.
After a roar, he asks, “What’s that damn good smell in here?”
“Hunter made some eggs and bacon. There’s still some on the stove if you want.”
Jessie laughs. “He made it? You’re kidding, right? You don’t have to cover up that you made this.”
Hunter growls and rolls his eyes.
“He did. It wasn’t me, I swear,” I say.
“I can’t believe it.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“I’m always the one cooking. He’s not the greatest cook around.”
“Hey! Shut the fuck up, will ya?” Hunter snarls.
“Hey, I’m just telling the truth. But I’m impressed you got this done without burning it.”
Hunter walks behind him and punches his shoulder. “I can make fucking eggs and bacon. Any idiot can do that, asshole.”
Fuckface, asshole. Wow, they really have endearing nicknames for each other.
Jessie grins, grabbing a fork and eating it straight from the pan. “That’s some fucking good bacon, little brother.”
Now Hunter’s laughing too. They really have a quirky yet adorable relationship. I can’t help just standing there, watching them bicker. It really gives perspective to my life. I realize it’s not all about playing nice, and that honesty is important to maintain trust.
I can truly say I’m glad Hunter and I talked it out and that we both moved on from our anger and frustration. In order to build our future, we have to make sacrifices and conquer our fears. I know I can face it all with him by my side.
CHAPTER 6
COLLEGE SHENANIGANS
Autumn
Hunter and I have gone back to campus to continue our studies while his brother searches for a job. I’m still not sure Hunter really wants to be here. He’s been huffing and puffing all day and every time I look at him his face is all dark and dreary. Definitely not happy. I wonder if it’s because his brother has to do all the work and Hunter gets to have the benefits. I can imagine he’d feel pressured, because he wants to pull his own weight but knows his brother won’t allow it.
Things have changed overnight here it seems. The gang has been completely wipe
d out in a matter of days. Jaret and a few others managed to escape the cops’ radar thanks to a good word from Hunter, but most of them got expelled and put in jail. The warehouse that contained the secret club house was taped off for police investigation. It really looked like a crime scene. And to think that I walked there, sat there, watched Hunter get beaten up in that cage. The arena. God, I’m glad it’s over. I still get the shivers thinking about it.
We’re not even at the dorm yet when Evie, my best friend, comes flying at me.
“Autumn!” she squeals, throwing her arms around me, suffocating me as usual.
“Hi!” I hug her back.
“God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve only been away for a couple days,” I say, chuckling.
“I know, but it’s like half of me was gone or something. At one point I even started talking to myself. That’s how quiet it was in my room.”
I laugh. She always exaggerates so much.
“Or should I say our room?” she winks. “Is it still ‘our room,’ actually?” She briefly glances at Hunter and back at me. “I’m not sure what your plan is now that you two are … Well, you know.”
I look at Hunter and he smiles at me. “Hey, it’s your choice. This isn’t a co-ed dorm, but I’m more than willing to be on the dangerous side of the law. You know how I feel about breaking the rules.” His eyes flash with wickedness.
I chuckle, feeling a little embarrassed, and I poke him in the side. “And you know I live by the rules, so I’ll stick with Evie for now.”
“Suit yourself.” Hunter’s hand was on my back, but now slips to my ass. His fingers dig into my jeans as he squeezes it. “I know you’ll come begging.”
“Eew! Get a room, you two,” Evie says, and I chuckle.
“Get your hands off me, Mister Bane,” I say jokingly. “That’s no way to behave in public.”
“Stick it,” he growls. Then he full-on slaps my bum and I squeal. “Love that sound you make,” he adds, the grumbling in his voice setting all my nerves on fire, not just the ones in my butt. Damn, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the way he claims ownership of me wherever he is.
Hunter leans forward and kisses my temple. “See you later,” he mumbles against my skin. He grabs my ass one more time. “And I’ll see this later, too.” He winks and walks away to Jaret, who’s standing near the fountain.
“Your boyfriend sure likes grabbing your junk,” Evie says. “Should I get jealous?”
My eyes widen when she says that. I didn’t think she’d bring this up now, but I really thought she was over me already. She isn’t still in love with me, right?
“I, uh …” I stammer.
“Relax.” She giggles. “I’m just messing with you.” She pokes me in the belly and I cringe.
“Phew. I was already starting to get worried.”
She squints devilishly. “Ha, I know I have no chance with you.”
“I’m sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” I say. We turn around and walk toward the dorm.
“Don’t be. I’m fine. Really. More than fine, actually …” A blush appears on her cheeks and she turns her head away. There’s something she isn’t telling me. I can’t keep my curiosity at bay.
“You’re hiding something.”
She smashes her lips together and fumbles with her shirt. Damn, it’s almost as if she’s embarrassed by it. Kind of like how I was when I told her I was in love with Hunter. Oh …
“Oh … my God,” I mutter. “You scored, didn’t you?”
Her eyes widen with shock. “What? N-no … it’s not like that,” she stutters. It’s unlike her to stutter.
“But …?” I bump against her shoulder.
“Well … I did meet someone.”
“Ha! I knew it!” I squeal from excitement, and she giggles at me. “So? Who is she? Where’s she from? Where did you two meet? How old is she? Did you two ‘do’ something?” I can’t stop the questions from spilling out. I’m just so curious.
“Ahh, stop it,” she whispers. “We didn’t do anything … reckless yet.”
“But you kissed, didn’t you?”
“Maybe …”
I squeal again. I’m just so happy for her.
“We only just met; it’s only been a few days. It’s nothing special,” she says.
“Not yet,” I muse, winking.
“Oh, ha ha.” She frowns. “You know I don’t dive into things that quickly. I barely know her. I need to spend way more time with her to be even remotely sure this is a ‘thing.’”
“But you do want to spend more time with her. That’s a good sign.”
“Yeah … I really like her,” she says, smiling shyly as if she’s still afraid to admit her preference. I’m really glad she’s finally found someone to date.
“So, when do I get to meet her?” I ask.
She elbows me in the side. “Not yet, nosy.”
“Aw, but I’m really excited and happy for you.”
“Thanks. You’ll get to meet her soon, I promise,” she says. “First, a few dates, then I’ll see where it goes from there. After that comes … my parents.” She lets out a huge sigh and her shoulders sag. I know she really worries about her parents not accepting the way she is. I’ve seen how prudish they can be. When we were young, we gave each other little pecks because we wanted to know what kissing was like. Of course, it was all just for fun and giggles. When her parents found out, they gave her house arrest for a week. She was only ten years old. They hated the idea of two girls being together, even though we weren’t. I can’t imagine what Evie must be going through now, knowing her parents are like this. It must be tough.
I place my hand on her back. “Hey, it’ll be okay. You’ll get through it. I promise. And if you need me, I’m here.”
She flashes me a short half-smile. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” She looks at the watch around her wrist. “Shit, I really have to run. Class is starting. See you around!”
♥♥♥
I’m only just in time for my own class. As I enter the door, someone bumps into my back, almost making me fall down the steps. Strong hands grip my arms, preventing me from tumbling over. I look behind me and see the familiar smirk that lights my day.
“Careful there,” Hunter says. “Don’t want to get bruises on that pretty body.” He steadies me, but then I feel his breath on the back of my neck. His mouth is close to that sensitive spot below my ear. His lips graze my skin, sending shivers down my spine and goose bumps all over my body. “Which is all mine.” His deep, dark voice makes me meek.
Fingers sliding down my arms alert all my senses. When he touches me it’s like time stops and there’s no one around but us. He’s like a conductor, delicately orchestrating his moves, creating a symphony of pleasure and bliss. He knows exactly what to do to make me delirious. I am really his. Completely, utterly his.
“Let’s sit down before the teacher yells at us,” he whispers into my ear, and then he gently pushes me forward, pulling me from my drifting thoughts. His grin sets me on fire. He knows exactly what he does to me, and seems to enjoy it even more. He’s such a tease.
We sit down on the seats at the back of the class, as far away from the teacher as possible, and we unpack all the necessary books, pens, and paper. I’m quickly penning down notes that are already on the board, because we missed the first few minutes. The teacher had already started his class, and I’m having trouble keeping up. I’m not used to being late. Hunter really has a bad influence on me sometimes.
From the corner of my eye I catch him peeking at me. I turn my head. “Are you cheating again?”
“What gave you that idea?” A cheeky smile is on his face, making me chuckle.
“I learned from past experiences.” I raise my eyebrow, challenging him.
He seems to take me up on the challenge, making direct, probing eye contact. He squints, his glaring gray eyes scanning my face, lingering on my lips. He doesn’t mask the blatant eye-fuck. God, this guy i
s going to kill me.
“You sure about that?” He scoots closer, closing the gap between us. His face is dangerously close to mine. The smirk on his face is as unbelievably obnoxious as it is sexy.
“I’m not that shy girl anymore,” I say.
“Hmm … looks like it to me.” He brushes one finger over my shoulder, and I’m thrilled yet again. These simple touches of his are so full of hunger, rippling with lust, it’s like I’m bathing in it.
Still, I won’t give in to his games so easily. He used to be able to silence me with just a look. I was too scared to act, but now that I’ve seen him full throttle, I’m not scared anymore. I can handle him.
“Hey, you can try all you like, but I’m not giving you my notes. You won’t learn anything that way.”
Hunter’s half-smile slowly turns into a grin as he inches closer and closer. His nose almost touches mine. I need only lean forward to crash into his lips. But I don’t. Self-control, Autumn. Keep it together. You’re in class, for God’s sake.
“Oh, I’m not trying to get your notes. Not anymore,” he growls. His lips briefly brush past mine, but when I open my mouth and close my eyes to receive his kiss, I’m left hanging. Air is trapped in my throat as I open my eyes again and catch him licking his lips. A devious smile pops onto his face as he casually leans back in his seat.
“Jerk,” I mumble.
He leans forward, looking at me sideways. “What’s that?” His voice has darkened, sounding displeased. Good. I want him to know that I don’t like it when he teases me so much.
“You heard me.”
His eyes narrow into thin slits as his hand dives under the table. Suddenly, I feel his fingers curling around my leg, squeezing tighter and tighter. His inevitable stare is upon me as he slides his fingers up my jeans. I gasp, my breath faltering as he slips it up my thigh.
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