Flame

by Clarissa Wild

  I rub her back. “I’ll be right next to you.”

  We follow them outside to their car, and they stop right before getting in. Her mother plucks on her brown hair, tightly wrapped into a bun on top of her head. It seems out of character for her to have loose ends sticking out. Her father is tapping his foot on the floor, and he clears his throat as he checks his watch.

  “Explain why you were cuddling with a girl,” he murmurs.

  “Dad …” Evie murmurs.

  “Stop. You know how we feel about that nonsense,” her mother spits. “We brought you up to be a strong, confident woman.”

  “I am,” Evie hisses.

  “Then why are you huddling up with a girl? You should be finding a good-looking guy!” her father says.

  Evie sucks on her lip, her eyebrows drawing together, her lips contorting. The screams coiled up inside her aren’t coming out as she tries to keep it all in check. I admire her strength. It’s horrible to watch this, and it’s even harder to keep my mouth shut. I want to shout at them and tell them they’re bastards. Of course I don’t. They’re her parents. She loves them, so I won’t make it any worse than it already is.

  “I was just hugging her, that’s all,” Evie says. I give her an elbow in the side, and she looks down at the ground, knowing full well she’s ignoring the topic. I know it’s hard for her, but she needs to tell them what the deal is. Otherwise her problems with her family will never end. It’s for the best.

  “Whatever it is that you’re doing here in college, stop. Just stop. We didn’t pay your tuition so you could hang on the couch all day. We’re expecting results.”

  “That’s enough,” I mutter. Their eyes shift toward me like hawks zooming in on their prey. I know I shouldn’t be talking right now, but I’m done hearing them complain about her. I’m done standing idly by while they belittle and humiliate her like this. I won’t let them bully her. Not anymore.

  “Your daughter is the best student I’ve ever seen,” I say. “She’s always studying, does her best on every exam, and she’s an amazing friend. You should be proud of her.”

  Sticking up their noses, they glare at me with mockery and contempt. I don’t give a crap about what they think of me. I want them to love their daughter the way she is.

  “You shouldn’t treat her like this,” I add.

  Evie holds up her hand and smiles at me, telling me she wants to take over.

  “Mom … Dad …” She looks at both of them and takes a deep breath. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I’m telling you anyway. I’m in love with a girl.”

  Their eyes widen and their jaws drop like they just saw an alien.

  “And I know you might think I’m horrible right now, but please, just listen to me. I didn’t choose this. I am this way.” I squeeze her hand tight as she makes her confession.

  “And I want you to accept that,” she says. “I love you guys so much, but you really need to let me go and let me make my own decisions.”

  “You can’t be serious …” her mother stammers.

  “I’m doing my best to keep up with studying, working hard to make sure I’ll graduate, and I want to find the best job I can. I’m doing whatever I can to make you guys proud. Please be happy for me. I am.” She swallows away the nerves, her hand shaking against mine.

  Her mother’s face turns from pure shock to disgust. “I can’t believe this. You’re joking with us, right? You’re not gay, right? Where are the cameras?” She turns her head a few times, really checking if there are any cameras like some crazy woman.

  “Mom, I’m telling you the truth.”

  “You’re telling us that girl you were cuddling with is your girlfriend?” her dad says, balling his fist.

  “Yes,” Evie says.

  “What?” her mom screams. “My little girl is gay?”

  “Mom … Please …”

  “No. No. No!” Her mom holds up her hand and makes shooing motions, as if she suddenly thinks we’re flies on shit. Evie’s eyes are getting watery again.

  “Oh, no, I’m not having any of this.” Her father spins around toward the car and opens the door, ready to split.

  “Wait!” Evie says.

  “How could you do this to us?” her mother yells. “You’re humiliating us. I thought you were a good girl. And now you’re telling us you’re gay? Are you kidding me? You’ll never get to be married, you’ll never get to have beautiful kids. I’ll never get to have grandkids!”

  “Of course I can marry! Girls can marry,” Evie says, wincing from her mother’s outburst. “I can adopt kids if I want to.”

  “That’s not the same. And girls, marrying? You’re mocking God. We raised you to believe in the Lord, and now you’re mocking Him, too.”

  “I am not mocking Him.”

  “Evie, you’re a disgrace.” Her mom makes a face. “If you are intent on staying this way, you are no longer my daughter.”

  “What?” Evie says, tears now flowing from her eyes.

  “Hold it right there. I won’t let you make her feel like crap,” I interject. “Your daughter is a fantastic girl. She works hard, she’s an amazing friend, and she’s a loving person.”

  Her mother chuckles with a belittling tone, annoying me to death.

  “Stop making your daughter feel like shit. She is your daughter. You raised her. You held her in your arms when she was still a baby. You can’t tell her she’s no longer your daughter! That’s cruel!”

  “It’s cruel she has to do this to us. Goodbye.” Her mother opens the door and steps inside while I bang the window, but she won’t listen to us anymore. They don’t even look at us as they drive off campus.

  Evie just stands there, her arms next to her body, shaking like she’s freezing. Her red eyes overflow with tears. Sighing, I walk toward her in defeat. I failed to protect her, and I feel so fucking bad for doing this to her. I wish it had gone differently, that they’d finally accept her now that she’d had the courage to speak up. Guess it was wishful thinking.

  I put my arms around her and drag her closer, hugging her tight as she falls apart in my arms. She’s emotionally drained, and rightfully so. Her tears soak my shirt, but I don’t care. I’m here for her. I’d do anything to make these tears go away, but I know nothing I do will fix this broken heart of hers.

  “I’m sorry …” I mutter against her hair.

  “It’s not your fault …” she whispers. “I knew this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time.”

  She sobs again, wiping her tears on my shirt. When she realizes, she chuckles a little. “Fuck, I ruined your shirt.”

  “Stop worrying about my shirt. It’s you I’m worried about.”

  Evie puts her arms around me again and we just stand there. Rocking her back and forth, I shush her and pat her back while the sobs subside.

  “Thank you,” she mutters. “For helping me.”

  “Hmm …” I don’t know what to say. I didn’t help her at all. I only made it worse.

  “I mean it,” she says, looking up into my eyes. “You gave me the courage to face them and you kept me from breaking.” She takes a deep breath. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be hiding in my room right now, pretending nothing happened. I had to face it at some point. I’m glad it’s all over now. I know where my parents stand. Too bad it’s not with me.”

  “Maybe they’ll come to their senses in a few days. Give them some time.”

  “No, I know they won’t. But at least we tried.” She smiles lightly. “Thank you for defending me. I’m really lucky to have you as a friend.”

  “No … I’m lucky to have you, because you’re awesome, and don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re not.”

  We hug each other tight before walking back to the dorm, arms hooked. She’s always been there for me when I needed her. When we were both bullied, she was the only friend I had, and she still is the best friend I’ll ever have. There’s nothing in this world that can stand between us and o
ur happiness, and we’ll both fight to give it to each other.

  She deserves her happiness, and if her parents won’t let her have it, then she’s better off without them. I’ll share my family if I have to, even if they suck just as much. At least she’ll have a place to come home to. It’s the least I can do for all the years she’s stood by me. I’m not giving up on her. Ever.

  CHAPTER 10

  TORMENTED SOUL

  Hunter

  In class, I try to pay attention to what the teacher is saying, but it usually all sounds like gibberish to me. Every time I catch on to something, my brain forgets about it within a few minutes. That, or I just don’t have a clue what the fuck he’s talking about. It’s like someone’s talking partial sentences and I’m only hearing a few words out of the entire sentence. It just doesn’t work.

  My notebook is filled to the brim with short bits of text that I need to remember, stuff like my homework, when and where my next classes are, and what’s important for exams. It’s like my little cheat book, only I need it to survive, unlike most people.

  Leafy sometimes spots me scribbling in it, and I catch her peeking over my shoulder, checking out what I’m doing. Most of the time, I hide it in my bag. I don’t mind her looking, I just haven’t told her that my brain is really that defective. She thinks I only have a learning disability, but it’s so much bigger than that. This doesn’t just affect school, it affects my entire life. Nothing I do will change that. I just hope she can accept that, although I’m not sure I can tell her yet. Part of me wants to keep this a secret, because I hate to see that look on her face when I tell her. The pity. I hate pity.

  When this class comes to an end, I check my mailbox for any new mail that’s arrived. Luckily, the results of my tests just came in. Excitement unfurls inside me as I confirm that I’m clean of any diseases whatsoever.

  “Yes,” I whisper, trying to keep my enthusiasm in check.

  “What are you so happy about?” Leafy sneaks up behind me, peeking over my shoulder.

  With a big smirk on my face I spin on my heel, cockily staring her down while holding up the paper.

  “See this?” I point at it. “This means I finally get to fuck my girl without restraint.” She’s been on the pill for a while now. “I guess this calls for a celebration, and I know just how.” Her cheeks flush crimson red, probably thinking of all the dirty things I’ll do to her. Good. I want her to fantasize about that, get some juices going so she’s ready for me when I want to have her. Just the thought of getting to fuck her bare is turning me on so much I get a hard-on.

  Suddenly my phone rings and I’m ripped from my delicious thoughts.

  “Hello?” I say as I pick it up and walk out of the hall so I can have some privacy.

  “Hey, Hunter …” It’s my brother.

  “What’s up? You sound depressed.”

  He sighs. “I … I need to go looking again.”

  “What? For a job?”

  “Hmm … I lost it, because I was too hyperactive and couldn’t stay in the same spot for hours. So they told me I wasn’t the right man for the job after all …”

  “Oh, fuck no …”

  “I’ll go look for a new one right away,” he says, but I can hear the defeat in his voice. He knows just as well as I do that even if he tried, they wouldn’t keep him around longer than a month or two.

  “And then what? Get fired again?” I say.

  “No. I’m gonna make this work.”

  “Jessie … you know as well as I do that’s not going to work.”

  “I’m not going to stop,” he snaps. “I don’t care.”

  “I’m not telling you to stop, but this isn’t working either. My college costs way too much and I’m not putting that all on you.”

  “Shut up. You’re not dropping out of college, end of discussion.”

  “I’m not going to let you take on everything by yourself.”

  Frustration flows through me, taking control. I try to keep my cool, but on the inside I’m boiling. I don’t want him to hear it, though. I’m angry, but not at him. He got laid off again, and I know it’s because of who he is, his ADD. He can’t do anything about that. I hate that the world has to make it so difficult for us to succeed.

  “I will make it work! But don’t you fucking dare drop out of college just because of money issues. I will get it done, and I will pay for your college. I’ll just have to find a different way to do it.”

  We’re both sighing now.

  “I have to go. I have class,” I lie. I don’t, but I don’t want to keep arguing forever. My brother clearly has his mind set on me staying in college, whilst I want to help out. I won’t let him carry all the weight on his own.

  As I shove my phone back into my pocket, I growl from the anger. I’ve had just about enough of this. He keeps sacrificing himself for me, throwing himself under the bus so I can have a better life. My brother is the only family I have left, and I’ll be damned if I let him do this to himself over and over again just so he can give me a future. The cost is just too much.

  Stomping away, I make my way to the dean’s office. Leafy bumps into me when I turn the corner.

  “How was the phone call?”

  “Bad.”

  “What do you mean?” She trails behind me, looking confused.

  “I’m going to stop taking classes.”

  She pulls my arm. “What?”

  I jerk loose. “You heard me.”

  “But why?”

  I don’t answer, I just growl. Not even she can stop me now. I’m going to quit college.

  “I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to make your brother proud?”

  I spin on my heel, my brows furrowed as I plead with her to stop. “Please…”

  “But … you wanted to be in college too, right?” Her eyes glisten with tears as if she hears the words ‘I’m breaking up with you,’ but that’s not the case. Not at all. I’d rather die than let go of her, but me staying in college is not an option anymore. Not when bills need to be paid and the sanity of my brother is on the line. My defective brain isn’t of any use here anyway.

  “I thought you were going to work hard for this, study more, and graduate, eventually. And now you’re just giving up? Because of one phone call? I don’t understand …”

  “You don’t need to understand,” I snap. “This is my decision.” I don’t want to hurt her, but this is the only way to make her back off. I don’t want her to know that the reasoning behind this is not only my brother, but my brain as well. I don’t want her to know, don’t want her to see how fucked up I really am, what my mother did to me.

  Her lips part, but she doesn’t utter another word. They’re lying on her tongue, but she’s swallowing them back, her face darkened. Grouchy.

  “Can’t we talk about this first?” she suddenly asks.

  “No,” I say, and I bolt up the stairs to get away from her as fast as possible. It’s not because I despise her, but because I despise myself at the moment. I don’t want anyone to see what I’m about to do. Nobody wants this, except me. I’m not going to stand by and watch my brother destroy himself while I get to sit back and let him take care of me. I’m not that kind of guy. I will fight to keep our family afloat, even if it means having both my girlfriend and my brother pissed at me. I’ll do whatever it takes to get not only myself but my brother on the right track, too.

  ♥♥♥

  Evening

  That conversation with the dean really made me realize how big the decision was. I’m quitting school forever, and now I need to find a job soon before we really run out of money, and before I turn insane from not doing anything. It’s going to be tough, but all of that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that I get to help my brother maintain a livelihood and not feel so guilty over failing in class.

  It’s the most obvious and freeing decision I’ve ever made.

  Of course, nobody agrees with me. I haven’t talked to my girl since I left h
er in the hallway. The longer we’re separated, the worse this nagging feeling gets. I feel bad for talking to her the way I did. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Sometimes I wonder if we’re really right for each other, even though I love her to death.

  I’m making dinner for her, and my brother, too. It’s my way to make amends for what I’ve done. Maybe it’ll make them less angry at me. I can’t wait for this all to blow over and settle, so I can finally focus on the future.

  My brother bursts in through the door like a raging bull, kicking his shoes aside as he sits down on the couch and sniffs.

  “What’s for dinner?”

  “Beef chili.”

  He snorts. “I’m still surprised you can cook.”

  “I can’t.” I hold up the book I found hidden deep in my closet. It’s an old cookbook my brother used to use to cook, because my mom never could. “It’s a great help.”

  My brother smirks, but it quickly fades as he stares ahead with a blank look on his face. “Fuck …” he mutters. “I searched all day, but couldn’t find a job opening anywhere.”

  “It’ll work out fine. We’ll get through this,” I say, trying to cheer him up.

  “Hey … Why are you here exactly?”

  Seriously? He’s only realizing this now? “I quit school.”

  “You did what?” Jessie springs up from the couch like there’s a bomb under it. “You quit school?”

  “Yes, but it’s not for the reasons you think.”

  “Fuck your reasons!” He kicks the chair, making it tumble over onto the floor. As if we could spend another buck on getting new chairs.

  “Chill out, man, let me explain.”

  “No, I can’t believe this. I got you into motherfucking college, and now you drop out?” he yells, throwing over the table. Guess we won’t be eating anytime soon.

  “Stop tearing the house down; we don’t have the money to pay for all of that.”

  “I’ll fucking tear everything down if I have to,” Jessie says. “Until you go back to school.”

  “I am not going back there.”

  Jessie grunts, raging out loud. “Fuck! Why are you doing this? Is it because of your learning disability? I told you, you could make it work! I believe in you!” He’s holding out his hands now, using his limbs to express his emotions, as if that’ll make me go back.