Flame

by Clarissa Wild

  “Excuse me, but I think your daughter is perfectly capable of making the right decisions. She’s still in college, has good grades and an amazing mind, and she works hard to make you happy.”

  My dad’s mustache wriggles, and it creeps me out, because I know he always does it when he’s annoyed.

  “You have no idea what’s good for my daughter. At all. She needs a stable environment without distractions. Graduating and getting a good job is all that matters.”

  “There’s more to life than just that,” Hunter says, breathing heavily and cracking his knuckles. I can tell he’s getting angry, and I don’t want this to turn into a fight.

  “As if you know what’s important. Do you have any idea how hard life can get? Do you have any idea how much time and effort it costs to be able to even have enough money to eat properly?”

  Hunter balls his fists. “I know what it’s like to be poor. I lived through that every single day of the year and still do. Me and my brother aren’t the most fortunate kind, but we work hard to make people happy, including Autumn and ourselves.”

  My dad snorts. “Ha. I know your kind. You’re what those squealing girls call a ‘bad boy,’ aren’t you? All brawn, no brain, and a whole bunch of other disappointing stuff. I bet you’re that guy who goes around punching people whenever he sees fit, pretending it’s for a good cause, because that’s all he can do.”

  Hunter’s jaw drops, fury settling in his eyes. “What? You don’t even know me.”

  “Did you think I didn’t see all those scars on your knuckles? Boy, I recognize fighting trophies whenever I see them. And that cocky smirk on your face the moment I laid eyes on you tells me enough. I know your kind all too well. I used to be one of them. Now look at us. Do you see where we ended up? Miserable. And I’ll be dammed if I let you do that to my daughter.”

  Hunter gets up from the couch, almost ready to take a swing at my dad.

  “Stop it!” I yell. “Just stop.” I hold up my hands.

  “Not until you quit this nonsense and tell me why you really came. And please, get rid of this guy, for God’s sake.” My dad takes a last sip from his drink before getting up from his chair.

  “No. No, Dad, you need to listen to me,” I say, getting up from the couch. Hunter tries to grab my hand, but I jerk loose. “I love Hunter. You barely know him. Don’t you dare judge him like that. You have no right. You’re my dad, you’re supposed to support me in all my decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. You raised me, you know I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t one hundred percent behind it.”

  My dad shrugs. “Yes … I raised you,” he rasps. “That’s why you should’ve known better.”

  And with those last words he walks into the kitchen and goes into the backyard, disappearing from sight.

  Tears well up in my eyes as I turn around and look at Hunter sitting there like the ugly duckling. His usual arrogant smile has been replaced with a grouchy look of self-loathing and disgust. I hate my dad for making him feel that way, and I hate him for making me feel that way.

  Hunter wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into his embrace. He pets my back while I sniff and wish away the tears that I don’t want to have. I feel like screaming right now, but I don’t. I could, but I don’t want to wake my mom.

  “Sorry,” I mumble into Hunter’s shirt.

  “Shh …. It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. He hurt you. He was rude, and he called you names. God, he’s such an asshole. I can’t believe he said all that. He never used to be this blunt. It’s gotten worse since I left. Damn … You had to meet him like that.”

  “I don’t care. He’s your dad, I had to meet him one day. At least we got it over with now.”

  “Yeah, but now we’ll never get to come back here together again, if it’s up to him.”

  “He’ll change his mind. Just give him some time.”

  I snort. “You don’t know my dad. Once he’s made up his mind, no way in hell someone will sway him off his track.”

  Hunter chuckles. “Looks like I know where that stubbornness in you came from.”

  “Very funny. I’m not laughing. This doesn’t change the fact that he belittled you and that he made us both feel like crap.”

  “I can handle it. I hear that shit every day. What pissed me off more was the fact the he doesn’t trust and value his own daughter.”

  “Hmhm …” I sigh. “I don’t know what to do about this. I love you, and that’s not going to change. You’re going to be in my life from now on, and he needs to accept that. I can’t live a life without my family. This has to be resolved sometime.”

  “We’ll make it work. Somehow,” Hunter says, kissing my forehead gently.

  I grab his hand, pulling him with me. “I want you to meet my mom.”

  He’s taken by surprise as I drag him through the living room, swiping away my tears so they’ll be gone before I see her. I won’t let her see my sadness. She’s already been hurt enough over the last couple of years.

  I take Hunter upstairs to their bedroom, but inhale deeply before knocking on the door. Hunter squeezes my hand, and I’m suddenly well aware of my sweaty palms.

  “Come in,” my mom says. Her raspy voice still startles me.

  Blowing out a deep breath, I open the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. I enter the room, Hunter trailing behind me as we walk inside with soft steps. My mom’s in her bed, her eyes turned to slits, and she lifts a shaky finger. Her bald scalp still makes my heart stop beating. The last time I saw her she still had a little bit of hair growing on top, but now it’s all gone.

  “Autumn …” she says with a throaty voice, her breathing unsteady. Pressing a button on her bed, she lifts her mattress, the noise still unsettling me. I used to come here often when I was a teen, and I’d sit on her bed as I told her about my day. She’d always raise the bed so she could look me in the eye and hold me as I cried in her arms. Back then she was still able to get out of the bed.

  I come closer, a sympathetic smile on my face because I want her to see I’m happy, even though I can never be happy when I see her. Not anymore. Not since the disease.

  Her eyelids are saggy, her skin has gotten even paler than before, and there are sores in her eyes. Hollow cheekbones and chapped lips mark her face. The usual puke bucket is on the floor, so I shove it under the bed as I stand beside her.

  “Oh, dear, it’s so good to see you,” she says. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

  “I know, Mom, it’s good to see you, too.”

  I lean in for a hug, but shiver when I feel her bones. Saying she’s lost weight is an understatement. Tears prick my eyes, but I force them away. She’s still here, and I’m glad I can come see her. I hope my dad will stay outside for some time so I have the chance to talk to her in private. I need her to see that I’m happy, so she’ll stop worrying about me.

  “It feels so good to hold you again,” she says, hugging me tight.

  I unwrap myself from her bony arms and look at her, flashing a smile as she licks her finger, grabs a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear, patting it down.

  “How have you been at college?” She peeks over my shoulder, a sly, gloating expression appearing on her face. “I see you’ve made new friends.” She hums, which almost sounds like a giggle, and she raises her eyebrows.

  “This is Hunter Bane. He’s my …”

  “Boyfriend,” Hunter interjects, waving like an idiot. It makes me laugh.

  She gasps. “Oh my … really?” She looks at me. “Is this for real? You’re not joking, right?”

  “No, Mom,” I say, chuckling. “He’s my boyfriend.”

  “Wow …” she whispers, making Hunter laugh.

  “Come closer,” Mom says, squinting. Her sight has deteriorated rapidly.

  Hunter steps forward, his usual casual demeanor replaced by an awkward, bumbling guy. I wonder if it’s because of meeting her, or because of seeing her illness for the first time.


  I never told him she has leukemia.

  “I’m Diane,” she says. She grabs his hand with both her hands, pulling him down to eye level. “Oh …” she hums, inspecting him thoroughly. “What a perfect specimen.”

  “Mom!”

  “What?” She shrugs. “He’s gorgeous.”

  Hunter chuckles. “Why, thank you, Mrs. Blakewood. It’s an honor to meet you.”

  “And such a gentleman!” She lets out a high pitched, one-note laugh. “Haven’t had one of those in my house in ages!”

  I smile and shake my head. She always embarrasses me, but it’s funny at the same time, especially coming from her. I know she’s talking about my dad, and I admire how she takes it all so lightly. She’s still able to laugh, which is why I cherish her so much.

  She’s my mom, and I love her. And I’m about to lose her.

  She coughs, pulling back her hand and placing it on her mouth. “Sore throat,” she mouths. She reaches for her honey tea, but can’t get it, so I grab it for her, bringing it to her mouth.

  “Thank you,” she says. “God, I miss having you around.”

  “I know,” I say. “I didn’t want to leave you here with Dad either.”

  “Hmm … I guess you had to go through him first to get to me, didn’t you?” With trouble she repositions herself in her bed. “Did that bastard get you guys something to drink?”

  I blush, because she’s clearly not holding anything back, even though Hunter is here to hear it all.

  “Yeah, we had a … good conversation,” Hunter says.

  My mom chortles. “Ha, that’s a good one. Conversation. With that man? Not a chance.” She takes a pause to breathe. “I’m amazed he didn’t kick you out before I had a chance to see you.”

  “Oh, Mom … Is it really that bad? I thought it was because of … well … us.” I point at me and Hunter.

  “Oh, no, you’re dad has been like this for a while now. Ever since you left the house and he was the only one left to, you know, ‘take care of me.’” She makes exclamation marks with her fingers. “That stick up his ass just won’t come out, no matter how much I pull.”

  Hunter grins, hiding a laugh behind his hands.

  “Enough about him. How’s life at college? I’m guessing you two are having a great time there.” She wriggles her hairless eyebrows. “You guys are doing it safe, right?”

  My eyes widen, and I gape at her in shock, a flush spreading across my cheeks. “Uh …” I stutter.

  “Yes, of course,” Hunter says, laughing a bit at her bluntness.

  “Good. Just checking. Still can’t believe my little Autumn got herself a man, and a man he is.”

  “Mom, you’re embarrassing me,” I whisper.

  “It’s okay,” Hunter says. “Women of all ages want to grab my butt. I don’t see any harm. Got used to it fairly quickly.”

  I choke on my own laugh, poking him in the side. “You did not just say that.”

  “You’re really lucky you found such a charming one,” my mom says. “Tough to find, so don’t you dare lose him.”

  Hunter puts his arm around me, pushing my head into his chest as he hugs me. “I’m not letting go of her.”

  “You’d better not,” I say.

  “So, what do you do, Hunter?” my mom asks.

  “Oh … well, I was in college.”

  “But not anymore?”

  He opens his mouth, but closes it again before speaking. I guess he’s still unsure about all this, still a little uncertain about quitting and finding a job instead. He wants to make a good impression on my parents, but knows they think education is important. Yet, he just quit college. I understand his nervousness all too well.

  “He’s trying to find a job to support him and his brother. They live together,” I quickly say.

  “Oh … Well, good for you that you’re putting effort into it,” she says.

  Hunter’s eyes light up like candles, as if he’s just been given approval.

  “I’m going to do everything in my power to make things work,” Hunter says.

  My mom chuckles, her throat rumbling with noise. “Oh, I don’t doubt that. A strong man like you knows how to find what he wants and take it.”

  I roll my eyes. The older she gets the more she turns into a cougar, but I have to admit, it’s hilarious.

  “Well, as long as you take good care of my daughter and treat her with respect, I’m okay with it.”

  “I do my best, Mrs. Blakewood. Nobody will ever love your daughter as much as I do, so I’ll fight until my very last breath.”

  My mother smiles the sweetest smile. “That’s good to hear.” Her eyelids start to close, and she yawns. “Dammit, why do I always get so sleepy?”

  “That’s probably the drugs.” I pick up the bottle and notice she just took her sleeping pills. I can tell from her limp arms and eyelids struggling to stay open that she’s falling asleep.

  “I think you should rest now,” I say. “I’m glad I got to visit you.”

  “Oh, you’re leaving so soon?” she mumbles, but her eyes are already closed and her lips barely part as she speaks.

  “I love you, Mom,” I say, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss on top.

  “Love you … Love …” Her words come out in a blur and then she’s gone.

  I swallow back the tears as I put her hand back on the sheets and cover her up with her blanket. I’m glad I got a bit of time with her before we leave. I’m sure it won’t be long before my dad bursts in to rush us out the door, so I’d rather be ahead of that. Still, it pains me that I have to leave her here alone with him. She shouldn’t have to be put through this with him being such a dick to everyone. She’s already got enough on her plate as it is.

  I hug her one more time before turning around and walking right out the door. Hunter is right behind me, but I run down the stairs and storm out the door before he has a chance to grab my arm. I need to get out of here. I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m suffocating, tears bursting out of my eyes. I need to get away from here as fast as possible. Away from my dad, whose behavior is getting worse and who won’t accept Hunter, and away from my mother, who I love so much but can’t bear to lose. I can’t watch her shrivel up and die. Not like this.

  I walk toward the creek opposite our house and sit down in the grass underneath a willow. I’ve spent many hours here, watching the birds flock and the ducks swim as I pondered life. Always alone with my thoughts, I came here to calm down and think about what I was going to do with my mom and dad, and the years I would spend away from them at college. The years I’m going through now, where I left my mom alone. I left her all alone with her disease.

  It feels like I abandoned them.

  I pick up a rock and throw it at the pond, scaring away the fish swimming there. I feel horrible, and I want to scream.

  Suddenly, Hunter comes up beside me and sits down next to me. He doesn’t say a word, just looks at me with eyes that melt my soul. The way he looks at me opens all the gates, and my walls start crumbling down. I’ve had to be tough around my family. There was no other way to deal with all the crap.

  Now, my closed-off heart is cracking open, and I don’t want to fall apart. I don’t want to face the hurt that lurks inside, eating away at my soul.

  Tears stream down my face, and they just keep coming. Hunter puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. Resting my head on his shoulder, I sob and wipe my tears with my sleeve, even if it’s no use.

  “She was the only one who supported me …” I mumble. “The only one who got me through all of that bullying in high school.”

  Caressing my back with his fingers, Hunter listens quietly.

  “I was teased so much, and she was the only one who listened to me. Sure, Evie was there, but she didn’t understand either. My mom was the one who pulled me through. Who stopped me from …” I hiccup from all the crying.

  “Your mom is a wonderful lady. So funny and full of life, even now.”

 
I nod, and it makes me want to cry again, so I do. Hearing all the good things about her only makes it worse, because I realize I’ll lose it all.

  “She loves you very much,” he adds.

  “Yes, and that’s the problem! I want to be with her, help her. She needs me. I should be there!”

  “She has your father to take care of her. They want you to be in college. They care about you too, and they want you to succeed. Just like I do.” He presses his lips to my forehead.

  “I don’t want to work toward a future when I won’t be able to share it with her.”

  “I know, but it’s unfair and cruel. Life’s unfair, but you have to continue. For them.”

  “What’s the point? The only reason I’m going to college is so I can find a good job and make some money so I can get my mom some real treatment.”

  Hunter kisses me on my forehead again, but this time it’s hesitantly. Like he’s thinking about something.

  “Your parents want you to live. To do what you love. To learn and experience the world. They don’t want you to do it all for them.”

  “I know … but I do.” I sniff. “I can’t live without them. I can’t live without my mom, Hunter,” I whisper. And then I break down against him. Wrapping my fingers in his shirt, I bawl my eyes out. “I can’t lose her. She can’t die.”

  Hunter pats my back as my soul is torn into pieces. Tears only rip open the wounds, reminding me of what I have to lose, reminding me of what I’m going to lose, eventually.

  He holds me close, not speaking a word, as I cry and cry until I have no more tears left.

  CHAPTER 14

  STROKE OF LUCK

  Hunter

  A few weeks later …

  I’m walking down the street, blowing off steam after being rejected for a job. Of course they wouldn’t take me as a construction site worker. I barely know anything about building things, but I can lift heavy stuff. Sadly, it wasn’t enough for them.

  Goddammit, I’m so frustrated that I can’t find a job anywhere. It’s like the world is trying to prove to me that my brother was right all along. That me and him aren’t cut out for the real world and that we’re doomed to spend our life in complete misery.