Between Honor and Duty

by Charlotte Maclay

  “I don’t have a girl,” he finally said to Tommy.

  “Maybe you will by then?”

  Less than a month from now? Logan didn’t think so, particularly since the only woman he’d been thinking about lately was Janice. For him, she was the one woman who was totally off limits.

  “It’s not real likely,” he finally said.

  Pulling the rag from his back pocket, Tommy wiped at an invisible spot on the fender. “Did you know Mike Gables wants to send a fire truck to some folks he knows in Kosovo?”

  “Not Big Red, I hope.”

  The boy shrugged. “He says it would be too expensive to ship it.”

  “Not to mention the rest of the guys would hand him his head if he did anything with Big Red after all their work.”

  “Well, yeah, I guess. But he says this little village he’s talking about practically got wiped out in the war. They could sure use a fire truck, even an old one like this.”

  Logan closed his hand over the boy’s shoulder. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Big Red will be the star of the parade. Gables isn’t going to ship it anywhere.”

  “But afterwards?”

  “I don’t think—”

  “It wouldn’t be so bad, thinking about folks you’ve never seen getting a truck like this and being able to put out their fires when they don’t have anything better.”

  “Put like that?” Logan smiled at the boy, who appeared to have a generous heart to go with his mechanical talents. “No, it might not be so bad. But for now, why don’t we just concentrate on getting the ol’ crate running good enough to make it all the way down the parade route.”

  Tommy returned his grin. “Better not let her hear you call her a crate. The ol’ girl has feelings, you know.”

  With a laugh, Logan gave the boy an affectionate pat on the back. Every man at Station Six would just be happy if Big Red didn’t break down in the parade. Any thoughts of what would happen to the truck after that would be someone else’s problem, not Logan’s.

  JANICE DROPPED the last of the boxes of cereal into a black plastic garbage sack and tied the neck shut to keep the contents safe from the fumigation fumes. As the Realtor had predicted, she’d already accepted an offer on the house. Her head spun with everything that needed to be done in order to move out in two weeks, which is what the new buyers had demanded in trade for the full asking price.

  But for now, she could only think of her two days at Logan’s house. She’d barely been able to sleep last night. That was foolish, she knew. He was only being kind. There was no reason her heart should beat double time at the thought of sleeping in his bed, not when he’d be sleeping on the couch.

  She sighed and picked up the sack. Except for one soccer practice, she hadn’t seen him in the past week. His work schedule had kept him away.

  “Kevin, have you got your suitcase ready?” she called. “The termite men will be here any minute.”

  “Coming!”

  “Maddie! You too!”

  Her daughter came into the kitchen dragging a small suitcase on wheels behind her, a stuffed giraffe under her arm. “Can I take Bruce with me?”

  “Of course, honey. Take him out to the car, will you?” Janice was quite sure there were two more stuffed animals in her suitcase, barely leaving enough room for a change of clothes. But for one night, she wouldn’t need much.

  As Maddie went out the back door, Janice’s neighbor Debbie Longacre appeared.

  “Hey, hon, Jimmy told me this morning you’re getting your house tented.”

  “For termites, right.”

  “Well, where are you going to stay? You’re not moving to a motel or anything like that, are you? You know you’d be welcome at our place. I was going to have the kids over for a swim this afternoon, anyway. The boys could double up—”

  “Oh, thanks, Debbie, but we’re staying with a friend.”

  Her dark eyebrows lifted. On the overweight side, Debbie had a quick smile, a generous heart and a good ear for anything worthy of gossip. “A friend?”

  “One of the firefighters Ray worked with.”

  “And his wife?”

  Turning away, Janice went to the cupboard that held crackers, bread and other snacks, and started dropping them into a garbage bag. “He’s not married.”

  “Really?” Debbie asked, her inflection rising suggestively. “Is there something happening you haven’t told me?”

  “He’s been a good friend since Ray died, that’s all there is to it.” Which wasn’t to say Janice hadn’t considered other possibilities—all of which she’d rejected. “He lives out on Lake Almador, and he thought the kids would enjoy fishing off his dock.”

  “Uh-huh. Bet that’s why your ears are turning red. Just a friend, huh?”

  Filled with embarrassment, she whirled far too abruptly, forcing her friend to take a step back. “Debbie, I appreciate your offer to let us stay with you, but I’ve got it covered, okay?”

  “And I’m butting in.”

  She was, of course, but Janice didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings. “No, it’s not that—”

  “You just be careful, you hear? A woman as recently widowed as you…. Well, I had a friend in your same fix and she made some pretty bad mistakes before she got her act back together. I wouldn’t want—”

  “I’m giving my children a chance to go fishing. Nothing more than that.”

  “If you say so.” Debbie didn’t look convinced, but she gave Janice a quick hug anyway.

  Janice wasn’t convinced either. But that was her story and she was going to stick with it—even if it killed her. She was not going to make Logan responsible for fulfilling the fantasies her active imagination had conjured up in recent days. And nights. She had no right even to be looking at a man, much less day dreaming about him. It wasn’t fair to Logan.

  She certainly shouldn’t burden him with Ray’s debts or her problems, any more than she already had.

  Instead she should be pursuing her independence, which she was, although the classifieds offered scant hope for any well-paying jobs for which she had the necessary qualifications. Still, she’d made appointments next week at two temporary employment agencies. It would be a beginning.

  At the same time, she’d have to start a vigorous search for someplace where she and her children could live. Someplace she could afford.

  Kevin popped into the kitchen. “Mom, didn’t Dad have a fishing pole someplace? I looked in the front closet, and all I could find was his baseball glove.”

  “He wasn’t much of a fisherman, honey.”

  “He went out on the boat with Mike Gables once.”

  “I think they were scuba diving.” Or more likely, sitting around drinking beer and bragging.

  Debbie said, “I think my Fred has a pole if you want to borrow it.”

  “It’s all right.” She looped her arm around Kevin’s shoulders. “I’m sure Logan has extra poles and lures, or whatever you’ll need.”

  Debbie gave her that suggestive eyebrow look again. “You just be sure he doesn’t go trolling where it’ll get you into deep water, you hear?”

  “I’ll be careful,” Janice said.

  After Debbie had left, Kevin said, “What was Debbie talking about, Mom? Deep water?”

  “Just a reminder to wear life vests if we go out in Logan’s boat.” She turned her son around, giving him a little shove toward his bedroom. “Get your suitcase out to the car, honey. It’s almost eight o’clock. The termite men will be here any minute.”

  With a troubled sigh, she dropped the rest of the snacks into the sack. She wished Debbie’s advice wasn’t quite so wise—or so right on track. She needed to be careful not to get in over her depth.

  In the grand scheme of things, staying at a friend’s house for one night held no significance at all. She’d do well to remember that.

  LOGAN PACED the narrow dirt road behind his house. After months without rain, the dust was powdery fine, the pine trees t
hat shaded the place coated light beige. Except where a winter creek ran on the opposite side of the road, the scant covering of spring grass had dried and withered with the summer heat. A late-season butterfly searched for a place to light. Out on the lake, the sound of children’s laughter drifted on the still morning air.

  He’d given Janice directions to his place, but the turnoff could be tricky to spot.

  Maybe he should have picked them up and driven them here himself.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have invited them at all. Having Janice in his house—sleeping in his bed—felt too intimate. Too tempting. Too much of a strain on his too-active libido.

  Shading his eyes with his hand, he turned toward the sound of an approaching vehicle. The minivan appeared at the turn of the road, trailed by a billowing rooster tail of dust. Janice stopped the car and the side door sprang open, Kevin and Maddie bursting out.

  The five-year-old ran right into his arms. “Hi, Logan! We gets to be fishermens!”

  “That’s right, sprite.”

  The boy lingered back, playing it cool.

  Logan gave the youngster a wink and watched as a slow smile curved the boy’s lips.

  As if that tentative smile were worth a million bucks, Logan’s heart filled with a combination of pleasure and regret. These weren’t his children, their mother not his wife. They weren’t his family. He could only offer them a temporary sanctuary.

  Janice eased out of the van more slowly than her children had exited the car. Her palms were wet, leaving a damp print on the door handle. Fluttery wings of butterflies teased through her stomach. Staying with Debbie would have been a much safer choice. But she’d played it safe all of her life—with the exception of when Ray had swept her off her feet.

  Wiping her hands on the seat of her shorts, she rounded the corner of the van. Maddie had already claimed Logan, tugging him toward the house.

  “Welcome to Stronghold.” His gaze met hers, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled, and the butterflies turned into sparrows.

  “Stronghold?” she asked.

  He gestured toward the house, a modern, one-story log cabin that nestled among lodgepole pines and clusters of red-bark manzanita bushes. The word Stronghold was etched into a rustic wooden sign that hung above the steps to the front porch.

  “Very nice.” She smiled, thinking Logan’s home looked like a safe haven from the pressures of the world. “Do invaders attack your castle often?”

  “Outside of family members, today’s the first time.”

  Pleasurable warmth seeped through her at what she took to be his admission that she was the first woman to visit his hideaway.

  Maddie tugged on Logan’s hand. “Come on, Mommy,” she said over her shoulder. “Logan’s gonna take us fishing.”

  “Let’s get the suitcases first, young lady. You, too, Kevin.” Her son had already walked past the house to get a view of the lake beyond.

  He came running back. “I saw his boat, Mom.” He whirled toward Logan. “Can we go out on the boat, Logan? Can we?”

  “If you’re willing to row.”

  Kevin’s expression crumbled. “You don’t have a motor?”

  “The lake’s too small, motors aren’t allowed. No speedboats, water skiers, Jet Skis. It’s one of the lake’s charms.”

  Kevin scowled, and Janice ruffled his short hair, a darker shade than Logan’s sandy-brown but just as straight. “Think of all the muscles you’ll get rowing the boat.”

  “A motor would be cooler,” he grumbled.

  Logan laughed, a delighted sound that seemed to bounce off the trees, inviting others to join in the fun. As if by magic, the crease that so intrigued Janice appeared in his cheek and squint lines fanned out from his hazel eyes. Janice’s heart stuttered. This man was so potent, yet she didn’t think he realized how he affected her. She didn’t dare be the one to tell him.

  Disconnecting his hand from Maddie’s, he reached into the van, pulling out the smaller suitcases and handing them off to the children. Then he got Janice’s overnight case.

  “Let me show you where you’ll be sleeping. Then we can go for a boat ride. Later this evening the fishing will be better.”

  They all followed him into the house.

  It was cozy and inviting: a big, native-rock fireplace sandwiched between pine bookshelves filled one wall of the living room, and a picture window looked out over the lake. Following an open-floor plan, the dining area flowed into a small but efficient kitchen with yet another view of the lake. Not a thing was out of place, the counters were clear except for a coffeemaker. Wood tables gleamed, and the air held the scent of lemon as though Logan had spent the morning polishing everything in sight.

  “This isn’t like any bachelor pad I’ve ever heard about,” Janice commented. The stress of day-to-day coping with life eased from her shoulders and neck only to be replaced with a different kind of tension lower in her body. A pleasant sensation she’d almost forgotten during the recent years of her marriage.

  He cocked a brow. “You’ve visited a lot of bachelor pads, have you?”

  “I said heard about—I read widely.”

  “Ah.” He nodded, a spark of masculine mischief in his eyes.

  “I found my room!” Maddie cried from the side of the house away from the lake, disturbing the sexual sizzle that had curled Janice’s toes.

  “Do I have to sleep with her?” Kevin complained.

  “One night won’t hurt you,” Janice insisted, not fully confident Logan was feeling the same sensual pull. “It’s separate beds.”

  “What if she snores?”

  “Gee, honey, last time I checked, a train going through your bedroom wouldn’t wake you. I don’t think Maddie snoring will be a problem.”

  He didn’t look convinced.

  While the children argued over who got which bed, Logan showed Janice to his room. Her gaze collided with the giant king-size bed nearly filling the room, large enough that she and the children could all sleep together without bothering each other.

  Or she and Logan could indulge in other activities there.

  Her mouth going dry at the thought, she quickly glanced away, only to see him in the mirror smiling at her, a heated look in his eyes. Surely he wasn’t reading her thoughts. Or entertaining the same erotic possibilities.

  “I put out clean towels in the bathroom,” he said. “If you need anything else, just let me know.”

  She had an urge to tell him exactly what she needed, but that would be beyond foolish.

  “I hate putting you out of your own bed. Why don’t I sleep on the couch and you can—”

  “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

  Leaning against the doorjamb, he seemed to fill all the available space. Such a tall man needed plenty of room to sleep, but he was willing to sacrifice his comfort for hers. Janice wondered when was the last time Ray had been as thoughtful.

  Maybe never.

  With a shake of her head, she chided herself for thinking like that. She didn’t dare fall into the trap of comparing everything Logan did to Ray’s failings. No man was perfect. Before she could even consider a new relationship, she had to prove to herself that she could stand on her own two feet.

  “So?” she said, mentally stiffening her resolve. “Where’s this fancy boat of yours?”

  HE’D FIXED a picnic lunch for them. That had been easy. Getting to the island in the middle of the lake to eat the lunch was a different matter.

  Logan sat in the stern of the boat grinning like a fool as Kevin and Maddie, each working a separate oar, valiantly tried to row in a straight line. He lifted his ball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. Things weren’t going well in the rowing department. About ten feet off shore, they’d been going in circles for the past five minutes.

  “She’s doing it wrong,” Kevin complained.

  “Rowing requires cooperation,” Logan pointed out mildly.

  “But she’s too little.”

  “Uh-uh.” Maddie’
s oar spanked the water, sending a cascade of drops over Janice, who was sitting in the bow.

  Holding her straw hat on her head, Janice shot him an amused look. “Are you sure we aren’t still tied to the dock?”

  Logan feigned surprise. “I thought you untied the lines.”

  Halting his stroke in mid-air, Kevin cried, “Hey, no way! I’m not gonna—”

  “It’s okay, son,” Logan said. Kneeling, he placed his hands around Maddie’s waist and lifted her, backing up again so she was sitting between his legs facing her brother. “Here we go. Kevin, you grab both oars and Maddie will, too. The three of us will get this thing going.”

  “I could do it—”

  “I know, but your mom and I are getting hungry.”

  Operating this way was a little awkward, but the boat began moving slowly toward the island. The sun was high in the sky; only the faintest breeze riffled the water. Logan felt as good and carefree as he could remember feeling. Except it was a moment stolen out of time. Not his to hold. Whether he deserved it or not, Ray should be the one here with his children.

  With his wife.

  Logan’s guilty conscience slammed into him with the force of a fire ax. Could he have hesitated to act that fateful morning because he envied Ray? Because at some level he’d been afraid to admit, he wanted Janice for himself?

  Hell of a thing to think about now.

  He tried to recall that morning. His irritation with Ray for being late, his disgust that he was so wiped out he moved at a snail’s pace. His assessment of the fire as they threw a thirty-five-foot ladder against the wall and started up.

  He didn’t remember thinking about Janice. He should have. Maybe she wouldn’t be a widow now.

  HOURS LATER, with the sun setting, when Kevin and Maddie caught their very first fish off the end of his dock, Logan was still feeling guilty. He told himself it was a stupid reaction. Ray never would have taken his kids fishing. That wasn’t his thing.

  His loss, Logan thought as he looked at the grin on Maddie’s face.

  “How ’bout I clean these fish for you and cook ’em up for breakfast?” he asked.

  “We have to eat them?” Maddie said with a gasp, tears flooding her eyes. “I wanted to keep mine forever ’n ever! Like my goldfish!”