by Jaleta Clegg
"Are you?" It would make a lot more sense out of what he’d been doing than anything else I could think of. But it still didn’t quite fit.
"And what if I am?" He stepped closer to the rock.
I slid off, he was getting too close. I meant to step away, put some distance between us. He anticipated me and shifted to the side. The step I took landed me right next to him, so close I smelled the faint cologne he wore.
"What game are you playing, Jerimon?" I said, determined not to let him intimidate me. I should have been smarter and just left.
He moved closer and took my shoulders in a tight grip. "Who says it’s a game?" he asked, his voice rough.
"Let go of me."
"You don’t really want me to, do you? You play so hard at keeping your distance from me when all you really want is this." He pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me. They were a lot stronger than I remembered.
"Jerimon, don’t." My heart raced at his closeness.
"If you don’t want it, why aren’t you fighting me?" With that comment, he pulled me against him and kissed me. Thoroughly.
I hated myself for not pushing him away.
"Quit fighting it, Dace. Admit that’s what you really wanted." He let go of me and walked up to the ship, hands in his pockets.
I trembled, confused by my own reactions. I wanted him to kiss me again. I must want it, or why hadn’t I pushed him away? I knew a dozen tricks that would have left him whimpering on the ground. I hadn’t used any of them. He was right. Deep down inside I wanted him to hold me. I was burning where his arms had touched me. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel them. I could still smell his cologne.
And what about Tayvis? How could I possibly hurt him this way?
I’d been walking blindly toward the light from the hatch. I stopped just outside. I heard Jasyn laughing. Jerimon’s voice carried out, telling some joke. I couldn’t walk in there, not when I was this upset. Jasyn would know immediately something was wrong. She’d pester me until I told her. I didn’t want her to know.
I turned to the side and went to the back of the ship. The cargo bay door had a lip just wide enough to sit on. Jerimon would tell me I was hiding, running away. I was running away, I admitted to myself as I sat on the ledge. He upset my life in ways I wasn’t ready for. Tayvis had given me space and time. Because he didn’t really want me, a little voice in my mind whispered.
I shifted into the corner, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. The night breeze was chilly. That’s why I was curled up, I tried to tell myself. I was lying. I was curled up, hiding in the dark, because my reaction to Jerimon scared and confused me. I looked at the stars in the dark skies of Onipas. It used to be that I could look at the sky and dream of someday traveling the stars. And everything would be bright and wonderful in that future life. But life was confusing and painful and certainly not the bright, happy time I’d imagined.
There, alone in the dark, I could admit to myself that I wanted Jerimon. I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me, to keep me from being lonely. And I hated myself for wanting that.
"Dace?" It was Jasyn. She came around the exhaust port and peered into the dark corner where I sat. "What are you doing out here?"
"Thinking." It came out abrupt and harsh.
Jasyn stopped a few steps away. A stray breath of wind stirred the hair not caught back in her braid. "It’s a bit cold out here for that. What did Jerimon do this time?"
"I don’t want to talk about it," I said, and shifted farther back into the shadow.
"You’d rather hide out here in the dark?"
I didn’t answer.
She sighed and leaned against the ship. "Do you want me to bring out your blanket? Just slap him or kiss him back or something."
"And what about Tayvis?" I whispered.
"What about him? You’re going to have to choose eventually."
"Are you going to tell me I’m Jerimon’s soulmate?"
"It would explain why you fight so much." She moved to sit at the other end of the door ledge. "Lady Rina can be very perceptive. Maybe she saw something that you’re being too blind to see."
"I don’t love your brother. He’s arrogant, conceited, irritating, and too good looking." I bit my lip. I didn’t want Jerimon. I wanted Tayvis. "I don’t love him."
"But you are attracted to him. Don’t confuse that with love."
"You aren’t helping, Jasyn."
"I can’t help you with this one. You have to figure it out yourself."
"How?"
"I can’t tell you what to feel. I can’t make your decision for you." She stood back up, shivering. "I’ve seen how Tayvis looks at you, Dace. Think very hard before you choose to throw that away."
She walked away, back around the ship.
"Why can’t it just be easy?" I whispered to myself.
Ghost appeared from nowhere, leaping up to the door ledge. She picked her way to me on delicate paws. She sniffed the hand I held out. I scratched behind her ear. She nudged my hand harder. I scratched more. She wound her way into my lap and settled down, purring.
I petted Ghost until I started to shiver. I slid off the ledge, holding Ghost close against me. Her soft fur smelled of plants.
"Why can’t it be easy?" I asked the cat.
She answered with a purr.
I carried her into the ship, glad the others had already gone to their cabins. Ghost slept on my pillow that night, with my permission.
Chapter 12
Jerimon rubbed his hands over his face. Onipas? Barely settled frontier world. It was too far, but at least it was in the right direction. He leaned on the edge of the bathroom sink, studying his reflection. Dace suspected him, but Dace suspected everyone. The past year hadn’t helped her paranoia. If anything, she was worse than before.
He turned on the water, scrubbing his hands while he muttered. "It will be easy, Lowell said. Just convince Dace to travel to Cygnus and I’ll take care of the rest. Ha! Getting her to Cygnus is the easy part. Keeping her from killing me before we get there will be the hard part." He turned off the water and patted wet hands over his eyes. "Keeping her from making everything ten times more complicated is the hard part."
Keep her off balance. Keep her thinking about something other than where they were headed. Don't let her guess Targon was waiting, and Lowell with the Patrol. Don't let her find out she was bait in a trap. Find a way to keep Jasyn and Clark out of the mess. Ditch Ginni and Habim when he could. And at the same time, keep Dace from suspecting the truth. The truth would get her killed. It was better she didn’t know what price Darien Harris had on her head, how badly the smuggler wanted her. Bad enough he’d tracked down Jerimon in prison and offered a deal. Lowell heard about the offer and wasted no time using it to his advantage.
Trapped between Targon syndicate and the Patrol, Jerimon had little choice about betraying Dace. But if it all worked out, they'd both be free.
"I can’t do this," he whispered to his reflection.
He needed some distance. Time to regain his composure, to keep his mask in place. Before Dace learned the truth. Before Jasyn figured out what Jerimon was up to. Time to tour the outer settlements of Onipas and pretend he enjoyed agriculture. It might buy him a few days.
Chapter 13
I came out of my cabin warily the next morning. I didn’t want to run into Jerimon. I wasn’t ready to face him. I didn’t know what I’d do if I did, slap him or kiss him or kill him.
Clark sprawled on the bench behind the cockpit. He had a reader in one hand. He flicked a glance at me as I helped myself to breakfast. I jumped and almost dropped my toast when a loud clang came from the engine compartment.
"Habim woke me up a while ago," Clark said. "He’s got the sublight engine stripped. Ginni took him breakfast. She’s keeping an eye on him. He’s having the time of his life down there."
I ignored the next series of thumps and bangs. Or tried to. I twitched with each one as I sat at the table with my food.
The tight knot in my stomach untied itself. I breathed out a sigh of relief. I wouldn’t have to face him for a while yet.
"Jasyn said you’d be happy to hear he was gone."
"Am I that obvious?"
He put the reader aside. "You want to talk about it?"
"No. There isn’t anything to talk about." I took a savage bite from my toast.
Clark studied me a moment before picking up the reader again.
I ate my breakfast, even though I didn’t have much of an appetite. I could almost see the interest Clark radiated. He wanted to know what was going on and I would die before I told him. Jasyn was bad enough. Some things were supposed to be private, weren’t they?
I finished my breakfast and went to the engine room. I shouldn’t have. The engine lay in neat rows of pieces on the floor. This was my ship. I knew Habim was good, I knew he could put it together again, but it was still painful to see my engine strewn over the floor.
"Don’t touch!" Habim said without even looking at me.
I jammed my hands into my pockets. Even then, the temptation to start reassembling parts was overwhelming.
"Don’t touch," Habim repeated. His hands were starting to circle.
"You’re upsetting him," Ginni said behind me. "He can get really touchy when he’s working on something."
"I’m being thrown out of my own engine room," I said sourly. I felt bad when I saw the stricken look on Ginni’s face. It wasn’t her fault. "Sorry. I’m a bit prickly this morning."
"Either of you want to come to town with me?" Jasyn said from the doorway. "How about both of you?"
I didn’t want to go but I knew better than to argue with Jasyn.
Ginni’s face lit up at the invitation. Then fell. "Are you sure I should? I don’t know if I can leave Habim."
"Clark will keep an eye on him," Jasyn said. "Come on, both of you."
Ginni crouched next to Habim and touched his shoulder.
"Don’t touch," he said, an automatic response.
"I’m going out today, Habim," Ginni said. "Clark will be here."
Habim’s hands froze. "I’m not done yet."
"You stay here and finish. I’ll be back later," Ginni said.
"I won’t be alone?"
"Clark will be here," Ginni repeated.
"Clark is nice," Habim said simply. He unscrewed a filter screen.
Ginni stood. "He’ll be fine now."
"Then let’s go," Jasyn said.
The sun was bright outside, the day clear and just cool enough to be pleasant. We started down the path to the town below. Ginni talked excitedly with Jasyn. She looked like a young woman, not the dirty boy we’d found stowed away in the engine room. Jasyn had raided my wardrobe again. Ginni wore a pale blue tunic and dark blue leggings. She’d done something with her hair. I was the one who didn’t fit in now. I wore the green shipsuit I always wore, with the captain’s bars and pilot’s comets on the collar and the flaming bird patch on my left shoulder and the triangle emblem of the Independent Traders Guild on the right. Jasyn wore a short dress of flowing pinks and yellows with red tights underneath. She and Ginni looked like they were going to a party. I looked like I was on business.
I kicked a rock out of the path and grimaced. Why should I care what I looked like?
I wasn’t paying attention to anything but my own sour thoughts. I walked right into Jasyn. She’d stopped in the middle of the path, hands on hips, glaring at me.
"Jerimon is gone for at least three days. You aren’t allowed to mope over him today. At all. You aren’t even allowed to think about him."
Ginni watched me, frowning. "I thought you didn’t like him."
"I can’t stand the sight of him. I only put up with him because he’s Jasyn’s brother."
"She doesn’t know what she thinks," Jasyn said to Ginni. "And I’m not going to argue with her about it." She gave me a look that could have cut steel.
"Fine, I promise not to even think about him."
She glared a minute longer then giggled. "You should see the look on your face."
"You look like Ghost that time Habim surprised her." Ginni giggled, too.
"If you’re going to laugh at me, I’ll go mope in the ship instead," I said.
"Have you ever thought that might be part of your problem?" Jasyn took my arm and tugged me until I started walking again. "You’ve been cooped up on that ship for over two weeks. It’s past time you got out." She linked her arm through mine. "Lighten up, Dace. Just have fun today."
"Only if you promise not to say anything," I said.
"Anything at all or just anything about men?"
"You know what I mean."
"You are too easy to tease, Dace."
We walked a bit farther.
"So, where are we going?" I asked.
"I knew your curiosity would get the best of you," Jasyn said smugly. "You’re just going to have to wait and find out."
Jasyn led us to a building with a big sign that said simply, "Store." An open wagon idled out front. Three women gossiped in front of the store. They saw us coming and broke off their talk.
"Just send the rest of the feed later," the one in front called over her shoulder. She was older, her face wrinkled and her hair mostly gray. She stepped around the front of the wagon. "Glad you could make it," she said to Jasyn while eyeing Ginni and me.
"Thank you for the invitation," Jasyn said. "This is Dace, and Ginni." She pointed to us in turn. "Shartel Blakham," she introduced the other woman to us.
"Just call me Shar," the older woman said. "This is my daughter, Elia."
The youngest of the three nodded, her light brown hair bobbing in its braid.
"Mina," the other woman introduced herself. "I’ve got more orders to put together, Shar," she said. "I’ll try to make it by lunch. Nice to meet you," she added to us. She went back into the store.
"Well, climb in and hang on," Shar instructed us. She perched in the front of the wagon. Elia climbed into the bed and settled against a lumpy sack. Jasyn, Ginni, and I followed her example. The wagon started with a lurch and bumped out of town on the dirt road.
Once beyond the last building, Shar gunned the engine. The wagon picked up speed. Dust billowed behind us. The wind tossed and tangled my hair until I envied Elia’s braid even though my hair was much too short for braids.
The countryside rose in long swells. We crested one and lost sight of the town. The ridge that hid the landing field was still visible, getting farther away each minute. The road dipped through a shallow stream, the banks lined with short trees that gave a thin shade. Something black and green chittered, screeching loudly as we climbed the far bank.
The wagon kept going, running down another long slope. A cluster of trees at the bottom surrounded a small dome house. Shar pulled to one side and cut the engine. In the sudden quiet I heard a chatter of voices from the far side. We climbed out of the wagon bed and went around the house.
On the far side was a wide grass meadow surrounded by imported trees. Real trees with real leaves, not the overgrown grass that lined the stream we’d crossed. The shady area in between was full of women. They had frames set up on the grass. Stretched on the frames were squares of fabric. My curiosity was at fever pitch, textiles have always been a weakness of mine.
"Welcome," a woman greeted us. She wore a white headscarf and a flowing ankle length tunic of bright pink. "Come join us."
Jasyn took Ginni off to meet a group of younger women clustered around a table on the far side. I went to check out the fabric.
They were quilts. I’d seen a few before, but those were crude, poorly made, and not that exciting. These were works of art. The one I was closest to was a swirling mix of purple, blue, and cream. Tiny pieces of color were interwoven into an intricate puzzle of shapes and shades.
"You here to help?" an older woman asked at
my elbow.
"It’s beautiful," I said.
"Hettie does have an eye for it." The woman seated herself on a chair drawn up to the frame where the quilt was stretched. She unrolled a handful of needles from a strip of cloth and threaded them with white.
"What are those for?" I asked.
"Quilting," she said, as if it were obvious. "You’ve never done it, have you, sweetie?" She held out a threaded needle.
Once I’d gotten free of Tivor I’d promised myself I would never touch another needle. Embroidery and sewing were two of the orphanage director’s favorite subjects, right behind oral hygiene. Girls who mastered neither would never make anything of themselves. Or so she’d said. I’d deliberately tangled threads just to spite her.
"It’s easy, once you try it," the older woman said.
I reached out slowly and took the needle. Someone pushed a chair over.
"You bragged you could make stitches so small they were invisible," Jasyn said behind me. "Now’s your chance to prove it."
I sat next to the quilt, needle in my hand, and watched the woman next to me. Her needle flashed in and out, tucking a pattern into the quilt. The pattern wasn’t hard, a simple twisting of lines tracing through the colors and shapes. I poked the needle through the fabric and started tracing the swirl in front of me.
Talk flowed over and around me as I worked. Jasyn wandered off to one of the other quilts. The woman next to me watched me a moment before nodding, satisfied that I did indeed know what I was doing. I kept the needle moving.
They gossiped about each other. Talk of who was marrying soon, who’d married the wrong person, who’d made a good match. Talk of who was expecting a baby and when, who had too many children, who didn’t have enough. Talk of things that I had no experience with.
"What about you?" the woman next to me asked. "Dace, isn’t it? You married?"
"No," I said.
They waited for me to say something else. Relationships on a small ship were always hard to explain to those who’d never experienced them. How do you explain working and living in such small quarters with strangers?