Obsession: Warm Bodies, Cold Hearts

by Rice, Rachel E.

  “Page you have more coke?” He said slowly slurring his words with his eyes fixed on the floor.

  “I’m out but I can get more.” He gave her a large wad of bills to purchase what they needed to continue their bacchanal.

  After Page gave Danny a drink, she took his money and left. It was now four o’clock in the morning on the third day of Sydney’s departure. Danny didn’t ask Page where she was going to get more drugs; he hoped she would hurry back.

  Page slipped out of the room. She did not have to go far; she got into the elevator and stopped on the next floor, walked to a door, and used a key.

  “Hey lover,” were the words coming from her

  handsome boyfriend Anthony, who was more of a hustler than his status as her full time boyfriend. He met Page in New York at his club called the Red Carpet—it was a disguise for selling drugs.

  Page was great for his business, a model that traveled in the company of rich actors and actresses, sports figures, musicians, and high priced, high powered business people.

  “You got something for me?” he said, looking at her hand holding hundred dollar bills.

  “Danny needs more coke,” she said laughing.

  “Go easy on that stuff, I told you. Go easy with him, remember you’re mine.” He smiled after giving her a package, then pawing her large breast and skinny body. Anthony pried his fingers into her panties to see if she had just had intercourse. He put his fingers to his nose, then threw her on the bed, and fucked her hard and furious to punish her for what he knew she was doing with Danny. She took the drugs and left after she showered off the smell of Anthony’s abuse.

  Page arrived at her room, opened the door to find Danny sleeping from too much Scotch and lack of coke to keep him wake. Danny slept for two days straight waking to order food and use the restroom. He had been in Las Vegas for six days and had not ventured outside to feel the warmth of the Las Vegas sun. The chill of the nights with Page enveloped his body.

  The phone rang and rang; this time, Danny woke to find himself in strange surroundings. The room filthy with food and clothes tossed everywhere. He had to focus before he understood where he was and what was going on. Page heard the hotel phone and looked over at Danny to see if he was asleep before she answered.

  “Page, let me talk to Danny,” boomed a strong hard voice.

  Page reached over pillows thrown between her and the body of Danny, then presenting the phone to him. Danny made a line of pillows between him and Page. Page thought it strange, but never questioned him on it.

  The only questions she ever had were for Anthony. She was jealous of anyone that came near him, and Anthony was equally jealous, but their sexual non-commitments made them more desirous to each other. Danny was just a means to an end for Page, and she was no light to Danny’s midnight.

  “Danny, what do you think of Page, Good hum?” Max said looking for credit.

  “Yea, she’s okay,” Danny chanted in a comatose state.

  “She’s more than okay she is hot and sexy, which I’m sure you have tested the waters. When are you coming back to L.A.? I have meetings arranged for you. You should be here and ready for work in a week,” he said emphatically.

  “I don’t know if I want to go back to work so soon,” Danny said slow and careless.

  “Look Danny, don’t start this shit with me, be here and ready to work in a week. I ‘m not taking no for an answer, and don’t let me have to come get you. Let me talk to Page!”

  “Listen Page, if you don’t get him sober and he’s not here in a week, I will see that no one hires you. Do I make myself clear?”

  Page understood Max and she knew he was a vicious man to deal with. He did not take kindly to anyone crossing him.

  Danny finally sobered up and Page helped him get himself together to get back to L.A. and to his job of being an actor. Danny did not ask Page to accompany him to his home in L.A. she just tagged along. She knew he needed her for sex and drugs, and he satisfied her need for money.

  On the ride to Danny’s home, Page informed Danny that she had to stop off to pick up some drugs. Danny did not resist because he was still under a fog, and the coke was doing the thinking for him.

  Page stopped at a corner in L.A. that resembled a third world country. It was in this neighborhood Anthony stashed his drugs. He had a few places in New York where he put drugs on demand. Anthony followed the money and Page.

  Danny waited an hour in a car for Page fearing for his life. During his wait, he called Sydney and left messages; he text message, W R U, telling her how much he loved her, and still no answer. Page emerged from an alley in the back of a town house and drove Danny to his home.

  * * * *

  When Danny became a little sober, Page no longer interested him, but she came with the drugs—a package deal. He wanted to numb himself to the world and he wanted to forget Sydney; he was getting close, but not close enough. So, he took more coke.

  “Sydney is a cold hearted bitch,” he said to hear how it sound to his brain, but there was a hush. No, she isn’t, she’s more than any man could want, he thought. His conversation kept going in circles. “She must have a good reason for what she did. What reason could she have to make me think I was the only man in her life?” He said shouting. Danny was a man possessed, and he was determining to wrench the control Sydney had over him. He was going to take his mind and body back, even if he had to drown himself in Scotch and cocaine.

  Page gave Danny more coke; she did not try to stop him. The more he took the more he thought and talked about Sydney. He talked all night into the next day and the next. His life was full with the need for drugs and conversations about Sydney.

  As time passed, Danny forgot about the job in Canada. He forgot about Sydney. He forgot about Page and Max. He forgot about everyone and everything except the coke he now craved.

  When he sobered up after months of drug use and not being able to score more drugs, he finally came to his senses. He realized the producers fired him from the job in Canada; and he could be in serious trouble if they take him to court.

  Max called to give more bad news—the production company replaced him with Phillip Cross. Danny was livid. Max circulated gossip that Danny was ill, and he would be ready for another film any time. Max took on another job—that of saving Danny’s ass.

  Danny and Page languished in bed sick from drugs and asleep most days and nights with little else happening. The sex stopped. Drugs replaced all feelings that he possessed. Whatever they meant to each other was over; they were two drugged addicted fools who had too much time and money. The only thing they had in common was the need for a warm body. Danny had no one again, and Page’s thoughts were for her boyfriend Anthony who had gone back to New York. Page could still buy drugs at his location and that continued for almost a year.

  The ringing never left and the pounding was stifling, until Danny became aware it was the phone instead of his head. He reached over Page to pick up the phone and glanced to see if she was alive. She had been sleeping so soundly that she had to be dead. He touched her to make sure.

  “What the fuck are you doing to yourself and me? What kind of schmuck have you become?” shouted Max. Max never beat around the bush, always direct.

  “I forgot about Canada,” Danny said in a low voice.

  “I can’t go on a vacation without you doing something stupid. I’m not a babysitter. Do you hear me Danny?” Max screamed into the phone.

  “How could you forget?” Max shouted. “How many more jobs are you going to lose before you wake up? It’s not Sydney again, no, because she wouldn’t have allowed you to give up an opportunity like that,” he said, knowing how good Sydney was for Danny and never admitting it until now.

  “Look Max, get off my back!

  “Fuck you Danny, now I know why Sydney left you. You are an immature ass.”

  Danny understood his weakness, but he did not want Max to shine a light that everyone could see including him. He still wanted to wal
low around in the darkness.

  “Stop pissing around with me Max. I don’t want you to mention Sydney again.”

  “Is Page with you?”

  “Yes. Why?” Danny said puzzled.

  “I’m coming over.”

  “Don’t come I’m into something.”

  “That’s what I am afraid of.”

  Max dropped the phone and arrived at Danny’s house within an hour. Danny tried to hide the signs of drugs but Max had seen everything, there was nothing Max didn’t know or uncover just from observation. Max walked into Danny’s once beautiful home and knew what was going on. The house told its own story—the house saw what others did not see.

  The house was a mirror of its owner, unkempt and unloved. It hadn’t been cleaned in months, with soil boxes of pizza, and an assortment of unrecognizable food in every room. The house reeked of dirty sheets and clothes. Every corner you could see drug paraphernalia and cigarette butts. Max remembered thinking that it was a wonder the house didn’t burn down.

  “Look Danny, you are on something, looking at Page in your bed I would say coke and pills.”

  “You are the one that introduced me to her,” he said not caring about anything and anyone.

  “No one told you to fuck her and take drugs,” Max shouted. “Everyone is talking about you.”

  “They don’t know what I’m doing?” Danny said trying to convince himself.

  “Danny, you can’t make the hurt go away with drugs. You’re throwing your life away, I can’t spend my time trying to keep you off drugs and make sure you go to a job.”

  “This is Hollywood. Actors have been doing this shit since the beginning, and every one of you who go this route, end up with nothing, alone, and broke, and sometimes dead. Is that what you want? Do you think no one knows what you are doing? Look in the mirror.”

  Danny turned and faced the mirror; his green eyes and fuzzy mind saw the same thing at the same time. Who is that bum? Were the questions his eyes and mind circulated—it was Danny.

  “Max, why did you introduce her into my life?” Danny said with tears falling, and not caring how Page felt about his statement.

  “I thought you needed cheering up. I didn’t think you were crazy enough to take drugs, and fuck your life up more. You have to get yourself together. Get rid of Page.”

  “I’m lonely and I need someone.”

  “You can’t fool me; she’s the one who is supplying those drugs. Send her back to New York and clean yourself up. You’re going to get in serious trouble,” Max screamed.

  Chapter 4

  Danny confronts Sydney

  Max pleaded until Danny became sober. He talked long enough until he reached Danny. Max finally showed concern and respect for Danny’s love for Sydney. He saw a light in Danny’s eyes, just a spark of the old Danny, which was enough for now. He talked to Danny about searching for Sydney, and he would get an investigator and help if he had to put up his own money. Max sat near Danny’s bed with Page lying near, hearing every word, and Max didn’t care. His job is to save Danny. He peered at Page and she understood that the gig was up.

  Packing Page’s few things and handing them to her, Max bought her a one-way ticket to New York, and then gave her money to get rid of her. Page was happy to go back to New York because she wanted to check on Anthony who had not contacted her in months.

  Danny finally understood what was at stake. He began to listen. Max hired someone to clean Danny’s house and watch over Danny—get him to meetings and rehearsals on time. He made sure the personal assistant answered to him only.

  * * * *

  Danny drove to his home after working all night on a shoot, it was early in the morning, and he was finally alone to find the person he left behind— himself. He walked into his empty house. It had never been a home. He did not have a wife and he had no children. The house was devoid of love, peace of mind, and purpose.

  He lumbered into his bedroom and looked around—there he stood. He could see through the clean sheets and duvet, the filth of all the nights he had become entrenched in drugs. The bed wasn’t clean enough to erase the memories that made his skin crawl. He had performed acts of lust that he could never forgive or bring himself to think of again.

  A slow walk to the mirror revealed a year of drug use that had erased the innocence of youth and hardened his still handsome face; he had an empty past and a future that did not look promising if he could not pull himself together.

  Feelings of desperation bruised his face. His body was trying to kill him and he recognized the signs. He could not eat, sleep, or retrieve a thought since Sydney left him. He was a walking corpse, waiting for the pronouncement D.O.A. Dead on Arrival, and the sad part is, he did not care.

  Danny took a slow walk into his bathroom, it is a sanctuary; no one was allowed into this area but him. He sat on the carpeted floor. He did not like marble floors, because they were too cold and unfeeling. He needed the warmth and security of carpet. Lying down, he raised his hand to feel a tear dropped on his cheek. He only cried for two women, his mother, and Sydney.

  Now separated from self because of drugs, he doesn’t know how to put himself together again.

  The bathroom was much smaller than any other part of his huge house and it caused him to feel safe and calm.

  He fell asleep and dreamed of a son; he wanted something he could love. He fashioned his dream to fit a happy ending. He had too many nightmares in his drunken and drug state and he wanted to be happy.

  He dreamed he and his son were living in Scotland; he could show his son how beautiful his country is with the blue green hills, lochs, and mountains. Danny began to smile. He hadn’t smiled in ages. Then, he heard the sound of a voice, “Daddy, Daddy. No Daddy!”

  Danny woke in a cold sweat, he wasn’t awake, he wasn’t asleep, he wasn’t alive and he wasn’t dead. He tried to remember his dream but could not. He hadn’t drunk or used drugs in months, but the effects were rippling throughout his body and mind.

  He was trying to put his life in order. He was trying to eradicate the baggage that carried his life away. He worked so he did not have to think. He made all his personal appearances, answered questions about his drug use, and assured everyone that the rumors were just not true. Thanks to Max, he was able to quell everyone’s suspicions, and get back to work.

  Danny finished another movie Max helped him land, after being fired, and replaced by Phillip Cross. Danny felt that the part was better, because it was suited for his disposition and emotions. He didn’t work hard because he knew the character he had to play. He had just lived it and it was his best work to date.

  Max felt sure the nomination for an Academy Award was Danny’s for the taking. Danny felt proud of himself, however, he had an empty feeling that the drinking and drugs once filled, but now, no more. He stood up and realized the phone had been ringing, he did not get to it in time, and then his cell began to chime.

  “Danny I thought something had happened to you, you’re okay?”

  “Yeah Max, I’m Ok.”

  “I found Sydney.”

  A moment passed so Danny could think, and then he asked, “Where?” There was no emotion in his question.

  “Houston,”

  “Yeah, that’s where she’s from, Texas,” he said full of excitement. “I’m getting on the plane today.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Why, what do you know Max?” Danny insisted. Max never lied to Danny.

  “I think she’s married and has a child.”

  Danny’s heartbeat quickened and his voice became hoarse. “What the fuck are you talking about? It’s been about a year.”

  “You heard me, I think she’s married. It didn’t take you that long to fuck your life up.”

  Danny didn’t hear Max or he did not want to respond to that statement. “You don’t know that for a fact. Get me a flight out now!”

  “Okay. You know it hasn’t been long since you stopped with the alcohol and drugs.
You need to get a hold of yourself, give yourself some time,” Max said knowing he had lost that fight.

  “I’m Ok I can handle it.”

  “Danny, I know you love that woman, but she’s poisonous to you. The more you’re around her you lose your mind. I’m going to ask you one more time. Don’t go.”

  “Max, send me a car now or I’m going to drive to the airport myself.”

  “You never listen.” Max voice lowered.

  “What do you think Max? I have to know why,” Danny pleaded, hoping Max would understand.

  “I guess you have to hear it from her before you can straighten yourself out.”

  Danny tried hard to get Sydney out of his system. If he saw her with another man, he would be through with her—that would do it. That might end his heartaches and pain, he thought.

  Finally, he would know that he would never want her again; but he never met anyone like her. He kept comparing her to the women he was meeting. She was smart, beautiful, loving, and caring. He knew she left him, but he knew her well enough to know she must have had a good reason. He had to confront her and hear from her mouth why she did what she did.

  * * * *

  Danny took a flight to Houston. It is the middle of June. A blanket of heat and steam surrounds the city. It is a city of mavericks, scoundrels, of charming men and woman, who think they are entitled to the world and what it offers.

  He is dressed to keep his cool, a white linen shirt, and faded jeans. The only thing missing was his shit kickers as they say in Texas—cowboy boots, and little did he know there would be plenty of shit he would have to wade through.

  Danny held his breath as the taxi rolled into the driveway of the expensive home. He stepped out of the cab after asking the driver to wait. The cabbie agreed because it was not likely he would get a fare in that neighborhood going back to Bush airport. Everyone owned three to five cars.

  Danny swallowed again so as not to appear nervous, not knowing what he would find. His heart skipped a beat in anticipation of seeing Sydney. His mouth salivated from the thought of the closeness of her body. “Oh her smell, Oh her warmth,” he whispered.