He made up his mind to confront her and not let her go. He knew he loved her and he needed her. Only she knew how he felt. The hell he endured to have a career as an actor. She was there for him and he couldn’t have succeeded without her.
The thought of seeing her excited his senses. He wouldn’t give up no matter what happened. He knew what he wanted, and he wanted Sydney. He needed Sydney to silence the screams in his mind and bring back the peace and harmony to his life.
He reached into his pocket to feel for the diamond ring he bought her in Italy. He had to know if she was married. He was hoping she wasn’t. However, if she was, he prepared himself to forget her. Maybe she would not let him go.
He raised his trembling finger to push the bell and the music saturating the air was a tune they both loved, and sang together. “I Will Always Love You.” He saw the shadow of a woman walking toward the glass doors. He knew that walk. Sydney walked as if dancing with her hips swaying softly.
Danny saw her graceful sexy stride as she came to the door, and he could not control his thoughts. His body weakened in anticipation of seeing to her.
It was a large house, and it appeared to take forever for her to come to him. He repeated, “Come to me, come to me, hurry Sydney, I don’t know how long I can stand not being near you.”
He remembered how he thought about cursing her for all the pain and pleasure she brought into his life. He wanted to grab her and make love to her on the floor as soon as she opened the door. And tell her how much he loved her and that they could start over and never breathe a word about what happened in Las Vegas. Just come back to him. He had all this time to think, but when she opened the door, love was not enough to still his heart and ease the pain that permeated throughout his body and soul.
He saw the shadow of his beautiful woman with the cool clear brown eyes, who was once his, and the thought that she could lie with anyone besides him made him angry. The thought of her touching another man the way she touched his body—the thought of her kissing someone else was too much for him to bare, and it drove him insane with jealousy.
His eyes glowed with heartache, hatred, and love—anyone could read his face and see it in his eyes. Danny’s body was warm from the Texas sun, but his heart was cold from the deception that reigned in his life. He is a man with a broken heart and he knew someone could die from it!
* * * *
The Meeting
I had become very comfortable living with Robert Farrell; he satisfied me for the moment, not sexually, but mentally. I didn’t think of Danny, except when Heather called to tell me he won the Golden Globe award for best supporting actor in a drama. He went with his agent Max and a young model.
Heather called regularly to discuss all the women chasing Danny. His beautiful face adorned the covers of magazines, which showed him kissing and hugging several women. I would rush out to buy the magazines to deconstruct the picture. I spent hours trying to figure out if the young woman at his side was the one.
It was a matter of time before Danny would track me down. I still got his text messages daily, then monthly. “I L Y” which says, I Love You. I would receive messages that always read, W R U? I knew Danny was getting close.
The doorbell rang that Friday. I heard the music tones I recently programmed. That tune was my favorite. It was Danny’s favorite also. I understand people can tell from a ring who is calling on the phone. I felt something unusual about the chime coming from the doorbell. I was in full thought when I walked to the doubled glass door, not expecting anyone. My housekeeper, Maria, had a day off. I carelessly sauntered to the door.
I glanced at the silhouette of a young man, but my mind was not on the man. I opened the door and the sunlight flashed, striking my face like lighting glowing from a summer storm. A summer storm can be deadly in Texas. It moves fast and leaves devastation in its path.
There he stood, the storm with the flashing green eyes, those eyes, those eyes penetrating me as if I had murdered him, and his ghost hung there to haunt me. Standing in the door is my beautiful man looking at me. I could see the pain in the crease of his brow and the quiver of his lips. I tried to close the door but he put his foot in place as if he had planned and anticipated my reaction.
He walked in not looking around but focusing on me. He gazed into my eyes. He peered into my soul. He stood quiet for what seemed like forever and my body began to shake.
He was different. He did not have the look of a boy. He had the look of a man. His eyes were the same blue green, but he wore a light mustache and beard on that gorgeous chiseled face. His shirt half-unbuttoned and his hard chest showing caused me to stare, and dissolved in his presence.
“Why? Why, Sydney? Didn’t you know I was looking for you? Didn’t you know I would never stop looking for you? Didn’t you know I would find you? Don’t you know I’m doggit when I want something?” Danny shouted.
He never let me say a word. His words spilled like a volcano that had built up pressure and had to erupt or it would implode. He tried to clear his mind, and now he wanted answers.
“Don’t you know what you have done to me?” He stared with no expression. “I haven’t been able to work because I started drinking to forget you. Why? Why? Why did you leave me?” He repeated as if he was a lost child; then he stopped and looked with sad eyes. “Why would you leave me and disappear after I asked you to marry me? You knew I loved you. You knew how much I wanted you.”
“Danny, you can’t stay,” I said nervously.
“You have another man? That was bloody quick! I haven’t been able to think about anyone but you! And you have someone!” He said, working himself up to anger and despair.
“Danny, please leave,” I pleaded.
“I don’t give a fuck and I’m not leaving until you give me some answers!” He demanded. “I’ve been looking for you for over a year. I need to sleep and I need to know why you did this to me.”
“I don’t want you, I’m with someone else. I don’t want you!” I lied and lied, trying to cover up the reality I was hiding.
The more I lied the more transparent I became. Danny grabbed me, kissed me, and thrust his tongue into my mouth as if he was trying to reach my soul. Overcome with lust and heat I couldn’t stand it! I knew if he stayed longer, he would find out that I never stopped loving him, and I had created a complicated life for everyone with all my stupid lies and insecurities.
I pushed him away, “I’m making a new life for myself with a man I knew before you. He and I have a child together.” I said carelessly.
I saw those green eyes close, a chill encased my body, and I knew I had broken something that could not or would not be broken. I had a beautiful wild mustang, a stallion, and I broke him, and he and I would never be the same.
He dried his tear, and in that moment, Robert walked through the door with Sean. I took a deep breath and wished this was a dream.
Chapter 5
“Who is this and what’s all the noise?” Robert said anxiously, as he stopped to peer at Danny. Danny looked at Sean, his eyes blinked and his head tilted as he looked up at Robert. Danny said in an instant, with eyes glaring, “This is my son!” He ran to touch Sean and Robert pulled Sean away, holding him in his arms.
“No he’s not!” Robert and I said in unison.
“I can recognize my son! I have a picture of my twin brother and me as children. He looks just like us at that age. How could you do such a thing Sydney?”
I lowered my head realizing what I had done to Danny, Sean, and Robert. I felt empty and missing something deep inside my soul and my eyes lowered showed everything, even if my body did not.
“I think it is time for you to leave,” Robert blurted out with anger.
“I can’t believe what you have done, Sydney!” Danny shouted at me. “Sydney you had better tell this man the truth because I’m coming back for my son!” He stated pointing his finger at Robert.
“Danny please,” I insisted.
“Leave my house
!” Robert shouted as he reached for the phone to the call the police, still holding Sean in his arms.
Danny walked backward to the door, as he looked at me with those sad green eyes and seeing his own reflection in the pool of green in his son’s eyes. He shook his head.
“I will get my son even if I don’t have you. I will have my son!” these were his last words at that moment, and the words punctuated my mind and I knew it was a threat. I knew he meant it because Danny always got everything he wanted—everything except me.
Danny composed himself because he was never a man to threaten anyone or become violent, but I notice a different person. He was a man now and he had a son. He was going through a metamorphosis. He was a boy one day, and a man and father the next day, and that transformation occurred before my eyes.
As Danny felt calmness over take his heat of anger, he threw an envelope in my direction. The contents spilled to the floor, and there lay an engagement ring and keys. I picked up the diamond ring and house keys before Robert saw them. If Danny was broken, he hid it well, but now I’m in pieces. I had to hold on to my tears until later.
“When you are ready come to me, I’ll be waiting. Don’t take long!” He said with the assurance of a man finally in control.
“Danny wait. You don’t understand.” I whispered.
Danny decided to starve his emotions in hopes that they would disappear. He wasn’t going to feed his emotions by thinking of Sydney or talking to her he had had enough.
He turned and walked away from Sydney with his heart pulsating in his chest and his hands in the air. He couldn’t accept Sydney and his son with Robert or any man, but he was powerless to do anything at this time.
The door closed behind him and he felt locked out of Sydney’s heart—a little boy longing for the love of a mother who will never come back to kiss him in his sleep and make the nightmares go away.
Danny couldn’t feel his heavy feet. He couldn’t feel the overwhelming lack of warmth that descended over his body as he departed Robert’s house. He couldn’t feel his face because it was numb like a corpse, setting in a refrigerator, waiting for someone to pronounce him dead, and call his next of kin. He lumbered into the cab and slammed the door.
“Where to sir?”
“Take me back to the airport,” he said quiet and low.
His strength disappeared when he thought about what had transpired on his long ride to Bush Intercontinental Airport. He glanced through the clear windows of the taxi to see that clouds had formed a gauntlet on both sides of the highway and just ahead was a thundering roar of a storm that had been threatening on his arrival into Houston. Now he had to face the storm in his life, and discover—nature is unforgiving.
He was a father without a child. A man without a woman, his woman is with another man and he is empty. How could the love and birth of his son be so wonderful and too ugly to even think of—but he had to think. Sydney had squeezed the marrow from his very soul and left him weak—and there was no sun shining in his heart. The sun hadn’t shone in his heart for what appeared to be a lifetime.
As Danny neared the airport, the cloud in his mind evaporated. There was a clearing, and he finally saw his way. He would close the door on this chapter with Sydney, and try to concentrate on his son.
He would confide in Page, maybe she would understand—there was no one else close enough who could understand his pain. Sydney was once his only friend and lover. He shared every event in his life with her but one, and she did not use it to cause him to feel less than himself.
The airport ride to L.A. didn’t provide enough time for Danny to decide completely on his feelings and conclusions concerning Sydney. There wasn’t enough thinking in the world to cure and ease the body through the trauma of a shattered heart, and the betrayal of a young man’s love.
Not even the cool of the Los Angeles night provided a respite from the longing for Sydney and Sean. Try as he may, he could not separate the two. He loved the mother long before he loved his son. He was a young sensitive man with a great love.
* * * *
The car carried Danny to his home from the L.A. airport. Then exhaustion overtook his body. He tried sleeping, but he knew that the night would not hold him long; the day would show and reveal his ache one more time.
He called Page on the phone as soon as he arrived home. He was certain that she would come. Sydney on the other hand was absent when he needed her. Yet he couldn’t find the feelings for Page. He couldn’t find a space in his heart where she would eat at his soul the way Sydney did and is doing at every minute of his day.
“Page can you come to L. A.?” I need you,” he said honestly, sadly, longingly, hoping to shed the shroud of pain that covered him.
“Sure Danny, I’ll take the first flight out.”
* * * *
When Page visited L.A., she lived not far from Danny; she and Anthony needed a place where they could renew their love for each other. She felt bound to Anthony the way Danny was bound to Sydney. Although she knew about Sydney and Danny, Danny did not know of Anthony.
She knew if Danny found out about Anthony, he would leave her in a fast minute. Then she wouldn’t be able to take advantage of the money and fame that was coming from being in Danny’s presence.
Page listened hours on end about Sydney during their all night sessions of drug use. During that time, Danny would go on a tirade about how Sydney treated him and how much he hated her and would never forgive her. Then the next minute he would sob and Page would console him; and thousands of dollars later, he would be drunk and drugged out of his mind, and Page would never have to have sex with him.
Many times Page would call Anthony and they would have orgies in Danny’s house while Danny lay passed out in one of his many bedrooms.
Anthony thought he was the man whenever he convinced Page to sneak him into Danny’s home. They spent hours downstairs in a bedroom of the palatial house, which Danny bought for Sydney.
“Page do you think Danny has any idea that you are my woman?” Anthony questioned, ever secure in Page’s feelings for him.
“No, of course not, if he did, I would be out on my ass. He’s too caught up in drugs and that woman to know what the hell is going on. I bet he doesn’t know what day of the week it is.” Then they had a good laugh and continued kissing each other and smothering each other with foul nasty passion.
Someone wrote and I forget exactly who, “Oh what a tangle web we weave when first we learn to deceive.”
* * * *
A Hot Night in Texas
“Why didn’t you tell me you were involved with that Scottish bastard and he’s an actor?” Robert crumpled his face and began to show another side of his character.
“You told me that if I didn’t want to discuss the matter, I didn’t have to. Now you’re telling me something different,” I shouted back.
“Sydney, you should have told me about this man before I adopted Sean. I thought the father was dead.”
“I never gave you that impression and I never said he was dead. You wanted to believe he was dead! You are such a liar, you knew something, and you didn’t want to face the facts. Now leave me alone. Just leave me alone! I can’t stand this any longer!”
Robert grabbed my arm, “How long have you known him?”
I didn’t give Robert an answer, I walked away from him, and into the room we now shared. I tried to forgive his outburst. I put Sean to bed and I tried to sleep to steal the time from my life. I became entrenched in my dreams, hoping I could enjoy that moment where Danny and I lived happily ever after. Who am I kidding? Life is a little more complicated when you have two men making you crazy.
As I began to fall asleep, I felt a body and a touch that wasn’t familiar—a soft kiss. I thought I was dreaming, dreaming of Danny. I was exhausted from the arguments of that evening and I felt as though I could not wake from my dream.
A warm hand touched my body, and kissed me passionately on my shoulder. I became responsive.
I kissed Danny back, and as I was languishing in the moment, I called out his name. “Danny, Danny.” My eyes opened and it wasn’t Danny—it was Robert.
Robert kneeled at the bed and whispered, “I’m going to make you forget him.” He proceeded to pass his hands over my breast. I resisted but Robert continued, and finally I succumbed to Robert’s affections. I closed my eyes and thought of Danny. I was able to achieve satisfaction dreaming and thinking of Danny without ever thinking of Robert. I was a mess.
“This can’t go on,” I insisted, but Robert put his finger on my lips to silence me.
“This can go on as long as you want,” Robert said in a fool’s voice looking into my crying eyes.
“Robert you aren’t listening to me. Look at me, hear me!” I said half screaming.
“I don’t want you to go through this,” I said trying to get his attention.
“I knew what I was doing Sydney. I can’t lose you and Sean. I won’t let you two go,” he said like a man possessed.
Robert didn’t fight to keep his wife, but he’s fighting to keep a woman that doesn’t want him, and a baby that belongs to another man. He is a desperate man. Now I have two desperate men, and I don’t have the skills to control the emotions and anger that is spilling out into everyone’s life like a wild river, eroding, and destroying that which will not move.
After taking a shower, I dressed and walked into the library where Robert was seated at his computer. “Robert, I have to leave,” I said, thinking I could walk out of his life as easily as I had entered. I suddenly remembered what Heather said about taking a man’s heart and soul. I was treading on dangerous ground.
“I’m going to take Sean and leave.”
“You can go but not with Sean,” Robert stated with cold abandonment.
“You can’t stop me,” I said not backing down.
“I might not be able to stop you, but you will not take my son!”
This couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong. Here I have two men claiming my son. I’m in the middle of a hurricane hanging on for dear life.
Obsession: Warm Bodies, Cold Hearts Page 6