Brenda Jackson The Westmoreland Collection: ZaneCanyonStern

by Brenda Jackson

“Yes, Priscilla, just the two of us.”

  Smiling, Priscilla said, “Then please follow me,” as she led them to a table that had a gorgeous view of the mountains.

  Once seated, Keisha glanced over at Canyon. “Are you sure it’s okay for us to take time to eat here? I would have been okay if we had grabbed something from one of those fast-food places. I’d hate for Pam to think we’re taking advantage of her kindness with Beau.”

  Canyon shook his head, grinning. “Believe me, no one in my family will ever think that. Besides, it’s a way for Beau to start getting to know everyone since they’ll become a vital part of his life.”

  Keisha took a sip of the water the server placed in front of them, deciding not to ask what he meant by that. However, eventually she and Canyon would have to talk. More than once today he’d hinted at something permanent between them as if it was a done deal. And it wasn’t. Although he was willing to leave the past behind them and move ahead, she wasn’t sure she could do it so easily. There were still some things she needed to work through— specifically, her guilt.

  She had accused him wrongly, which had resulted in her treating him unjustly. And whenever she thought about what he had missed out on, what Beau had missed out on...she could only lay the blame at her own feet. He might be willing to forgive her, but forgiveness had never come easy to her. This time, it was herself she wasn’t sure she could forgive. Her actions had cost him two years of his son’s life. It had cost her three years of anger and pain that she’d let fester inside of her for no reason. Before she could consider getting back together with Canyon, she had to figure out her own issues.

  Moments later, after the server came back to give them menus, Canyon said, “I think I’m going to order us a bottle of champagne.”

  She raised a brow. “Why?”

  “Because we have reasons to celebrate. We have a son and we’re moving forward—”

  “It’s nice running into you two.”

  Keisha glanced up and stared into the face of Grant Palmer.

  * * *

  Canyon stood. He wasn’t sure what lie Bonita might have told Grant about that night three years ago. If the man planned to make a scene, then Canyon was ready. He’d only met Grant once before, and that was when he had accompanied Keisha to a birthday bash Bonita had given her fiancé. “Grant. You’re back in Denver?”

  “Only for a short while. I flew in this weekend to attend a cousin’s wedding,” Grant said, smiling and offering Canyon his hand in a hearty handshake.

  Canyon knew his surprise showed on his face as he accepted the man’s hand. Grant wasn’t acting like someone holding a grudge. When Canyon glanced over at Keisha he could tell she was just as baffled as he was.

  It was Grant’s next statement that muddied the waters even more. “I’m glad the two of you are back together and relieved Bonita was able to make things right with you before she died.”

  Canyon glanced over at Keisha who had a what is he talking about look on her face. Keisha asked, “What do you mean, Grant?”

  “I mean what happened that night...when it looked as if Bonita and Canyon had slept together.”

  Canyon felt as if he’d just been delivered a sucker punch to the gut. “You knew it wasn’t true?” Canyon asked in an incredulous tone that had a bit of a bite to it.

  Grant’s smile faded. “Yes.” He glanced at Keisha. “Didn’t she explain everything? She said she would.”

  Canyon shook his head, wondering what the hell was going on here. Before he could ask Grant to elaborate, Keisha spoke up with a slight tremor in her voice. “Bonita didn’t explain anything to me, Grant. But Canyon and I would be most appreciative if you would.”

  * * *

  Grant joined them after telling the friends he was dining with that he would rejoin them later. After Canyon told their waitress they weren’t ready to order their meals but did want to order Grant a drink, a perplexed Grant sat down and said, “I think I’ll start from the beginning.”

  “Please do,” Keisha encouraged, smiling. She knew Canyon was just as bewildered as she was.

  “It was the night I broke off our engagement,” Grant said.

  “You had broken off your engagement that night,” Keisha repeated his words in surprise.

  “Yes. I found out some disturbing news about Bonita.” He paused when the waitress placed his drink in front of him. “She had a split personality.” He paused. “In her dominant personality, she was the woman I fell in love with and wanted to marry, but in her subordinate one, she was a totally different person.”

  “When did you find out about her two personalities?” Canyon asked.

  “Not soon enough. The reason I broke off with her is because I found out the other Bonita was having an affair with another man. The wife suspected something and had a video camera installed in her home. It showed Bonita and the man together one weekend while the wife was out of town. It was filmed two weeks after we’d become engaged but, according to the wife, the affair had been going on for quite some time.”

  He didn’t say anything else for a minute. After taking a sip of his drink, he continued, “When she came home from work, I confronted her and she denied it, claimed it wasn’t her. But it was her. I had already gone through her drawers and found stuff I’d never seen before. All kinds of sex toys and crap. I even found her journal, which pretty much corroborated the wife’s story about how long the affair had been going on. When I explained all of that, Bonita burst into tears and denied everything.”

  Grant paused again. “I didn’t believe her and moved out that night, told her the engagement was off and I never wanted to see her again. And I didn’t. But then two years later she showed up in Florida at the college where I’m teaching. That’s when she told me the truth about her split personalities and that she was getting treatment from a mental-health professional. It was then that she confessed to what she’d done to you—at least what the other Bonita had done to you—the night I broke off our engagement.”

  “And what did she tell you?” Keisha asked quietly.

  “She told me how the dominant Bonita was upset, distraught over our broken engagement. She drove across town to see you, Keisha, needing a friend, a shoulder to cry on because she couldn’t understand how I could accuse her of such things. She said it was only after Canyon came to the door that she remembered you were out of town. He saw how distraught Bonita was, let her in, offered her something to drink and even shared a drink with her.”

  “I take it she had no memory of changing roles?” Canyon asked.

  Grant shook his head sadly. “No. None. Although she saw the video of her affair for herself she denied knowledge of any of it. She even claimed those items and the journal weren’t hers.”

  Grant took another sip of his drink before continuing. “She said she was fine at first...the normal Bonita. But then after Canyon excused himself to go take a shower that’s when the other Bonita emerged. She’s the one who undressed and got into your bed with plans to seduce Canyon when he finished with his shower. The only thing was, he walked out of the shower the minute you walked into the bedroom, Keisha. And you assumed you had caught Bonita and Canyon in an illicit act.”

  Keisha found Canyon staring at her with penetrating dark eyes. She didn’t have to imagine what he was thinking. The shame of guilt was more powerful than ever. She could clearly recall that night, how he had pleaded with her to believe him and how Bonita had pleaded with her not to believe him. Keisha had been so hell-bent on believing the worst that she hadn’t taken the time to notice that Bonita’s behavior was different. Keisha had said some god-awful things to the both of them, told them they had better be out of her place before she came back. She had specifically told Canyon to clear everything he owned out and not to try to contact her or else she would put a restraining order in place. She had ended up driving t
o the mall and sitting in the parking lot in her car for hours just crying. By the time she had returned home all traces of Canyon were gone.

  She never saw Bonita alive after that night, and she had refused to take Canyon’s calls. She’d even changed her phone number. She had heard Bonita and Grant had ended their engagement, and she’d assumed he’d found out what had happened. Less than two weeks later, hurt, alone and pregnant, she had resigned from her job and moved back to Texas.

  Drawing in a deep breath, Keisha asked softly, “When did Bonita realize there were two of her?”

  “Not until she was arrested for shoplifting.”

  “My God,” Keisha said, her hand flying to her chest in shock.

  “The court required that she receive mental-health treatment and she did. When she realized the full impact of what she’d done to us, and to you, Keisha, the two people she had trusted the most and who had trusted her, she was devastated. That’s why she came to see me in Florida and why she had planned to fly to see you in Texas. I assumed she had when I saw you and Canyon together.

  “I guess she was killed before she had a chance to tell you anything. Her mother mentioned you attended the memorial services, so I assumed Bonita had confided in you, told you the truth, and that you had forgiven her. Had I known that wasn’t the case and that you were still under the assumption that Canyon had betrayed you, I would have made it my business to make sure you both knew the truth.”

  Keisha nodded. “I went to her funeral out of respect for her family and noticed you weren’t there,” she said.

  Grant ran a frustrated hand down his face. “No, I couldn’t make myself go and see her that way. A part of me felt that I had failed her. I thought the worst of her but had I known the extent of her mental illness, I would have forgiven her and gotten her help. But I didn’t know,” he said brokenly.

  Keisha didn’t say anything because, at that moment, she felt as if she had failed Bonita, as well.

  * * *

  Canyon woke up for the second night in a row and found the spot beside him empty. Pulling himself up in bed he ran a hand down his face before glancing over at the window where he knew Keisha would be. She was standing in front of it, staring up at the sky like she’d done the night before.

  Once Grant had left to rejoin his friends, the mood for celebrating with champagne had vanished. Instead they had ordered dinner and exchanged few words. He figured both of them were wondering if there was some way they could have detected Bonita’s mental condition and he was sure there wasn’t.

  But he had a feeling Keisha believed otherwise. Keisha and Bonita had been good friends, and a part of Canyon was saddened about how the friendship had ended. But the last thing he would let Keisha think was that what had happened with Bonita was her fault. Easing out of bed he walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to his solid chest.

  “I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered.

  “You didn’t. I woke up and found you gone. Now that I have you back in my bed it’s hard for me to think of you not being there with me.” When she didn’t say anything, he tightened his arms around her. “Talk to me, Keisha. Share your thoughts.”

  He heard her deep sigh. “I was thinking about Bonita, the one I knew and considered my friend...until that night. I was so full of hurt and anger that I refused to consider something else might be wrong. I was mistaken about you and wrong about her, as well.”

  He turned her around to face him with hands firmly on her shoulders. “There was no way you or any of us could have known about her mental condition.”

  “But I was her friend, I should have known,” she said.

  “You aren’t a mind reader. Grant lived with her, and he didn’t have a clue. What happened to her was sad, but we have to move on and—”

  “Forget the past,” she snapped, pulling out of his arms. “That might be easy for you to do, but everyone isn’t as forgiving as you, Canyon.”

  He frowned, dropping his hands from her shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

  “I hurt you. I kept Beau away from you, yet you’ve forgiven me. That’s all well and good, but I can’t forgive myself, Canyon. I can’t. Every time I see you and Beau together I’m reminded of what I did, of how much pain I caused both of us. And now I see how I wronged Bonita—”

  “Whoa. I won’t let you take the blame for that. Bonita had a mental illness that you didn’t know about. Will you stop allowing misplaced blame to rule your life? To rule our life?”

  She wiped a tear from her eye. “There’s no our life, Canyon.”

  He stared at her. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that until I can come to terms with what I did and let it go there can’t be an us.”

  He shook his head, as if dismissing what she’d said. “Of course there can be an us. We had a son together. You love me, and I love you.”

  She lifted her chin. “Do you really? How can you when I find it hard to love myself.”

  Canyon drew in a deep breath in an effort to make some sense of what she was saying. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did we not make love in that bed last night? Did we not make love at your place today? And in that bed over there again tonight?”

  She turned away with slumped shoulders, but not before she said, “Doesn’t matter.”

  He turned her back around to face him. “Yes, it does matter,” he said fiercely. “And when things matter, you don’t give up. You make it work. I refuse to let you become a victim of negativity and guilt. I refuse to let you punish yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

  Canyon looked out the window at the sky to find the strength he needed where she was concerned. He loved her with all his heart, and he refused to let her give up on them.

  He looked back down at her. “Do you love me, Keisha?”

  She swiped back tears. “Yes, I love you” she said softly. “But this is one of those times when loving someone might not be enough.”

  “I love you, and I have it from the best—my married brothers and cousins—that loving someone will always be enough,” he said. “More than enough,” he added, cupping her face in his hands.

  “But, baby, you have to believe it. You have to get off this guilt trip you’re on, and stop believing you’re to blame for every damn thing that goes wrong. You’re not perfect and neither am I. We’ve both made mistakes. Everyone has.”

  His eyes held hers. “What I want more than anything is to marry you. Not because of Beau, but because of us. We’re back together for a reason, Keisha, and I want to believe it’s because that’s where we should be. I want more than just Beau. I want us to have other kids, more Westmorelands to one day rule this land. Tell me you’ll marry me.”

  He watched how her lips trembled and the look in her eyes reflected uncertainty.

  When she didn’t answer, he dropped his hands and took a step back. “I need to get away for a while. I’m going over to Stern’s Stronghold. I’ll be back later.”

  “But it’s almost midnight,” she said.

  He shrugged as he slid into his jeans and put on his shirt. “He’s a late-nighter.” After slipping into his shoes, he said, “Go to bed and get some sleep.”

  Canyon left the room, taking the stairs two at a time. Before walking out the door he grabbed his cell phone off the table and saw he’d missed several calls. Only then did he remember that he’d placed it on vibrate while they’d been at McKays. Deciding he would check the missed calls later, he breathed in the mountain air the moment his foot touched his porch.

  Lord knows he was trying to be patient with Keisha, but she was wearing him thin. He didn’t want her for a lover. He wanted her as his wife. Canyon figured that until she came to terms with the issue of her father she would be weighed down by her inability to forgive, even when the only one
needing that forgiveness was herself.

  As he unlocked the door and got into his car he knew he would do whatever it took to make her see that while he’d gone without her for three years, now that she and Beau were in his life, he didn’t intend to do without either one of them again.

  Canyon’s mind was so full of thoughts of Keisha and the marriage proposal she hadn’t accepted that he didn’t notice the dark vehicle deliberately hidden behind the tall sagebrush as he left Canyon’s Bluff.

  Thirteen

  Keisha slid into her robe, tightening the belt around her waist when she heard the sound of Canyon’s car driving away. The last thing she would be able to do was take his suggestion and get some sleep, so she decided to go downstairs for a cup of tea. She grabbed her cell phone off the nightstand planning to chat with her Mom. Knowing how her mother kept late hours, Keisha figured she would still be up.

  She saw she had missed a couple of calls from Detective Render and wondered if he’d tried calling her because there was a new development with her case. It was too late to return his call tonight, but she would do so first thing in the morning. She had promised Canyon that she would stay here a week and she had four days left. Her plans were to return home on Saturday. Thanks to Canyon her home was back in order, along with a new security system. She was glad because she refused to live in fear that someone out there wanted to do her harm.

  Yet, you’re willing to live in another kind of fear, her mind mocked. Fear of your own vulnerability.

  Keisha took a sip of the tea she’d just brewed and sat down at the kitchen table. And what about your inability to forgive? That’s the root of your problem. Are you trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than most people? Forgiving yourself for mistakes isn’t a crime. Maybe you ought to try it.

  Keisha sighed as she clicked her phone to call her mother. Lynn picked up within two rings.

  “Keisha? You okay?”

  She knew her mother found it odd that she was calling so late and Keisha quickly assured her she was fine. “Yes, I’m okay. I couldn’t sleep.”