Dangerous Obsession

by Natasha Peters

  Two obliging Russians stood on either side of him and held his arms so that he had to look at me. I danced then. I was sixteen again, dancing for him on the veranda of the Delacroix mansion in Paris, with music and laughter ringing in the background. I swayed from side to side, moving my arms and upper body in a different direction from my hips. My blouse slipped down over my shoulder and I made no attempt to pull it up.

  I whirled faster and faster, coming ever closer to Seth so that my flying hair swept across his face. I laughed at his impassivity, his expressionless immobility. I wanted to create a maelstrom of movement and joy that would suck him in.

  I danced until the din of the miners’ approving shouts was deafening, and finally I could dance no more. I stopped abruptly, in front of Seth. I felt dizzy. The room tilted sharply. I felt myself falling. And then I was floating. Seth lifted me up and carried me out of that noisy, smoke-filled room and up the stairs to bed while the miners cheered and the Russians toasted us and shouted encouragement. I was as limp as a doll in his arms. I laughed and sang a little tune while I floated up, up to the sky.

  He took me not to my room but to his. I wanted him so badly that I could feel the imps of desire dancing wildly in every part of my body, even in my fingertips. I longed for his lips and his arms and his thighs and his mastery.

  He set me down very gently on top of the coverlet, then he sat next to me and pushed the hair out of my face with both hands. His touch was soft and tender. I reached up and cupped his face in my hands, and I looked into his eyes. They were bright now, and sure. Full of life. He lowered his head and kissed me. I pressed close to him, losing myself in his arms. I wanted to let him know that I wanted him, that I loved him. He pulled back a little and looked intently into my face. He seemed to be searching, wondering, remembering.

  Then he stood up abruptly and walked out of the room, closing the door firmly behind him. My arms still jutted up in the air, as if I had been embracing a wraith.

  I was so shocked that I lay there for minutes, staring up at the ceiling like an idiot, wondering what I had done wrong? Then I sat up and tossed my legs over to the floor. But when I tried to stand, the room tilted like the deck of a ship in a storm and I sat down fast. I fell back and rolled over on my side. The room settled down again.

  I felt some confusion the next morning when I awoke to find myself in a strange room. Then I remembered what had happened and that confusion gave way to embarrassment and shame. I had gotten drunk and made a perfect fool of myself. Again. Well, I thought, if he’s still here this morning, I’ll go myself. I can’t take much more.

  Seth wasn’t in my room when I went in to wash my face and hands and change my clothes. I went downstairs. The Chinamen were sweeping up. The floors were littered with bits of broken glass.

  I found Seth sitting in the small private dining room off the kitchen, the only part of the lounge that remained after the remodeling. He was eating heartily and reading the Alta California.

  “Good morning," he said. I frowned at the unexpected greeting. He had spoken. Voluntarily. Even cheerfully. “Did you sleep well?"

  “No," I grumbled, “the room kept pitching. It kept me awake all night. Must have been earthquakes." I shouted for coffee. My voice sounded hoarse and faraway. Seth smothered a grin. “Take my advice," I said, “never drink with Russians. They’re maniacs, all of them."

  “I’ll try to remember that." He was silent for a moment, then he said, “I don’t suppose this is a very good time, and I should have done it sooner, but thank you, for helping Gabrielle."

  “You don’t have to do that," I said. “I told you, I did it for her and the baby. Not for you."

  “Yes, I know that." He pushed his plate away and tossed down his newspaper. “And I’m sorry about it." Something in his voice made my heart fly around under my ribs like a panicked bird in a cage. I sat up straight and said, “How would you like to play a little faro with me?”

  “For what stakes?”

  “The Golden Gypsy. Or what’s left of her after last night. We’ll play right now, one card. Will you?”

  He frowned at me. I forced myself to meet his gaze. I bad made my decision and I would stick to it. I didn’t want to set myself up, only to be knocked down again. It had happened too many times. I needed to be rid of him if I wanted to be free.

  “And if you win?” he said.

  “If I win—I’ll stay, I guess. Or I’ll sell my share to MacDaniel. Unless—you want to put up your half—”

  “No.” He reached into a side pocket and brought out a fresh deck of cards. That was a gambler for you. Ready for anything. “What card?” he asked.

  I closed my eyes. I hoped my Gypsy magic wouldn’t fail me now. I saw Gabrielle’s face. “The queen of hearts,” I said. “And don’t try to cheat me. I know every trick there is. You taught me, remember?”

  “I remember,” he said, breaking the seal. Wang came in and cleared away the breakfast things. Seth shuffled the deck, offered it to me to cut, and turned up the first card. The next card was my win, a nine of diamonds. He turned over a jack of spades on his own pile. He delt swiftly and honestly, no tricks. “My win,” was a three of clubs. “Your win,” a four of spades. “My win.” I caught my breath. The queen of—diamonds. “Your win.” A black seven. “My win” was an ace of spades. And finally there she was, on my stack, the queen of hearts. I had successfully lost the Golden Gypsy to Seth.

  I breathed a deep sigh of relief and pushed back my chair. “Congratulations, Seth. She’s yours now.”

  He shuffled the deck absently. “What are your plans?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” I stood and stretched. “Maybe Europe again. Maybe I will go back and take up my singing again. But I’m a free agent. I don’t have to plan. I’ll just travel first.”

  “And what about Adam?” he said without looking up.

  I felt deflated. Adam. I had given no thought to Adam. I couldn’t give him up! He was like my own son.

  I sat down again. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’ll take him with me.”

  “No,” Seth shook his head slowly. “He’s my responsibility, too, remember? My nephew. Which gives me a legal claim over him. And I did promise Gaby.”

  “But you don’t care for him!” I cried. “Oh, it’s just like you to use a baby you don’t love as a—a weapon to work me around, to bend me to your will. You think I can’t see what you’re doing? You know damned well you don’t want to be bothered with a child. A child needs a woman, Seth. A mother. I am his mother now! He doesn’t mean anything to you!”

  “Now there’s where you’re wrong,” he said softly. “He means a lot to me.”

  I slammed my fists down on the table. “Why, why did she do this? Why did you have to come back? He could have been mine, and now you’re going to exercise your ‘legal rights’ and take him away from me, just to spite me!”

  “We could take care of him together,” Seth suggested. “That was what Gaby wanted. It’s the rather obvious solution, don’t you agree?”

  He looked at me squarely. I felt myself blushing softly. There was something in his eyes—

  I shook my head vigorously. “No. Not that. I don’t trust you. I can’t! You don’t want to be tied to a wife and family. You didn’t before, why should you now?”

  “Because things are different now,” he said gently.

  “Everything is the same!” I insisted. “You haven’t changed. But maybe I have. Maybe I’m tired of wanting you and getting nowhere. Why can’t you just let me get out of your life and put you out of mine? Why?”

  “I will not give you a divorce to marry Steven,” he said evenly. “Or to marry anyone. I’ll stop you. And you’ll never have the boy.”

  I stood up and said coldly, “You’ve beaten me, then. I’ll pack my things. You’ll want the room for—Yvette!”

  “Rhawnie.” He stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Rhawnie,” he said again, very softly. I turned my head away from him
. I couldn’t trust myself to meet his eyes. “This isn’t like you, worrying about the future, running away from me. You’re not a coward.”

  “No,” I said bitterly, “and I used to tell myself that I wasn’t a fool, either. But every time I’m with you I do foolish things and I break my heart over and over again. Why shouldn’t I run away this time, instead of you? I love you and I want you to be happy. And obviously you’re not happy being around me too long. By getting out of here now I’m saving you the trouble. You ought to thank me.”

  “Crazy as ever,” he said in a slightly exasperated tone. “Rhawnie.” His voice could have melted rocks. “I love you. I want you to live with me, as my wife.”

  I moistened my lips and looked squarely into his face and said, “And that’s why you left me last night? Because you love me?”

  “Yes,” he said. “And because I was remembering a slim girl with long legs and incredibly long hair whose eyes were full of trust and love. I didn’t want to betray her again. I love her too much.”

  “Stop it!” I said sharply. “I’m not that girl now. I knew what I was doing!”

  “But I didn’t,” he said. “I needed a chance to think. I didn’t sleep last night. I took a long, hard look at things— at myself, at you, at us. I’m not going to leave you, Rhawnie. If I were, I’d be gone by now. I’m staying with you, because I want to be with you. I love you, Rhawnie.”

  I broke away from him and faced him angrily. My eyes were full of tears and my voice shook.

  “I don’t play with fire any more, gorgio,” I said. “Not two minutes ago you were threatening me, remember? You were using that little boy as a club! Remember, Seth? Oh, I know you so well. Rule number one in your book is: if all else fails, make love to her and she’ll come around. You have to have your own way. Always life on your own terms and not anybody else’s, right? Well, Seth, I may regret the first day I set eyes on you, but I don’t have to go on regretting it for the rest of my life! You have hurt me over and over again—and I’m afraid! I’m afraid of you!” I started to walk away but he pulled me back. “Listen to me, Gypsy,” he growled.

  “Let me go!” I said sharply. “I’m through listening to you. You have what you want, the Golden Gypsy and Adam. Let me go!”

  “You’re the damndest most stubborn little bitch—”

  “Me, stubborn? I’ve been more than generous, Seth. I’ve given you chance after chance. I won’t give any more!”

  “You’re not leaving here!” he said loudly. “And if you do—”

  “Take your hands off me!” I started to wrestle with him. “Stop that and listen to me!” Seth shouted in a voice like thunder.

  And then we heard a cool voice, like spring rain.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

  Steven McClelland stood in the doorway.

  20

  Two Brothers

  SETH AND I STOOD FROZEN in our combative posture: Seth gripping my wrists tightly while my right knee was hitched up to kick him in the groin. We came to our senses at about the same time and pulled away from each other. The three of us were silent for a long moment. I gaped at Steven while Seth shot me hostile glances.

  Steven looked lean as ever, tanned and bearded. My heart gave a queer twist; I had forgotten how handsome he was. He was dressed for the trail in heavy boots, cord trousers and sheepskin jacket. His clothes were covered with dust.

  I spoke first. “Ah, Steven, what a surprise. We—didn’t expect you.”

  He smiled. “I can see that.“ He glanced at Seth and gave him a cool nod. “I’ll leave and come back a little later, if you like."

  I sprang forward and said, “Oh, no, you mustn’t do that! No, no, come in and have some coffee, something to eat. We were just having a little discussion about the business, that’s all. We—Seth owns this place. I used to, but I don’t any more.” I called out to Kim to bring coffee for one. “You look so tired, Steven! Please, sit down, sit.” I pushed him into a chair. I kept bubbling like a fool; I couldn’t help myself. “We are such poor hosts, Seth and I. What a welcome for you!”

  “Tell me about Gabrielle,” he said. “Is she—?”

  I sat next to him and took his hands in mine. Seth leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Oh, Steven, she lived to see the spring,” I said gently. “But she couldn’t hold out any longer. It was a good death, very peaceful. She had the priest before she died, and Seth and I were both there at the end. There was no pain. She was very brave, braver than any of us. I’ll take you to see her grave tomorrow. It’s a little farm south of here. She was happy there.”

  “And the boy? Adam?” Steven asked.

  “Oh, Adam is fine, just fine!” I said happily. “So big for his age, and smart! He looks like his mother. Yes, He’s just fine. We even had a baptism for him, on the farm. Seth and I are—godparents.” I swallowed.

  “I see,” said Steven softly.

  I told him a little about what had happened to Gabrielle, and how I had found her. Kim brought coffee and brandy and I helped myself to a big dose of the latter. I needed it. I was still feeling seedy from my exertions of the previous night, and all this excitement and tension weren’t doing me any good. Steven sipped his coffee and told us that he’d been on the trail for two months, since the end of January.

  Then Seth spoke for the first time since Steven came in.

  “How did you know about Gaby? And the baby?”

  I said quickly, “How do you think he knew? I wrote to him as soon as I found her.”

  “And you still didn’t tell me.” He looked grim.

  “No, I didn’t. Do we have to go all over this again? 1 didn’t tell you because she specifically asked me not to, and because you were being so horrid that I—”

  “Please, Rhawnie,” Steven said softly. “It’s over now. No need to fight about it. Mother and Father are coming, too, by the way. They’re taking a ship around the Horn. It’s impossible to tell when they’ll arrive.”

  “Oh, Steven, how sad for them,” I said. “It will be lovely to see them again, but under such circumstances—”

  “They’ll be all right,” Steven said, pressing my hands.

  They will understand that you did everything you could, and they’ll be grateful to you, as I am.”

  From the doorway Seth continued to glower at us. Then Steven said, “Rhawnie, in your letter you said that marriage between us was no longer possible. What did you mean?”

  I stiffened. “We don’t have to discuss that now, Steven, so soon after— we will talk about it later.”

  “I’d like to talk about it now,” he pressed me. “Why won’t you marry me?”

  I looked up at Seth, whose face was impassive. “Well,” I said coolly, “do you want to tell him? Go on, here’s your chance to make good your threats. Tell him!” Seth scowled and kept silent.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked him. “Suddenly it isn’t so important to you to hurt me? Very well, I’ll just have to tell him myself.” I turned to Steven and said, “I cannot marry you because I am already married. To your brother.” Steven did not react with surprise, hurt—anything but utter self-control. “When?” he asked. “Recently?”

  “We were married in Scotland, many years ago.” I said quietly.” Your brother—is the one I told you about.” I hitched my chair close to his and said anxiously, “Oh, Steven, I didn’t want to hurt you, I never intended to hurt you! And I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t, can you understand that? I swear I never dreamed that Seth was your brother and then he came and I could see my dream of happiness with you just—evaporating! You mustn’t blame him—I made him swear not to tell you. I know it was a foolish idea, and I realized that it would be very wrong to deceive you, but then it just got worse and worse and harder and harder to tell the truth and I needed to get away for a while and so I followed Gabrielle with Seth and—”

  Eventually I ran out of steam. Steven wasn’t listening anyway. He was wat
ching Seth intently, and there was a glint in his eye that spelled trouble. Seth glowered back at him. He never moved from his place at the door but I saw him tense up a little.

  Steven stood up slowly and went over to his brother. “You goddamned bastard,” he said in a low voice. Then he let one of his fists fly.

  Seth reeled back and struck the wall. He shook his head to clear it and put his hand to his chin. Blood trickled down from a cut on his lip.

  “Feel better, Steve?” he asked thickly. “You’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

  Steven said, “That’s right, brother.” He stripped off his coat and rolled up his shirtsleeves. “That and more. I never should have let you go after what you did to Julie. You thought I didn’t know? Damn you. I’m not a complete fool, Seth. She lied for you until the day she died, but I knew the truth.”

  He knew? I thought. He knew what they had done, and he had married her anyway. Because he loved her, and because he didn’t want to shame her. And he had gone on loving her, in spite of everything.

  “I’m going to kill you, Seth. I’m going to tear you apart. I should have guessed when Rhawnie told me about this husband of hers. I should have known that there was only one man on this earth cold-blooded and egotistical enough to treat women the way you treated Julie and Rhawnie. Come on, Seth. I want to finish you, once and for all.”

  Seth straightened up and said, “Look, Steve, I don’t want to hurt you. But don’t push me—"

  “I’m pushing you," said Steven grimly. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to get hurt. You are."

  I threw myself at Steven and wrapped my arms around him. “No, Steven, no! You mustn’t! You can’t undo the harm he’s done, so what’s the point in fighting him? The past is done—"

  “Don’t interfere, Rhawnie," he said. “This is between Seth and me."

  “No, no, we’re all involved—you and Seth and Julie and me! Forgive, Steve, please. Julie forgave, and you forgave her because you loved her! Don’t—"