by Pike, Leslie
“Is he violent? Has he been violent with you?”
“Yes. And Yes.”
“Do you think he’d come after you here?”
“I wouldn’t put it past him. When he’s angry something comes over him, and he’ll do anything to get what he wants.”
“You know, Esme, I’ve worked with violent men in prison. I’ve seen the worst of the worst as far as anger goes. I’m glad you’re not dismissing his behavior, or making excuses for it. When people do that, they always make a mistake. Your best bet is to acknowledge what he is. Then you can do what you can to prepare,” I say.
“What is that? I’m not sure much can be done. He’s stronger than I am, and he has no fear. It won’t matter to him that he could get caught, or go to jail. All he’s concerned about is that he punishes me for leaving him, for running. I know him, and that’s what he’s thinking.”
“Well you’re doing what needs to be done. You told us, and now we’re watching with you. If he comes on set, we’ll be there to stop him. And there are other things you can do,” I say.
“Like what?”
“You can make sure you’re always aware of your surroundings, for one. I know what it’s like to have a target on your back. I had one on me every day in prison. You almost have to think like an animal. They use all their senses to anticipate and detect danger. I don’t think an animal ever second guesses their instinct. They know their strengths and their best bet to escape dangerous situations. Even when the predator is bigger and stronger. They either camouflage themselves, or flee or use their intellect to outsmart the enemy.”
“I know I’m smarter than he is, but he’s stronger by far. That may be what wins in the end.”
“You’ve got Finn and I for your muscle, your part is to tell us whenever you have some concerns.”
“I will.”
“You should have a safe word, too. One that the three of us knows,” I say.
“For what?”
“There may come a time when you need to let us know you’re in trouble. It’s good to have one word call to action. Something that he wouldn’t think is a cry for help.”
“Alright. Let’s see.”
She tries to come up with the perfect word.
“It should be short and meaningful to you. You don’t want to forget your safe word,” I say.
“What about Blue?”
“Blue, like the color?”
“Blue like the kitten I loved.”
I see the tears in her eyes.
“What happened to it?” I ask.
“Kevin killed it. When he was drunk, he tripped over the kitten and he killed it right there in front of me. That was the last time I asked for a pet. I couldn’t put another innocent being in harm’s way.”
What a fucking psycho. I’ll have no problem teaching that asshole what pain feels like. I can think of lots of ways to bring him to his knees. I know that’s a very unchristian like thought, but nevertheless, I mean it.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Esme. Blue is a good safe word. We’ll tell Finn when he gets back. Then whenever you need our help, all you have to do is text ‘blue’, and we’ll come running.
Chapter Eighteen
Esme
Trees. The feel of wet leaves on my hands. The taste of dirt. I think I hear Blue, but I can’t catch up to him. Hands on my neck, squeezing the breath from me. Darkness.
I wake with a start. And for a few moments, I’m not sure which world is real. Then relief, to realize it was a dream, washes over me. Followed closely by the rising fear, knowing my reality is just as chilling. I wish I could lay this all to rest. I wish I could just pick up an eraser and make all the ugliness in my life disappear. There’d be a blank space, where frightful memories once lingered. But that’s the fantasy of someone who can’t face truths. I can’t afford for that to be me anymore.
I’m starting to understand I can feel both afraid and strong. Maybe the temporary fortress of Finn’s condo, where my two guards watch over me, has given me some false courage. Or the fact that they stand with and by me, has brought out something in me I’ve not seen before. I’m never without one of them. When I’m on set, either Finn or Paul is within sight. Here at the condo, if one goes, the other stays. They’ve made me feel as safe as I can.
Grandma and I are talking twice a day now. She has nothing to report, but I want to keep a close eye. I decided not to tell her about the phone call and my suspicions. It would have only frightened her, and to what purpose? Kevin’s stopped calling her, or coming by. I want to think he’s decided to leave her alone, but I know too much about the man. He must know she helped me. But for some unknown reason, he’s letting it lie. Maybe he’s figured out exactly where I am, and he needs nothing from my grandmother. Or maybe I am paranoid. Just like Finn thought the night he answered my phone. It’s a possibility. Years of abuse can make a woman apprehensive of almost everything. When you’re expecting the hammer to come down, you stay out of the way. I learned early on, to fade into the background.
It’s Thursday, and there are only six shooting days left on the film. We’ll be out of here weekend after next. Kizzy has offered her place in L.A., for a temporary landing spot for me. But I’ve got to think about that. The last thing I want to do is bring trouble to her door. If Kevin tracks me there, what protection could I offer her? I know Finn would let me stay with him, but I wouldn’t want it that way, or for that reason. He’s going through so much right now, as he comes off the effects of alcohol. I would be an albatross around his neck. And his chance at staying sober would diminish.
I need to be smart about my choices in the future. So does Finn. We can’t come together because it’s going to save either one of us. Until I stand on my own, I can’t lean on a man. While he learns to let go of the thing he craves the most, he can’t give himself wholly to a woman. But oh, I know what it’s like to love him. I know that already. That’s information I’ll keep to myself. What would he be able to do with that, even if he knew?
“Good morning.”
I hear Finn’s voice from the other side of my bedroom door. I’d been daydreaming so much, I didn’t realize how late it is. I get out of bed and quickly throw on my robe.
“Come in, Finn.”
Every time I see his face, it’s like the first time. He walks in with a big smile and a cup of coffee for me. He wears my favorite of his shirts. It’s blue like his eyes and soft like the feel of his lips. He hands me the coffee.
“I didn’t think I detected any movement in here. You just wake up?” he says.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Yikes.
“I’m a mess. Sorry, I did just wake up.”
He’s looking at me like a man who likes what he sees.
“You look especially bonny to me,” he says.
For some stupid reason, I’m embarrassed. I feel my face redden. It’s as if this man hasn’t undressed me, or seen me naked, or felt me come. And I’m getting a little wet. To top it off, we’re only a few feet away from a big cozy bed, still warm from my sleep. How am I going to stay true to our agreement? No sex allowed, while we handle the issues at hand. Well to be accurate, it was his idea, not mine.
“I’m going to shower. What time’s our call?” I say.
“Not till four. We’ve got night shots tonight. But I thought we could go to REI this morning. It’s that sports store when you first come into town.”
“Ok. Good. I need to get a few things. What are you going for?” I ask.
“Hiking boots.”
“I’ll be ready in thirty minutes.”
“Don’t rush. I’ve got to call my dad.”
As he walks out of the room, I get one last look at that fine ass. Lord.
REI is a three-story store, which sells everything related to the many sports associated with this area. Skiing, snowboarding, camping, golf, climbing, tennis, and on and on. It’s a sportsman’s paradise. It would take weeks to see it all. I think of it as the F
.A.O. Schwarz for jocks. Men and women find all the toys here they could want. When we walk in, we’re approached almost immediately, by a robust, young guy. He looks like he skis or climbs mountains, or something equally vigorous, every day.
“Can I help you find something?”
He says this looking only at me, and ignoring Finn completely.
“Where can I find hiking boots?” Finn says.
The guy gives him a fleeting glance, then turns back to me.
“Third floor. How about you, miss? Can I show you anything?”
He smiles a mouthful of perfect white teeth. His dimples aren’t having the impact on me he’s hoping for. This guy must be the Don Juan of REI. I can tell by the expression on Finn’s face, he’s pissed.
“No thanks. I’ll just look around,” I say.
“Ok. I’m Austin, and I’ll be around if you need me.”
He winks at me. Finn takes my hand in his, and looks at the guy as if to say, “She’s with me.” After Dimples moves on, we make our way to the third floor. There’s a wall of boots and rows of hiking and climbing equipment. To the right I spot the camping gear.
“I need to find Kizzy something for her birthday.”
“When’s her birthday?” Finn asks.
“Next Friday. Last day of shooting.”
“Think I need to get her something?”
“No. Not unless you want to. It’s different for me. I owe her so much.”
“Maybe I’ll have Craft Service bring a cake to the set for her that day.”
“Perfect.”
“Go find your gift, and we’ll meet back at the boot wall,” Finn says.
We split up, and I begin my search. Kizzy loves to go camping, which really came as a surprise. How does she do without all her cosmetics, and jewelry and clothes? Does she ditch all the things she loves, for the outdoors? Or does she take a lot of suitcases? I should be able to find something great here. If not in this store, it doesn’t exist.
As I start looking at the merchandise, I get an inspired idea. What if I make her a basket filled with camping products? Something tailored just for her personality. I grab a cart someone abandoned in the next aisle and start shopping. I find a Coleman lantern first. That will be the centerpiece of my basket. Then I look for smaller items to pack around it. In fifteen minutes I’ve found plenty of things she’d like. I get a mesh mosquito net to protect her beautiful skin. I find a multi-purpose Para cord bracelet for her to use as jewelry. A camp pillow will protect her hair, and a six-inch camping knife will save her from predators and filet the fish she catches. When I go to the supermarket this week, I’ll get some protein bars and raw nuts to provide healthy snacks for her.
“How’re you doing?” Finn says.
He’s come up behind me, and I was so engrossed in my shopping I didn’t even hear him approach.
“Oh! You scared me.”
“You’ve got to be more aware, Esme.”
“I know. You’re right. But look what I found. I’m going to make Kizzy a camping basket. Think that’s a good idea?”
“She’ll love it. Look at my new boots.”
He’s already wearing the hiking boots, like a kid who just got a new pair of shoes.
“Cool. You going hiking?” I’m smiling when I ask him that.
“Smart ass. As you know, they’re not just for hiking. The terrain on set is brutal on the boots I’ve been wearing.”
He’s laughing at our conversation, but then he just quiets and stares into my eyes.
“Esme?” he says.
“Yes?”
“I know I made you a vow, but you look so delicious right now darlin’, I could eat you. Just lay you down and eat you.”
Flame. Melt. Flame. How can I fight this feeling? And why should I?
“And you look so delicious, that I’d let you.”
Vow be damned.
* * *
We’ve got two hours before Finn’s meeting and four hours before our call time. We practically run to the car. And when he backs out of the parking space, he almost runs over a guy going by on a bicycle.
“Look out!” I yell.
“Shit!”
For some reason, we start to laugh. Instead of pulling out of the underground structure, he drives to the furthest corner and backs in the last spot.
“I can’t wait,” he says.
“Good. Neither can I.”
“Just take your pants off. If we leave our tops on and somebody comes by, they’ll never know what we’re up to,” Finn says.
We’re both moving fast. I get my jeans and panties off in record time. He’s still struggling trying to get his pants off over his new boots.
“Feckin’ boots!”
“Take your boots off first. You’re never going to get your jeans off over them,” I say.
Then I start laughing and he does too. I’m sitting here with my pants off, and he has his jeans and CK’s down around his ankles. But with our tops still on, it’s a hysterical sight. We look like two perverts.
“Maybe lift your legs over the counsel. Let me help you,” I say.
He attempts to do that, but his long legs are impossible to maneuver past the steering wheel. He gets impatient.
“No. let’s do this. I’m going to get out and take my things off. You get in the back seat. It’ll be quick. No one will see us. It’s going to work perfectly.”
I’m glad he’s so sure of himself. He opens the door and swings his legs out. I make a dash for the back seat. I’m out and in like a flash. I see him stand and unbutton his jeans. He turns and faces me, so I have a good view of the show. He slowly drops his pants to reveal his hard magnificent cock. God I’ve missed that. I’m lost in the moment. He kicks the boots off and steps out of his jeans. He grabs his cock and taps it on the backseat window. Oh yeah.
We’re both enjoying the moment, when I hear something. I turn my head, to see a cart, with two elderly men coming toward us. I look back at Finn, but he’s busy tapping his dick on the window. I think he’s keeping beat to the song playing on the underground sound system. The rings on his Jacob’s Ladder are tiny cymbals in the arrangement. There’s no time for either of us to put our clothes back on. I lean over and get Finn’s attention. I make a gesture, pointing to the now very close cart. He looks up, then down at his naked self. He knows there’s no time for any of his options. Thank God we have our shirts on. From the men’s angle it looks like we’re fully dressed. Unless they get too close.
As the cart pulls up to our car, Finn moves toward the back end, where his nudity will be hidden. He couldn’t stay in front of the window which was his one other choice. Luckily, they’ve stopped a few feet from our car. We can see these are the gentlemen who watch for disabled placard abuses. They see me in the back seat, but I’m unable to lower the window, because the car’s not running. So I just wave and smile. They both wave back. Oh my God. I have no pants on. Please God, don’t let these men have us arrested for indecent exposure.
“Afternoon, gentlemen,” I hear Finn say.
The men are looking the scene over, and I’m sure they’re trying to figure out why we’re parked way over here, away from the entry or exit. Or maybe they remember being young once.
“Need any help? We noticed you weren’t leaving,” Gentleman #1 says.
“Oh no. We’re just sitting here planning a party,” Finn says.
What? I want to laugh, but I know if I start, Finn will break up too. The men aren’t buying it. Neither one of them. Then something wonderful happens.
“Aren’t you Finn Kennedy?” #2 asks.
Oh my God.
“Yes. Yes I am.”
The man is excited at the turn of events,
“Oh geez. This is great. I’d like to shake your hand, Mr. Kennedy. My daughter and granddaughter would never forgive me if I didn’t. For that matter, my wife would hate me too.”
“Who’s Finn Kennedy?” #1 says.
“Jesus Frank. Don’t you go to the mov
ies?”
“No. I hate the movies. Too much nudity and swearing.”
All this time, I’m trying to figure out what Finn’s going to do. #2 gets out of the cart.
“Wait!” Finn says. “I can’t shake your hand sir. I’m not being a prick, I just have this condition. Actually, my doctor thinks it’s pneumonia. I’m on my way for treatment now. That’s why she’s in the back seat. We can’t risk spreading it.”
He coughs a little fake cough. This is getting funnier and funnier.
“But what about I give you three baseball caps for the girls? They’re from the film we’re making now, in Park City. Would your girls like that?”
“Oh yes sir, they surely would.”
#1 starts to come around to Finn’s side of the car.
“No, no! You just stay there. The hats are right here on my side, and I’ll just sail them across the roof. We can’t risk you getting any closer.” Cough, cough.
The man stops in his tracks. I think he’s buying this. Thank goodness he hasn’t come to my side and looked down. Finn opens the back door and grabs the hats. He’s quick about it, and I’m the only one who knows why.
“Here you go,” he says, as he tosses the caps to the man.
“Well I thank you very much. The girls are going to be so happy. You know, it’s really nice to meet such an upstanding young actor. You hear so many things about young people today. When I was young…”
“I’m so sorry to cut you short, but we really have to be going. I’ve got to get to the hospital for my treatment,” Finn says.
“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry,” #2 says.
“Let the man go. Christ, Frank,” #1 adds.
They make a quick retreat, making way for us to rush to the hospital. Finn is waving, till they’re safely away. I see him grab his pants and shorts, which have been resting on the ground this whole time. He pulls them on, zips up and gets back in the front seat. I follow his lead. We look at each other and start laughing.
“Shall I call an ambulance?” I say.
“I’ve got a better idea. Let’s go home and I’ll tell you all about it.”