Rock Bottom (The Gifted Realm #4)

by Jillian Neal

  Dan shook his head as he pulled back the down coverings and smooth cotton sheets on their bed. He laid her down tenderly, and cradled her between the pillows at the top of the bed and the gathered sheets and comforters that he’d pushed towards the end.

  “This isn’t about sex anymore, honey; I told you. And right now, I’m gonna lay you in this bed, and I’m going to make every inch of you belong to me.”

  53

  Angels and Demons

  “I’ll be back in a little while. I won’t stay so late tonight.” He said the words, hoping to appease her, but not really meaning them.

  “Dan, come on. You haven’t been home in forever. We never talk anymore. We just fight. Please just stay with me tonight, please.” The pleading pain in her eyes irked him.

  “Amelia, baby, come on. Not this again. I need to work. I almost have this guy.”

  “That’s all you ever do… work. I’m tired of being here all alone. It’s scary here so late at night.”

  “You’ll be fine. I’ll be back in a little while,” he lied again.

  “Dan, please. I’m asking you; please don’t leave me tonight. I really am scared.” He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I finish the documents for this guy, Pendergrath. I think I found his safe house.”

  He opened the door, and she huffed audibly. Angry tears pricked her eyes. Her arms crossed over her chest.

  “Why are we even getting married if you’re never going to be here?” she spat vengefully.

  “Amelia, come on. Just stop. I’ll be back later. I love you.”

  “Right” she fumed.

  Can’t imagine why I don’t want to be home when all she does is bitch, He thought as he rolled his eyes and slammed the door.

  * * *

  Dan awoke, gasping for breath and covered in sweat as he sat up in bed. He held his head in his hands and let it fall between his knees.

  The same damn dream. He tried to remember how to breathe as he dragged his hands over his face. He wiped away tears, sweat, and terror from his brow. He felt the salt scrape over his skin as he tried desperately to remove the remnants of his nightmare from his face.

  Someone moved. His head jerked to the side wildly. Why was there someone in his room?

  Fionna… he gazed at her longingly. His own personal angel sent to pull him from the depths of hell. He didn’t deserve the reprieve. People he loved got hurt. People he loved got killed.

  I’m trusting you, Dan. Don’t break my heart. Her words branded themselves into his brain. He shook himself from his hellish abyss.

  After swallowing back another onslaught of tears, he reached and touched her skin. He could feel it, the soothing, tender balm that came only from her. She soothed him in her sleep.

  She moved, and her eyes blinked open hesitantly.

  “Dan?” She sat up beside him.

  “Hey, baby. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he whispered. “I, uh, I think I’m gonna go run on the beach. I’ll be back in a little while, ok?”

  She studied him without reply. With her intoxicating, languid motions, she took both of his hands in her own and casted him. She covered him in the safe, soothing energy that made him feel whole and alive.

  “I think you’ve been running from nightmares for a really long time, sweetheart. So, if you want to run, then I’ll go with you. If you want to talk about it, then I’ll listen. If you just want to lay here and let me make you feel better, then I can do that, too; but I don’t think running away is really getting you anywhere, Dan.”

  With a slight nod, he refused to think anymore; all he wanted was to feel her. He lied down again and let her soothe him back to sleep.

  * * *

  Sunlight poured into the room a few hours later, and Dan awoke again. He felt the absence.

  “Fionna?” His eyes methodically searched the room. Where was she? Please, don’t let her have left me. Panic shot through him like ice through his veins.

  “I’m sorry,” she moved back into the room from the sitting area, carrying a plate of food and mugs of steaming coffee.

  “I was making you coffee, and I ordered a few muffins. I was heating them up. I thought I’d finally gotten you back to sleep,” she smiled at him adoringly as she glided towards the bed. She set the plate on the table beside him and handed him a mug.

  Dan forced a smile. He felt like a weak child.

  “I’m fine,” he lied. “I just wondered where you’d gone.”

  She didn’t look like she believed him in any way.

  She’d pulled on the white dress shirt he’d flown to Sydney in, but she was wearing nothing else. As Dan’s body began to steady, he regained the ability to take in the abject sex appeal that stood before him.

  “Thank you,” he managed as she handed him his coffee.

  “I wasn’t sure how you liked it, so I just brought the cream and sugar with me.” She looked like it was some kind of failing on her part that she didn’t know how he liked his coffee.

  “Honey, this is perfect. You really didn’t have to do all of this. I’m fine.”

  She smiled at him and leaned to brush a tender kiss along his jaw.

  “I know, Dan, but we’re on vacation, and I thought it might be nice to have coffee in bed. Maybe we could talk. I didn’t do this because I thought something was wrong.”

  Dan decided to just go with it. He felt like every time he spoke he said something wrong.

  “I do normally run several miles every morning.” He shuddered as he recalled what had happened a few hours before, when he’d awoken from the harrowing nightmare, the one that had haunted his dreams for ten long years.

  With another one of those intoxicating smiles, Fionna nodded.

  “Yeah, well, I mean, obviously I could tell you worked out,” she reached and slid her hand along his bulging bicep.

  His ego relaxed, and he chuckled.

  “We run and workout at practice all the time, so I usually give myself Tuesday and Thursday off, unless dancing and singing around my kitchen barefoot while I cook, or extreme shopping count as working out.” She blushed and let him know that she was giving up more of herself. She was letting him peel back another layer. He just had to keep his head in the game.

  Dan brushed her hair behind her shoulders. He was delighted that she felt like talking.

  “I’d really like to see that sometime.”

  She laughed and shook her head.

  “Trust me, you don’t,” she giggled hysterically. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. Suddenly she slid her bottom lip through her teeth and seemed to draw on deep resolve.

  “You know, if you want a great workout, while we’re here we could go surfing.”

  “You surf?” He was extremely impressed as he watched her nod.

  She crossed her legs in front of her and pulled the wrapper away from one of the muffins.

  He noticed the tattoo on her ankle and then gently cradled her face in his powerful right hand. He guided her eyes back to his. She smiled from the tender caress.

  “What do your tattoos mean, Fionna?” The one on her ankle was an intricate surfboard with scrolling waves surrounding it. There were pictures in the waves that Dan hadn’t really studied yet.

  Under the board itself was her childhood nickname. It clearly meant a great deal to her. She tensed uncomfortably, though she never dropped her gaze from his.

  “Please tell me. I want to know. I don’t even know your middle name, and I want to know everything about you. Please,” he was unable to make himself stop begging.

  “Ok,” she nodded, but seemed momentarily unable to go on.

  Dan’s mouth moved of its own accord. “Uh, my middle name is Arthur. You know, after my dad, and I don’t ever really sleep all that well. In fact, the night before, when I stayed at your house, is the longest I’ve slept without waking up in about ten years, I guess,” he choked as the realization hit him.

  “I us
ually wake up really early, run five or six miles, then go to the office, and hit the gym there. I lift everyday, even though I probably shouldn’t. Sometimes, I work out before I go home as well.”

  “So you’ll be able to sleep,” Fionna immediately figured out his secret and his shame. He nodded.

  She remained quiet and held his hands in her own. He allowed the words, that he seemed unable to halt continue, to pour from his mouth.

  “After Amelia died, I was pretty messed up,” he swallowed harshly, not certain why he was telling her all of this, but his confession felt like she was pulling him up from a riptide. It felt as if like he might be able to surface from the choking waters as she supplied oxygen to his drowning lungs.

  “I got two DUIs that my dad and Governor Haydenshire covered up for me if I agreed to stop drinking, so I started using.”

  She nodded, and began supplying him more of the energy that he was quickly becoming addicted to. It was so much better than any of the drugs he’d consumed. It felt like he was inhaling life, not death.

  “I failed one of the Senate drug tests, and Crown Governor Lawson stepped in. He made the test disappear, and then he sent Rainer to stay at the Haydenshires for two weeks, while he and my dad cleaned me up. He moved me into his house. I talked to him after he told me about Maggie dying and leaving him with a four- year-old. He knew what I was going through. Like I said, I was a walking disaster. He was the only person who got through to me. He really was a great man.”

  “He was killed the next year. He also promoted me over several guys who’d been in Iodex a lot longer than I had. He made me the youngest Chief ever, but he told my dad and Governor Haydenshire and the whole board, who I’m sure thought he was nuts, that I could do it. He knew I needed the responsibility, that it would drive me, and it would be a way to end Wretchkinsides.”

  “You poor thing,” she blinked back tears as she continued to send her heavenly rhythms through his own. “I’m so sorry, Dan, really,” she choked as tears poured down her face. Dan shook his head and wiped away her tears.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “No, it’s ok. I just hate you went through all of that.” She supplied her soothing life source to him in ample doses.

  Whatever he’d said, she suddenly decided to answer his questions.

  “Well, I actually have two middle names.” She took in his reactions with careful study. He nodded anxious to hear more. “I added the second when I was fifteen and could legally change my name, but my parents were fine with it.”

  Dan was now extremely curious.

  “What are they?” he begged again.

  She offered him another hint of the smile that soothed his soul.

  “Well, originally I was Fionna Kalani Styler, but now I’m Fionna Kalani Halia Styler.” Her energy turned nervous suddenly.

  “What do they mean?” He began to suspect that there was a large portion of Fionna’s life that he’d completely missed.

  “Well, Kalani means ‘from heaven’ or ‘heavenly’.” She wrinkled her nose as her cheeks colored.

  “Well, then, I’d say that’s perfect. I might start calling you ‘Kalani’.” Dan only added to her embarrassment, though he’d meant every word. He wanted to know why she’d added the second name. “What does ‘Halia’ mean?”

  She drew a deep breath and let her eyes close for an extended blink.

  “Halia means ‘in remembrance of those that have gone before us, and that even if they aren’t here, they’re still with us’,” her chin trembled as she choked out the meaning.

  Dan pulled her close. He reclined back on the pillows on the bed and held her tightly to his chest. He felt her tears bead and flow over his skin.

  “Fionna, what happened, honey? Who went before you that wasn’t supposed to have?” He was unable to believe what she as saying. She sat back up and scrubbed her hands over her face. Dan followed her now extremely concerned.

  “Can I tell you something that you can’t tell Rainer or Logan? Emily and Garrett don’t even know.”

  He grasped her hands and returned the energy he’d just drawn from her. He supplied her with strength where she’d supplied him with peace.

  So very honored by her request, Dan nodded.

  “Of course. You can tell me anything, sweetheart. I would never tell anyone.”

  “Ok, just let me say all of this, please, even if I cry.”

  He nodded his understanding. If she just needed him to listen and not respond, that’s precisely what he would do. She closed her eyes and drew from him deeply. He felt the energy leave him, though it didn’t weaken him in any way.

  “The woman you heard me on the phone with last night isn’t my mom.” Her voice caught as she tried to go on. “I mean, she is my mom, but she’s my stepmom, not my actual mom,” Fionna fumbled over her words.

  “My mom was Hawaiian, and she’s who always called me Maylea. She and my dad used to own a Hawaiian bakery on Kauai. My grandparents have a large farm there. That’s where I grew up.”

  “My mom was a Scholara Predilect, and she taught kids to swim and surf. She was an amazing surfer. I grew up swimming and surfing almost every day, while dad ran the bakery.” She looked like that particular part of her childhood meant a great deal to her.

  “When I was twelve, my mom and dad and I hiked to Hanakapiai Beach on Sunday afternoon, for a picnic, just like we always did,” she choked again, but then swallowed down her terror and continued.

  “There are really strong tides there. You have to be a very strong swimmer to even get in the water. We’d just started eating when we heard screaming. This tiny little boy had walked away from his grandmother, and had gotten swept up in the tide.” The tears poured from her eyes now.

  Unable to sit there and watch her cry, Dan cradled her closely. He kissed her forehead and held her tenderly. His heart fractured and the scars she’d mended began to ache. She didn’t have to go on. He understood.

  “Anyway,” she forced, “I’m sure you know what happened. My mom went in, but the tide was just too strong. They both drowned,” she shuddered and began sobbing.

  “Fionna, baby, I am so sorry,” Dan could no longer keep from speaking. She seemed to understand.

  “So, that’s what the tattoo on my ankle is for, but there’s more I need to tell you.” Dan immediately went back to listening.

  “Anyway, I refused to go back to the beach, refused to surf, refused to do anything. My dad and I weren’t that close, and I was so mad at him. I wouldn’t leave Tutu’s house, that’s my grandmother.”

  “Anyway, he was so worried about me that he moved us to Texas, close to where he’d grown up. A couple of months later, he met Gretta. That’s who I was talking to last night. Gretta used to sit and talk with me about my mom. She kept her pictures out in our house. She taught me to make Hawaiian foods and took me to see my grandparents in Kauai.”

  “When I was old enough, she made my dad let me go back every summer to live on the farm. She encouraged me to keep surfing and taking hula. She talked my dad into letting me change my middle name.”

  Dan nodded and kept her cradled tightly to him.

  “She taught me that just because someone isn’t here with us anymore doesn’t mean that you don’t still love them, or that they aren’t still very much a part of everything that you are.” Her tears returned. After wiping them away, she sat up so she could look into his eyes.

  “I guess that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Dan.” She kept her tear-filled gaze locked on his. “I know you still love Amelia, and I’m fine with that. In fact, I don’t think I could ever be with someone who stopped loving a person just because they aren’t here anymore.”

  “She’s a big part of who you are, and she always will be. So, please know that I understand how much you still love her. I don’t believe that it has to be an either-or proposition. You don’t have to give up your love for her because of me or anyone else.”

  Fionna bit her lip mo
mentarily, but then concluded her confession. “I think, if you’ll just try, that there’s enough room in your heart to love Amelia and to love me, if you want to,” she made her offer without expectation that he would, but he already did. He knew instantly. She knew as well.

  “You are just absolutely amazing,” Dan gushed as tears poured down his face. They fell onto the sheets below them and met hers as they cried together.

  Fionna laid her head on his shoulder. The motion set firmly in his heart.

  “Fi, I do, ok. I really do, and I swore I never would again. I’m scared as hell. I’m terrified, baby. I just don’t think I can say it yet. Please know that, even if I can’t tell you, I do feel it, and I have to figure out how to keep you safe. ”

  She nodded against him.

  “It’s fine. You don’t ever have to tell me, as long as I can feel it, too. You have a lot of stuff going on in there, Dan, but last night when we were together, I could feel it.”

  Dan gave in to the emotion that he’d been waging war against since she’d begun her story, the weight of what he’d carried with him since he’d dropped the rose on that casket. He began to sob and convulse. He let her soothe him and cling to him tightly.

  When he finally regained the ability to do anything but cry, she kissed his cheek and smiled his smile.

  “And my Angels tattoo means that I was twenty-one and just made the team, and my best friend was named captain, and we went out, got drunk, and got Angels tattoos.” She seemed to revel in his laughter as he nodded his understanding.

  “What about my favorite?” He rubbed his eyes; they were clouded from his tears. Then, with a genuine smile, he slid his hand from her mound to her hipbone, along the tattoo of flowers.

  “Yeah, I figured you noticed that one right off,” she laughed.

  “There is a reason it’s my favorite.” He was impressed with how he was able to joke after such an emotional night. She grinned broadly.

  “Those are violet hibiscus flowers. We have them all over our farm in Kauai. They mean that life is very delicate and that we should appreciate each day we have.” Her tears and her lengthy confession seemed to have left her tired.