desolate (Grace Trilogy, Book One)

by Autumn Grey

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, bridging the gap between us. Panic stirs in my chest as my gaze splits between his now-pale face and searching for the source of his agitation.

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he looks right, then left, and exhales deeply before bending to his waist with his hands braced at his knees. He shakes his head as though he’s ridding himself of something awful.

  “You’re scaring me, Sol.” I rest my hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently. “What’s going on?”

  He straightens and covers his mouth with one hand. “I thought . . . I . . . that sound . . .” He trails off, a haunted look on his face. He’s looking at me but not really seeing me. It’s so fucking weird. Then slowly, his face fills with color and light returns to his eyes. “I’m okay. That sound brought back some memories. I’m fine now.”

  He gives my hand on his shoulder a little squeeze and flashes me a tentative smile. “Come on, let’s go. We don’t want to keep Ivan and MJ waiting.”

  “Are you—?”

  “Grace?”

  I’m a little taken aback by the bite in his tone. It takes me a few seconds to reply. “Yeah?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I nod and say, “Okay. Cool. No problem.”

  Whatever. Message received.

  I start walking toward Mike’s Bar, fast, increasing my pace when I hear his loud footfalls behind me. He calls my name. I ignore him and continue marching forward. Something is building inside my throat, gaining momentum by the second. It’s anger. No, it’s more than that. It’s a mixture of anger and hurt.

  Abruptly, I spin around, causing him to stumble back to avoid crashing into me.

  I follow him, poking his chest with my finger, my breathing erratic with irritation. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you have no right to snap at me like that.”

  He raises his hands, palms facing me in a sign of surrender, his eyes wide with shock. “I’m sorry, okay? That’s what I wanted to say to you, but you kept walking away from me.” He pauses, lowering his head to meet my gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you like that.”

  My hand forms a fist, and I press into his hard pecs, glaring up at him. “But you did. Look, I’m worried about what just happened, okay? It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I get it. Just don’t try to bite my head off for caring about you.”

  “I remember you doing the same when I tried to befriend you.”

  I look at him, shocked and annoyed. “I—”

  He sighs, shaking his head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just . . . it’s the Fourth of July. I don’t have good memories of this day.” He pauses, fixing those intense blue eyes on mine, looking remorseful. I want to ask him what he means by that, but I don’t want to push him. “Thank you for, uh . . . caring about me.”

  His chin tips down slightly, smiling that stupid smile that makes my stomach do incredible things.

  Damn it. Does he have to look so cute?

  I roll my eyes, fighting a smile, and force my quivering knees to cooperate as I give him my back and pretend to be pissed off at him.

  “Don’t be mad at me,” he pleads as he falls into step with me.

  I look up at him. I can’t help it and sigh. “You make it impossible for me to stay mad at you.”

  “It’s my charm, isn’t it?” he asks with a full grin now. My heart beats a little too fast, and I’m breathless.

  Instead of answering him, I shake my head and laugh. His warm hand moves down my spine and rests on my lower back as he steers me toward the bar.

  When we approach the door, Ivan and MJ are waiting outside. A few people are scattered near the entrance, either smoking or chatting.

  Ivan is the first to spot us. He jerks his chin in our direction, and MJ turns to look at us as we approach. Sol’s hand falls away from my back, and I want to beg him to put it back there, but I don’t. I focus on a sullen looking Ivan, then at MJ, who is grinning wide at us.

  “Finally,” he grumbles, straightening to his full height but doesn’t let go of MJ. “You guys took your sweet time getting here, huh?”

  “Stop whining. We’re here, aren’t we?” Sol shoots back playfully, slapping his friend’s back with his hand.

  Ivan mumbles something under his breath as he herds his girlfriend inside the bar. I follow them in with Sol trailing me.

  We stop at the foot of the steps in the basement, and I glance around the small room packed with people from wall to wall. My body buzzes with excitement, and I push the memory of the argument with my mom to the back of my mind. I haven’t been to a party or a concert in forever, so I’m really looking forward to this. Maybe it will be the push I need to get out there more and enjoy life instead of spending my days at the diner and my nights at home, watching pointless TV or baking within an inch of my life or counting cracks in my bedroom ceiling.

  Ivan waves at someone across the crowded room, then turns and nods for us to follow him. Sol’s hand slides down my arm and entwines with my fingers before he shoulders his way through the mass of bodies. He’s a head taller and bigger than most people in here, so it’s easy for him to navigate his way to where his best friend is leading us.

  We halt at a table near the raised stage. Sol hooks his arm around my waist and brings me forward to stand in front of him. Just when I think he’ll drop his hand, his grip holds me tighter.

  “Guys, this is Levi, my roommate at James Fredricks College.” Ivan jerks his thumb at a guy with shaggy dark blond hair and gray eyes. He’s standing next to a stunning blonde, one of his arms around her shoulders.

  We shake hands while Ivan makes introductions.

  “You already know who you’ll be rooming with?” I ask.

  Ivan nods. “Both our dads have known each other for years. So when we realized we’re going to the same college, Levi’s mom called in a favor from a friend on the board of trustees, and the rest is history.”

  “That’s pretty cool.”

  MJ asks each one of us our drink preference, then she excuses herself and heads for the bar. Levi says something about checking if his brother needs something and takes off to the backstage.

  According to Ivan, Levi’s big brother, Jethro ‘Jet’, plays the drums for Sublime Chaos, which is the reason Levi is in town. He’s from Northford, Connecticut, and he lives a few miles away from James Fredricks.

  Since Fredricks is one of the colleges I’m looking into applying to for the next fall intake, I make the most of this opportunity.

  “Hey, Ivan. I’m thinking of applying to a few colleges that offer a business degree. Maybe you could help me with some information?”

  Ivan’s eyes widen slightly as surprise registers on his face. He and I haven’t talked a lot in the past, other than when I’m taking his order at the diner. He’s probably shocked I said more than five words.

  “Yeah, of course.” He grins at me. “Wait, I thought you were going to Brown?”

  “I changed my mind.”

  “And your mom—”

  “Stop it with the questions, Ivan. She doesn’t like it,” Sol says from behind me, and there’s a hard, unmistakable edge to his voice.

  Ivan’s eyes flicker above my head to meet Sol’s. “Protective much?”

  Sol’s chest rumbles with a growl, and when I twist around to look at him, I find him scowling at Ivan. He looks at me and clears his throat as he attempts to school his features. I can’t stop the smile on my face from breaking free.

  “It’s okay,” I whisper.

  He stares down at me and licks his lips, but he doesn’t say anything. MJ returns with the drinks, shoving two sodas in our direction and then hands Ivan a Coke. The lights dim and a large spotlight centers on the stage as the band, made up of three guys and one chick, steps onto the stage.

  They begin playing a cover of “When September Ends” by Green Day, and the room explodes with cheers and people start singing along. They follow that with a few more cove
rs and then some of their own songs, which have a pop-rock quality to them that I find I really like.

  After the first break, Jet grabs the microphone and flashes the crowd a dimpled smile. A sigh sweeps across the basement.

  “I’d like to call my brother on stage.” He shields his eyes from the bright spotlight aimed at the stage with one hand and searches the crowd. “Levi, where are you, bro?”

  Levi detaches himself from the blonde he’s with and jogs up on the stage. Standing side by side, the resemblance is eerie. Twin dimples on both their cheeks, straight blond hair falling over their eyes.

  They do the one-arm hug thing men love, then thump each other’s backs.

  “If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here today,” Jet says, ruffling his brother’s hair. “I thank him for pushing me to start this band with Jax, Will, and Fig over there.” He jerks his thumb to the lead singer, guitarist, and the second drummer respectively.

  “Want to show them what you got, baby bro?” Jet asks Levi, who shrugs. Then he turns to look at his bandmates and nods, before shoving the microphone in his brother’s hand. He jogs back to the drums and resumes his position. He taps his sticks three times, and the beginning of “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi fills the room.

  The two brothers belt out the lyrics, their voices deep and husky in that rocker style that has everyone screaming and goosebumps forming on my arms. It doesn’t take long for the crowd to join in, me included. Soon, we’re all jumping up and down, drunk on the lyrics, hands in the air and heads bouncing. By the time the song ends, I’m sweating and tipsy from the music.

  Levi takes a bow and then waves while flashing those dimples to the crowd, before handing the microphone to his brother. He hops off the stage and shoulders through the crowd while accepting high fives. I can’t help but wonder why the hell he isn’t a part of the band. With a voice like that, he could go places.

  “That was amazing!” MJ shouts in my ear, and I nod, my throat clogging with emotion.

  The band starts playing the next song, and I’m lost once again in the vibrancy thrumming in the air.

  When they finally take a break, I take a few seconds to breathe in the cigarette-perfume scented air. I don’t care that my lungs are probably covered in soot from the smoke or my clothes will smell like I slept inside an ashtray.

  Being here with my new friends, dancing and singing off-key, for the first time in a long time, I feel happy. I feel like I belong.

  Sol shifts restlessly behind me every few minutes, so I turn around, intending to ask him if he’s okay, but he beats me to it when he leans down, his lips brushing the shell of my ear, and asks, “Want to get out of here? I want to show you something.”

  “Sure. I need to use the bathroom first, then we can go.”

  His hand on my waist squeezes gently before dropping away from my body. I miss it immediately. The warmth, the reassurance of his touch.

  Sol says something to Ivan, then gives MJ a side hug before turning to face me. I wave a goodbye to Ivan and MJ. She wiggles her eyebrows playfully, and I remember her words from yesterday at the shop. Heat fills my cheeks.

  “Stop it,” I mouth, widening my eyes for emphasis.

  She just grins and waves me off, mouthing back, “Enjoy, babe.”

  Once again, Sol leads the way through the crowd with me in tow, ducking every now and then to avoid being smacked in the face by a flailing hand. We make it to the small hallway, and he points out the sign for the washrooms.

  When I step out of the bathroom, I’m distracted by thoughts of how much I enjoyed the evening and wondering what Sol wants to show me when fingers wrap around my bicep from behind. My body tenses, and my muscles lock in place as my fight or flight response kicks in. I spin around lightning fast while reaching up and grabbing the hand with both of mine. Then, I twist the wrist attached to that hand. A painful groan reaches me as my assaulter’s body doubles forward and my leg thrusts up, landing a swift kick on the stomach or groin. I’m not sure which because I’m too busy trying to disarm whoever it is.

  “What the fuck?” a familiar voice grinds out. “Jesus.”

  I jump back and stare in horror at the blond-haired boy now bracing himself against the opposite wall, doubled over to the waist.

  “Oh my God. Levi?” I step closer cautiously. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you.”

  He lets out a low moan, clutching his lower stomach with his hands.

  Not quite the groin area. Thank God.

  His head lifts, and he squints at me through the bangs falling over his forehead. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “What’s wrong with you?” I shoot back, my worry fading fast. “You should know better than to grab girls that way in a crowded bar’s hallway.”

  He props his hands on his hips and attempts to straighten to his full height, but freezes, biting down his bottom lip in pain. I shift my weight from one foot to the other nervously.

  “Did I . . . uh . . . you know, are you going to be okay?”

  He stares at me with his chin dipped and chuckles or coughs, not sure which. “Well, my balls are cursing you right now, but sure. Yeah.”

  Oh. So I did, indeed, hit the groin area. Not the lower stomach. Ouch.

  “Grace?”

  I spin around and come face-to-face with Sol, a concerned look taking over his features. “What’s going on?” His gaze darts back and forth between Levi and me, then back at Levi. “Are you okay, man? You look like you might pass out.”

  Levi points a shaky finger in my direction. “She’s tiny and dangerous, this one. She should come with a warning.” He attempts to smile but ends up grimacing. “I shouldn’t have crept up on you like that. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you I have a prospectus of Fredricks and a few other brochures in my car that you might be interested in. Ivan told me you were planning on applying there. Thought I’d check if you wanted me to grab them for you.”

  “Oh,” I mutter, feeling even worse. “That’s really nice of you. Maybe you can pass them along to Ivan later, after, um, everything is back to normal? He can give them to me.”

  He nods. “Of course.”

  “Again, I’m really sorry.”

  He waves me off with a hand. “I’ll live.”

  “Okay. It was nice meeting you, Levi.”

  This time he grins, and I notice how ridiculously cute he is. “It was quite interesting meeting you, Grace.”

  Sol’s body stiffens next to me, then he mutters, “Come on, let’s go.” He jerks his chin to Levi. “Later, dude.”

  Outside the bar, he pulls me to a stop. Then he leans forward, aligning his body with mine and caging me between the wall and his large frame. He tucks a finger under my chin and tugs it up to meet his gaze.

  “I can’t believe you handled Levi like that.”

  “In my defense, he grabbed my arm. I didn’t know it was him.”

  He flashes a grin down at me. “It’s quite sexy.”

  I roll my eyes and laugh. “I told you I can take care of myself.”

  “Remind me never to mess with you.” He pulls his hand back, sliding it down the side of my arm, and links our fingers together. He leads us back to where he parked his truck.

  As usual, Sol waits until I’m buckled in my seat before heading to the driver’s side and hopping in. Once he drives away from the bar, the silence between us remains. I had fun tonight, and I feel lighter and . . . happy. I’ve missed this, hanging out with friends and chatting about everything and nothing. And now I have something to look forward to. I can’t wait to get my hands on the pamphlet Levi promised to pass along to Ivan.

  I mentally check that off my list, then sigh happily.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, eager to know where he’s taking me.

  His hands flex on the wheel, his gaze focused straight ahead. “It’s a surprise.” He tosses me a smirk before concentrating on the road again.

  He leans forward, one hand leaving the wheel, and turns
on the radio. He settles on a station playing a heavy metal rock song.

  I watch his profile as he bites his bottom lip, gaze focused ahead, forehead creased.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He purses his lips thoughtfully. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

  I blink, wondering what he’s talking about. “Who?”

  “That guy, Levi. You said he grabbed your arm.”

  Oh. “No, he didn’t. I guess I’m a little neurotic. I’m not used to people grabbing me, so I panicked.”

  His head tilts in my direction, and his blue eyes study me intently. “I don’t like him.”

  I laugh all of a sudden, hoping he’s joking. But if that muscle pulsing in his jaw is any indication, he’s dead serious. “You don’t even know him.”

  “He looks sketchy.”

  “‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged,’” I say, quoting Matthew 7:1. “Are you supposed to judge someone before getting to know them? Isn’t that like a sin or something?”

  He shrugs. “I’m not a saint.” He pauses, then adds, “You really have me pegged for a non-sinner, don’t you?”

  It’s my time to shrug. “I don’t remember ever seeing you do something bad in school or around town. But I’ve seen you do good things for the community, Sol. Several times. You’re like this perfect guy—”

  He shakes his head, his brows bunching into a frown. “I’m not perfect.”

  I’m about to open my mouth and tease him, but the troubled look in his eyes stops me.

  “I’m . . . sometimes I feel like I’m hiding behind a wall. I feel things. I want things I probably shouldn’t want.”

  “Oh?” I raise a brow. “Like what?”

  He’s quiet for a few moments as he switches gears, and I can’t help but watch his hand at work, the muscles in his thigh tensing and shifting as his foot pushes down on the gas. His lips are pursed as a little frown forms between his eyebrows. I wait, giving him time, sensing that he’s troubled and working something out inside his head.

  The car slows to a stop, and I jolt upright. Looking out the windshield, I realize we’re parked in front of an amusement park. I look to my right, taking in the way the lights from the surrounding buildings reflect on the Atlantic Ocean nearby. Old Orchard Beach is beautiful during the day but breathtaking at night.