The Single Dad's Guide to the Galaxy: Parenting in the real world

by Roger McEwan

  DAD

  (Loudly)

  Bedtime and teeth.

  No one moves. LIV snuggles into DAD.

  ROSE

  (Whispering into the phone)

  I have to go, the movie’s finished. I love you too.

  DAD, hugging himself, mouths I love you too.

  LIV

  (Hissed)

  Daaad.

  ROG

  (Whispered)

  I’ll guts you.

  DAD, starts kissing the back of his hand. ROG and LIV pile on top of DAD as he tries to hide under the covers.

  ROSE

  (Sitting up)

  Get him.

  The battle rages for a minute or two until DAD restores order.

  DAD

  (Loudly)

  Okay that’s enough. You can have a lot of fun without being silly. Bedtime and teeth.

  ROG

  We can’t.

  DAD

  Why?

  ROG

  Because if we go to bed then we can’t clean our teeth. You mean teeth and then bedtime.

  LIV

  Yeah. Eejit.

  DAD

  (Holding up fingers to make a ‘W’)

  Whatever. I suggest you get a wriggle on or else …

  ROG and LIV, already in their pyjamas leap over the beds and exit into the bathroom. They turn the bathroom light on, illuminating the room more.

  DAD

  Are you having that bed?

  ROSE

  Yep. I don’t plan on moving.

  DAD

  Cool. I’ll have that one.

  INT HOTEL BATHROOM – NIGHT

  ROG and LIV are nudging each other as they both try and look at themselves in the mirror. ROG stands on tiptoes, allowing him to have an uninterrupted view.

  INT SINGLE HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

  ROG emerges first followed quickly by LIV, who turns the light out. They stand together in front of the double bed.

  ROG

  So?

  DAD

  So what?

  ROG

  So who gets the double bed?

  DAD

  Me.

  LIV

  (Somewhat outraged)

  That’s not fair, you promised it to me.

  DAD

  I was only joking, look at your face. LIV has it tonight and ROG, you get it tomorrow night.

  ROG

  But …

  DAD

  (Cutting him off)

  No buts. You know that’s fair.

  LIV and ROG, who is still frowning, jump into their respective beds. Rose has her eyes closed. DAD hops into his bed and switches off the TV. The room is dark.

  LIV

  Goodnight, Dad. Goodnight, Mum.

  DAD & ROSE

  Goodnight, Liv.

  ROG

  Goodnight.

  DAD & ROSE

  Goodnight, Rog.

  LIV

  Goodnight, Gutty Butty.

  ROG

  Goodnight, Hobbit.

  DAD

  Goodnight, John boy.

  ROG & LIV

  (Rose laughing in the background)

  Who?

  SCENE FADES – END

  That scene shows how far Rose, Rog, Liv and I have come. I don’t think we can be called an estranged family, we’re a family that lives in altered circumstances. The four of us are able to share a hotel room without any issues or stress for anyone, especially the children. We weren’t on holiday, it was a trip we needed to make for a medical reason and having everyone together not only made sense, it was the right thing to do.

  My journey as a parent hasn’t finished and it’ll never be completely over. Whatever their age, I will always see my children as children and feel responsible for their health and happiness. As a parent, you can feel contented only when your children are, for want of a better word, okay. If you put your children’s interests ahead of your own, you’re standing on solid ground. That may mean what you want personally has to be delayed or even abandoned and that’s simply the price you pay for being a parent.

  I often daydream of escaping to greener pastures and new adventures, but when the disappointed and disbelieving faces of my abandoned children join those thoughts I’m brought back to reality. The real trick is to set up your life so you can all escape together.