“I love you, Lou. How could I not want a child who is a part of you?”
“Hearing you say that makes me happy and sad at the same time.”
This lost child will always be in Lou’s heart, but there will come a time when she will be ready to try again. She doesn’t know it yet but I want to give her another baby. Babies. As many babies as she wants.
I grasp the sides of her face. “We’ve lost something very special, and it’s extraordinarily painful, but we will get through this together.”
She nods and our heads move in synchronization. “I’m going to cling to you with everything I have because only your love and strength can pull me through this.”
I don’t know how long we lie there holding one another, saying nothing, yet speaking to each other in a silent language we both understand. Every breath, every touch tells me how much she loves me.
But I have words to say to her. Important words.
I caress my fingertips down her upper arm. “I love you, Lou. I love you so much.”
She lifts her face and looks at me. “I love you too. And I didn’t want to go. Blair forced me to do it.”
“Rachel told me everything. But even before she did, I already knew Blair was somehow responsible for your leaving.”
“She says I’m not fit to be in Ava Rose’s life, but that woman is the one who is vile.”
Vile is too kind a word to describe Blair. “She’s trying to blackmail me into marrying her.”
“Marrying her? Isn’t she already married?”
“She has this insane idea that she will divorce her husband, and then she and I will marry and raise Ava Rosa as our daughter.”
“You can’t marry that woman.” Is that panic in Lou’s voice? Does she really believe that I would ever consider that?
“I would choose death over being married to another Lochridge woman. But she has backed me into a corner, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
Now is the wrong time to be having this conversation. We should be mourning the loss of our child. Not planning our line of defense against Blair.
“We don’t have to talk about her right now. You need to rest and recover.”
“I can’t rest until I know what she’s up to.”
No, I don’t suppose she can rest with so much hanging in the air. “Blair knows that I’m not Ava Rose’s biological father. She’s threatening to take her away from me if I don’t do what she wants—marry her and never see you again.”
Lou looks as though she’s allowing that to soak in for a moment. “She’s threatening to take a baby away from the only parent she’s ever known as a ploy to get what she wants? How can anyone be so evil?”
Lou is shocked, but I’m not. There are no limits to what the Lochridges will do. “They will use any means necessary to cut down anyone who is standing in the way of what they want.”
“She knows who fathered Ava Rose?”
“She claims to know.”
“Do you think she’s telling the truth?”
“Unfortunately, I do.” The Lochridges aren’t known for making empty threats. “She could talk him into coming forward and claiming Ava Rose as his daughter.”
“You’ve been raising her since she was born. You’re the only father she’s ever known. He can’t just come forward and take her from you.”
No, but he can petition for custody.
“I have an appointment with a solicitor next week.” And I’m terrified to find out what my rights may or may not be. “I love that wee lass. I can’t lose her.”
Lou rolls away from me and lies on her back, looking up at the ceiling. “I can’t be the reason you lose your daughter. I wouldn’t be able to get over that and neither would you.”
Blair is clever, using Lou’s tender heart and love for me as a weapon against her. But I see what she’s doing. And it isn’t going to work. “Let’s get one thing straight right now. You are mine, Lou, and I won’t lose you over this.”
“You’re going to lose one of us. She’s going to make sure that happens.”
“She isn’t going to win. I won’t let her.”
Lou’s eyes are filled with doubt and I can understand why. I don’t have a strategy for fixing this shit storm. It’s going to take time to come up with a concrete plan.
“Do you want to see Ava Rose?”
“Of course, I want to see her. Will you go get her?”
“Better than that. I’ll have Mrs. McVey pack her bag and bring her to us.” I knew that would bring a smile to her face.
“Call her now. Please. I haven’t seen her since the day I left. I can’t wait another minute.”
Lou gets up and showers while we wait for Ava Rose to arrive. She’s exhausted by the time she finishes, and her plan to move to the couch is thwarted.
Lou’s so pale and weak. But I’m going to take care of her, and nurse her back to health.
Her eyes sparkle, or maybe glisten with tears, when she sees Ava Rose for the first time in forty-six days. “There she is. My sweet angel.”
She repositions the pillows behind her back and reaches out for Ava Rose. I lower her into her arms and she cradles her like a mum holding her newborn baby for the first time. And Ava Rose lets her. “She has grown so much since I last saw her. I can’t believe how much she has changed. It sort of breaks my heart.”
I was worried that Ava Rose would fret because she wouldn’t remember Lou, but that clearly isn’t the case. I see the eye contact between them, and I know that Ava Rose hasn’t forgotten Lou at all. “She remembers you.”
“I was afraid she wouldn’t.”
Lou brings Ava Rose’s chubby hand to her mouth and kisses the top. “I’ve missed you so much, my little carrot top.”
Ava Rose steals all of Lou’s attention, and I’m perfectly all right with that. My daughter makes her happy. She eases Lou’s suffering.
I lie beside them, watching the two of them together again. And I know in my heart that this picture—Lou, Ava Rose, and me as a family—is how things are supposed to be.
10
Caitriona Louden
I stare at the ceiling tiles and Hutch holds my hand while Dr. Kimble does my pelvic exam.
“Things look good down here and your blood work is normal, which is surprising. I thought you’d still be anemic. Have you had a cycle yet?”
“I had a light period last week.”
“Very good.”
Dr. Kimble removes the vagina-opener thing and pulls the sheet down to cover my lower body. After removing her gloves, she offers her hand and pulls me into to a sitting position. She always does that when she wants to talk.
“You can resume sexual activity. Do you want a prescription for birth control or are you planning to try to conceive again?”
Hutch and I haven’t talked about it but a conversation like that isn’t necessary. I already know that we won’t be trying to conceive. “I need birth control.”
“Do you want to go back to the pill or try something new?”
I got pregnant on the pill. And I was taking it correctly. My level of trust in it is zero. “I want something different.”
“A lot of my patients like the vaginal ring. They especially like that they don’t have to think about it on a daily basis. Would that be of interest?”
I like the idea of not setting a daily reminder to take care of birth control. “I’m open to giving it a try.”
“You’ll obviously need to use a backup birth control method for a month but I’m sure you know that already.”
“Yes.”
“Continue taking your vitamins and iron until the prescription runs out.” Dr. Kimble holds out my new birth control prescription. “Do you have any questions?”
“I think you answered most of them at my last appointment.” I turn and look at Hutch. “Do you have any questions?”
I think the one he had on his mind has already been answered.
He shakes his head. “I can’t think of anything.”
When we’re in the car, Hutch laces his fingers through mine, bringing our clasped hands to rest on his thigh. “It’s a relief to hear that you’re healthy again.”
It’s taken six weeks plus a lot of vitamins and iron supplements for my strength to return. “I finally feel like my old self again.”
“You have your spark back. And your color.”
I’m happy about that. I looked like a ghost for weeks.
“I’m healthy again because you’ve taken such good care of me. Thank you for that.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Hutch has been so good to me. Feeding and pampering me. Being there when I needed to talk. Or cry.
Calvin stops the car in front of my building, and I stroke my thumb over the top of Hutch’s hand. I don’t want him to go to work. I want him to stay with me. “You should call the office and tell them you’re taking off the rest of the day.”
He smiles. “That’s a very good plan. So good that I’m glad I thought of it before I left the office and told my secretary that I wouldn’t be returning today. Calvin, that means I won’t be needing you again until the morning. I’m staying at Miss Louden’s tonight.”
“Will you need me to fetch Miss Ava Rose later this evening?”
Hutch looks at me for the answer. “Do you want her to come here or stay with Mrs. McVey?”
“I want her to be with us tonight.” I lower my voice. “But later.”
“We’ll need you to fetch her. I’ll text when we’re ready for her to come.”
Hutch and I were separated for more than six weeks, but we haven’t spent a night apart since we reunited. We’ve shared my bed for more than a month and he hasn’t tried to do anything beyond holding me against him. But that’s over. My body is fully healed and we have the green light from Dr. Kimble. We both know what we’re about to do.
Intimacy is our special time. It’s when we come together—raw, bared, exposed. We put everything else in our world aside and make that moment about the two of us.
Hutch wraps his arms around me from behind and holds me tightly, his nose buried in the back of my hair. “It’s been so long, mo maise.”
Three months feels like an eternity, especially when your separation wasn’t by choice. “It’s been too long since you’ve touched me like this.”
He kisses the side of my neck, and I instantly feel those dormant tingles coming to life again. It’s like a bundle of excitement stirring inside of me. “I want to take it slow and feel everything between us again.”
“I want that too.”
“Put on some mood music while I work on getting out of this suit. Play something soft and slow.”
“Okay.”
I made a romantic playlist before I left Hutch. I was going to play it on that last night we were together, the night our arrangement was ending, but I didn’t get the chance.
I choose the shuffle option and the first song to play is “You are Mine” by MuteMath. I couldn’t have picked a more fitting song if I’d gone down the list and chosen it myself.
Hutch smiles as he works on the buttons of his shirt. “You’ve always known how to choose the perfect music.”
Maybe it’s the writer in me but I hear a song and it always accompanies a scene playing out in my head. And I’ve watched the scene that goes with this song a million times.
“I want to do that for you.” God, I’ve missed helping him undress.
I unfasten the buttons of his shirt and push it from his shoulders. I flatten my palms against his upper chest, rubbing his pecs in large circular motions, while he unfastens his belt and trousers.
Hutch has slept beside me every night for weeks. He’s held me close at night, but I’ve resisted the urge to touch him this way, knowing what it would lead to. I held back because my body wasn’t completely healed but also because my heart wasn’t either. I wasn’t ready.
But I am now.
He grips the hem of my dress, pulling it up and turning it into a jumble of fabric on the floor. My bra joins the growing pile of clothing, followed by my panties.
Together we move to the bed, and he lowers his body on top of me. And I realize something: home isn’t four walls. It’s his warm skin on my skin, his rapidly beating heart pressed against mine, and his light blue eyes locked on my hazel ones.
He kisses me softly and slowly. When he stops, his mouth is still against mine and I feel the movement of his lips. “I love you.”
Warm liquid rolls away from the outer corners of my eyes into my hairline. “I love you too.”
I grasp the sides of Hutch’s face and kiss his mouth. “I need us to be one. I need to feel you inside of me.”
He nods. “I need that too.”
Parting my legs, he nestles between them and the head of his hard cock presses against my entrance. I’m ready. He’s ready. But there’s suddenly an unvoiced question hanging in the air.
Birth control?
Shit.
My body has healed. I could get pregnant again if we don’t use a condom but I can’t bring myself to tell him to stop. I don’t want him to stop.
It may be irresponsible but he is what I need. This is what I need. And I think he needs it too.
“I don’t have condoms.”
“I’ll pull out,” he whispers against my mouth.
I kiss Hutch’s mouth and lift my hips, coaxing the crown of his erection into me. It’s all the invitation he needs because he pushes the remaining length inside of me until he can go no deeper.
And we are one again.
Our bodies join together and I experience peace for the first time in months. I tune out the grief and sadness and only feel the love between us. He’s the calm to the storm that has been raging out of control inside of me.
I am so in love with this amazing man.
He moves in and out of me slowly and tingly waves of sensation toss and turn deep within my pelvis. A storm of moans, groans, and panted breathing brews beneath my surface.
Bending my legs, I bring them up, and wrap them around his hips. I dig my heels into his ass, making each thrust a little deeper than the one before.
His breath increases and he suddenly pulls out of me. Warm gushes of liquid splash against my stomach and oddly, I find it satisfying.
With his forehead pressed against mine, Hutch’s warm breath is rapid on my mouth. I can’t resist stretching up to kiss him. “I love you.”
“I love you too, lass. And I’m never going to let you get away from me again.”
“No worries. I’m never leaving you again.”
We make up for lost time, spending the rest of the day making love. When night comes, Ava Rose sleeps between us and I feel complete. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever be able to feel this way again.
But I’m afraid. There’s someone out there who wants to take this happiness away from me. From us.
Please, fate. I’m happy. Don’t be cruel and ruin this for me.
I want my beautiful ever after.
11
Maxwell Hutcheson
“Mr. Hutcheson?”
“That’s me.”
“Mr. Kincade will see you now.”
Alex Kincade is a reputable, highly sought-after solicitor specializing in family law. Unfortunately, that means that I had to wait weeks for an appointment with him. But he’s worth the wait. He’s from Glasgow and not in the pocket of Thomas Lochridge.
“What can I do for you Mr. Hutcheson?”
I start at the beginning and he listens intently, taking notes and occasionally asking me to clarify details about my former in-laws.
“That is one hell of a story you have there.”
“Don’t I know.”
“How serious is your relationship with Miss Louden?”
“I’m going to marry her.” If she’ll have me. And if she’s brave enough to take on all of the shite that comes along with being married to me.
“From what I’m able to gather, your late wife’s family is going to bring Miss Louden’s integrity into question. They’re going to portray her as a prostitute with loose morals whom you hired for sex.”
Of course, they will. Those are the kinds of bastards they are. “But that’s not at all who Lou is. I’m the only client she ever had.”
For fuck’s sake, Lou held on to her virginity until she was twenty-two. She’d only had sex with one other man before me. She’s the opposite of a whore.
Blair is married to another man and tried to suck my cock. She’s attempting to blackmail me into marrying her. Her morals are the ones that should be in question.
“The sooner you’re able to establish Miss Louden’s character as a loyal wife and loving stepmother, the better. You should marry her quietly, as soon as possible, and work on establishing a good reputation for her through family, friends, and your staff. You’ll only have until your former in-laws discover the marriage to do so.”
I’ve been dreading this meeting because I had expected to be advised to wait on marrying Lou, not encouraged to move forward with her.
“I like your way of thinking.”
“Marry your lass and sit tight. Your former in-laws will make a legal move at some point, but go about your life and enjoy your time with your new bride until they do. When it happens, all you have to do is reach out, and I’ll be ready to take them on.”
It feels as though a weight has been lifted from my heart and soul. I didn’t realize the amount of stress I was under until some of it was relieved by this meeting with Alex Kincade.
And the best part? I get to propose to and marry Lou sooner rather than later.
Marriage isn’t an in-depth conversation that we’ve ever had, but I know that she wants a husband and children. I just hope that she wants it with me.
A month from now is the earliest that we can be married. I need to propose as soon as possible so we can notify the registrar and fill out the appropriate forms.
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