Freedom First, Peace Later

by Jeanette Hewitt

  “It’s not right,” she said quietly.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Bronwyn, grow up.” Danny drank the last of his pint.

  “I try to understand, but I can’t,” she cried. “You’re the only person in my life who is connected to that stupid gang, and I can’t get my head around your reasons. Connor and Rosie are good people, decent people.”

  He leaned in so close she smelt the beer on him.

  “I’m not the only one involved, Bronwyn—try looking closer to home,” he spoke quietly and stood up.

  She grabbed his arm as he walked past.

  “What? Who are you talking about? Tell me!” she said angrily but he shook her hand off and stalked out of the pub.

  Grabbing her coat, she ran after him and caught hold of him.

  “Don’t walk away from me! What did you mean just now?”

  He pushed her away and she stumbled and sat down hard on the pavement.

  “Barry isn’t so righteous after all, sweetheart. Throw some of your patronising bullshit his way.”

  Lost for words, Bronwyn sat and gaped open-mouthed as Danny walked away. This time she didn’t follow him.

  * * * *

  It looked like World War Three had broken out on Rosina’s street. She groaned inwardly as she saw a cluster of women gathered around her house, her mother standing in the centre of them. She stopped and glanced around. Her blood turned cold at what she saw. The young kids in the street stared at her, footballs abandoned as a real life rebel walked in their midst. The older kids edged closer to her and she stared in shock as a great gob of spit landed on her shoe.

  Being a black sheep was new to Rosina. Raised single-handedly by a mother who ruled with a rod of steel, she had spent her whole life playing by the rules. Never had she given her mother a moment of trouble or worry and, unlike Bronwyn, she had never shoplifted, skipped school, or been in trouble with the law. She had never given anyone cause to chastise her. Until now.

  “Traitor!” shouted someone and the yell made her mother look up. For a moment they stared at each other, until Rosina hung her head and started walking again towards the house.

  The women parted like the Red Sea and allowed her through until she stood face to face with her mother, Kathleen.

  Kathleen’s hand came out and gripped Rosina’s arm, and in one fluid movement, she was pulled into the house.

  Kathleen slammed the door shut and turned to face her daughter.

  “Mam—”

  Kathleen slapped Rosina’s face. Hard.

  Tears sprang to Rosina’s eyes as she clasped her hand to her cheek.

  “How could you?” Kathleen’s face was ablaze with fury. “Why couldn’t you stick to your own?”

  Rosina trembled at her mother’s wrath and wished desperately that she could be more like Bronwyn. Bronwyn would just tell Kathleen to fuck off.

  “He’s just a friend,” Rosina whispered and instantly despised herself for not sticking up for Connor and lying about their relationship.

  “That’s a lie!” Kathleen roared as Rosina covered her face with her hands and turned to the wall.

  “Mam, please!” Rosina was openly crying now, which seemed to make Kathleen even angrier.

  “A Protestant pig! My daughter and a pig. I’m a laughing stock! My neighbours, who always respected me, are laughing at me!” Kathleen shouted.

  Suddenly, something in Rosina snapped and she spun around. She had never felt anything like the fury that boiled up inside her, and she stormed back towards her mother until they were face to face.

  “I was hurt last night, Ma. A man grabbed me and they made me watch while they shot Connor in his leg. Then they left him on the ground and came after me. I had to run away, I had to hide because I was so frightened and I was all alone out there. And you’re worried about your neighbours? You're worried that people are laughing?” Rosina shrieked. “What about me? What about your daughter? I could have been shot or raped…” she tailed off and slumped against the wall. “And you don’t care.”

  Ashen faced, Kathleen seemed paralysed by Rosina’s outburst. Before she could respond, Rosina walked back to the door. As she opened it, she turned around.

  “I’m going to visit my boyfriend in the hospital,” she said and pulled the door open wide. The crowd that were gathered looked up as Rosina strode down the path, and this time she walked with her head held high. The group sensed her determination and they let her through. When she got to the end of the road she heard her mother’s high pitched voice cutting through the crows behind her.

  “Don’t you come back here!” Kathleen shrieked. “If you see him, you’re not welcome in my house!”

  “Fine,” said Rosina quietly without turning around.

  As she walked briskly back in the direction of the hospital she smiled through her tears. All of her life she had tried to pretend that her mother loved her, that her actions were simply that of a strict mother. Now she knew it was not true. There was no love between them, and all of a sudden

  she felt lighter somehow, as though a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She had stood up to her mother for the first time in her life and it felt good. God, this must be how Bronwyn felt all of the time! And she was free now; free to do whatever she pleased. She could see Connor and take care of him. They would no longer have to hide their love. Picking up her pace, she hurried towards him, towards her future.

  Chapter Four

  Betrayals

  Stu Jackson’s bags were packed and he took a final look around the barracks that had served as his home. He wouldn’t be seeing them again for a long time, but then, that was the life he had chosen, and although Northern Ireland wasn’t his choice, at least he had a week at home to look forward to.

  Or so he thought.

  As he was about to call for a cab to the station, the Sergeant crashed through the door, startling Stu.

  “Sorry, Jackson, leave’s over. They need you guys in Crossmaglen now.”

  Stu’s heart sank to the bottom of his boots.

  “But, Sir—”

  “No buts. Crossmaglen has been put on high alert and things are about to kick off. You’re going over to Ireland with Carter and King. Truck leaves in twenty minutes.”

  With that the Sergeant left and Stu dropped his bag, aiming a kick at it in disgust.

  “Bad luck, mate,” said Mitchell, a fellow soldier who had not been put on the Northern Ireland trip.

  His tone was tone half-sympathetic, half-relieved that it wasn’t him.

  “This is horse shit!” said Stu. “Where’s Carter?”

  Mitchell shrugged and Stu opened the door into the yard to look for the other two who were supposed to be going with him.

  Stu caught sight of Tommy Carter crossing the yard towards the barracks, with Sam King striding along beside him. They ran up to Stu and, by the look on the two men’s faces, they were not too happy with this latest news either.

  “I can’t believe this! We’re not supposed to be going yet. What’s this all about?” asked Stu.

  “I.R.A is acting up. Intelligence got news of some pretty heavy duty shit going down, so they’re drafting more men in,” replied Carter. “We’re the first lot to be going, but they’re taking soldiers from barracks all over the North.”

  “I had a week’s leave,” said Stu mournfully.

  “Fuck your leave, I was supposed to be getting hitched in two days!” exclaimed Sam.

  “Sorry, man,” said Stu. “Who knows when we’ll get home again?”

  “I’ll be thinking of you guys when I’m sunning myself on a beach in Cyprus!” they heard Mitchell guffawing from inside and the three exchanged glances.

  “It’ll be his turn one day,” said Stu darkly. “Come on guys.”

  “Yeah, let’s go,” Tommy said, and together they walked down to wait for the truck which would take them into the unknown.

  * * * *

  When Barry arrived home after his cell meeting, he discovered t
he house in darkness and Bronwyn sitting alone in the lounge.

  “Hey, what’s up?” he asked as he flicked the light on.

  He stopped short as he saw the look of pure thunder on Bronwyn’s face.

  “Sis?” he asked, his hand frozen at the light switch.

  “How could you?” she said quietly. “How could you lie to me all this time?”

  “I don’t know what you mean—”

  “Yes you do,” she cut him off mid-sentence. “You’re with the I.R.A, and that makes you part of what happened to Rosina last night.”

  Barry felt his face flush and he took a deep breath. This was what he had been frightened of –

  Bronwyn finding out about his secret life. He didn’t want her thinking that he was in the I.R.A, but she couldn’t find out that he was actually there undercover.

  “It’s no big deal,” he said and moved over to the couch. “I’m not involved in any violence, that I swear to you.”

  She stood up and faced him.

  “Everything about it stands for violence!”

  “No, you have to believe me. I don’t get involved in any of that. I’ve never done anything like what happened last night, and I never will. It was sick, what happened to Rosina,” he protested. Bronwyn looked confused.

  “So, that means you don’t believe in it fully. What sort of member does that make you?”

  “It’s not all black and white, Bron. There are grey areas too,” he replied. Bronwyn stared at him for a long moment before she turned and walked to the door. When she reached it, she turned around to face him again.

  “I’ve never tried to change Danny’s beliefs about this cause, I wouldn’t try to change yours. But it hurts that you didn’t tell me, and it hurts that you think so little of Rosina that you could support something that has maimed Connor for life.”

  With that she went out of the room and a moment later he heard the front door slam.

  Many thoughts started to move through Barry’s mind. Bronwyn had said that she never tried to change Danny’s beliefs, which meant that she knew that he was a member of the I.R.A. This was something that totally shocked him; he had been certain that only he knew about Danny and his connection to the I.R.A. This made his job much harder, because if he ever had to grass on Danny, there was always a chance that Bronwyn may be involved as well.

  When Bronwyn closed the door behind her, she stopped and shivered in the cold night air. Where to go now? She didn’t want to go back inside and listen to more of Barry’s lies. She didn’t want to see Danny at the moment either. That just left Rosina. She pulled her coat tighter around her and ran to the telephone box down the road. Her hands shook with the cold as she dialed Rosina’s home number. Eventually, Rosina’s mother picked up.

  “Hi, Mrs James, is Rosie there?”

  “No, she’s not, and she won’t be coming back here.”

  Bronwyn stared dumbly at the receiver as she heard Kathleen slam the phone down. Well, Rosina must have told her all about Connor. But, where had she gone? In times of trouble the two girls always went to each other, but obviously Rosina hadn’t come to the house. The hospital!

  Bronwyn came out of the phone box and turned around just in time to see a bus turning the corner at the top of the road. She stepped off the curb and flagged it down, digging around in her pockets for the fare.

  As Bronwyn was getting on the bus, Rosina had just made it to the hospital. Connor’s mother looked surprised when Rosina came into the ward and she held her finger to her lips.

  “He’s asleep,” she whispered and motioned for Rosina to follow her out of the room. As they stood in the corridor, Mary looked Rosina up and down.

  “Well, I didn’t expect to see you again,” she said.

  Rosina said nothing and stared at the floor.

  Mary sensed that Rosina had not had an easy time of it since leaving the hospital that morning and she felt a wave of sympathy for the girl.

  “Was it very bad?” she asked softly.

  Rosina looked up and Mary saw the tears in her eyes.

  “My ma kicked me out. The kids spat on me and called me a traitor,” she said in a small voice.

  “Just like you said they would.”

  “You could get out now,” said Mary and turned away.

  “Never!” the sudden strength in Rosina’s voice startled Mary.

  “It’ll get worse,” Mary said.

  “What happened to your husband?”

  The sudden change of subject caught Mary unaware and she turned back to Rosina.

  “If you’re serious about my boy, I guess you’ll need to know what to expect. Hell, if I tell you, it’ll probably make you run faster from this hospital than you did last night when you were being chased by them murdering bastards.”

  Rosina reached out and touched Mary’s arm.

  “Tell me.”

  Mary nodded and together they went into the relatives’ room Mary had been given to use.

  “Get us some coffee, girl, this is a long tale.”

  As Rosina fed money into the coffee machine, she listened intently as Mary began to talk.

  Chapter Five

  Mary’s Story

  Crossmaglen 1960.

  New Years Eve.

  The party was at a house in Hilltown. Mary, who had just celebrated her eighteenth birthday, had a date to the party. Bob was just a casual acquaintance; there was no chance of romance, but it didn't stop him hoping.

  Just after eleven o'clock, a man came in. He was tall and his skin was dark; not Asian but the sort of hue that comes from working outside. He was the kind of man who made women give him a second glance, and when his gaze settled on Mary she blushed. He spoke with the host of the party briefly and just as he walked back out the front he turned back, sought out Mary, and flashed her a grin.

  For the rest of the evening, Mary fought off Bob's attentions as she looked around in case the mystery man had returned. Then, just before midnight, she saw him, standing alone by the fireplace, his eyes fixed upon her. As if by some unspoken agreement, they moved towards each other as the countdown to midnight began.

  “Happy New Year,” he said.

  “Yes,” Mary replied foolishly, and then he kissed her.

  It wasn’t the kiss of two strangers wishing each other a Happy New Year. It was a kiss between lovers, and Mary pulled away, quite breathless.

  “Who are you?” Mary asked, still in his arms but not wanting him to let go.

  “Billy.” He released her and held out a hand, which she shook solemnly.

  “Mary.”

  “What do you say we leave this party, Mary?” he asked.

  “But Bob...” She gestured to him and Billy cut her off.

  “Bob will be fine,” he said and took her hand.

  She felt all eyes on her as she and Billy hurried to the front door. Outside, Mary paused, not quite sure what to do. Billy took the lead however and, taking her hand, he led her down the drive, out into the road and down the hill away from the main streets of Hilltown. They spent most of the night walking and talking. They ended up at Kilkeel, sitting on the beach, not noticing how cold it was. Mary and Billy spent that night getting to know each other and, when the dawn broke over the sea, he kissed her again. At that moment, Mary, not normally one for fairytales and romance, knew that she had found her one true love. Until he told her he was Catholic.

  The troubles in Ireland, although they’d been there for centuries, had started to escalate. Mary felt like someone had punched her hard in the stomach. She knew that if she were to stay with Billy, they would have to leave Crossmaglen, leave Northern Ireland altogether. As they spoke of this possibility neither of them were certain if they were ready for that. Their earlier carefree talk now took on a serious tone. By the time the sun had fully risen in the sky over the first day of 1968, they had a plan. They would keep their relationship quiet until they were sure of their love. And they followed the plan to the letter. For nine months, they met up seve
ral times a week and made plans for when they would leave Ireland. Billy had been to New York and, as he told Mary all about the city, she knew that was where they should start their new life. Separately they worked and never spent a single penny of what they earned, stashing it away in a savings account ready for when the time came to leave. Mary cashed in a life insurance policy. Billy did the same on his savings bonds. By the time September came, they had saved four thousand pounds. It was enough to make a fresh start and they planned to leave on October the 1st. It was Mary's job to get the tickets and one Saturday in the middle of September she went to the town centre. As she neared the travel agency she literally ran into her best friend, Meg. If they had looked up at that moment they would have seen the huge I.R.A mural behind them that warned every passer-by in bold, black letters:

  Loose talk costs lives. In taxis. On the phone. In clubs and bars. At football matches. At home with friends. Anywhere! Whatever you say – say nothing!

  However, they didn’t look at anything except each other as they greeted each other with a hug. Now, Meg knew nothing about Mary’s plans; she hadn’t dared breathe a word about Billy to

  anybody yet, but now, when everything had gone so well for months, she pulled Meg into the travel agency. As the lady booked the flight to New York, in hushed tones she told Meg everything. Meg was at first concerned, well aware of the danger Mary and Billy had placed themselves in, but, as a best friend would, she hugged Mary and made her promise to stay in touch. In turn, Mary told her she must come over to New York to visit, and how much she would love Billy.

  It was only as Mary held out her hand for the tickets that she realised the assistant had listened to everything Mary and Meg had discussed. The look on her face made Mary’s blood run cold. The assistant looked disgusted, and didn’t reply when Mary bade her goodbye. Mary narrowed her eyes and snatched her plane tickets from her, mentally cursing her for being such a bigot, and pledged to not let the woman spoil her day because it was a special day. That morning Mary had found out that she was pregnant and, as far as she was concerned, it was all that was needed to complete them as a couple.