Loving Your Lies

by Shelly, Piper

  Oh. My. God. Realization struck me. He was an alien. With powers beyond belief.

  Panic surged though me, climaxing in a mental scream. All the new information swimming in my head made my brain spin like a mad carousel. Stumbling sideways then backward, I staggered through the hallway, trying to get a hold of something solid. Of myself. The screeching in my mind got more intense as I trembled.

  “Seems like you get what you want,” Julian’s resolute statement drifted through the door. “Your daughter is outside. I suppose she’s been listening all along.”

  How would he know? I hadn’t made a sound, other than my breaths and they wouldn’t return with the hysteria screaming in my mind.

  I jerked around just in time to see him coming out of the room. A dim shine of light fell onto the tiles in the hallway. Behind Julian, on the far end, Charlene sat on her bed, wrapped into a green bathrobe, her gaze one of horror. But Julian closed the door fast and cut her off from my view.

  Darkness swallowed the hallway once more. But this time an alien was with me.

  He stared at me for the length of a breath, maybe giving me time to make an escape. But when I gazed at his blue eyes that even sparkled in the dark, there was no chance to run away. In fact, there was only one direction I could move. Toward him.

  It was like getting hooked by a fishing rod and being reeled in. Mentally, I fought against the urge, but my body wouldn’t obey. The most I could do was to stay where I was.

  And then he came for me.

  Even though his demanding stride scared me, I stood rooted until he grabbed my hand. He pulled me with him, upstairs. The alien found his way easily in the dark.

  To my very surprise, Julian led me into my room, but didn’t stop when the door shut behind us. Without pausing, he proceeded to the balcony.

  “Julian, wait. Don’t—” My plea recoiled off his back. His hand curled tighter around my good, one and I stood no chance against his pull.

  A cool wind brushed my face. The night sky was illuminated with a million stars and a harvest moon hanging low. Julian stopped and turned. He closed the little space between us and gazed into my eyes, cupped my face, and pressed his lips to mine.

  Together with time, my heart stopped. For an infinite moment, Julian and I melted into each other. His kiss was fierce and demanding, and still, I had yet to come across something equally tender and soft in my life. It felt as if he’d poured his very soul into this kiss.

  And my heart opened for him to enter fully.

  I didn’t know how long we stood entangled like this. But when he pulled back, the pain of being ripped apart soared through me. I yearned to stay with him as one being. Forever.

  “I love you, Jona,” he whispered with no one but me and the stars to hear.

  And deep inside me, I felt I loved him, too, no matter who or what he was. I was devoted to this man with my mind, body, and soul. But I’ve never said those words to anyone before. And however long he waited on my reply, the words wouldn’t come through my dry and tight throat.

  With a long sigh, Julian closed his eyes and touched his lips to mine for another tender moment. Then he stepped back, turned, and walked across the balcony toward his room. A heavy burden seemed to press on his shoulders, urging me to run after him. Or to call him back at least. But tongue-tied and frozen, I watched him disappear through the floating curtains.

  25

  SHE WIPED THEM ALL OFF THE TABLE

  “SEVENTY-SIX BOTTLES of wine in the box. Seventy-six bottles of wine. Take one out and dip it into water, seventy-five bottles of wine in the box…” I sang.

  Warm water ran from the faucet in the kitchen sink. For the past couple of hours I had performed the monotonous task of rinsing one empty bottle after the other. This annoying song had crept to my mind, and I couldn’t get it out but kept singing under my breath.

  I turned the bottles up-side-down on a wide towel spread on the table where they could dry.

  Because of my injured left hand, which still felt just fine, Marie had forbidden me to go out with them to work in the field today. Afraid the dirt could make my wound worse, she gave me an easy task to fill the boring morning hours. Rinsing a stack of bottles, that Albert had retrieved from the cellar.

  They were covered with more dust than Captain Blackbeard’s rum bottle. I took care to grab each with only two fingers when picking them out of the box. Soon they’d be refilled with new wine from this season’s crop.

  About forty more waited in the box, but my bursting bladder urged me to rush upstairs. I didn’t stop to turn when the door to my mother’s room opened and she popped her head out.

  “Julian, is that you?” she asked hoarsely.

  “No!” I shouted down, then slammed the door to my room shut and went into the bathroom.

  What did she need that alien for today? Did she want to discuss matters concerning me again? If she wanted to talk to him, she would have to wait until he came back or take a stroll out to the vinery. I sure as hell wasn’t going to get him for her. Not after he’d left the house without a glance at me this morning.

  A few minutes later, I was on my way downstairs again but whirled about once more. Leaning over the sink and rinsing the bottles had drenched my T-shirt. The fabric stuck to my skin and irritated me, so I went back and changed my clothes.

  Downstairs, a door opened, and my mother’s panicked voice echoed in the house. “Marie?”

  “Oh, give it a break. You know she’s not here,” I muttered to myself. Buttoning my fresh shirt, I went out into the hallway and leaned over the banister. “Marie’s out! Everyone is!”

  I cringed at the shrieking sound of glass breaking. If Charlene had dumped the bottles in the kitchen, I’d make her clean up the mess by herself.

  A wave of anger washed over me as I stormed down the winding staircase then strode toward the kitchen. The first thing that came into view was a sea of countless green shards spread all over the floor.

  “Shit, what have you done?” Glass crunched under the soles of my boots as I entered. But at first sight, my mother wasn’t around. Maybe Lou-Lou had come in and—

  My gaze fell on a limp body on the floor. Covered with fragments of glass and blood. My heart stopped. I spun on the spot, cut a glance at the door and then back at Charlene. I dragged a clawed hand through my hair and pressed the other over my mouth. An eerie silence numbed my ears. What in the world was I to do now?

  Get back to your room.

  Close the door.

  Pretend nothing has happened.

  I could ignore her. Wait until the rest of my family came home. Julian would know what to do. He’d coddle her up as always. His regular check on her was overdue, anyway.

  Seconds ticked away, and hysteria gripped me around the throat. Where was he?

  And what if he didn’t come?

  This is it. She’s dead. It’s over. You can breathe.

  With the first long breath, tears sprang to my eyes. Figuring out how to work my mind and tongue to function together was hard. I had her name in my head and wanted to speak it out loud, to get a reaction from her. But when I opened my mouth I couldn’t produce any real sound other than a hoarse croak.

  The passing moments seemed like an eternity as I stared at the lifeless body in front of me. It was like I’d be staring into an open grave at the cemetery. My skin went ice cold. I hated Marie for bringing me there yesterday.

  ‘Do you really want her to die with a broken heart?’

  I shot around to see who’d said this. No one stood behind me. Then I realized it was Julian’s words ringing in my ears. And suddenly, the first memory from my early childhood flashed in my mind. I remembered happy moments in my mother’s arms when she hugged and loved me, twirled me around in the kitchen when her violent boyfriend was out, and it was only the two of us in the flat.

  I remembered chocolate fudge cakes. A lullaby and goodnight kisses. Even the red velvet dress she had sewn for my first day in nursery school surfaced in
my mind. It had taken a whole long week of my pleading until she had bought me the matching red patent-leather shoes.

  This woman was my mum.

  She was the one who gave me life. A good deal of it might have been miserable, but she’d tried to make up for it by bringing me to Marie’s wonderful place with people around who seemed to love me for no other reason than that I belonged in their family. And I loved them in return.

  I didn’t want her to die. Or to suffer from cancer and be in so much pain. And most of all, I didn’t want to feel angry at her any longer. All I wished for right now was peace for me and for this woman who I’d loved unconditionally so many years ago.

  Dragging my boots through the shards, I stumbled to her side.

  “Charlene?” My voice broke and I tried again. “Charlene! Can you hear me? Mum?”

  I skimmed the hair off her face. An acrid smell wafting toward me made me wince. There were traces of vomit around her mouth, stains on her shirt. Two scarlet streams of blood ran from her nose over her top lip, and angled to the left, dripping to the floor. Punctual cuts dotted her face and hands.

  Carefully, I wiped off all the tiny pieces of glass then pressed my palm to her cheek. She was hot. But at least her chest lifted slowly with steady breaths. I took her face in my hands and said once more, “Mum? Look at me. If you can hear me, please say something.”

  She was silent.

  I struggled to lift my mother from the hard stone floor. Her upper body cradled in my arms, she finally opened her eyes to me.

  I freed her of any remaining shards of glass, then gathered all my reserved strength, and heaved my mother up from the floor. Half dragging and half carrying, I took her to her room, where I lowered her to the bed and began stripping off her shirt.

  “Don’t—”

  Her weak objection didn’t make me stop. This wasn’t the moment for an argument. When her body lay undressed before me, though, I gasped. Beneath her clothes, Charlene was nothing but skin and bones. If I hadn’t seen her moving around the past couple of weeks, I would have believed she was the walking dead.

  On her night stand sat a glass of water, which I held to her lips so she could rinse her mouth and drink a few sips to get rid of the awful taste. The first mouthful she spewed into the bucket next to her bed. Then she drank in slow sips.

  From the closet, I grabbed a new shirt, opening the window on my way. Fresh air drove the nauseating smell out of the room.

  I helped my mother into the sleeves, pulled the quilt over her legs, and cleaned the blood from her face with a wet cloth.

  She gaped up at me and reached out one shaky hand.

  Too exhausted to stifle the sigh in my throat, I sat on the edge of the bed. Her hand felt cold, sweaty. This was our first touch in over twelve years. Nothing was left of the soft, warm fingers she used to run through my hair when I was little.

  Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t bring up the strength to speak.

  “Don’t worry,” I hushed her. “Everything will be fine. In a little while.” As soon as Julian came in. I cast a longing glance at the empty doorway.

  The squeeze she gave my hand wouldn’t have been hard enough to crush an ant. A single tear ran down her cheek as she made the weak attempt to smile.

  “Try to get some sleep now,” I said. “I’ll clean up and be back in a bit.”

  Glad to have a reason to get out of the room, I left her to rest, struggling to keep my own tears at bay. I couldn’t allow them to spill over in front of her.

  Emptying the bucket into the toilet made my stomach roll. I sucked in a breath through my mouth then held it until I was out of the room. With an old broom from the closet, I started sweeping the kitchen floor. It felt good to have something to do at this moment. The only other option was to walk back into my mother’s room. But my mind spiraled, and it needed to calm first.

  With all the memories, which had come back in a rush earlier, and with the panic I had felt, I found I could open the door to forgiveness. Even if it was only cracked open yet. Now, that I didn’t have to see her sorrowful eyes, I wasn’t so sure if I fully wanted to walk through it.

  It wasn’t like she could undo the past twelve years in which she’d completely kept out of my life. In which there hadn’t passed a single day that I wouldn’t brood over why she’d abandoned me.

  But this was probably my last chance to find an answer to those nagging questions. If I closed the door for good now, she might die before she could ever tell me. And before I could tell her how much I had missed her in those lonely years.

  I realized I’d stopped sweeping and instead gazed at the blank wall. Heaving a long sigh, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I knew I would be talking to her eventually, and it could as well be today. But first I needed to finish cleaning up the mess.

  In the cupboard under the sink, I found a dustpan for the shards. I knelt on the floor and wiped the broken glass onto it when the gauze snagged on the broomstick. Since there was no pain in that hand, I tugged one end loose and began un-wrapping the bandage. First slowly, but getting faster when there showed no sign of a burn underneath.

  The mull landed in a heap on the counter. I examined my hand, turned it in the light, and stroked it with my good fingers. Amazing. Julian had said I had poured boiling water over it only yesterday. But my skin was completely intact. No blisters, no soreness. It was like nothing had happened to my hand at all.

  Think.

  The story he had told me last night seemed totally unfamiliar. So there was the off-chance none of it had in fact happened. But then again, everyone had been worried and bombarded me with questions when we had come home. My family sure had seen me burn my hand before Julian took off with me to the hospital.

  Again it all came down to Julian. Something must have happened that he refused to reveal. Blimey, would this man ever make sense to me? And when the hell was he going to come in, goddammit? He should have been checking on my mother over an hour ago. If he had performed his spooky alien healing methods on her, she’d probably not even have collapsed. A weird chagrin budded inside me, and I braced myself to give him a mouthful the minute he walked in through the door.

  Vigorously twisting the bandage to a tight bundle, I tossed it into the bin underneath the sink together with the shards. If Julian failed to tell me about his secret, it might be time to ask someone else. I leaned the broom against the credenza and strode back to my mother’s room.

  But she was sound asleep as I entered. Her chest lifted and sank in a steady rhythm. I stopped three feet into the room, weighing what to do. Leave and wait outside, or sit by her bedside and watch over her sleep. After all, she might get sick again and needed my help.

  I tried to make no sound when I crossed to her bed and settled on the mattress. She heaved a sigh, but didn’t wake up.

  Hard to say how long I’d sat there, watching as she slept. But with a soft melody on my lips—the song she used to lull me to sleep with ages ago and which Julian had played for me on the piano—my head dipped forward, and I drifted off to sleep, too.

  The feeling of someone’s eyes on me woke me little later. But my mother’s eyes were still peacefully closed. Pain shot through my cramped neck as I raised my head to scan the silent room.

  Julian stood in the doorway, thumbs hooked through the belt loops of his jeans. The way his shoulder and head rested against the frame made me believe he’d been watching me for a while.

  Should I be grateful that he was finally here or stay angry that he hadn’t shown up sooner? I tilted my head back to the wall, deliberating, and eyed him through drowsy slits. My bottom lip stuck between my teeth, and a sigh rolled off my chest.

  The longing in his eyes was transparent. It made me wish he’d come closer, so I could wrap my arms around him and bury my face against his chest.

  “Why didn’t you come to check on her this morning? What have you been doing for so long?”

  “Giving you time.” His soft voice floated in the room. />
  As my mother stirred slightly, I turned to gaze at her. She probably felt his presence, too. Who wouldn’t? It was as if his aura penetrated me in waves with each breath I took. He might be doing the same to her. Maybe she was afraid of him after their conversation last night. After all, she’d said her time was up.

  “Is she going to die?” I asked him.

  “Not today.”

  So life and death really were in his hands. I took a shaky breath, steeling my nerves for the unbelievable. It was time to go for a few answers. But I couldn’t find the courage or the right words to begin.

  After a long pause, Julian straightened. He nudged his chin at my hands. “You removed the bandages.”

  I inspected my hand from all sides then dropped it to my lap. “Yeah. Seems like it’s healed. This wouldn’t have anything to do with you, would it?”

  The weak smile he gave me made my heart flutter. He held out his hand to me. “Come on. Let’s take a walk.”

  So the alien was ready to talk at last. As silently as possible, I rose and moved toward Julian. Warmth surged through me as he closed his hand around mine. But before we left, I cast a concerned look over my shoulder. “Will she wake up while we’re gone?”

  “Don’t worry. She’ll be sleeping until I call her back.”

  Ah, right. Master of minds.

  The calm serenity he emitted enveloped me completely. And suddenly, I had the feeling of being a small child holding on to the hand of an older and much wiser being than I could grasp. A person who could decide between life and death, sleep and awake. Who could heal wounds, inflict happiness with a single touch, and for all I knew, might even be able to fly.

  If it wasn’t for the immense amount of kindness rolling off him in waves, I would have been scared as hell. But right now, I looked at him with adoring eyes.

  Julian led me outside and past the field. On the way he waved at Marie and let her know we were taking a little stroll but would be back in time for dinner.