by Megan Rose
“He what?” Blake turned to Bryan.
“I did what a man’s gotta do,” he said.
“And what was that?” Blake asked patiently.
“Gave her a good slap, but it just – “ And then Blake punched Bryan in the face and Mark smiled.
“Get out,” Blake said.
“What?” Bryan looked swollen and confused.
“I’m kicking you out.” Mark suddenly felt unnecessarily threatened by Blake. Why did he care so much about him defending Lacey?
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Bryan said. “Look, all I did – “
“I don’t care if you have an explanation, it doesn’t matter. Lacey’s family. And you do not mess with my family.” Blake’s brothers from Brooklyn moved in on Bryan like Secret Service agents ready to escort him out.
“Whatever, man,” he said. “Come on, Lana,” he called over to her. She was standing toward the back of the crowd of women, covering her face. She looked away. “Lana! Come on!” Lana turned around and walked away from Bryan, towards the bathroom.
“Dude, you’ve got to be kidding me. This town sucks. And you two are lucky you have all these backup men here, otherwise I would kick both of your asses.” With that, he turned away and stormed out of the hall.
Lacey, from the middle of the crowd of girls, suddenly burst out laughing. A few people joined in and some even clapped. The girl who caught the bouquet, who must have been a relative of Mayra’s, ran over to her boyfriend and started speaking rapid Spanish to him. He grabbed the nearest drink and downed it.
Mark made his way over to Lacey, who was clutching her side and still laughing hysterically. The crowd had dispersed and now she stood by herself, buckled over laughing so hard she wasn’t even making any noise.
“Lacey, hey,” Mark said. “You okay? It wasn’t that funny.” Actually, according to Mark, it wasn’t funny at all.
“Oh my God, Mark,” she said as she gasped for breath. “I can’t stop.”
“Okay, well just take a deep breath and let’s go sit down and – “
“No – I can’t stop. Literally.” Laughter bubbled up from inside of her and exploded. People were starting to look.
“Lacey, come on. People are looking.”
“I know people are looking, Mark!” She wiped her eye and tried to make a straight face, but a smile forced itself onto her lips. “I literally cannot stop laughing. I don’t know what’s…” And then she choked out a sob.
“Lacey?”
“Oh God…” She looked around, frantically searching for someplace to hide.
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know! I just…” She sobbed again and covered her face. “We need to go,” she said shakily. “I’m about to have a crying fit and I can’t stop it. It’s just coming.” She sniffed loudly and tried to hide behind Mark.
“Okay, come on, we’ll leave. We’ll just sneak out – “
“I have to say bye to Mayra!” she said and started sobbing hysterically. “It’s her wedding day! I have to say bye before she goes on her honeymoon!”
“Lacey,” Mark said quietly, as the half of the room was quieting down to hear what was going on. “I’m sure Mayra will understand. She and Blake are at the far end of the hall getting ready to cut the cake – “
“I’m going to miss the cake!” she moaned. “And it’s so cute too!” Sniff. “They’re cupcakes! Can you believe that? Little cupcakes stacked up to look like a real cake.”
“Lacey, let’s go.” He tugged on her arm and she reluctantly followed, blinded by her tears. Well, if people hadn’t already thought she was crazy, they would now. A sudden giggle and hiccup escaped her lips as they walked outside, and that made her sob even harder.
“What’s wrong with me?” she cried.
“Nothing.” Mark helped her into the truck. “Nothing’s wrong with you, okay? You just have a disorder and it’s – “
“It’s ruining my life is what it’s doing! I’m never going to get better.” She had finally managed to calm down a little bit. After she blew her nose, Mark got in the truck and started to speak as he put the car in Drive.
“You are going to get better, Lacey, you just have to be patient. It’s not going to happen overnight. You’ve been working and you helped with the wedding. You’re doing a lot. You’re not just going to magically feel better one day. It takes time. Just don’t expect much and then when you do feel good, it’ll be a nice surprise.”
“How do you know so much about this?” she asked.
“I might’ve scanned a few books…” he said.
“Great,” she said.
“What? What’s wrong with that? I’m your friend. I want to help you.”
“Well, sometimes you make me feel like you’re only here because you think you have to take care of me. Like you’ve been hired to be my caretaker.” She paused. “Oh my God, did someone hire you to be my caretaker?”
“No, Lacey, don’t be stupid.” Mark rolled his window down a little bit to let in some air. “No one hired me. Why don’t you ever believe me that I’m just your friend who wants to help you?”
Mark pulled into a parking space at Lacey’s apartment and turned to look at her. “Lacey, I like being with you. Even when you’re laughing and sobbing hysterically. Did it ever occur to you that I hang out with you because I want to? Not everything’s about you, you know.” With that, he unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car, making his way to the passenger side to help his one-armed companion.
Chapter 12
The next few months went by slowly, as Lacey was on and off different medications every week. She would feel better one day and then get a crippling side effect that meant she had to get off her new medicine the next. It was an endless cycle of good days full of hope and miserable days full of tears and screaming.
Mark stayed with her and listened to her when she yelled, wrote out grocery lists when her hands shook, took her to the doctor when she had serious medical side effects, forced her to eat when she wasn’t hungry, made her laugh when she was hiding under the covers in her bed just waiting for time to pass, and made constant excuses for her so she could miss work (all the while being subjected to Lana’s greedy stare). It was a nightmare for Lacey, who was suffering beyond belief. And it was a nightmare for Mark, who had to watch.
As Daylight Saving Time began, it only grew worse. She was depressed more of the time, and she didn’t even want to make Christmas cookies, her favorite part of winter. (Sure, they were just the slice and bake kind, but still.) Mark often had to change the channel when they were watching something on TV that would unexpectedly strike Lacey as emotional.
She looked at Mark while watching Home Alone and said, “I stepped on an ornament once.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Why would he do that to Marv? It really hurts! That’s so mean!”
Mark thought maybe all of her outbursts would be funny if they weren’t so genuine. She really did just want the Heat Miser and Snow Miser to love each other and be friends. You couldn’t even mention the name Jack Frost to her, and when she saw Malfoy steal the remembrall from Neville, she got so frustrated that she had to go outside and literally stomp around the parking lot until she felt better.
There were some days that she was so angry, she just jumped up and down and went running in place until she was dripping with sweat and was too weak to do anything else. She’d watch TV when she ran, and there was always something horribly wrong with whatever was on. They watched Frosty the Snowman and all she did was curse out the sun.
Carolers came and she wept because she had no hot cocoa for them. And then she wept because she wished she could be out caroling with them. And then suddenly she was online buying sheet music so she and Mark could get a group together to go caroling. He let her plan it, and after buying two songs she was tired and tried to go to sleep.
That was the other problem. Lacey spent night after night wide awake, miserable, wishing she could sleep. Sometimes she wou
ld cry, but most of the time she was too despondent to do even that. She just lay there, tossing and turning, until Mark would wake up and try to help her pass the time. Then she slept through the day and missed work, and Lana was starting to grow impatient. As long as Mark was covering for Lacey, though, she wouldn’t fire her.
There were, of course, times when Lacey thought she was doing very well. Like when she wrote a rap about Christmas and wanted to make a Youtube music video. Mark tried to gently suggest that she might be a little bit manic, but she got angry. “Why is it that every time I have a creative thought I must be manic? People do creative things sometimes, Mark!” But he was usually able to get her to quit whatever she was doing before she completely embarrassed herself.
✽✽✽
It was Christmas and Lacey woke up to an empty apartment. “Mark?” He wasn’t there. She looked at the clock. 9:00. It was too early to be picking up his sister from the train station. They were supposed to pick her up at 2:00 and go out for an early dinner, then go back to Mark’s apartment, where Natalie and her girls would be staying.
Lacey was oddly nervous to meet Mark’s family. She didn’t know why. She felt a little awkward tagging along, but her parents went down to Florida to visit family, and Mark wouldn’t let her stay home alone on Christmas. She was excited to meet Natalie and thank her for the sling in person, and since her family was moving to Whindry in February, it would be nice if they knew someone in town other than Mark.
But with Mark gone, Lacey wondered if she was still a part of his holiday plans. Maybe he decided he’d rather have a Christmas without mood swings and the unpredictability that came along with bipolar disorder.
Then Lacey’s front door opened. There was Mark, holding a pastry box and two hot to-go cups. “Merry Christmas!” He smiled.
“Mark! Merry Christmas!” She managed a small smile. “I thought you left.”
“What? Where would I have gone? You think I would just leave you all alone on Christmas?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
Mark walked in but kept the door open behind him. He placed the pastry box and cups on the table. “Croissants and hot chocolate,” he said. “And guess what flavor the hot chocolate is.”
“Um…chocolate?” she said as she took the lid off of one of the cups. Blowing on her drink, she glanced at the open door and at Mark who stood, waiting eagerly for her to take a sip. She did. “Nutella!” she yelled. “This is the greatest hot chocolate I have ever had!” She put the cup down and jumped up on the couch so she was nearly as tall as Mark. “This is the best Christmas ever!”
“Well, I don’t know about that, but…” He glanced at the open door. “Wait here for a sec.”
While Mark ran outside, Lacey bounced up and down on the couch a little bit until she heard a loud creak. Then she sat and drank her hot chocolate.
“Okay…” She heard Mark coming from outside and wondered what he was up to. “Say hello to…Peanut!” He walked through the door and held a tiny, fluffy, white puppy with big eyes and a wagging tail.
“Mark!” Lacey stood up. “You got me a dog? I don’t know if I can take care of a dog. But he’s so cute!” She ran over to the dog and started scratching its neck.
“Maybe you can’t, but I can. And I don’t mind. I wanted to get her anyway. She’s sweet. She was left on the side of the road near the edge of town. I adopted her from the Whindry Animal Shelter.”
“Oh my goodness,” she said in dog-voice, “you’re a cutie pie, aren’t you? Yes you are, yes you are! What’s her name?” She switched back to regular human voice.
“The shelter named her Peanut, but you can name her whatever you want. She’s yours. I have a leash and toys and food and stuff in the car. I’ll go get it and you two can bond.” He handed the dog over to Lacey, whose arm had healed in September, and she instantly felt better. Maybe a dog was a good thing for a depressed person to have. How could you not smile at her sweet little face?
✽✽✽
Lacey and Mark and Princess, as she was named, spent New Year’s eating frosting from the can and watching Mean Girls (both things had been Lacey’s idea) – watching Mean Girls was a part of Princess’ initiation into womanhood – even though they had no clue how old she was.
In January, things were a tiny bit brighter – Lacey claimed it was because of the dog. They were now forced to go outside and walk her every day, which Mark had been trying to get Lacey to do for a long time. Walks outside were supposed to be good for people with depression, but what depressed person wants to go on a walk? Turns out, when you have a dog, the task doesn’t seem so daunting.
It was Valentine’s Day and Mark went to his sister’s to help her finish up packing and move into her new house the next day. Lacey was content with Princess on her lap, watching The Notebook (and crying through much of it). At 9:30, though, there was a knock on her door that woke Princess and Lacey, who had both fallen asleep during the movie. “Hold on a minute,” Lacey mumbled.
She dragged herself off of the couch and made her way to the door. Yawning, she pulled it open without checking through the peephole first. (Mark would’ve killed her.) Opening her eyes fully, she took in the figure standing opposite her. It was Connor.
“Connor?” She rubbed her eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Hi Lacey,” he said quietly. His eyes were red and his face was blotchy. He looked terrible.
“Connor, what’s the matter?” He really looked bad. She worried she might have to call an ambulance.
“Listen, I know things with us aren’t…I wasn’t really…I said…”
“It’s okay, Connor. I was being a jerk. Now come on in.”
Connor stepped through the threshold and Princess bounced over to him, yipping at him like he was doing something wrong.
“It’s okay, Princess,” Lacey said, “He’s our friend.” Lacey ushered Connor over to the couch and Princess followed, on Connor’s heels.
“I am? Still? Even after I was so mean to you?”
“Connor, you weren’t mean to me. I was mean to you. Can you forgive me?”
“Oh yes, of course. Lacey, you’re such a good friend.” He sniffed. “I’ve had such an awful night.”
“What happened?” She looked through the candy wrappers that littered the coffee table so she could offer some chocolate to him, but there was no candy left.
“Well,” he said, “you might find this hard to believe, but I had a date.” And then Lacey put it together. It was Valentine’s Day. Someone had played some terrible trick on Connor and broken his heart. She’d kill them.
“We went to this place that’s pretty far away from school, so I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew there. It was a nice French place, and things were going really well.” Lacey didn’t want to hear the story. She braced herself for the worst.
“Then, Claudia and Joe came in with some older guy. Turns out, it was Claudia’s dad. He owns the restaurant. He wanted to take Claudia out for Valentine’s Day but so did Joe, so they compromised and all three of them went out.
So, I was trying to hide from them so they didn’t see me, and my date was getting suspicious and didn’t understand why I was acting so weird. Then I saw Claudia coming over to my table and I just knew I was done for.” Princess yipped ominously.
“She saw us and told us what a cute couple we were and took a picture. She said she was going to post it all over so everyone could see that I had a date for Valentine’s Day.”
“Well…that sounds nice,” Lacey said.
“It wasn’t,” he replied. “I tried to tell her it wasn’t a date, and I tried to hide my face from the camera, but I know she got a good picture. My date got really offended and left and Claudia just laughed at me and said it was ‘too good.’”
“I don’t understand. Why did you say she wasn’t your date?”
“Because it wasn’t a ‘she,’ Lacey.” Lacey sat silently for a minute. She didn’t get it. “It was a guy. I was on a
date with another guy.” He paused. “I’m gay.”
Well, she wasn’t expecting that. “Oh, Connor…”
“I just wasn’t ready for anyone to know. And my date was so mad at me, and I really liked him. I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.” Connor’s eyes began to tear up. “And that’s not even the worst part. I got back to my dorm room and they duct taped the word ‘fag’ on my door.” At that, he started crying and Lacey’s heart absolutely broke for him. She couldn’t believe she ever even thought that those people were cool.
“Connor, I’m so sorry.” She engulfed him in a bear hug and he sobbed on her shoulder. Of course she felt bad for Connor, but it felt nice to be taking care of someone else for a change. “You know what?” she said. “Let’s just go to sleep. You look exhausted, I’m sure you could fall asleep right now. You’ll feel better in the morning when you’re not so tired and it’s not so fresh. Come on, you can come sleep in my bed,” she said.
“I don’t want to take your bed,” he said. “I can just sleep on the couch.”
“You’re not taking my bed. I’m sleeping there too. You’re gay, right?” Connor looked at her quizzically for a moment and then laughed.
“Yes,” he smiled, “I am.”
“I’m gonna kick those guys’ butts,” she said as she put her arm around Connor and led him to her room. “Oh my gosh. I bet you hated it when I kissed you!” He laughed.
“I don’t think that was a real kiss,” he said. “You might as well have kissed a statue.”
“Oh Connor,” she said, “I really do love you. You can stay here whenever you want, okay? Don’t worry about Mark. I’ll make him be okay with it. And we don’t even have to tell him why you’re staying here if you don’t want.”
“What, is Mark living here now?”
“Kind of,” she said. “He’s not here tonight though.”
“You’re kidding,” Connor stopped and looked at her.
“What?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day. I didn’t think of it until now, but shouldn’t he be out romancing you?”