A Silent Prayer

by Samreen Ahsan

“Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention please?” The conversation dies down and everyone looks at me, including Rania. “I thank everyone who honored us by your presence here tonight. I hope you are all having a good time. Dinner will be served shortly. But before that, I would like to surprise all of you with a special performance. I recently learned that most of the people around us are already in a festive mood.” I look toward Rania. Her mouth is open in surprise. “But there is something I would like to mention before the entertainment starts.” I pause for a moment. “We light our homes and our surroundings at night during this season, yet we forget to light our hearts, which remain in the darkness. Someone told me a very nice thing, which I will remember always. The lights at night tell us that no matter how much darkness there is, only the light can dispel it. Thank you all. Please enjoy the evening.” I put the microphone down and hear people clapping all around the ballroom. I watch Rania’s expression, and she looks completely baffled. I decide not to approach her right now, so I take another route and stand beside Ali to wait for the surprise.

  Black curtains drop behind the stage, providing a backdrop. As soon as the music starts, twelve young girls appear, dressed in light pink dresses with pink masks over their eyes, and begin to dance. The black background curtains are covered in stars and sparkles, providing a magical experience for the audience. The lights in the ballroom dim, to enhance the shine of the stars onstage. The sparkles remind me to look at Rania instead of watching the performance. She is engrossed in it, tapping her feet to the music. It warms my heart to see how much she loves the dancing. I’d arrange the whole performance just to see that look on her face. I’m glad she decided not to leave, even though she didn’t answer my text.

  I walk toward her just as the music is about to end. I want to ask her if she liked it. I want to hear her words, see if the dance brought some joy to her sad eyes. When I get close enough to read her eyes, I see tears streaming from them. I stand frozen, unable to take another step. Her tears draw a boundary all around her, an unapproachable territory. If I dared to cross that boundary, I would likely get burned. She looks down for a moment and wipes her tears with her napkin, then looks around to see if anyone noticed. She doesn’t know I’m the only one who can’t see anything except her. She glances once again at the crowd, and heads for the main door to escape.

  What the fuck just happened?

  Everyone else is busy applauding the mesmerizing performance, but my eyes keep following her. She cuts through the crowd and exits. I follow her blindly, ignoring the people trying to talk to me about the performance. I desperately want to know what made her cry. I wanted to see joy in her eyes, yet I’ve made another blunder and grieved her once again. Luckily, I catch her in the lobby.

  “Rania, I won’t ask what made you cry, as I believe it would be too personal, but I am extremely sorry if I’ve done anything wrong, anything disrespectful.”

  “No, please.” She looks at me strangely. “Please, don’t apologize again and again, when you haven’t done anything. It is very embarrassing.”

  “I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” I whisper politely.

  “I should be the one to say sorry.” She shakes her head and closes her eyes in despair.

  “Why are you sorry? About our dance? Trust me, it’s okay! In fact, I’m delighted that you trusted me.” I pause for a moment and then continue. “But about that performance, I saw you crying. I thought that you enjoy watching and doing dance. I thought it would please you.”

  “How do you know?” She looks up at me. “How do you know I dance, or that I like dance?” She keeps looking in my eyes, and it’s my turn to avoid her gaze.

  “Remember… you called me a stalker this afternoon and…” I look up at her with a smile. Our eyes meet and we burst into laughter together. I still see tears in her eyes, but she is better than a few minutes ago.

  “I would like to know someday how your secret spying agency works.”

  I would like to tell you, someday, how I feel about you. I speak in my head but can’t let her know what I’m thinking.

  “Adam, I want to go home now.” She requests it so gently that it almost melts my heart.

  “The dinner is being served. You haven’t eaten anything. You can’t leave without dinner.”

  “Thanks for asking, but I don’t think I feel like eating anything right now. Please allow me to go home.” Her humble plea makes me speechless for a moment. I have no right to keep her here, but I want to be close to her. I want to take away her tears, make her laugh like she did when she was dancing with me.

  “If that’s what you want, then I won’t force you,” I say, looking into her eyes. She’s left me no choice. “Come, I will drop you home.” I guide her toward the exit.

  “No, thanks. You are the host of the party. Please don’t bother. I will get a cab.”

  “No, Rania. You are not going in a cab, and I would appreciate it if you don’t argue anymore about this.” My tone is a bit harsh and she looks fearful again.

  “Thanks for your concern, but you should join your party. Ben must be looking for you.”

  “If that’s the case, then I must go.” I know the greedy bastard is waiting for me. “But I will ask Ali to give you a ride. It’s almost ten, and too late for you to use public transport.” She stays quiet, but nods in agreement. I call Ali and ask him to join us in the lobby. “I still owe you dinner, by the way,” I murmur, as if I’m talking to myself. She hears me and peeks at me with surprise. “You’re leaving without eating anything.” I look up and discover a beautiful smile waiting for me.

  “You are a good host, Adam.” Her praise affects me like a warm breeze in the harsh snow.

  “Thanks for the compliment, but I would really like to take you out for dinner. Perhaps tomorrow night?”

  “Tomorrow?” I realize it’s still too soon to ask her. “I have some plans tomorrow, but—”

  “Oh yes, I forgot. With Mike, of course.” I glance around to distract myself from the discomforting idea of Mike sitting beside her, having a romantic dinner.

  We both remain silent until Ali appears to break the ice. “Ali, please give Miss Rania a ride and make sure she reaches home safely.” Ali looks at us both quizzically.

  “Certainly, Mr. Gibson.” I give him a secret we-will-talk-about-it-later look. I glance back to her.

  “Where did you put your jacket?”

  “I gave it to the coat check lady.” She opens her clutch and takes out the claim check.

  “I will bring it.” Ali excuses himself and leaves to get her jacket.

  Before we get a chance to say anything, Ali comes back. I take the jacket from him and help her into it. Her jacket is ash-gray, and the style complements her body. It has her fragrance, too. She hands me her clutch while she buttons it. Ali wisely stands at a distance, to give us a chance to exchange good-byes.

  “Thanks for the wonderful evening, Adam.”

  “Wonderful?” Really! I give a wicked smile. She understands it very well. She looks down shyly.

  Damn me! I embarrassed her again.

  “I should leave now. Thank you. Good night.” She steps back and waits for my response. Say something, you fucking dimwit, before she leaves!

  “Good night, Rania.” I also step away from her, and watch her leaving the lobby with Ali. You are such a dumb ass, Gibson.

  I join the party again. There are many people waiting for me, from business associates to paparazzi. They all talk to me with interest and take pictures of me, but my mind is somewhere else. I respond to everyone with yes and no answers. No one has the slightest idea what’s on my mind.

  You threw the party for her and she left without eating anything. How could you eat now?

  I realize that she’ll be going home with an empty stomach. I text Ali, asking him to get something for her to eat, with her permission, before drop
ping her off. The party is supposed to end at midnight, and I’m disappointed she left so soon. I wanted to be with her, but she reminded me of my damn position, which forces me to be here with a bunch of brainless people.

  I divert my mind to the business conversation, as thinking about her is not profitable. I can still feel her in my arms, see the way she cried and opened up to me; it was far more exhilarating than any million-dollar deal. After so much trouble, I was able to give her comfort, though it was just for a moment. I want to know so much about her that even if I spent my whole fortune trying to dig out information, I wouldn’t be able to find it all. Everything is in her heart, and my power fails there.

  What had happened to her that brought tears to her eyes? Whom did she remember when she saw the dance? People are still talking to me, and I am lost in thoughts of her.

  “Hey, Mr. Gibson. I was looking for you.” I turn around and find myself facing Ben Dynham.

  “Good evening, Mr. Dynham. Thank you for coming.” I fake a smile, and curse him in my heart. It’s all because of you, you prick.

  “It’s a wonderful party, Mr. Gibson. We all want to thank you for the lovely welcome dinner. I look forward to our prosperous business relationship.” The bastard can’t talk about anything besides business. He doesn’t care if his son’s girlfriend was crying in my arms a while ago. “I was looking for you to personally thank you for your hospitality, but I guess you got busy with something.” I know what you want to ask, you greedy monster. He’s waiting for me to say something, but he doesn’t have the balls to ask where Rania is.

  “Oh yes, I went to see off Miss Ahmed. She wasn’t feeling well.”

  “She left? So soon?” he asks me with surprise, pretending he doesn’t know.

  “Yes, she asked my pardon for leaving early, and I sent her home safely in my car.” Don’t be hard on her, you moron. He reads my expression, but he’s lucky he can’t read my mind. I swear to myself, if he even thinks of pushing her at me one more time against her will, I will take his balls off. Ben Dynham smiles back at me with an expression that says he has found out everything he wants to know from me.

  I don’t notice when Ben leaves. I’m too busy wondering if Ali has asked her about the dinner. Ali knows how to deal with women, but this time, it is my woman and it would be hard on his nerves too.

  Yes, my woman.

  I close my eyes for a moment to picture her in my head, and my phone distracts me with a text message.

  I have no doubts about mentioning once again that you are a good host. Thank you for the dinner. Your special man was kind enough to let me know that you wanted me to eat something. I appreciate your concern. I am enjoying my chocolate shake right now, but I would like to let you know that I have reached home safely. Thank you for what you did and for everything you tried.

  Rania

  I stand frozen, reading her message again and again. So she did realize that I was trying something. She did get my hidden messages, which I couldn’t say due to her innocence. Ali is right. She is intelligent, besides having the beauty of a goddess. Suddenly, I feel lighthearted. I see people noticing that I’m smiling to myself.

  What am I? Fourteen?

  I take the corner seat at the bar and start typing.

  Your praise has actually made me believe that the light exists. I am able to see it now. But a chocolate shake is not a dinner. I still owe you one.

  I wait for her message eagerly, like a child waiting for candies. I don’t even notice when the bartender hands me a drink. My phone vibrates again with her text.

  What if I say, I owe you a dinner?

  I look at her message dubiously. People around me are talking to me; I have no fucking clue what I’m saying. My mind is on the wireless ride. I can’t understand her last message.

  What do you mean you owe me?

  I wait for her reply. It takes forever. After ten minutes, I receive her response.

  You were very kind today . . . and understanding. I want to thank you. Would you give me the honor of being your host? I will try to be a good one.

  What? Is she inviting me for dinner?

  I can’t believe my luck. I jump from my seat in excitement, which startles everyone around me. Is she joking? Or playing games with me?

  Calm down, Gibson! You are not a fucking adolescent.

  I decide to cut the crap of sending messages and waiting for them endlessly, so I call her.

  “Excuse me, gentlemen. I need to make an urgent call.” There’s too much noise in the party hall, so I escape to the lobby. I dial her number with my heart pumping frantically.

  After three rings, I hear her beautiful voice. “Hello.”

  “Hi. This is… umm… this is me.” You don’t have a name, moron? “I hope I didn’t disturb you.” I can hear the hesitation in my voice. The oh-so Mr. Confidant is finally shaky and nervous.

  “No, you didn’t. But you surprised me. Your party is over?” I can hear her sipping her chocolate shake. She can do magic with her voice too.

  “No, the party is still going on. Listen! Are you playing some game with me?” I’m trying really hard to conceal my nervousness.

  “Game? What game?” She sounds surprised. Oh no! Please don’t hang up the phone.

  “Your last text. I couldn’t understand it. That’s why I called—”

  “Oh, really? I thought you were intelligent enough to decode messages.” She interrupts me, and from her tone I can sense she’s smiling too. She’s in a lighthearted mood.

  So, she is playing games.

  I remain silent, as I don’t know what she has in mind.

  She continues, “Adam, you have been really kind to me today. I have been thinking about…” She pauses for a moment and then continues hesitantly, “. . . us and I found myself at fault. You proved to be a perfect host tonight, and I escaped from there like a fool.”

  “That’s all right, Rania. It was your wish not to stay. I had no right to ask you—”

  “No, please, Adam. Let me finish what I have to say.” Her voice warms me through the phone. “I don’t want you to think that I am some rude, self-centered girl. It’s just that I am not comfortable with strangers. This morning when you asked me out, I didn’t know what to say, as I never expected that. I didn’t know how to deal with you, so I escaped. I am still surprised that you wanted to see me again after my rude behavior. Yet, you found another way to meet me and arranged a party.” She pauses for a moment. I hear her breathing. So, she knows I threw the party for her. “I am not blind, Adam. I can see your kindness and… feel it too. But what I don’t get is that even when I was not good to you, you were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I never thought I could cry in front of a stranger… I—”

  “You still consider me a stranger?” We are not strangers, Rania. We were never meant to be.

  “I don’t know. I just want to say I am very sorry about my rudeness. And I want to make it up to you. I know you went to a great deal of trouble for me and I left the party in the middle, without saying why. You were kind enough to understand me. I have no words to thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, please.” It is not me who is kind; it is you, who has a tender loving heart.

  “No, Adam. Please let me thank you. Let me be a good host. I know it is not enough to reciprocate, but I really want to invite you for dinner. If you can take some time out of your busy schedule… on Sunday evening?”

  What? Is she serious? Is she inviting me?

  Of course, it’s just a dinner, but at least I can hope for more. You don’t need to ask. I smile from the other side of the phone.

  “Rania… I really don’t know what to say. I am… awed. I feel honored that you’re asking me. But please, let’s make it the other way around. I would like to take you to dinner.”

  We both pause for a moment. As soon as I t
hink of saying something, she interrupts me.

  “But I want to thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me for anything, Rania, but if that’s what you wish, we will meet at the place of your choice. You can offer me your hospitality there.” I can’t stop smiling, and I feel she is too.

  “Please, Adam. Don’t complicate it. It would be on me. And you need to choose the place. I don’t know what kind of food you like.”

  “I will eat anything you want me to. Whatever pleases you, pleases me.” I imagine her cuddled up in bed, wearing her nightdress. I wish I could have seen her when I made her smile.

  “Thank you, Adam. I will text you the address tomorrow. We will meet there at seven in the evening.” I don’t want this conversation to end so soon.

  “If you don’t mind, can I pick you up from your place?” I feel the nervousness in my voice, and I am sure she hears me too.

  “I can come by myself. Please don’t bother.”

  “If you are not comfortable with the idea, I will send Ali to give you a ride. But please, no cabs or subways. Consider it a way of thanking me, if you really want to.” I am literally bargaining with her. Is this some kind of a business deal?

  She pauses for a moment, thinking. “But then, how would you get there?”

  “Rania, I own more than one car,” I murmur. I hear her giggling on the other end.

  “Of course, I almost forgot. I am talking to Mr. Gibson.” Her innocent giggles gladden my heart too. I see people passing by giving me strange looks. No one has ever seen me smiling over a phone call. She continues with a hint of humor in her voice. “All right then, I will see Ali at seven on Sunday. If not tomorrow, then I will text you the address on Sunday afternoon.” She is still sipping her chocolate shake.

  “I’ll wait for your message, Rania.” And you don’t know how desperately I’m waiting to see you again. How will I pass these forty-eight hours? Rania, you’re sending me to an endless journey of time.

  “Good night, Adam.” Say something, you moron.