A Silent Prayer

by Samreen Ahsan

  “No, baby! We need to talk about it right now. He chased you to the other side of the country and now he’s taking you to meet his parents. Has he proposed or what?”

  “Oh my God, Mike! How could you think that? And why do you think, of all the women in the world, he would propose to me?”

  “Because, among all the women in the world, he has chosen you to meet his parents.” He spits his words in annoyance. “And of all the men in the world, I am the last one to know.”

  “Don’t be sarcastic, Mike. You are the first one to know. And the last one too.” I snap at him.

  “Then why is he taking you there?”

  “It’s not him. It is me who is taking him there. He has some issues with them. I am just accompanying him, to make sure he behaves well.”

  “Ha!” He laughs hideously. “Since when have you started teaching manners?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. He is a good guy. Sometimes he loses his patience. That’s all.”

  “Okay, I trust you, girl. But, what if the news leaks out? You know how the paparazzi chase him like vultures. He is one bloody ticking time bomb.” Mike’s statement makes me speechless. He is right. What if someone spreads the news that I am going to his family home? This will definitely reach my father. Should I ask Adam to keep it private? But how can he? Anyone could see us there. “I hope that doesn’t happen,” Mike says. “Good luck teaching him manners. Take care.”

  He hangs up the phone without waiting for me to say good-bye. He sounds grouchy, but I know he’s right. I should have thought about it, before committing to Adam, and now it’s too late to back out. I will mess up everything. He has done so much for me, which I can never repay, but at least I can be by his side when he most needs a friend. I have complete faith in Mike, that he will be my secret keeper. Although Ben has always tried to dig out the words from his heart, he has always stood by me.

  Time feels like it’s passing too slowly. I want to see Adam soon, but I don’t want to give him the wrong signals, when I don’t know what I am feeling right now. I change my clothes and decide to hit the mall to get something for Adam’s mother, since it’s her birthday. I end up buying a beautiful flower-shaped brooch for her. It is a generic gift, perhaps, but appropriate for someone I don’t know well.

  AN UNSPOKEN TRUTH

  ♂

  What time are we going for dinner?

  I receive her text message around 6:15 p.m., while I’m driving. Shit! I forgot to tell her what time. I reply to her immediately.

  I’m on my way already. Sorry I didn’t inform you earlier.

  After thirty seconds, my phone beeps again.

  Then you will have to come up and wait for me. I am just starting to get ready. I am not locking my front door, so make yourself at home.

  I smile when I read her message. She’s starting to trust me a bit. When I reach her front door, I let myself in silently and look around the living area. She’s still not ready. There’s a large picture hanging on the wall over the couch—a black and white photo of Rania blowing a dandelion head. Her image has been captured beautifully, as if she was not aware that it was being taken. Her black eyes are smiling innocently, her beautiful lips pursing to blow, her skin so soft and fragile, creating a blaze around her even in the still image. I lean closer to the picture to see the photographer’s name embossed on the bottom right. Mike Dynham.

  If he took this picture, that means he has the original. Can I ask him for a copy? I wonder why didn’t I notice it when I was here last week. Was I too lost in her? I look around the living area and see another photo of shooting stars in the starry night, over a desert. It looks really magical. The picture says it was purchased from a museum gift shop, with the title, “Inspired by Arabian Nights.” So she likes sparkles in the sky also. I smile and sit on a dining chair, waiting for her. She steps out of her room without even noticing me, and checks herself in the full-length mirror by the entrance closet. She is fixing her makeup, putting lipstick on her smooth lips, adjusting her top. She is humming, very low, and has no idea I’m watching her like a famished beast. She looks dazzling in a white lace skirt with a matching top; there is no way I can keep my eyes off her tonight. Someone help me with the fucking lace!

  I can’t resist. “Sing louder, beautiful. I can’t hear you,” I call out from the dining area. She looks at me in shock, as if she weren’t expecting me at all.

  “When did you come?”

  I step toward her, not losing eye contact. When I come close enough, she steps back, but I still move closer to her. She steps back again, till her back is against the mirror. I place my hand on the mirror, right above her head, and touch her face with my other hand. She closes her eyes and breathes heavily. Do I intimidate her? Her divine beauty will absolutely drive me crazy someday. I smell her intoxicating fragrance, which drives me crazy all the time, but now isn’t the right time to lose my senses. A few strands of hair are stuck behind her pearl earring, and I untangle them and tuck them behind her ear. She opens her eyes, relief on her face. I gaze at her face, riveted, drinking in each and every feature. She is so beautiful.

  At least this time she knows I’m here. “Do you know, in every man’s heart, there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty?”6 I whisper softly. Her body actually vibrates as I speak. So I have the same effect on her that she does on me. “You look like an angel fallen from the sky.” She giggles, shakes her head and pushes me away, as if I cracked a joke. When will she ever take my compliments seriously? Why doesn’t she believe how beautiful she is?

  “I have to get my clutch. I am almost ready.” She runs into her room, avoiding my intense gaze. Stop being lustful toward her, Adam. She’ll run away from you. This isn’t part of a trust pact.

  My conscience argues my demon to sleep again, and I wait for her patiently. We don’t speak through the whole hour-long drive to Burlington. She is lost in the music from the radio, and I am lost in her. She looks confident about meeting my family; in fact, I’m more hesitant and nervous than she is, facing them for the first time. The situation I have avoided for so many years is in front of me, and Rania has pushed me there in such a way that I didn’t really realize it until now.

  It’s a mild evening tonight, very unexpected in December in Toronto, and neither of us are wearing winter jackets. I park the car in front of Moores’ estate. It seems like a quiet family dinner, as I don’t see any other cars, or else we’re early. It’s almost seven when we get to the front door. She waits for me to hit the bell, and I have no idea what is stopping me.

  “I don’t know what to say, Rania. It seems so unreal. I don’t know how to handle it.”

  She places her hands firmly over mine. “Don’t worry. I am with you.” Her smile brings out my confidence. I ring the doorbell and it is opened by Mrs. Moore.

  We step inside together. Mrs. Moore looks at me with wet eyes, covering her mouth with her hands. I have no idea what to do, so I look toward Rania. She gives me a look that says to hug Mrs. Moore. I do, and it’s like a dam opening. She cries, holding my shirt tightly, not concerned about anyone else. I look up at Rania in confusion, and she has tears in her eyes too. Do all women react the same way when they’re emotional? Rania says something mutely, just moving her lips, and I repeat after her.

  “Happy Birthday…” I look toward Rania again. “. . . Mom.”

  Mrs. Moore stops crying and looks at me. “What did you just say?”

  I look at her and then to Rania, who mouths the word again. “Mom,” I say. Mrs. Moore smiles in the midst of her tears and starts kissing me on my cheeks, as if I’m a kid.

  “Oh, my baby, I love you so much. I’ve missed you so much.” She won’t stop kissing me. I manage to get a glimpse of Rania and she passes a smile to me. So, this is natural. I feel really awkward right now, standing like this, my mother kissing me like a crazy woman. Finally, she stops and man
ages to look at me. She looks old, after so many years. I see Rania mouthing words to me again, so I repeat after her. “Happy Birthday.” I hand over the gift. “Umm… this is for you.” Could this be more awkward?

  “For me? You remembered, Adam?” She looks at me and then to the gift bag. “Can I open it?” I nod in silence. She takes the box out of the bag and opens it. She starts crying again. “Adam, you still remember?” She hugs me tightly and cries again.

  “Okay. Enough being so emotional.” I hear a man’s voice behind her, and he takes my mother in his arms. “You’re making my wife cry and smile at the same time.” He hugs her tightly and caresses her arms lovingly.

  “Hello, Mr. Moore.” I offer my hand for a handshake.

  “Welcome home. It is really good to see you here, Adam. And who is this beautiful lady?” Mr. Moore looks at Rania.

  Rania offers her hand. “Rania. Nice meeting you, Mr. Moore.”

  “Call me Brian, please.” He holds Rania’s hand firmly. “Hey love, you don’t notice anyone besides your son?” Mr. Moore asks his wife.

  “I’m sorry, Rania. How are you?” My mother hugs Rania tightly. “Thank you so much for bringing him. It would never have been possible without you. You have completed my family. I owe you for life.”

  Rania slides back and smiles at my mother. “Please don’t mention it. I didn’t do anything special, but I will make sure he behaves like a good boy tonight.” She winks at Mom, which makes her laugh. “And yes, Happy Birthday, Mrs. Moore. That’s for you.” Rania hands my mother a small box. That was very thoughtful of her.

  “Oh, thank you, beautiful. This is the best birthday of my life.” She hugs Rania again and kisses her on her forehead. “Please call me Grace.”

  “Are we going to stand here in the foyer forever, or will you invite your son and his girlfriend to come in?” Mr. Moore eyes mother mischievously. We all step into the grand house and I see Eva in the hallway. She stands there silently, tears coming from her eyes. Oh no! Not again.

  “Eva?” She stands frozen against the wall, unable to move. I look at Rania once again. I don’t know why I keep looking to her for guidance. Am I relying on her too much? She pushes me toward Eva, and I go over and hug my sister. “How are you, Eva?” She cries in my arms. I’m not sure if her tears are from happiness or what. I will never understand women.

  Brian again comes to the rescue. “Come on, Eva, don’t get started like your mother. It’s time to be happy that your brother is home. I can’t handle two crying ladies in a row.” He looks at Rania. “I’m glad you’re not next.” He winks at Rania, who giggles back. Eva looks at Rania and without saying anything to me, she hugs Rania tightly, like they are two old friends who have met after a long separation.

  “I’m so happy, Adam finally found a girl. I don’t know what you’ve done, that he is here with you, but whatever you’re doing, please don’t stop it.” She looks at Rania lovingly and I see Rania is totally confused. “Please keep on loving him like this. You two are perfect for each other.” Rania looks at me quizzically, not sure what to say, so I speak on her behalf.

  “Eva? Will you let us in and allow us to sit somewhere?”

  “I’m sorry, Rania. Please, come in,” she says apologetically. I sense Rania is getting uncomfortable with this entire tear-jerking situation. Everyone thinks we’re in a romantic relationship and right now, we both are in such a state that we can’t say anything to defend ourselves.

  “I’ll ask Mary to get us drinks. It’s time to celebrate.” With that, Mom disappears into the kitchen, leaving the four of us in the formal sitting area.

  “So, Rania… where did you meet my brother? How did he ask you out? I am damn sure it was love at first sight for him. I wanna know everything.” Eva sits next to Rania, bombarding her with questions like a kid. Rania looks at me in confusion, but as soon as I decide to speak, Mom comes in.

  “Eva, stop making her nervous. Don’t ask so many questions.” Eva totally ignores her.

  “Please, tell me, Rania. I want to know everything. And tell me, how is he in bed? I hope he shows some patience there.” She glares at me and then smiles back to Rania. I roll my eyes in frustration, not sure how to shut my sister off. She is too much. Rania is silent, but she blushes deeply from shyness. Why do I get hard from her blush? She remains quiet and looks at me to answer the questions.

  “Quiet, Eva. Don’t start.” I break in to rescue Rania. “If you want to know, I’ll tell you. I met her outside my office, a week ago, okay?” I’m a little annoyed with my sister.

  “So what did you feel, the first time you saw her?” she asks spontaneously.

  “I was charmed. She is beautiful, so…”

  “Aww… that is so so so romantic. And how did you ask her out for a date?” My mother and her husband look at us, smiling for some reason. Rania breaks in unexpectedly.

  “We are just friends, Eva,” she says, looking down at her hands. Eva looks at me and then at Rania, perplexed. Rania continues, “I am not his girlfriend.”

  “What? You think I’m gonna buy this? Why did the newspaper… ?”

  “The media wants spice to fill up their pages,” I interrupt.

  “So, no sex?” she asks annoyingly, as if it’s a sin not to do it.

  “Enough, Eva. Help me in the kitchen, please.” Mom takes her out of the room.

  Eva keeps on talking. “I can’t believe she’s not his girlfriend. Why are they hiding? It’s so damn obvious…” Her voice fades as they walk away. We’re silent for a moment, and then Brian starts a conversation.

  “Rania, what do you do?”

  “I work for an advertising company, designing and publishing electronic catalogues.” She smiles at him.

  “That’s pretty impressive.” He acknowledges Rania and looks at me.

  “Toast for the family.” Mom and Eva step into the room with a tray full of champagne glasses. Eva places the tray on the glass table at the center of the room and offers everyone the toast. Rania looks at me anxiously, her eyes wanting me to say something.

  “Eva, can you please bring some juice or soda for Rania? She is not a fan of champagne.”

  “Sure. Will apple juice be okay for you, Rania?” Rania nods with a smile. Mom watches me and Rania in speculation, back and forth. I don’t know what’s cooking in her mind, but I’m pretty sure there is something.

  “Rania, your family lives in Toronto also?” She looks toward Rania with a smile. Meanwhile, Eva returns with a glass of apple juice.

  “No. My dad is in Dubai. I don’t have any siblings,” Rania responds nervously. If they ask her about her mother, she’ll be more nervous than she is now. I change the subject quickly.

  “How are your studies going, Eva?” I switch the focus to my sister.

  “Oh, very well. My post-graduate program is finishing this year. I plan to apply for PhD, once my thesis is approved.”

  “Where are you studying?” Rania asks, curious.

  “I’m at the University of Toronto. Medieval Studies,” Eva says, looking toward her. I see Rania hiding a smile or laughter, I’m not sure which, but she purses her lips and hides them with her clutch bag. I can see her dimples, and am curious to know what she’s thinking.

  “What’s going on? Why are you smiling?”

  She shakes her head and smiles noticeably. Eva and I both look at her quizzically. “Nothing! She reminds me of someone.” She puts her hand over her mouth again.

  “Who?” I ask her seriously. Eva also looks at her intently.

  Rania doesn’t look at me, but she looks at Eva and responds, “You remind me of a professor I read about recently, from the same university, in Italian Studies.” She looks down at her glass, still smiling.

  “Oh my God! Are you talking about that Dante specialist?” Eva asks her. Both the girls look at each other for a second, and then laugh o
ut loud. The rest of us look at them, confused. Rania gets control of herself.

  “You know, Eva, I actually went to that department to look for him.” Rania sounds very passionate.

  “Are you kidding me?” Eva says excitedly. “I’m actually studying there because of him. I seriously want that professor in my life.” Both of them burst into laughter once again.

  “Who are you talking about? You girls know the same person?” They both look at me and laugh again. Eva moves to sit on the glass table in front of us.

  “Okay, Adam, I have a question for you.” Her eyes sparkle. “Imagine your sister and your girlfriend, in love with the same man. A man who is very charismatic and alarmingly sexy, who has a very powerful personality. But you know he is a terrible sinner. Whom would you protect? Me or her?” She asks jokingly, but she has taken me off-guard. I gape at Rania, but she looks down, trying to control her laughter. She nudges Eva lightly.

  “Come on, Eva. Stop teasing your brother. Look at his face.” Both the girls start laughing again.

  “Girls? What’s going on? Who is this professor you’re talking about?” Mom speaks from behind Eva.

  “Oh, Mom, please. I need an answer from Adam. Come on, Adam. Tell me, who would you protect?” Eva looks deeply into my eyes. Is she fucking serious?

  I look at both of them, back and forth. This is news to me. My sister and the girl who I care about most, are charmed by the same man? And they both are taking it so lightly? My mood changes immediately and I get up from my seat. “Rania, can I talk to you in private?”

  She looks at me, surprised, not expecting this. Eva laughs again, but Rania doesn’t.

  “Come on, Eva. Stop teasing him. He is serious.” Rania looks at Eva and then at me. “Sit down.” She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the couch again.

  “Eva is just kidding. We are talking about a fictional character. Coincidentally, she and I have read the same book.” She puts her hand on mine, gently. “You don’t need to answer her.”