Guilty Gucci

by Ashley Antoinette

  “Are you serious?” he asked.

  “I can tell that you’re thinking about it. Are you serious?” she answered, to see just how far they were going to take this conversation.

  “I know a guy,” Faugner said hesistantly, thinking of one of his notorious clients. “This is your mother, Chanel.”

  “You’re my man,” she replied matter-of-factly. Her response was so concise that Faugner felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.

  “This is murder we’re talking about, Chanel,” he whispered urgently to ensure that she understood.

  She nodded her head nervously but didn’t speak as she brushed a tear off her cheek.

  Since Lidia was forcing her to choose, she was following her heart.

  “Once I press play there is no taking it back. I just want you to understand,” he explained.

  “I do. This is what I want if it’ll get me you,” she replied.

  Lidia’s life hung in the wings and she wasn’t even aware of it. She never saw the shots coming a few weeks later when a “burglar” broke into their home. Lidia was there alone because her husband was at work and her daughter was in school ... the perfect alibis. When the intruder shot her at point-blank range in the face her entire world went black. The phone call came to Faugner at 11:28 A.M. and he quickly picked Chanel up from school as they rushed to the hospital, feigning worry and fear. The role of distraught daughter and horrified husband were played to a tee. They each were deserving of Academy Awards. It wasn’t until they learned that the bullet didn’t kill her did they realize just how much had gone wrong. Lidia survived and the guilt of what they had done forced them apart more than Lidia could have ever done. Tormented by what they had done, they grew uncomfortable around one another. The secret that bonded them also destroyed them. They couldn’t look at one another without the devil occupying the space between their gaze. No amount of love could have sustained under those circumstances. Their relationship had been poisoned and there was an unspoken awkwardness between them.

  Chanel moved away as soon as she was legally able to do so because she couldn’t bear to look into her mother’s scarred face. The once beautiful, mature woman now looked like something Frankenstein had put together. The scars from her surgery made her face look like puzzle pieces that didn’t quite fit. She was hideous now and Chanel couldn’t help but to think that now her mother’s outsides reflected her insides. Ugly. Faugner stayed with Lidia, miserable but feeling obligated after the role he had played in her shooting. Their love had driven them both to madness and although Faugner snuck away every once in awhile to check on Chanel, they both knew that he would never stay.

  “It will be seventy-five dollars,” the lady said, snapping Chanel out of her daydream. Thinking of the past haunted her, sending chills down her spine.

  Chanel shook her head from side to side as she focused on the woman in front of her. “What?” she asked.

  “The wax is seventy-five dollars,” the lady repeated.

  Chanel smiled unsurely, knowing that she had zoned out momentarily as she took a stroll down memory lane. She laid a crispy hundred-dollar bill on the counter. “Keep the change.” She pulled out her cell phone and scrolled through her list of favorite people. She smiled when she got to his name. She hadn’t spoken to him in years but she was sure that the number had not changed. He always kept it the same so that she could reach him. He was no longer married to her mother. After years of staying out of guilt, Faugner finally left Lidia. They both were living in hell as a couple and decided to part ways so that they could each find inner peace. The $5 million that Faugner gave Lidia was the only reason she ever agreed to leave her posh marriage. Parting with the money nearly broke Faugner, but he knew that his firm would see better days and eventually dig him out of the hole that Lidia had left him in. Although Chanel knew of the divorce she didn’t have any expectations of commitment from Faugner. The only thing they had was memories ... some were the greatest of her life and others the worst. They went months, sometimes years without speaking but Faugner had always made sure she was okay. He had sent her money and would sneak off to spend long weekends with her on some exotic island, until she started to see other men. It was at that point that his jealousy caused him to stop his dealings with her. He wanted her to himself, but Chanel knew that the two of them would never be a real couple. Their relationship would always be taboo ... too complicated for others to understand. She didn’t hold her breath waiting around for Faugner to make an honest woman out of her. Even if he married her today the karma from setting up Lidia would surely make their union fail. She did her own thing and as she matured into a young woman she began to explore her options in men. The moment she began sleeping with another man was the moment that Faugner gave her an ultimatum. “Don’t give away my pussy. Respect me or we’re done,” he told her.

  “Respect you? Respect you? When you start claiming this relationship, you can start putting chains on this,” she snapped, pointing to her womanhood. “Until then, you fall in line. I fuck who I want to fuck and if it’s not you on a particular night then so be it.” Chanel called herself trying to make him jealous. She had young dudes her age lined up around the block to make her their girl, but her interests were elsewhere. She wanted Faugner, but he wouldn’t admit that he wanted her too ... at least not openly. Chanel refused to be an exclusive secret and as a result Faugner walked out of her life. Chanel had never felt heartbreak so tough. The void he had left in her life was too huge to fill. No other caress felt like his, no one else’s compliments could elicit such smiles out of her. No one could give her what Faugner had and losing him scarred her forever.

  Chanel walked out of the full-service salon, headed toward home. She pulled down her car visor and admired her beautiful face. “Your loss,” she said, referring to Faugner. He had left a bitter taste in her mouth. She had seduced, manipulated, and trained man after man, but Faugner was the only one who was able to do the same to her. He had gotten inside of her head at an early age. She had been mind fucked and it had been quite some time since she had last seen him, she was still so in love ... although she would never admit it aloud.

  She cleared her head of her past ghosts and put her mind in the right place for what she needed to do. No longer blessed with a silver spoon in her mouth she relied on her good looks to pull petty capers on thirsty niggas looking for a one-night stand. They wanted fast pussy and she wanted fast money. They never expected for her to lift their pockets by the end of the rendez-vous. Chanel always kept herself well groomed, not only for herself, but to attract her prey with ease. From her freshly waxed love zone to her professional hair and nail job, even her biweekly facials ... it all contributed to her money-making cause. She didn’t have time to play wifey in order to get the things her pretty heart desired. Chanel was into working for hers ... just the only job she had ever had was working men. That was her game of expertise. Like mother like daughter.

  Chapter Two

  “Get him out of me now!” Raegan shouted as she pushed with all of her might. “Now ... get him out!” At twenty-two, Sunny Raegan was about to give birth to a baby ... a boy ... a son who she planned to name Micah II. Her heart pounded with the intensity of stampeding horses as she gripped the hand of the nurse who stood near her bedside. She had been in labor for ten hours and it was nothing like the fairy tale day she had made up in her head. It was her first child and she had been distracted by the ideal of having a baby. She had imagined children’s birthday gatherings, adorable blue outfits, and nursery rhymes. She was inexperienced in motherhood and knew nothing about the labor pains, stretch marks, and the unending turmoil that came along with giving birth. After ten months, forty weeks, and countless hours of bloated feet, morning sickness, and a huge, uncomfortable belly, the day had finally come for her to meet her baby.

  “Okay, Raegan, breathe, sweetheart ... You have a few seconds before the next contraction comes,” Dr. McEwen announced as she looked up at Raegan through her blood-st
ained thighs.

  Raegan collapsed her head against the pillow and gasped for air as she looked around the room. It was full of people ... nurses and doctors and orderlies ... all there to help bring life into the world, but their presence wasn’t enough. She was surrounded by a roomful of people, yet she had never felt so alone. None of them mattered to her; none of them could offer the type of support and love that she needed. The one person who was missing ... the one person who had promised he would be there, was nowhere to be found. Micah had left her to bring their son into the world on her own.

  “I need my phone ... I need to call his father. He can’t come yet. Micah has to be here,” she pleaded as her emotions took over and tears emerged in her young eyes.

  “You don’t have time to make a call, Raegan. This baby is crowning and it’s time to push,” the doctor said.

  “Please ... just one call,” Raegan begged.

  The doctor nodded and a nurse handed her the hospital phone. She felt intense pressure between her legs and fought the urge to push as she dialed Micah’s number. Whatever bit of strength she had left abandoned her when she heard a female voice answer the phone.

  “Hello?”

  The air deflated from Raegan’s lungs. “Who is this?” she questioned weakly.

  “Who is this?” the girl asked with a slight laugh.

  A vice grip of anger squeezed tight at Raegan’s heart, making it feel as if it would burst as she replied, “Who am I? Who are you? And why you answering my boyfriend’s phone, bitch?”

  Raegan was asking questions she already knew the answers to. He’s fucking around on me, she thought as she gasped for air. I’m lying here giving him a baby and he’s with some other bitch! I knew he would do this to us.

  “Raegan, it’s time. Put down the phone. Your baby needs you to be strong,” Dr. McEwen said sympathetically, sensing that the best day of Raegan’s life was turning out to be the worst day of her life.

  Reluctantly, Raegan hung up the phone and gripped behind her knees as she pulled them to her chest. With a broken heart it took every single ounce of her being to push out her son. This was not how she had expected it to be. The joy of her first child was overshadowed by the humiliation and utter devastation that consumed her. The circumstances made it hard for her to be happy on this day. Affliction and hatred plagued her as she experienced the most satisfying pain she had ever felt. She didn’t know how to feel. She was up and down all at the same time and Micah had taken away her fighter’s spirit. Everything in her wanted to give up, but with her legs stretched wide open and her child depending on her for life that was the last thing she could do. She gritted her teeth and bore down as she took her anger out on her labor process. Every time a contraction hit her she growled like a lioness as she pushed relentlessly. Intense pressure built between her thighs as she struggled and closed her eyes ... push ... push ... push ... The word replayed through her mind repeatedly as flashes of Micah’s face popped in and out of her thoughts. Finally, she felt her child come into the world and the moment she saw him, he became the love of her life. His subtle cry broke through the air like the scent of soul cooking on a Sunday morning. He was the spitting image of his father and she couldn’t wait to show Micah what a beautiful combination the two of them had created. She was young and naive. Raegan was sure that her newfound love for her child would be shared by his father. So positive that this baby would keep him faithful, she couldn’t wait to get home to start her new life as a mother. She had given Micah a family, a seed to call his own ... She was sure that this cemented her spot in his life. As she looked down at her baby she smiled and pulled him to her as she kissed his forehead. “I love you, baby boy,” she whispered. As she sat alone in the cold, sterile room she had never felt so alone. There were no cards, no family members around to give their unwanted advice, and no father doting over his newborn child. It was just the two of them and as Raegan fell asleep with her child in her arms her joy quickly transformed to sadness.

  As Raegan watched the city streets pass her by she felt a calm that she never knew existed. Her baby lay sleeping on her lap as she made her way home. She couldn’t believe that the man who had fathered her child had missed the birth, but she told herself that it didn’t matter because once he laid eyes on their son he would be smitten. Other chicks wouldn’t be able to compete now that she had given him an heir. He would choose her, he would wife her ... he had to. Right? After all of the things he had promised her and all of the people she had defied to be with him ... it was time for him to return her loyalty. As the cab crept up to Micah’s home butterflies filled her stomach. “We’re home, baby boy,” she cooed as she grabbed the bag of baby products she had accumulated from the hospital. She looked at the meter and said, “I have to go get some money out of the house. I’ll be right back.”

  The driver nodded and Raegan exited the vehicle. She shielded her son from the cold winter wind as it bit at her exhausted limbs, almost knocking her off her feet.

  She stepped inside and the heat instantly melted away the stiffness that clung to her bones. Afraid that she would awaken her baby, she didn’t announce her presence. Instead she crept inside as she made her way to their bedroom. Everything in her wanted to cuss Micah out for not being there for her but she contained her anger. No matter how much she showed her displeasure she couldn’t change the fact that he had missed the most important day in her life. Just be cool, Raegan. It doesn’t matter. As long as he is here for us now, just let it go, she told herself.

  When she entered the bedroom she lost all composure and her knees became so weak that she had to reach out, gripping the wall just to steady her balance. Her breaths became so shallow that it felt as if she would suffocate. The empty feeling she felt in her chest hurt worse than anything she had ever felt. Before her eyes, lying in the very bed in which they had conceived their son, lay Micah sleeping beside another bitch. She had only been gone for two days and already he had replaced her. She never thought he would have the audacity to bring another girl into their home, but the proof was in the pudding. He couldn’t lie his way out of this one. Her eyes scanned the room and the evidence of his night of passion gave away his indiscretions. The condom wrapper on the bedspread, the black panties on the floor, the ruffled bed sheets beneath them, the way the girl’s legs were intertwined with his ... They painted a perfect picture of what had gone on the night before. Her heartbreak turned to rage as she walked out of the room, careful not to wake the sleeping couple up. This nigga want to play games with me, she thought. He got this bitch in my house ... in our bed. She went to the spare closet and grabbed a suitcase as she began to fill it with some of her possessions. She took some of his as well, grabbing his Rolex and diamond chain. Micah wasn’t a huge player in the game. He was getting little money ... bill money and usually had some spare change to floss with so when she hit his stash she only pulled out ten stacks. It wasn’t much but it was enough to give her the confidence to leave a no-good nigga with no-good intentions. Raegan put on a pot of boiling water as she walked outside to return to the cab. She put her baby’s blanket on the seat, then placed him gently on top of it and then put her bag inside.

  “Give me five minutes. I need to handle something real fast,” she said as she handed the cab driver a hundred-dollar bill. She walked back inside with the determination of a woman scorned. Her insides rattled with every step she took, but she shook off the pain and made her way back to the pot she had prepared on the stove. As she grabbed the potholders and lifted it from the blue fire that danced beneath the steel, she halted as she looked out of the window at her awaiting cab. Her heart beat with intensity as adrenaline pumped through her. She headed up the steps and into the bedroom. She pulled back the covers and poured the scalding water right onto Micah’s crotch.

  “Aghh! Shit!” Micah screamed as he awoke in tremendous pain and the girl beside him scrambled to get out of the bed. He jumped up grabbing his manhood as he looked at Raegan in surprise. “Fuck is you d
oing?”

  “Fuck am I doing?” she shot back. “What the fuck are you doing, Micah? I just had your son yesterday and you were laid up in this bitch with her?”

  “Bitch, I should kill you,” he shot as he lunged toward her and pinned her to the wall. Raegan’s head hit the drywall hard, cracking it as Micah choked her.

  “Fuck you,” she said with teary eyes.

  “Micah, stop,” the random girl said as she tried to pull him off of Raegan. “Let her go.”

  “Bitch, nobody’s talking to you,” he seethed as he slapped her hand off of him.

  “I give you a son and you give me an ass whooping. Is that how this works?” Raegan asked. Micah grabbed Raegan’s vagina roughly, threatening to rip the stitches that kept her insides from falling out and causing her to cry out in pain.

  “Say you’re sorry, bitch!” he demanded as he tightened the grip on her neck, cutting off her air supply. For a fleeting moment Raegan wondered if Micah would truly kill her and in that instant she realized that he was all talk. His actions never backed up his words of affection. He didn’t love her. There was no way that this was what love was supposed to feel like. She fixed her lips to concede, but before the words could leave her mouth, the girl behind him lifted the steel pot and hit Micah upside the head with all of her might.