by Kip Nelson
She'd overheard Adam and Diana talking. Adam always had tried to say that doing something was better than doing nothing, and Annabelle was sure there was something terribly wrong. If Lisa was as altruistic as she claimed, then Tara would have no reason to doubt her. Yet, Tara had been in the camp for a long time and still didn't trust Lisa fully. That made Annabelle think. She started wondering if this war really was a good thing. What if it was a trap, and her friends were walking headlong into it?
She had to try doing something. One coping mechanism she had learned long ago to help with the pain and sadness that clung to her soul was keeping herself distracted by doing things and trying to solve problems. Being in the classroom wasn't going to help with that. She would have to try finding some way to escape. It would drive her crazy to think of everyone else doing something while she was just sat there. She wasn't just a helpless little kid. She was a Girl Scout, and she could do anything.
It was going to be hard to escape while Tara was watching them, as the teacher was trained in these matters and was experienced in keeping track of kids. However, she was tired, and her mind was on other things. It was just like Annabelle’s father had said, there were always opportunities. All she had to do was wait for the right one. Annabelle rose from her desk and made her way across the room, looking at various books, pretending to be examining them to see which she was going to read next. Some of the kids were working on problems, others were talking with each other, and some were playing.
Annabelle kept an eye on Tara, whose attention now was distracted by two kids who were fighting over a toy. Their screams were high-pitched, and Tara had to give them her full attention, wrenching them away from each other. The other kids all turned to look as well, intrigued by the drama unfolding in front of them, enticed by the possibility of Tara losing her temper. Annabelle was the only one with something else on her mind. She quickly darted to the door and placed her hand on the handle. She took one more look around to make sure nobody was looking at her, and then slipped out the door.
Chapter Four
Adam stood with the others in the cold night, his breath swirling as he exhaled. He watched as it twisted upward, curling, dancing in the air, until it faded from view and became part of the night. The worried look he shared with Diana and Pete told him all three of them were afraid of disappearing like that breath, and others were afraid, too. Even ones who had been marching determinedly now were doubting themselves as the group stood on the edge of battle, ready to make the final charge. Adam gripped his gun in his hands. He hated the feeling of it, that he was about to run into danger and perhaps even kill other people, people he didn't even know. He felt nauseous, as though the world was crumbling down upon him. In that moment, he wasn't sure if he had been a pacifist because he believed in non-violence, or if he was just a coward.
Lee stood in front of them, pacing back and forth. The mood was so tense, and everyone was so quiet, that when he spoke he did not have to raise his voice. He had his hands behind his back and looked at each and every one of them, his dark eyes gleaming under the light of the moon.
“You all should know why we're here by now, but if you don't let me remind you. We're here to take back what's ours. Find the food, find the weapons, find whatever you can, and bring it back. I can see some of you are worried and scared, and that's perfectly fine. I know not all of you are made for war. Hell, some of you may not even agree with it.” Adam sensed Lee was looking directly at him.
“But when we get in there, just remember these people started it. They've asked for this, and we're just bringing justice to them. So, get in there, do what you need to do, and get out as quickly as possible. They took our food, and how many people did they condemn to death by doing that? Don't feel one bit of remorse for them. I want to see you all doing your part. This isn't just your home you're fighting for, it's justice.” Lee added.
Adam burned with anger again. What right did that man have to talk about justice? There must have been another way to work through this problem. Adam had seen the injuries from the wounded man who was brought back to camp. They were indeed grievous, but surely war was a last resort? It was too late to protest now, though. He was there, on the cusp of this other camp, ready to charge in, and he had no idea of what he would face. He remembered feeling like this in games when he was on a mission. The unknown caused a palpable dread to trickle down his spine, but that was only when he was truly immersed in a game. This was his life and, oddly, there was a sense of detachment. It was as though this wasn't really happening. Although perhaps that was just his mind's way of trying to survive.
He glared at Lee as the man in charge of the army went over to one of his other generals and was handed a bottle. Lee pulled out a rag from his back pocket and stuffed it into the neck of the bottle. Then he was handed a match, and lit it. The flame glowed orange, like a flower blooming for a few instants. Lee put the flame to the rag, which must have been doused in some resin or alcohol, although Adam hadn't seen any of that. The fire burst forth like a sword cleaving through the night sky. Lee hurled it at the walls of the camp. It soared over, spinning like a pinwheel. Then beyond the walls of the camp, screams and shouts filled the air as the fire took hold.
Lee's was just the first of many. His other generals all lit their own bottles and hurled them, too. Soon the night was alive with the glowing arcs of flame, and smoke started rising from behind the walls. The sounds of horror filled Adam's ears, and he had a gruesome feeling in his stomach. He'd had no idea this was what Lee had planned, and he hated how he was just a foot soldier. At least when he had been by himself he had been able to make all the decisions that mattered. Now he and the others were swept up in a storm that was not of their choosing, and they could not escape being in its thrall.
Beside him, Pete was bristling. Adam hoped he would be able to keep an eye on Pete and Diana, but he was afraid of the war’s chaos. He did not know how capable he was going to be of maintaining focus. With the fire blazing, making the sky glow deep orange, the cries of the people in that camp became louder and louder. Lee's face was twisted in fury and he cried for everyone to get ready. Adam couldn't help but feel as though this wasn't the right place for him. He was not built for this way. All he could think of was those people burning, and how they didn't deserve that fate, no matter if they stole food.
Had Lisa even tried talking to them?
People escaping the blaze threw open the gates of the camp and started pouring out. Ordinary people, indistinguishable from those standing beside Adam, especially in the dark. Adam could hear their coughing and wheezing, as well as their panicked shouts. Lee gave the call for the charge and the war began. The enemy was taken by surprise, but they quickly saw the onrushing battalion. Bullets flew through the air. Blood spurted out of flesh as men sank to the ground. Most of the people Adam was fighting beside were untrained. They had been told to wield weapons and sent out to war. So, many of the bullets flew in errant directions, and disappeared into the night. The enemy cried out to get cover. Adam rushed forward, swept up in the current.
Emotions ran high, and some people gave themselves over to the anger because that was the only way they were able to cope. Adam held his gun, felt the trigger under his finger. It was so easy to pull, but he was so reluctant to do it. He knew that once he fired the first round, he would find it easier to fire the second, and soon it would be natural. The flames had taken hold of some of the buildings in the camp. This provided a backdrop of light, making it easier for Adam to see. Instead of looking at the enemy, he saw Lee at the front of the line, firing expertly. Five or six men died from the bullets fired from his gun. The ground soon was being covered by dead bodies. Lee ran forward into the carnage. It seemed as though he was made for this world, in the same way that Adam wasn't.
Adam tried keeping tabs on Pete and Diana. He heard someone shouting at him, but it seemed far away. All he could hear was the firing of bullets and the crackling of the fire. Then somewhere else there
was a bell, a sonorous sound that rang deep and true through the night. Then the bullets started flying from the other direction. Adam fell to the ground, tasting grit and stone in his teeth as bullets flew over his head. He saw some of the people he had been standing beside fall down, holes in their bodies, no life left in their eyes. So many dead. When was it all going to end? He wondered if there ever was going to be a point when people would stop killing each other off and just die of natural causes again. War was no good for anyone. He clung to the ground, his gun under his body, praying it all would be over soon.
Then there was a hand on his back. Someone grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and pulled him up. He had no idea who it was, or where they went after that. Behind him was peace and quiet, solitude. The gun felt useless in his hand. He so wanted to run away, run back to camp and disappear into the night. He knew that one stray bullet could be the end of him, and there were so many people falling down all around him. He had survived this long, but it felt as though he was living on borrowed time.
There was a loud noise, some sort of explosion, Adam didn't know from where. He ran to the nearest shelter, but then bullets peppered the brickwork and sent red dust flying into his eyes. He sprinted forward blindly, wiping the dust from his eyes, heart racing, knowing he had come so close to death. The smell of blood and bullets filled his nostrils. He looked ahead and saw people rushing through the open gates. Everyone was locked in battle, and it was impossible to tell which side anyone was on. Adam's hands trembled. He looked down at the gun. The barrel still was cold. Was he going to fire it at all?
It would be so easy to hide, so easy to cower and whimper and let the battle pass him by. Yet, then he would be proving Lee right. He'd be proving every bully in his youth right. He'd let life pass him by before everything had gone dark. Since then he had learned so much about himself. He'd lived in the wilderness and he'd seen horrors darker than anything in his imagination. He had lived through all of that. He had vowed to himself he would be a better man, that he would not hide from the perils of the world, as he had done before. He thought of Annabelle, and the kind of example he would be setting for her. Indeed, he smirked to himself. She was so headstrong she never would shy away from danger even though she was so young. He thought of Pete and Diana, how they were somewhere on that battlefield, all because of the decisions he'd made. How could he live with himself if either of them died? If they suffered, then he would have to suffer, too. So, he set his jaw and gripped his gun tightly. Then he crouched low and ran as fast as he could into the fray.
He stayed close to the edge to try increasing his chances of survival. There were still some skirmishes, but the battle seemed to have moved mostly into the camp. He stepped over corpses and heard the groans of wounded men. He wished he could help them, but he had no medical supplies on him. All he could think was that it was such a waste of life, to see so many people dead on a foolish errand. He slipped through the gates and saw a building blazing. People were rushing to it with buckets of water, trying to stem the fire, while others stood around them with guns, trying to guard them. The heat made Adam sweat, and his clothes clung to his skin. He wasn't used to evenings being this warm.
Staying in the shadows, he tried to see if there was anyone he recognized, but as the smoke billowed out, everyone was just an indistinguishable form. He decided his main mission would be to find Diana and Pete and help them if they needed him, or avenge them if necessary.
From what he could tell the camp was a lot like the one he was defending. He wondered if the people were alike, too. He skulked away from the fire, reluctant to be caught in its blaze. He tried looking beyond the people there to find his friends. He held up his rifle and his eyes darted about furtively. His ears were peeled, and the adrenalin rushed through his body. He never had experienced anything quite like this. He moved forward, past buildings that seemed to be abandoned. Although he couldn't help but wonder if there were kids hiding in there, just as there would have been if his own camp had been attacked.
The sounds of gunfire were fading into the distance. Adam hoped to all that was holy that Pete and Diana had not been caught in that maelstrom. The air was growing colder as he moved away from the fire. His hands were starting to shake, and his fingers were growing numb. He decided that since nobody else had ventured as deep into the camp, he would have to return to where the action was, even though the prospect was daunting. But dead or alive, he was sure that's where Diana and Pete would be. So, he had to be there, too.
Aware of his own heavy breathing, he crept forward. Then, out of nowhere, he met another man who also was creeping through the camp. They both froze. Adam didn't recognize him. There was no trace of recognition in the other man's eyes either. Only a few fleeting moments passed, but to both of them it seemed longer. They stood there, two individuals caught in war, gunfire blazing nearby. Neither of them had any cause to hate each other, other than what they had been told. They were just two people whose paths had crossed at an inopportune moment, but they both knew that only one of them was going to walk away.
Adam stared at the other man. He was younger than Adam, and all Adam could think about was how much life that man had left to live, and how much he didn't want to be the one responsible for taking it. Then the fear of death rose through him. Adam knew he didn't want to die, and that he was willing to do anything to keep on living. As that terrible truth revealed itself to him, he raised his weapon...
...but the other man was faster. Adam's heart lurched and caught in his throat as he stared down the barrel. A shot was fired. Adam winced, but the feeling of blazing pain did not slash through his body. He opened his eyes and saw the other man on the ground, blood spurting from a huge gash in his neck.
“Get your head in the game,” a man shouted. Adam looked groggily over and saw that it was Lee. The man Adam hated more than anyone else in the world had saved his life.
Chapter Five
Adam stood there dumbfounded. Unlike all the movies he'd watched, his life hadn't flashed before his eyes. There had been only the barrel of the gun, and not even a chance to feel a deep regret. His stomach felt hollow and he had to touch himself to make sure he hadn't died. For that brief moment, he thought he was dead. The other man had reacted more quickly and was just about to fire. Yet, now he lay on the ground, blood still seeping out from his wound, staining his clothes and flesh. Adam stared at him, at his lifeless eyes. Death, all around him was death. There was no escape from it. He coughed and spluttered and felt chunks of vomit rise through his throat. It was only Lee's words that prevented him from collapsing.
Lee looked so at ease with the situation. Adam didn't understand how a man such as that could live with himself. Violence was just a way of life for him, and in this chaos, he was at home, while Adam felt lost. Even now Adam didn't know how to make sense of it all. Lee, the man he hated, the man who had killed a dear friend, just had saved his life. Did this place Adam in his debt? Did it make the scales balanced?
Adam didn't have the answers. All he knew at that moment was he was grateful to Lee for saving his life, and he hated that fact. He wanted to hate Lee with everything he had, and now he owed that man his life. That would be a stain that forever would taint his hatred. It always would make Adam feel strange about wanting to kill Lee. The distinction between ally and enemy was blurred now. These strangers they had attacked were defending their homes and fighting back. Adam understood that, but the man he hated was killing others to protect Adam. A man had died because Adam hadn't been quick enough. If Lee hadn't have been there Adam would have been the one lying on the ground, staring up at nothingness, and he would have left everything behind.
Lee shouted at him again and moved away, not wanting to waste any more time in the maelstrom. It was impossible to tell who was winning the battle, but Lee was going to fight until the end. He expected his troops to do the same, even people such as Adam. Adam crept forward, gritting his teeth. The fear of death had been shaken out of him. Now
he was hardened and ready to join the fray. That close call with death had woken up the fighter within him, the one that had battled the elements and battled starvation, and would go on battling until all his friends were dead and he was left with nothing.
Lee had been looking out for him, but who was looking out for Diana and Pete? Adam was the one who had to be near them, to protect them. So, he followed Lee's path, finally raising his gun and squeezing the trigger. The recoil almost knocked him back and the gun bit into his shoulder, but he soon grew used to it. Soon, instead of losing his grip on the weapon, he tightened it and held it more carefully. The smoke hanging in the air made his eyes water. He had to try parsing the sounds of people crying out and calling for various things. He watched Lee and shot in the same direction, hating that he owed Lee his life, hating that at some point he would have to thank Lee.
At first Adam missed, but then he began hitting people, and saw them drop to the ground. He didn't know if they were wounded or dead. He'd have to deal with the pangs of his conscience later. The world drifted away from him and his vision narrowed. It was as though a tunnel appeared before his eyes. He didn't really have time to think about anything, only to act. The fire crackled and danced. The heat rose, and his skin shone with the glistening sheen of sweat. Everything smelled awful, and he had no idea how many bullets he had left, or how many he had fired. He'd just have to keep going until he ran out. And then what?
Nobody had told him what to do when the battle was over, or even how they would know the battle was over.
It was almost as though he was stuck in an eternity and there was no escape, apart from death. He was another man then, like an avatar in one of his games. Indeed, in a way, it felt as though he was controlling a remote vessel and it wasn't exactly him, more that he was removed from his own mind and just viewing proceedings from far away. He started lamenting the lengths to which he had been pushed, and then he grew used to being the dealer of pain. The world had scarred him already, had changed him. He wondered, at what point did he begin being someone else? At what point did that kernel of truth disappear from his soul and the Adam Clayton that used to exist vanish into the ether?