The Other Game

by J. Sterling

  “How did you? How did this happen?”

  I didn’t want to believe the things Jack was saying. He loved Cassie more than he’d ever loved anyone, and somewhere deep inside I waited for him to yell April Fool into the phone, even though April had been months ago.

  “The team went out to celebrate, and I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. And this chick was relentless. I told her no a million times, but then I said yes once.”

  Oh Jesus. I could just picture the scene in my head—Jack out celebrating with his team after his big win, a groupie coming on to him, not leaving him alone. I’d seen it before.

  But Jack had never had anything to lose before. And I honestly hadn’t seen him allow that kind of thing around him since he’d started dating Cassie. To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

  “Damn, Jack.” I ran my hand through my hair, hating that he had done this. To himself, to Cassie, to me. I didn’t want them to break up, and I didn’t want to lose Cassie as a friend. “How could you do this?”

  “I don’t know, I don’t know. I didn’t want to. Fuck, I was beyond loaded last night. I don’t think I’ve ever been so drunk before. I know it’s no excuse, but I’ll never drink again,” he said, his voice anguished. “I swear it. I’ll never touch another drop of alcohol. I’ll never talk to another groupie.”

  Jack was bargaining—with God, with me, with whomever he hoped was listening. I’d never seen this side of my brother before, and it scared me.

  I sat alone in my dark room, worried sick about all Jack could lose. The rational part of me knew the right thing to do was to tell Cassie, that she deserved to know, but the rest of me didn’t want her to know. What purpose would it serve?

  Was it worth the pain Cassie would go through if Jack was truly sorry? He’d never do it again; I was certain of that. Although, I would have bet money that he would have never done it in the first place.

  “Are you going to tell Cassie?” I tossed the million-dollar question out there and waited for his response.

  I thought I heard him sniff across the line and tried to imagine him crying, something I’d rarely ever seen in our entire lives.

  “I don’t know,” he said in a low voice. “I called her this morning right when I woke up, and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to be honest with her, you know, do the right thing? But the second I heard her voice, I panicked. I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, sorry for screwing up, but I don’t want to lose her over this. I can’t lose her.”

  He breathed deeply, and I could hear him pacing again. “I fucked up, Dean, I made a mistake. But I’ll never fucking make it again. Ever. I swear. But if I tell her, she won’t stay. She’ll leave me. I know I deserve it, but it’ll destroy me.”

  Jack was right. There was no way that if he confessed this sin to Cassie that she would forgive him and stick around.

  He sighed, and the line was quiet for a moment before he asked, “What do you think?”

  “I don’t know. I’m really fucking pissed at you right now,” I admitted. “But I don’t know what the right thing to do is. If you tell Cassie, you’re only going to hurt her and ruin the best relationship you’ve ever had. But if you don’t, can you live with the lie? Or will it eat you up inside every time you look at her?”

  “I don’t know. I feel like the guilt from lying to her is my own fault. I’d suffer willingly if it meant she didn’t have to know, and we could still be together. That girl is my world.” He had whispered the last part, and I wondered if he was even talking to me anymore.

  “You knew better,” I told him. “I can’t believe that you didn’t know better.”

  My heart hurt for my brother, but at the same time I wanted to beat the shit out of him. For hurting Cassie, for risking his future. For letting me down.

  I wanted to understand, tried to comprehend how he could let this happen. How his teammates could let this happen. Why didn’t anyone try to stop him?

  Jack’s voice turned pleading as he said, “I made a mistake, just a stupid fucking mistake. Shit, I have to figure out what I’m going to do. Dean, you can’t say anything to her, okay? You can’t tell her, and you can’t tell Melissa either. Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone. You’re my brother, and I don’t have anyone else in the world that I trust the way I trust you.”

  “This is really messed up, Jack. I’m going to see her at school once it starts, and I’ll have to lie to her. You know I’m a shitty liar.”

  It made me sick to know this horrible secret and have to keep it inside. Without a doubt, it would eat at me. My mind spun as I tried to calculate how long I could avoid Cassie without her wondering what was up. Probably not for very long.

  “I’m really sorry for putting you in that position, little brother, but please. You can’t tell her. Please just do this for me right now. Until I figure out what I’m going to do. Okay?”

  I squeezed my eyes closed before rubbing my hand across my face. “You’re my brother, Jack. I’m loyal to you, and I’d never betray you. But this really sucks.”

  “I know. I’m really sorry. Fuck.”

  “Just try and focus on why you’re there, okay? Don’t let this affect your pitching.” Before he could argue with me, I said, “I know, I know. Easier said than done.”

  “No. It’s good. I can take all my aggression out on the batter. Anger is a good motivator.”

  “Yeah, but heartbreak usually isn’t.”

  Maybe Jack had the right idea before he’d met Cassie. Matters of the heart could be distracting, and avoiding relationships saved a lot of time and aggravation. Not to mention pain and heartbreak.

  “I’ll stay focused. Don’t worry,” he yelled, frustrated, and I heard glass breaking in the background. “Shit. I’d better go clean that up. Thanks for listening. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  Yeah. I was sorry too.

  From Bad to Worse

  Knowing that I was keeping this massive secret from everyone was eating me up inside. Gran called me sour the other morning when I snapped at her, and asked me what on earth had been eating at me lately. I couldn’t tell her, so I lied and just said I was really tired.

  I would never tell Gran or Cassie what Jack had done, but it was tearing me up inside to simply know about it. I almost wished that he’d never called me and confided in me, but everyone needed help carrying their burdens, and my brother was no exception. He called me because he had no one else to call. If our situations were reversed, I would have done the same thing.

  Jack might be one of the strongest guys I knew, but when it came to Cassie, he had the softest heart. As much as his error in judgment pained me, I couldn’t imagine what it must be doing to him. He called me every night, usually after he had just gotten off the phone with Cassie, consumed with guilt. He hated lying to her, but his fear of losing her outweighed everything else.

  Our conversations were usually filled with him asking me what I thought he should do, and me remaining silent on the other end of the line. I still had no clue, and I refused to be the one responsible for them breaking up. Hell, I hated the very idea.

  There were moments where he broke down, overwhelmed with so much guilt that he would call me practically in tears, begging for a forgiveness that I had no ability to give him. He seemed to go back and forth; one moment he would convince himself everything was fine, and the next he was certain he and Cassie were doomed.

  It sucked. And was exhausting.

  A week had passed since “the incident,” as I thought of it. Jack was still calling me daily, and was no closer to how he wanted to handle the situation than he had been the first night. I finally told him that if he wasn’t going to tell Cassie, which I had finally realized that he wasn’t, then he needed to try to get past it and move on before it ate him up inside and she figured out something was wrong.

  That conversation appeared to reignite a little life within him, and each day that passed after it seemed to be easier. His calls became less frequent but when we d
id talk, the conversations had improved from him practically falling apart on the phone, to him simply asking how Cassie was and if I’d seen her lately.

  I hadn’t. Between the kiss with Melissa and this big secret of Jack’s, I wasn’t thrilled about seeing either of the girls. On weekdays it was easy to avoid them; I just claimed that I was too tired after working all day with Marc and Ryan. The weekends were a bit harder, but I’d still managed to blow them off without drawing any suspicion.

  But school would be starting again soon, and any attempts to evade either of those two would be transparent. As hard as it was for me to dance around the truth, being around those girls was seriously going to test me.

  Before classes started, Melissa finally sent me a text.

  Melissa: I don’t want things to be awkward between us.

  I responded right away, keeping my answer simple.

  Dean: They won’t be.

  But I didn’t know. Maybe it would be weird when we finally saw each other, even though that was the last thing I wanted.

  When Melissa didn’t respond, I tried not to spend any more time thinking about her, but her stupid text had opened the floodgates in my mind that I’d tried so hard to close. Now all I could think about was her. And those lips. And the way she had moaned in my car when we kissed.

  Damn it.

  I needed to get this girl off my mind if she wasn’t going to let me into her heart.

  • • •

  School was back in session, and while the baseball team still had their groupies and fangirls pawing them and hanging on their every word, it was nothing in comparison to last year. No one could draw the kind of attention that my brother had. And all the girls who used to hound the crap out of me no longer had any use for me since Jack was off the market and also out of town.

  The third day of classes, Cassie texted me to ask if I would have lunch with her and Melissa. I almost responded no, but I couldn’t avoid them forever. They were girls, and girls were nothing if not amateur detectives in better clothes.

  When I walked into the student union, I spotted Melissa before either of them saw me, and I wished for a moment that our kiss hadn’t ended so suddenly. I couldn’t help but wonder if that first kiss was destined to be our last, and I hated the thought.

  I tossed my bag on top of the table, and the girls looked up at me with big smiles.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a thousand years,” Cassie said before scooting her chair over to give me a hug.

  “I feel like I just saw you yesterday.” Melissa stuck out her tongue before taking it back. “Just kidding. I’ve missed you.”

  Damn. She’s missed me? What the hell did she mean by that?

  “I’ve missed you guys too.” It was the truth.

  “What have you been doing? Are you still interning now that school started?” Cassie asked as she forked a bite of salad and brought it to her mouth.

  “Pretty much just working and helping Gran in the garden,” I said, but that was only partially true. If helping Gran meant lying in a hammock in the backyard, then sure, I helped. “But, yeah, I’m going to stay on with the guys. I really like it.”

  “That’s awesome, Dean. I’m so happy for you.” Cassie smiled as if she was proud of me, and it made me feel simultaneously good and awful.

  “Isn’t it weird being here without him?” Melissa asked. “Knowing that he isn’t just at an away game and will be back tomorrow?” She waved a hand toward the tables filled with Jack’s old friends and teammates.

  “It’s weird being anywhere without him,” Cassie said softly, and I died a little inside.

  Melissa pinned her gaze on me. “What about you?”

  I shrugged. “I’m getting used to him being away, I guess. It might actually feel weird when he finally comes back home.” I glanced at the other students going about their business in the student union, not wanting to make eye contact with either of the girls for too long for fear they could see right through me.

  I hated keeping this secret. Wait, that wasn’t true. Keeping Cassie from pain was something I was okay with doing; I just hated knowing what I knew. Jack needed to get his ass home and fix everything so I could stop stressing out about it.

  Cassie sighed. “I can’t wait for him to come home.”

  I nodded. There were only a few weeks left in his season. Hopefully they would fly by.

  “I actually miss the little shit,” Melissa said.

  My heart sank. If they only knew what I did, they wouldn’t feel that way at all.

  I had to stop thinking about what my brother had done, but every time I looked at Cassie’s face, I heard his voice in my head begging me to keep his secret. It was relentless.

  Screw this.

  “I gotta go buy some stuff before class. Sorry. I’ll see you guys later.” I shoved away from the table and hurried out of the student union before either of them could stop me.

  Cassie sent me a text asking if I was okay before I’d even cleared the doors. I waited until my next class was over before responding that I was fine, and that I just needed to have some things before my next class and I’d forgotten.

  Lucky for me, she seemed to buy my excuse.

  • • •

  My car purred like the sleek beast it was as I pulled it alongside the curb in front of my house after classes a few days later. My phone rang right as I shut off the engine, and I checked the screen before answering. It was Jack.

  “Bro, you’re killing me,” I said, ready to chew his ass about the problems I was having avoiding Cassie and Melissa until he got home.

  “Dean.” His voice had reverted to that desperate and horrible tone again.

  Oh, hell no. Something wasn’t right.

  “What happened?”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  My head spun. And spun. And continued spinning until I felt like I was going to throw up.

  “Who is?” I asked warily, praying he didn’t mean who I thought he meant.

  “Chrystle. The chick I slept with. She’s fucking pregnant, Dean, and she’s keeping it.”

  My jaw dropped, and I clutched the phone tightly as I tried to process what he’d just said. Before I could wrap my brain around it, he went on, spitting out his news as fast as he could, as if that would make it easier to hear.

  “I told her to get rid of it, and now I’m probably going to hell for even suggesting such a thing, but I’m being punished. Because I didn’t tell Cassie what I did, and so this is my punishment, right?” He groaned and gritted out, “How is this happening?”

  I was stunned. Not only had my brother slept with some other girl, but he didn’t wear a condom? That was completely unlike him, and against everything he’d ever taught me about when it came to sex and girls. “No glove; no love” was his number one rule; the main thing he’d pounded into my head as soon as I hit high school.

  “You tell me, Jack! How is this happening? You didn’t wear protection? What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I guess not. I don’t even remember fucking her, Dean.”

  I slammed my palm against the steering wheel, wishing like hell this was a lie. Again.

  “I can’t believe this,” I admitted, absolutely hating that this was happening to Jack. Either he was monumentally stupid or just the unluckiest son of a bitch in the world.

  “You and me both. I just—” He paused, and I heard the now-familiar sound of him pacing. “I tried so hard to move on from my mistake and find a way to live with the guilt, but I’m going to lose her anyway. After everything, I’m still going to lose her.”

  He meant Cassie, of course. It always came back to her.

  “You have to tell her,” I blurted.

  Jack expelled a heavy breath. “No shit, I have to tell her. I can barely stomach the idea of hearing her voice once she knows. Fuck. I’m going to lose everything I ever wanted in my life the second I make that call. She’s going to hate me and never forgive me. And I deserve nothing less.”<
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  “You still have to do it. Just tell her, and then come home. Send the chick money every month and be done with it.”

  I couldn’t believe the words that had just spilled from my mouth, considering our childhood. I wasn’t even sure where the words came from, exactly, but probably from a need to protect my brother if I could. He didn’t even know this chick, and now she was pregnant? It didn’t seem fair.

  “I can’t leave her,” he said in a low voice.

  “You can’t leave who? This Chrystle girl? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Dad left us, and we grew up without a father. And then Mom left us, and we grew up without a mother. I won’t repeat their mistakes, Dean. I know that Gran and Gramps have been the best, but they aren’t our parents. And you know as well as I do how hard it’s been to know that Mom and Dad willingly abandoned us. I can’t—” He sucked in a breath. “No. I won’t do that to my kid. I won’t be like them.”

  I sat in my car, my eyes wide with shock at the ramifications of what he’d just said.

  “Jack.”

  “I can’t do it; it’s not right. That kid would be as screwed up as we are, and it would be all my fault. It’s not the kid’s fault he’s here—it’s mine and Chrystle’s. The least I can do is be a significant part of his life.”

  I shook my head, understanding his reasoning, but I didn’t agree. Hell, I couldn’t have disagreed more.

  “I don’t think that’s true, Jack. You can still be a part of the kid’s life, but you don’t have to stay there to do it. Wait—” A singular thought hit me. “How do you even know it’s yours?”

  Jack sighed, and knowing him the way I did, I could just picture him yanking at his hair in frustration. “She had something from her doctor confirming how far along she is. And I asked all the guys if they’ve seen her out lately, and they hadn’t seen her since the night she was with me. I don’t know, Dean, she has all this paperwork that said the conception date was right around when we hooked up.”