It's Complicated

by Sophia Latriece

  It’s Complicated

  Copyright © 2016 Sophia Latriece

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the publisher, Sophia Latriece Publishing

  Introduction

  Sitting in this hospital trying to figure out what went wrong. My life was practically perfect. I had everything that I wanted. About to marry the man of my dreams. My career was right where I needed it to be. Everything was finally going right for me and now this. I don’t understand why every time things start going good something devastating happens. Why couldn’t I just let the past stay in the past? The moment I walked in that office, I should’ve turned around and walked right back out. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. And to think that this whole thing is my fault.

  What if he doesn’t wake up? What if he’s gone forever? That’s a loss I’m not willing to take. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that his blood is on my hands. I should’ve stayed home. I should have never gone out. God, I wish I could trade places with someone else right now. Could this be punishment for what I did? Does karma really come back that strong? I mean, I felt bad enough when it happened. I did promise that I’d never let it happen again. Yes, I could’ve said something but, that would’ve made matters worse. Right?

  I’m supposed to be getting married in three weeks, but, instead I’m sitting in this chapel trying to get a prayer through. I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this. I’m a good person. I just made one stupid mistake. We all make mistakes. I wasn’t trying to play with anyone’s emotions. I wish I could close my eyes and this all go away.

  How does the saying go? Love is patient; love is kind; love keeps no record of wrong doing; love is not jealous, or puffed up; love endures forever. Like, what does that all mean anyway? What is the purpose of even trying to love someone when you’re always the one who gets hurt in the end? Love is this, love is that, love is blah, blah, blah. You can say all you want about love. For me, all love has ever been and will ever be is COMPLICATED!!!

  1

  I am Kamerai Lawson. Thirty-two-year-old marketing executive and daddy’s girl. What do I do exactly? I work for my daddy. Sounds cool, right? In real life, not so much. I’m the lead marketing representative at my dad’s firm that he and his best friend built from the ground up. If I had a dollar for every time they told me the story of how they started the company out of my grandparent’s garage, I’d be one wealthy sista. I’ve been with the company since I was a freshman in High School.

  Working for my dad has its perks, but, at the same time he requires a lot more from me than he does the rest of his employees. He doesn’t want to appear as though he’s showing favoritism so he says. I say, who cares. I’m his little girl so, he’s supposed to show me favoritism. But, in the business world we have to be ‘fair’ (insert side eye). As we all know, in corporate America you can basically do whatever you want to do, but, that’s another story. Nonetheless, I love what I do because it allows me to meet new people and take trips around the world absolutely free.

  I’m also a realtor. I decided not to go to college after High School. I already knew what I wanted to do in life, so I figured I didn’t need to waste a lot of money to find out what I already knew. I did, however, get my Real Estate license because I. I wanted to be able to make a difference in my community. I understood that there were a lot of minorities who would never realize the dream of homeownership simply because they were not properly educated. So, I figured I’d do something about it and getting my license was the first step.

  I am the youngest of two; the very proud little sister of Kyle Lawson who also happens to be my best friend. Kyle and I are really close, primarily because most of the time it was just the two of us. My mom passed when I was twelve from complications with sickle cell anemia. My daddy was a workaholic so Kyle and I spent a lot of time home alone. Kyle learned to cook by watching those shows on television. Most of the time, I didn’t know what it was going to be like, but it always turned out well. So well that he opened up his own restaurant when he graduated college.

  Kyle was very overprotective, so, dating for me was out of the question; though I still managed to sneak a few past him. I didn’t have a lot of friends because I’m not all that fond of people and girls keep up too much drama. I did have this one friend; Jacob Boykin. He was a couple years older than me and he lived right down the street from us. He was more like a brother. An only child, with senior citizen parents, and too much time on his hands. He liked basketball and since we happened to have a court in our backyard, he spent a lot of time at our house.

  I had never really paid attention to Jake in an affectionate type way. That is until one day I was eavesdropping on them while they were playing basketball. It was Jake, Kyle and my cousin Brock. I was on the window seat in my upstairs bedroom reading a book. I kept getting thrown off because their conversations about the neighborhood freaks, were much more intriguing. I learned that day that men were just as bad, if not worse, than women when it came to gossiping. I nearly broke my face when I heard Brock ask Jake about a particular girl. I don’t remember if he asked would he or if he but from his reply, ‘Man, I wouldn’t hit that girl if you let me use your d---’, I drew the conclusion that he hadn’t.

  I laughed so hard that my face hit the window and I dropped my book on the floor. Jake saw me and yelled out, “We know you up there listening Kam. Come on down here so I can dunk on you”. I looked down at him and for the first time he looked different. His rich caramel skin covered in tattoos and sweat. His thick, curly black hair and light brown eyes. I was in a daze. I had to snap out of it. I put up my middle finger and stuck out my tongue, teasing him. “Naw, you don’t wanna do that”, he teased back. I got myself together went downstairs. Just as my foot hit the bottom of the staircase, I saw them all running through the door going straight for the kitchen. “Y’all are some vultures”, I said to them rolling my eyes.

  “Hush girl”, Kyle replied.

  “What you bout to do, Kammie”, Jake asked.

  “Not a thing”, I replied. “It’s too hot to do anything. And stop calling me that.”

  “Let’s go to the movies. I’ll drive”,

  “You’ll pay too”.

  “Whatever, I’ll be back in an hour. Be ready in an hour Kam”.

  “She not gone be ready”, Brock said stuffing his mouth with Doritos.

  “Shut up punk”, I snapped back running upstairs to my bedroom.

  I jumped in the shower, put my hair in a ponytail, and threw on the first thing that I saw. Cut off blue jean shorts, an oversized Bulls jersey and red and white Air Max. A ponytail was my go to hairstyle. It took forever to try to do anything fancy with my hair, being that it was so thick and curly, so ponytail it was.

  Jake was back in exactly an hour; sitting in the living room talking with Kyle when I came down the stairs.

  “Why didn’t you say you were here, bighead”, I asked.

  “Because I knew you wouldn’t be ready when I got back”, he replied.

  “Man, let’s go”, I demanded grabbing my house key off the counter.

  There appeared to be some type of accident on the interstate on the way to the movies, because traffic was backed up for miles.

  “What time does the movie start”, I asked concerned.

  “Seven thirty”, Jake replied agitated.

  “Well, doesn’t look like we’re gonna make it, so, let’s just get something from Blockbuster instead. We can watch it at your house”.

  “What about your popcorn and skittles”.

  “Oh, you can still get them. They sell them and they’re just as expensive as the ones at the movies”, I joked.
We took the next exit and headed to Blockbuster Video. We decided on Love and Basketball and Blue Streak.

  We pulled up to Jake’s house to find it empty as usual. His parents left a note on the counter saying they had to go visit his grandpa and would return the following evening. “Glad we went to Popeye’s”, Jake joked, “Cause as we can see ain’t no dinner come with this note; come on”, he said motioning for me to follow him upstairs.

  The entire second floor belonged to Jake. His parents rarely came up there because the steps were bad on their knees. Jake and I got along fairly well. Like I said, he was like a brother. I don’t know why, but, he felt the need to confide in me about every detail of his life, which was fine because it gave me insight on how men think. This simple little fact was also the reason I never looked at him affectionately. I knew too much of his business. You see, my little friend was a bit of a whore. He was very handsome and had a nice body so I could see why the girls loved him. Plus, he was very charming. He wasn’t a dog per se, he just liked women. A lot of women. Let me stop lying, dude was a dog. Period.

  He put the movie in the VCR as I sat on the chaise and got comfortable with my blanket, chicken, popcorn and skittles. “I don’t see how you eat like that”, he said turning up his nose. I stuck out my tongue at him and continued with my meal.

  “I don’t understand why we have to watch the chick flick first but, whatever”, he sighed.

  “Well, you put the movie in”, I replied, “I didn’t say either way”.

  “Well let me just change it then”.

  “It’s too late now. It’s already started”, I said rolling my eyes.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought”, he smirked. “I heard it was pretty good, though”.

  “Oh, it is. I saw it when it first came out”.

  “What the hell? Why you have me rent this if you already seen it”?

  “Because it’s a good movie and I thought that you’d like. Now shut up and enjoy the movie”, I commanded.

  Throughout the movie, I noticed that Jake kept looking at me in an awkward type of way.

  “Is there any particular reason why you keep staring at me, son”, I inquired.

  “You know Kam”, he started, “you’re really pretty. And you don’t even try hard. You’re sitting up here in some old cut off shorts, a shirt that you probably got from your brother ‘cause it’s way too big for you, your hair is in a ponytail that I know you just threw together and, you’re beautiful”.

  “Well thanks for the compliments, I think”.

  “Seriously Kam. You’re beautiful and you’re a good friend. I mean, I can chill with you and talk to you about anything and you’re always real with me no matter what. You need to educate these hoes on how to act man, like for real”.

  “Well”, I cut him off, “maybe you should stop dealing with hoes and start dealing with more real people like me. You’re not so innocent Jake. You wanna play the field and expect someone to be loyal to you and that’s not right. You need to put out what you expect back. You gone keep playing with these girls and one day somebody is gonna get tired and do something to you”.

  “You know what. I can’t even argue with that. You right. But man most of these girls just want what they can get out of you. They don’t want no relationship. All they really interested in is what type of car you drive and what you can buy them. So, I play them before they play me. Then, if they feel like somebody else got your attention they wanna be all up in your face. You know, on that messy type stuff. I ain’t with that, man. Anyway, back to my original point. You’re something special and I appreciate you for being my friend. Now come rub this cream on my back before I forget please.”

  “Cream on your back”, I inquired, “What the hell is going on with you? You done let one of them hoes give you something”

  “Man, I got another tattoo. I thought I told you. My bad.”

  “Yeah, your bad. So I guess you wanna be the next Dennis Rodman, huh? You better come over here ‘cause I’m comfortable and I’m not moving”, I said pulling the blanket up to my neck. Jake got up, grabbed the cream off of the night stand and handed it to me as he sat down on the in front of me on the chaise. I sat up and began rubbing the cream on his bare back.

  “Your hands are soft”, he complimented.

  “Thank you”, I replied “and your muscles are hard”. “All done”.

  Jake looked at me with his light brown eyes and I got that tingly feeling that I had earlier that day.

  “What would you do if I kissed you Kammie”? he asked.

  “Probably sock you in the thro……”

  Before I could finish my sentence his lips were on mine and his hands around my waist. He pulled me into him and began kissing me with such passion. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he laid me on my back. I could hear his heart beating as he leaned into me kissing my neck. It was like music to my ears. I didn’t know what was happening or even if it should be happening. All I know was I didn’t want it to stop.

  “What are we doing”, I asked. He didn’t respond. He pulled my shirt up over my head and began kissing my chest, then my stomach.

  “Jake”, I called to him. And again, he didn’t respond.

  He moved down to my pelvis and as he undid my buckle he asked, “Do you want me to stop”? Before I could answer I felt his warm tongue between my thighs and then inside of me. I was speechless. He aligned his body parallel to mine and I felt his nature against my thigh. “You want me to stop”, he whispered. Again, I was speechless. I gripped his thick, jet black hair as he pressed himself inside of me. I had to get a hold of something. Let’s just say he was well endowed. I let out a sigh of relief when he was fully submerged. I think I remember a tear falling or something like that. By the way, did I mention that this was my first time?

  Even though it was wrong and I knew it was wrong, I didn’t want him to stop. “I love you Kam”, he whispered in my ear. “I’ve always loved you.

  There were so many thoughts running through my head. This was not the same Jake that I was so used to sitting around joking with. He was so passionate, so gentle, so loving. It was almost too much to take in. Still, it was beautiful and thinking back on that moment I couldn’t have chosen a better person to share my first time.

  For a moment we just laid there; me in his arms, and him kissing me on my forehead. But, there was dead silence.

  “So”, I finally spoke up, “what just happened”.

  “Kam, I hope you don’t think that I was trying to pressure you”, he said cutting me off, “It’s just. I’ve never met nobody like you. You know all there is to know about me, all my bull, which you have no problem pointing out at any time, but you still rock with me. You don’t judge me; you always have my back. You hold me down”.

  “Yeah, but, where do we go from here? Are we still gonna be just friends who sleep together from time to time? Do we try to start a relationship and be boyfriend and girlfriend? I don’t want to lose my friend over a nut, Jake”.

  “A nut? Is that what you think this was? Kamerai, if it was just a nut, you’d be gone by now. Better yet, you wouldn’t even be here. I don’t bring girls to my house, you know that. You’re way more than just a nut. But man, Kyle is gonna kill me”.

  I burst out in laughter. There we were having a sentimental moment and all he could think about was my brother killing him.

  Jake and I did end up dating. And surprisingly things didn’t get complicated. Not at first anyway. He ended up going to junior college so he could stay close by his parents, and me of course. I came to find out quickly that college girls are way more aggressive than high school girls. Especially when it came to athletes. I think Jake started to feel himself after he was offered an opportunity to play pro ball overseas. There was this one particular chick, the coach’s daughter, who was always around. At practices, after the games, team outings. I mean this girl was everywhere and she was always in Jake’s face. I don’t fight over no dude, but, chick was asking for it.
Jake insisted that it was completely innocent. I wasn’t buying that crap one bit. Jake did end up accepting the offer and going overseas. The plan was to get established and then send for me. Didn’t quite work out like that though. We kept in touch for a good three weeks and then no communication at all. I guess Mr. Boykin got too big for the little people back home.

  I continued to work for my dad, took my real estate exam and have been grinding ever since. I wasn’t into dating anyone after that because I felt like I couldn’t trust anybody. If my best friend could turn on me like that, then how loyal could a perfect stranger be. That was my logic until the day I met my fiancé.

  2

  Darrin and I met while I was on a business trip in Florida. To pass some time while I was there, I attended a real estate conference which was our first encounter. I wasn’t all that into him at first, but, something about him intrigued me. I decided to give him a chance. Now, don’t get me wrong, he was very handsome and his body. Yeah, it was nice. The funny thing about our meeting was that we lived in the same city and had never crossed paths.

  We talked on the phone for the most part. Even though I was interested in getting to know him, I still had my guard up. I finally agreed to let him take me out. I figured that I should go ahead and get it over because there was no need in us wasting each other’s time. I like seafood so we made arrangements to meet at Red Lobster. I arrived early because I wanted to see what kind of car he was driving. Call me shallow, but, hey, it is what it is. I pulled into a parking space close to the door and as I was getting out I noticed someone walking towards me. It was Darrin. He opened the door for me and assisted me out of the car. I didn’t know if he was trying to get points but he was definitely on the right track.