Fatefully Yours

by Misha Anderson

  CHAPTER 8

  KLAUS SCHNEIDER

  "Aren't you hungry? It's okay with me. If you want I can get you coffee."

  I look at the breakfast table and feel fed up and alone, trying to make an excuse for my lack of appetite. Why do I have to have breakfast with Renato? I don't want him to serve the food, the pile of pancakes, bacon, and sausages. This foreigner shit is a way long off being from being a decent meal. Where is Anahí that hasn't woken up until now?

  "Anahí left early, she said that she needed to order some things for your therapy sessions," Renato explains without me saying anything. Is it written on my face how much I miss her? "The scrambled eggs are fantastic."

  I pretend indifference and Renato annoyingly holds the plate out to me, having put food on my plate without asking. I play with my scrambled eggs without looking at him and then push my untouched plate aside, without having eaten a bite.

  "Hmm, I'm not hungry. If I want I'll eat something later."

  Renato's still in front of me like a statue, butting in. He sits down and fills a mug with coffee and milk, yapping on about the wonderfulness of the room service, not realizing I really don't want his company. Is this guy deaf? Doesn't he realize I don't want to talk? I frown while Renato stares at me from across the table.

  "Is just Anahí can take some time to come back and it won't be good for you to eat nothing. She made me promise I'd insist you eat."

  "If she was so worried about me," I sputter, pouring out my frustration and anger that's been with me since last night and a thorn. "Then why did she disappear and left me here alone, having to put up with your sorry ass? I told you I don't have the patience, man."

  She ran away from you, Klaus. You just don't want to see the truth... She obviously doesn't want you, she probably even made up that lame excuse about going shopping to get away from your advances. What were you trying to do seducing the hot little cabocla? How can you run after her when your legs literally can’t support you? Rejection... It's something new for me, I was always the dealer in my own life, I could choose a woman to fuck for a single night and then dismiss them without a single thought, like yesterday's trash. Everything in my life has been about contracts: my races, my "loyal" friends, my fucking. It was easy, safe, and efficient. All I had to do is write a check, run my credit card and friendships sprouted like grass, fresh and warm pussies were home delivered, I didn't have to go to the trouble of winning someone over. There was no need, you pay, you get. I avoid facing Renato, embarrassed by my ridiculous show of need.

  He clears his throat and says crestfallen, "I didn't mean to disturb you yesterday. I only looked for you because I thought you might be alone and want something. Forgive me, sir."

  Sir? Now this asshole comes up with this fussiness of "sir"? Ever since he got hired I told him to treat me informally, now this big as a boulder son a bitch wants to be all resentful.

  "Keep calling me like you always did, Renato, there's nothing to be sorry for. Anahí and I were just watching a movie. It's important that we're friendly, even if she is pretty annoying."

  "Yes, I understand. I thought maybe I had interrupted something. You know how it is, right? You're young and she...fuck!"

  "She what? I didn't understand that ‘fuck’."

  "Ha! Klaus, you know, she's a beautiful woman, damn it! Only a blind man wouldn't see it."

  Now I have to swallow this little shit wanting to fuck Anahí right in front of me? I hit the table and only realize how pissed off I am when Renato looks at me with wide eyes, noticing my out of proportion reaction.

  "That's the way I want you to behave with litt– with Anahí: blind, deaf, dumb. You're thinking and seeing stuff that's not there. I have a recovery to worry about, which is more important that flirting with my therapist and I suggest you treat her the same way, with a respectful distance. Keep your little friend in your pants if you want to keep your job. You understand, Renato?"

  "Yes, of course. Pretend I didn't say anything. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get your meds and then we'll go get some sun."

  I go with Renato to the boardwalk for some fresh air and a little bit of sun, enjoying the mild and sunny day. I stopped to watch an excited group playing footvolley, the beauty of their bodies moving one way and another in the sand, independent, free. And the bitterness of inactivity hits me hard. I'd been wondering why I hadn't admitted to Renato my attraction to Anahí, but now coming across the jealousy I feel for these men, I find the answer: shame... Shame because everything in me wants a gorgeous young girl, with her whole life ahead of her, and I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to offer her. I can't give her the pleasure of sex, a loving relationship, least of all a future. That's the grotesque short of it. I have no right to want her, and if I can't have her, then fuck it! Why can't I stop this? Get her out of my thoughts? Yesterday, for a moment I thought I was getting hard but I pushed that foolish illusion away, of course I wasn't! If my legs are dead what to say about my dick! My manhood, one the things I'm proud of, went down the drain the day I skidded on that track.

  "Klaus, is that you, man?"

  One of the players that's waiting his turn waves at me and I froze recognizing him. Júlio Almeida, a little playboy from college that thought his shit smelled like roses and used to compete with me for the camp hotties.

  "Klaus, is that really you?"

  No, it's hologram in a wheelchair. Of course it's me, shit! I nod discreetly, itching to run from this shameful situation, meeting this little shit after so many years and being at a disadvantage. Júlio comes up the stairs to the boardwalk hurriedly and walks my way, looking shocked when he notices I'm on two wheels.

  "Hey, Klaus, I thought that was you. We haven't seen each other in forever, what have you been up to?"

  Hmm! Let me see... I've been running around the lake every day, partying every night. Oops, I forgot! I'm also a driver every chance I get, that's if I can get a moment off from the girls, my friend! My life has been a never-ending party, eat your heart out! Where did this idiot donkey come from?

  "I've been pretty busy, recovering from an accident. It was nice seeing you. Let's go, Renato?"

  Júlio looked at Renato up and down, holding my chair and spews his poison, proving how much of a son of a bitch he's always been.

  "Nice to see you too. I can see you've been busy, especially with a dude like that as a partner."

  "What did you say?" I didn't fucking understand!

  He's not insinuating....no, not possible!!! Renato stares at him furious and Júlio restates what he just said, making me see red, "Now I'm curious, who's the bottom and who's the top? Shit, man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it awkward, but crippled like that it's pretty clear who's the bottom."

  All it took for the filthy Júlio to kiss the floor was one punch to the chin. Renato huffs, unhinged, looking at Júlio spread on the floor, waiting for him to strike back, which doesn't happen.

  "Now we can go, Klaus."

  Before his footvolley friends realize what happened, Renato has already rolled my chair across the street and we're silent until we get to the apartment. The door of the elevator open and we go inside, I look at him up and down, analyzing his intimidating size.

  "Why do I have to be the bottom?" I grumble, making my newest friend laugh. "Why is it always the big black dude that comes out on top, huh?"

  Using my words against me, Renato shoots me down, heartlessly, "No chance, Klaus. You're not my type... Besides, blind, deaf, and dumb, remember?"

  Renato opens the door and I roll myself in, joking, "Don't even think of asking for a raise, but after that left cross, you're going to have to be a nurse and a bodyguard."

  "You got into a fight? What happened while I was out?"

  Damn it! Anahí leaves the open kitchen eating a mango and my brain short-circuits, hypnotized by the torturous and sexy sight of her tongue licking her plump lips. Lips I can still feel the taste of... Lips I'm addicted to.

  "Hey, I'm talking with you
. What happened, Klaus?"

  I squeeze the rubber arm of the chair and do my best to shift my eyes from her mouth.

  "We met a jackass from my old college on the boardwalk and he said some shit, but Renato put him on his place."

  "If you excuse, I need to call home," Renato says, leaving us alone.

  "You took your time, what were you doing?" I ask her suddenly, and then wonder if I sounded too possessive.

  “I was buying some things for our session. I want to step up the exercises in the next couple of days, so I found some dumbbells and two Swiss balls I needed. Did you have breakfast?" She finishes the mango, licking her fingers, and throws the pit in the trash. She hands me a banana, already peeled.

  I watch her sugary lips and lose myself in a day dream of my cock disappearing inside her mouth, deeply. I wonder how far she could take me? I signal her to get closer and she leans over curiously. I take her arm and pull, she falls awkwardly into my lap. I hold her close by the waist and with one hand I pull on her ponytail bending her head backwards, making her have to face me.

  "Klaus, what the hell? Let me go!"

  "Still sweet?"

  Anahí lashes out trying to escape my firm grip and I wind her hair around my fist, brushing my mouth on hers.

  "What?" She asks in a thready, weak voice.

  "The taste of your mouth?"

  Fuck! The taste of this girl drives me mad, at first her tongue touches mine timidly, modestly, and I love it. The mix of innocence and sin with which she answers my kisses scrambles my brain and body. Anahí rubs my beard and neck with her delicate hands and I can feel shivers run down my skin, my hairs standing on end with her soft and intoxicating touch. My heart beats hard, out of control, my hand leaves her waits and runs up her thigh, under her skirt and stops at the side of her panties.

  Our kisses become more urgent, I bite her soft plump lips and she gasps, moaning quietly, slowly yielding to my mouth licking and biting her ear and the curve of her slender sweet neck, her warm and brown skin that inflames me. I feel a strange sensation take a hold of me, something unexpected, but, at the same time, something I long for, but also fear because I don't know how long it will last. Every minute I spend near Anahí makes me want her more, even if it's not certain, just a stupid illusion.

  "Fuck it, you're hot! So sweet, soft. You're driving me crazy, Anahí. I want you so much, so much! Fuck, if you knew I want to do with you..."

  Anahí jumps out of my lap, scared, straightening her dress and snaps, her voice high with anger, "No!!! Can't you see this is wrong? You're my patient. I was hired to help you, not to jump in your bed. Why are you doing this to me? I know... Who told you? Was it Felipe? Is this some sort of bet? On how long it would take you to take the virginity of the idiot little Indian? I had enough. I'm leaving right now, and you can tell your friend that your little plan didn't work."

  Anahí stomps out and slams her bedroom door, leaving me alone and bewildered by her revelation. Shit! She's a virgin! How is that possible? Fuck, she's 24 and beautiful. How can she have kept her virginity for all this time? God, what was that? One surprise after another! First, I get a fright after feeling my cock stirring for the first time since the accident. Then I find out that Anahí is still a virgin and believes my desire for her is not true, but only part of a bed to take her to bed.

  Renato enters the room, drawn by the noise of our fight.

  "Everything good here, Klaus?" He asks, unsure.

  I scratch my chin, nervous by the path my conversation with Anahí took.

  "I think so. Just leave me alone."

  "Okay. Then I'm going to take the rest of the day off and go home. As soon as Sandro gets here, I'll take off, okay?"

  "Sure, Renato, you can go. Have a good day off." I nod and wave him off.

  Before he leaves me alone, Renato stops in the hallway and asks me again,

  "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

  "No. Go in peace. Anything I'll ask Anahí."

  As soon as the rookie nurse comes in for his shift, Renato leaves to visit his family. After knocking insistently on her door like a man condemned, Anahí finally opens it... The first thing I see from the threshold is a bag next to her bed. I go in and she sits on the bed, averting her eyes from mine.

  "Why the suitcase?" I ask. "Where are you going?" The suitcase leaves me dazed. She's going away, she's leaving me? No, she can't leave me. Why is she doing this to me, fuck!

  "I told you. I don’t want to be a part of that idiot plan, Klaus.

  Where did she get the idea I bet on her virginity?

  "There's no fucking plan! I didn't even know about it, Anahí!"

  Anahí gets mad with my denial and yells madly, with her hair a mess, "Now you want me to believe that Felipe didn't tell you about me? That you, Klaus Schneider, the great F1 playboy, known for having sex with supermodels, suddenly and magically felt attracted to a little cabocla like me?"

  Doesn't she look in the mirror? The question is, how can I not feel attracted for the whole package of beauty, sensuality, innocence, and cleverness that she is? Lie? Should I lie to her and tell her I'm not attracted to her? I think at this point it's useless trying to hide how much she stirs in me. I roll my chair closer to the bed and Anahí freezes up, breathing in fast.

  "Yes, Anahí. I think you should take a good hard look at yourself. And no, Felipe didn't tell me anything, I'm hearing about it now, from you. And I may not be the model of a virtuous man, but I would never bet on your purity with someone, Anahí."

  Anahí falls silent, looking confused, as if still processing what I just told her. Finally, she says crestfallen, "Even so, Klaus. Even if you're telling the truth, it doesn't change the fact that we have to keep our distance, starting as soon as possible. Renato told me he's visiting his family and only comes back tomorrow. I won't leave you alone, but as soon as he's back, I'm leaving."

  "Why do we need to keep our distance, Anahí?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

  "Because..." She sputters, swallowing and having trouble with words. "Because this type of relationship you want is not right. You and I, it can't happen. You make me feel things that...damn!" No!!!

  "What things?" Fucking tell me!!!

  "Desire, Klaus. I want you to make me yours, but in a relationship like ours it can't happen."

  She wants me... Shit, knowing that she wants me as much as I want her, brings a silly smile to my lips, I don't even realize how much of an idiot I'm being. I refute her inopportune decision, trying to convince her to take a chance with me.

  "We're adults, unattached. And if I want you and you want me, what's wrong with us seeing whatever this is through?"

  Anahí stands up and walks to the door.

  “You just said 'whatever this is', and I'm not going to risk either of us if none of us know what's happening."

  I turn my chair to her, rolling myself in her direction.

  "Risk what, Anahí? Your job? If it's that, we can talk."

  "No, Klaus. My heart. I don't have the gift of suffering, only an idiot wouldn't realize that I'm going to leave broken when all is said and done. Now, please excuse me, I want to be alone."

  After Anahí basically threw me out of her bedroom, I went to mine, being helped out by Sandro to get to bed. As soon as I'm alone, grief engulfs me, thinking that Anahí is leaving and I have no way of convincing her otherwise.

  PART II

  "I felt it was love when, after 'Good Night', there was an irresistible desire to say, 'I love you'."

  Unknown

  CHAPTER 9

  ANAHÍ SARAÍBA

  I would be lying if I said my heart isn’t squeezed inside my chest. I didn't want to have to resign from working with Klaus, but I don't see any other honorable path to take after my professional ethic jumped out the window and left me alone with this man that torments me more and more. Me, who have always demanded by sword's point to observe all the rules about getting involved or relating with a patient, today I go around this
roller-coaster of feelings that Klaus brings out on me.

  These conflicts are new to a girl like me: rational, decisive, and pragmatic. Feeling certain desires, this unsettling pulse in my sex, the longing to throw it all away and fall into this imperfect man's arms and let him make me his. For me, that's as new as it is terrifying. But it's time to wake up, take my head out of the clouds and face reality. I have a career to embrace and a professional challenge I really wanted to see through. I know that in these type of lesions, the work of a physical therapist is the last spark of hope for anyone that craves to walk again, or at least to have a better quality of life and obtain the dreamt-about independence. So that's what I'm going to focus on: getting Klaus back on his feet, not on silly dreams of a great love affair with a womanizer driver that is richer than Midas.

  Even if he hasn't made a bet with Felipe, our life-paths are completely different, not to say opposite. Klaus has spent his life surrounded by riches, luxury, sophistication, in a world where having is above being, where appearances are paramount. I'm a woman that comes from the simplicity of ocas[4] instead of walls, of the pleasure of taking a fruit from the tree and stepping on the floor. In a tribe you live the concept of community, sharing, and detachment. We live with little, isolated from the "tempting deliciousness" of consumerism, but we live happy. Chaining myself to high society's social protocols is unthinkable. It's not for me, that type of life would make me wilt, like a flower not watered.

  On the other hand, albeit all the cons that distance myself from Klaus, I have never lived with a man that made me feel so complete and involved as I feel when I'm with him. With him, I can be myself. I don't need to pretend to be the sophisticated and sexually free woman I'm not.

  Klaus knocks on the door persistently. Feeling anguished and wanting to run from this confrontation, but I know it's inevitable, so I decide to open the door and let him in. He rolls his chair to me and his eyes lock on mine, defenseless, lost, as if he had no idea what to say. He swallows and his voice comes out shaken.