Yesterday's Tomorrows

by M. E. Montgomery

  I shrugged. “Numbers don’t lie.”

  “They can be manipulated to prove what people want,” he challenged.

  “That’s people doing it, not the numbers,” I reminded him.

  He nodded thoughtfully. “True.” He jerked his head in the direction Ethan had gone. “I heard everything you said to him."

  I peered at him. "I just wanted to help him see his dad in a better light."

  "I think there's more to it. I heard what you didn't say, too. I suspect your insight about bad fathers comes firsthand?"

  I shrugged but avoided looking at him.

  Holt sighed. "You're really a closed book, aren't you, Maddy?"

  "Some stories aren't worth reading, Holt," I answered quietly.

  "But you're worth it, Madelyn. You have to know that." The sincerity in his voice drew my focus back to his face. His eyes were so intense as they burned into mine that I swayed on my feet. The hand I reached out to catch myself landed on his chest where I could feel nothing but solid muscle.

  I tried to withdraw my hand, but Holt's fingers encircled my wrist and kept it pinned to him. His other hand gently held my chin in place so that it was hard to look away. My pulse fluttered wildly as his head moved fractionally toward mine. I didn't have much experience to draw from, but I was pretty sure he was leaning in to kiss me.

  And I wanted it.

  I longed to feel what his lips would feel like against my own; to feel, even for a moment, what it was like to be wanted as a woman. Instinctively, I started to stretch up on my toes to meet him halfway, my eyes never leaving his as they grew darker, closer...

  His cell phone rang and vibrated between us.

  We jerked apart. Holt cursed under his breath as he reached for his phone while I inhaled deeply to calm my nerves. I tried to escape the room once again, to hide among his family, but he blocked my path and held up a finger asking me to wait. I almost ignored him since he seemed engrossed in the call until his eyes flashed to me. They narrowed as he scowled and a bad feeling formed in my gut. His answers were limited to mostly, "I see.” “Are you sure?" and finishing with, "I will" before hanging up.

  "Is everything alright?" I ventured.

  "That was John McCloskey. He got an update on the fire at your apartment because his name is listed as the co-signer on the lease."

  "And?"

  He stared at me, a dark expression on his face. "The fire marshal believes it was arson."

  I staggered backward. "You mean someone started it on purpose? Who would do that?"

  He peered at me with narrow eyes. "I don't know, Madelyn. Who do you think might have done it?"

  "Why are you asking me?"

  "Because it was started in your apartment."

  22

  Maddy

  I backed away from him until I bumped into the dining room table. "Wh...what? Are you sure? How can they tell?"

  My mind was racing. I'd been doing lots of cooking earlier that day before Serafina had knocked. Had I been so distracted I'd forgotten to turn off the stove or oven? No, I wiped down some spills on the stove top which I couldn't have done if it was still hot. Or was I remembering that moment from the night before? Details I felt certain of only seconds earlier now seemed cloudy.

  "It's only preliminary, but based on the kinds of charring, they can tell there was some sort of flammable liquid used."

  "Oh, my God! Who would do that? And why?" My mind was racing. Charly? It was just irony the fire happened the same day I got her second note saying she was worried about some ‘bad people,’ wasn’t it?

  He crossed his arms. "I don't know, Maddy. Why don't you tell me?"

  "Tell you, what? I don't know anything!" My voice was shrill, and I started shaking. I looked into his stern face. Only moments earlier it had looked warm and caring. "You think I did it, don't you?"

  I was outraged. Just earlier he was trying to convince me that he knew there was more to me than my past. And now he was using that same past to damn me.

  "Everything alright in here?" Cal asked from behind Holt.

  "Get out," Holt demanded while I simultaneously responded, "Your brother's an arrogant, pig-headed, stupid..." I sputtered trying to find more words and finally settled for, "...ass."

  Cal pushed past his brother and stopped beside me. "Well, I can't fault your assessment, but what he'd do this time?" He had an amused sparkle in his eye.

  "Cal…" Holt's voice sounded ominous.

  But his brother remained undeterred and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. His expression grew more concerned as he looked closer at me. "Do you need to sit? You look a little pale." He looked up at his brother. "What the hell is going on in here?"

  "I'll tell you what's going on," I answered. "He tries to convince me of one thing one minute, then practices the opposite the next."

  "He's bullheaded, for sure," Cal responded, pinning his brother with a glare. "Hard to believe he's a lawyer, isn't it? Always suspicious. Always stubborn. Always--"

  "Fucking enough! It's not like that." Holt roared, causing other family members to come running in. "Damn it, Maddy! That's not what I meant."

  "Unca Hulk, you said a bad word," little Andrew said.

  Sara gathered him in her arms. "I'll take the kids upstairs," she mumbled, looking between Holt and me. As she passed Holt, she whispered something in his ear. His eyes still looked angry, but he nodded, and his shoulders relaxed slightly.

  He ran both hands along the side of his head, holding the back of his head before slowly sliding them down his neck and to his sides. He took a step toward me. I tried to step backward, but the table was in my way. Cal sensed my effort and stepped slightly in front of me like a shield.

  "I think you need to calm down, little bro," Cal said.

  Holt looked at his brother in amazement. "I'm not going to hurt her. I'd never do that."

  Cal nodded. "I know. But she doesn't." He tipped his head toward me.

  "Does someone want to explain what's going on here?" his dad asked.

  Holt shoved his fingers in the back pockets of his jeans. "The fire marshal thinks someone deliberately set the fire in Maddy's building."

  A chorus of gasps and 'oh no's' filled the room along with a mixture of concerned and angry expressions.

  "That's an awful thing, but why all the loud voices?" Carol questioned.

  "Because it started in my apartment, that's why," I spat.

  That roused another chorus of concerned comments.

  "Oh, darlin.'" His mother came over and hugged me. "Thank God you weren't there. I still dinna understand why all the..."

  An expression of understanding lit her face. She whirled around to face her youngest child with an angry expression. "Holten Andrews! You dinna mean to accuse the wee lass of startin' it, do ya?" Her accent had ratcheted up a notch.

  I saw what Holt had meant about the bristles beneath the clover. I was grateful it wasn’t directed at me.

  "No! Of course not," he sputtered under his mother’s glare. "I don't think she's done anything wrong. She always assumes the worst about me. But someone tried to get to her, possibly to hurt her or maybe even worse.” He pointed his finger at me. “But she's as closed up about her past as a virgin nun's legs, so how the hell can I help figure it out?"

  I felt Cal snicker, and even his dad hid a smile behind his hand. Molly, however, apparently didn't find him funny at all. "Holten Andrews, I didna raise ya to be so rude. I'll not have ya speak so disrespectfully of the church or any of those who serve it." She got right up in his face, or under his chin as it were since he towered over her. "You'll apologize right now."

  He rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry."

  I had to bite my tongue to refrain from the childish impulse to stick it out at him. I wrinkled my nose instead.

  His eyes glittered back at me. "I'm sorry. You just jumped right to that conclusion before I could say anything more. You always do that."

  "Because you looked so angry," I tried to exp
lain.

  "Well, of course, I was angry!” His voice rose again. “It's bad enough someone tried to burn down your building, but now we suspect you were the target."

  I forgot about our audience. "Why do you care so much, anyway?" I challenged. "I'm not your responsibility. I've been on my own for my entire life."

  He remained silent.

  "Yeah, Holt," Cal countered. "Why do you care so much?"

  I didn't understand why Cal was so intent on getting under Holt's skin.

  Holt threw his hands up in the air. "Because I just do. I care what happens to her. I care about her, goddamnit!" Holt exploded, spinning around and pounding the wall.

  Everyone stood still, hardly breathing. Even Holt had seemed startled by his words, but Cal grinned and relaxed his stance next to me. "Exactly what I thought. Although yelling at her probably isn't the best way to convince her of that."

  Cal squeezed my shoulders and whispered, “He’s not always such an idiot. You’ve rattled something loose inside him, and it’s driving him nuts.”

  I looked at him questioningly.

  “His heart, sweet girl. It’s been locked up as tight as he says you are. Judging by your reaction, maybe he rattles something in you, too, hmm?”

  I blinked at him, not knowing what to say. He winked again and let go and then began to usher everyone out of the room. At the door he paused and turned.

  “I’m curious, Maddy,” Cal commented casually. “Did you happen to see the military awards Holt has in his living room?”

  “Cal,” Holt growled warningly over his shoulder, shaking his head.

  His older brother ignored him and remained focused on me.

  “Yes, he got them for being injured in Afghanistan. He told me his team was ambushed.”

  “Ah, yes. All true. It’s how he received the Purple Heart. But did he tell you he was responsible for saving three of his buddies?”

  I stared in amazement at Holt. “No, he didn’t,” I answered, crossing my arms and giving Holt an accusatory look.

  “No, of course he wouldn’t tell you. But he did. He risked his life to drag those men who were gunned down and fell in the road. He went back three times to drag those men to safety. That’s how he got shot. I just thought you should know that when Holt cares about someone, there’s nothing he won’t do for them.” He turned and left, leaving Holt and me alone.

  I wasn't sure how to react. I wanted to leap and shout at Holt’s earlier admission. At the same time, I wanted to run and hide, my instinct of self-preservation trying to remain at the top of the heap of my jumbled up emotions.

  "I'm sorry." Holt was still facing the wall, head down with one hand in his pocket, one hand braced against the wall. "I don't think I've ever said those words to anyone as many times as I've said them to you. Not even my mom, and you heard how she demands an apology." He turned and rested his back against the wall and gave me a half smile.

  "For someone so small, she certainly knows how to make bigger men do what she says," I snickered. "I'm sorry, too. I've been blamed my whole life for things that weren't my fault, and it's easy to be defensive. You seemed so mad at me, so I assumed you blamed me for the fire. But Holt, I didn't do it."

  He leaned his head back and blew out a breath, staring at the ceiling. "I know that. I wasn't angry with you." He slanted his eyes down to look at me. "I felt kind of helpless, and I don't like that feeling."

  I had a feeling that wasn't easy for him to admit. With his heartbreaking story fresh in my mind, I suspected he was still reacting from what happened long ago.

  "Maddy, what happened Friday night was no accident. John and I are worried about you. We both think it's best if you continue to stay with me. John's been hired as a consultant on a case in Charlottesville, so he's traveling a lot, and he has Emma to consider. I know you don't have anyone else to stay with. My building is more secure than most, and I can take you to work and bring you home. I understand it's hard for you, and I know you have your reasons, but I'm going to need you to trust me so I can help protect you until we figure out who was behind the arson and put them behind bars. That's going to involve talking to me about your past. I understand it may not be easy, but I don't know where else to start."

  The last person I trusted almost destroyed me. I was torn between wanting to turn all this over to Holt and let him help me versus relying on the only person I knew I could trust - me. I also couldn't handle anyone else getting hurt because of me.

  You can't grow an orchard by itself, girlie. Whatcha gonna do about it?

  I stared at Holt, whose eyes implored me to understand and accept his offer. From everything I'd learned about Holt, he had a strong instinct to defend and protect the people he cared about, whether it was his country, his clients, or people he cared about which apparently now included me. His brother basically just confirmed that.

  I wanted other people to accept and trust me. Mary had been able to do it. Holt was doing it. Maybe it was time I did the same and let someone in.

  "I do trust you, Holt. But I need a promise in return."

  "What's that?"

  "I'll do my best to answer any questions you have, but I'm doing so in confidence. I'm not ready for everyone to know. I realize I need to open up, but I need to be the one to decide who knows what and how much. So please, don't keep any secrets from me, and if you think someone else needs to know, I need you to talk to me first."

  He pushed off from the wall. "I can work with that," he agreed as he stopped in front of me. "And I meant what I said earlier. Well, yelled," he chuckled. "I do care about you, Maddy. You're not like anyone else I know. It's been a long time since I cared about what happened to anyone outside of my family, so I guess I'm not handling that well either." He brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek and held it there, causing an involuntary shudder to ripple through me.

  I looked up at him. "You mean since Claire?" I whispered.

  He nodded.

  "What about other women? You've had other girlfriends since her, right?"

  "No."

  "Not even as friends?"

  "Not until you. I guess that's why I'm pretty rusty at it," he chuckled.

  "That's okay," I giggled. "I haven't made it easy for you. But if it helps, you've grown on me, too."

  He laughed. "Yeah, maybe like moss on a tree."

  "That's okay. At least with moss I know which direction you're coming from." He kissed me on the forehead. "Come on. Let's go home so we can talk in private."

  Home. Interesting that no matter how hard I tried to decorate my small apartment to feel more like a home, it always seemed to be missing something. Now that I was living with Holt, even temporarily, I realized it was the sense of belonging that helped to create a home; knowing that someone who cared was waiting for you. Maybe he thought he was only protecting me, but he was doing so much more.

  23

  Holt

  My family seemed to understand our need to leave. Maddy looked a little overwhelmed by the hugs from not only the children but all of the adults as well. I didn't have to know much about her family life to recognize that she wasn't used to being the recipient of so much affection, but my family was one to lavish it out, and both of my parents made sure to tell Maddy that she was welcome to their home anytime. Poor Buddy stood at the driveway and barked until we were out of sight. Damn traitor.

  The ride home was fairly quiet, other than agreeing to a time we'd leave for work in the morning and when we'd meet up to come home since there was no bus near my complex, and I didn't want her walking alone. Someday soon she was due for a driving lesson, but I kept that thought to myself since I knew she'd fight me on the idea of borrowing my brother-in-law's car that Carol had offered for her to use until Rick came home.

  We were both a little lost in thoughts. She had a lot to absorb tonight. I only hoped she was truly willing to let me in. Not only would it possibly provide me some clues as to who might want to cause her harm, but I had a feeling she wa
sn't used to anyone believing in her and choosing her side. And for some reason, I wanted to be that person for her.

  Once back at my apartment, I locked the doors and checked all the windows, even though I lived on the third floor.

  "Do you really think all that's necessary?" she asked.

  "I'm not taking any chances. Someone was willing to commit a felony to get to you, Maddy, and they didn't care who else might get hurt. I'd say that's about as serious as it gets." I finished my security check and paused at my mini-bar. "Speaking of, I think it's time."

  She sat stiffly on the edge of the couch and although she tried to hide them between her knees, I saw her fingers twisting with each other. "Do you want a drink?"

  She shook her head. A nervous laugh escaped her tight lips. "Are you hoping it will make me talk more?"

  "No, I want you to tell me because you trust me." I poured some of my favorite Scotch and settled on the couch.

  Maddy twisted on the couch, so close to the edge I thought she might fall off. "Do...do you need to take notes or something?" she asked.

  I picked her hand up and squeezed it. "Maddy. I'm here as your friend. Yes, I may use my contacts to help you, and yes I can offer you some legal advice if you need it, but for now, that's all secondary, okay?"

  Long lashes blinked at me. "I'm not sure where to start."

  Oh, her eyes. There was so much vulnerability in them as she looked to me for guidance. I wanted to tell her to forget about everything and pull her into my arms while we watched a movie...or while I refreshed my memory about how her curves felt in my hand or against my body.

  I managed to stick to the task as hand. “Well, let’s start with the basics. Is there anybody who’s threatened you?”

  Her mouth turned down. "Well, there was that day you picked me up from prison. Do you think Sharon Regis could be behind it?" Her voice trembled slightly.

  Thinking back to the day I had my first introduction to the 'grieving widow,' I'd seen how verbally hostile she was, but I wasn't convinced she had the gumption to back up her words. "I don't know, but she's on my list of possibilities. She was really angry the day you were released, and she did threaten you, but I’m not sure it was her. Could there be anybody else who would want to hurt you? Did anyone else cause you problems while you were in prison? Any former boyfriends?"