Wonderlust (Steel Roses #1)

by B. L. Wilde

  They’d be arriving back in London a month after me. My mother had already planned several shopping trips, so at least I was going to be kept busy. I’d already applied for a few office jobs in London. I didn’t care what I was doing, as long as it wasn’t working with Alex. I didn’t even mind temporary work to start with. It was easier to find another job that you wanted when you already had one. I just needed these last two weeks to go by as quick as possible.

  “What the fuck happened?” Diego had his hands on his hips as he barged into my office. Today was Alex’s birthday, and my last day at his hilltop mansion. Alex hadn’t even surfaced yet. I wasn’t sure how to act, or if I should even wish him a happy birthday. I’d hardly set eyes on him in the last two weeks.

  “Hey, Diego. How was Rio?” Forcing a grin, I continued to pack my things up.

  “Bitch, we are not talking about Rio. Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

  “Back home.”

  “What about Alex?” He seemed really angry with me, but I couldn’t understand why. “Did you just drop this on him?”

  “I don’t owe you or Alex an explanation!” Alex was the one who broke my heart, but I wasn’t going to let Diego see that. “I miss home. It’s where I belong!”

  “I really thought…” He stopped and looked at me closely. “Never mind. Clearly, I was wrong. Is the birthday boy up yet?”

  “No idea. I’ve been busy packing.” I was acting like a bitch, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home.

  “Okay, but I'm sorry to see you go.” He walked off without another word, probably in search of Alex.

  With my clothes the only thing left to pack, I made my way upstairs. As I was walking, I heard female giggles coming from Alex’s bedroom. Seconds later, Maddison burst out of his room, wrapped in a robe.

  “Do you want anything else, Lover?” she called back into the open door.

  “Your pussy, dripping wet,” Alex purred. I felt nauseous at his words. What was he doing sleeping with this whore?

  “That’s a guarantee.” With a smirk on her lips, she looked at me as she walked past.

  I should have let it go, but my blood was boiling. Charging into Alex’s bedroom, I slammed the door hard behind me.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I yelled. Alex was naked, lying on his bed, but for once I wasn’t affected by it. I was seeing Alex for what he really was, and who he’d clearly always been. “Maddison is with Shane!”

  “She was with Shane, and now she’s with me. Get the fuck out of my room,” he snarled.

  “I was right about you the first day we met! You are just an empty shell! You’re a heartless son of a bitch!”

  “Well, at least I’m not a fucking stuck up, controlling bitch like you!” He seemed to regret his words the moment he spoke them, but it was too late. Tears were already falling down my cheeks.

  “You fucking asshole!” I sobbed, walking away.

  “Nat, no, wait.” He rushed to my side and tried to reach for my arm. I spun around—the rage burning inside me—and slapped him hard across the face.

  “Happy birthday, Alex,” I spat, leaving him stunned.

  Without another word, I walked into my room, slid down the door, and sat hugging my knees. I wasn’t going to wait for his birthday party tonight. There was no point. I was leaving right now.

  Throwing all my clothes and belongings into my suitcase, I made my way down the staircase.

  “Nat, what the fuck are you doing?” Alex called, rushing down the stairs, doing up his shirt.

  “Leaving,” I seethed. “I’ve had enough of this shit!”

  “Your flight doesn’t leave for another ten hours. Don’t be stupid.” He tried to pull my suitcase away from me.

  “Get off!” I yelled. We were making so much noise that Shane and Diego had gathered at the bottom of the stairs to watch us.

  “I’m sorry, okay! I didn’t mean it!”

  “No, you’re right, but do you know what? I don’t give a fuck what you think of me. I like to have control in my life! I’m damn good at my job because of it! I’m straight laced, but I’m fucking proud of it!” Snatching my case back from him, I stood tall.

  “I know, I…”

  “You shouldn’t have fucked Maddison either! You’re better than that!” I was dropping him in it with Shane, but I didn’t care. He deserved it!

  “What?” Shane snarled. “You didn’t?” Alex dropped his head, ashamed.

  “What’s sad is that I saw a good person in you, Alex. Unfortunately, you let your nasty side take over when the going gets tough.”

  “Nat…” He closed his eyes, unable to continue.

  “We’re done. You need to let me go. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He couldn’t even look at me as he spoke.

  “It doesn’t matter now. Goodbye, Alex,” I whispered, kissing his cheek gently. This was it. The fight in his eyes had gone when he finally looked up. He was letting me go. Shane took my luggage from me as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

  “Do you need a ride to the airport?” he asked.

  “No, I’ll get a cab. You have things to sort out,” I motioned as Maddison came into view with a drink and some food in her hands. She froze, shocked to see Shane there.

  “You take care of yourself,” he sighed, hugging me. “If I’m ever in London, I’ll look you up.”

  “Make sure you do,” I smiled before turning to Diego, who was already crying. “I’m going to miss our shopping trips.”

  “Oh, Baby Cakes, I’m going to miss everything about you.” He embraced me tightly. “Take care and don’t be a stranger.” I nodded, looking up at Alex one last time. I wanted to memorize the king in his castle. Even though he’d broken my heart, I’d never forget the eight months that he’d given me. He had allowed me to see his softer side, and I’d always be grateful for that.

  Turning on my heel, I walked away without a word. Once I’d said my goodbyes to Mary, my cab had arrived. Ever the gentleman, Shane carried my luggage to the car. With one last look up at the mansion, I got into the cab.

  LA had been fun while it lasted, but it was time for me to go home.

  “You’ve kept the place clean and tidy,” I muttered, walking around my apartment. Liv was making me a much needed cup of tea.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” she called from my kitchen. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

  “You have to promise not to freak out, and you can’t tell a single soul.”

  “You can trust me. Oh, God! Do you have gossip about Alex?”

  “Erm, yeah, you could say that.” Liv handed me a cup of tea and took a seat next to me. I then proceeded to finally tell her everything that had happened in LA.

  “Holy fucking shit!” She sat there with her mouth wide open. “You…you…you slept with Alex Harbour for three fucking months? You are the luckiest woman on the planet!” I’d told her everything, except for the fact that I’d fallen in love with him. I also told her that I’d decided to leave, not that he’d sent me away. “I bet he was an animal in bed, wasn’t he?”

  “Sometimes,” I giggled, thinking back to all the memories.

  “Damn it! You fucked my man!” she snorted, nudging me playfully. “What made you decide to come back?”

  “It was just sex, Liv. I’m almost thirty. I need more than that.”

  “What are you going to do about David? He’s a free agent now,” she said suggestively as she wiggled her eyebrow at me.

  “I don’t know. Being away from him, finding myself in LA, I just…I’m not sure if he’s the one anymore.”

  “You should go and see him, at least. Maybe he can offer you your old job back.”

  “I wouldn’t take it. I need a fresh start. I’ve got a few interviews next week for some temp jobs.”

  “Oh yeah? Doing what?”

  “One’s at a call center. I’m not sure about the other.”

  “A cal
l center? Really?” Liv giggled. “That’s not really you.”

  “Maybe, but it will pay the bills. I don’t want to use too much of my savings.” I looked over at my luggage. “I really need to unpack and get some sleep. The jet lag is starting to kick in.”

  “Sure. I’m just really happy to have you back, Nat.” Liv hugged me tightly. “Even if you never got me my invite to meet Alex.”

  “I’m sorry! If you really want me to, I can speak to Diego and see if I can get you a meet and greet next year when Alex tours.”

  “Would you come with me?”

  “No. I’m done spending time with rock stars,” I chuckled. “You’d have plenty of people willing to go with you, though.” She looked at me quizzically. “What?”

  “You seem different. I can’t place what it is.”

  “I’m jet lagged. That’s all,” I teased, getting up. “I’ll see you later. I’m going to unpack, then crash for a bit.”

  It felt strange being back in my bedroom after everything that had happened. I hadn’t managed to unpack that much before I was too tired to continue. Lying there in my bed, gazing up at my ceiling, all I could think about was Alex and wonder what he was doing at that moment. I drifted to sleep with images of him standing on his staircase, watching me leave. Only, in my dreams, he stopped me and begged me to stay with him.

  It seemed that I was incredibly employable. Working at the call center wasn’t ideal, but it was a job. I’d been back for almost two weeks and hadn’t heard anything from Alex. It wasn’t like I’d expected to, though. His new single, It was you, was due for release in just under a month, and was already being played on every radio station. I couldn’t get away from it. He seemed to be getting the praise his record label had been hoping for. It was a beautiful, haunting song about falling in love with someone that didn’t feel the same way. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I knew all too well what that felt like.

  In the past, I’d always kept my distance and tried to steer clear of anything having to do with my exes, but Alex was different. He was a damn rock star. He was everywhere: on TV, the radio, and on posters in shop windows. The people at work were all talking about him and the possibility of Steel Roses reforming, which was rumored to be happening. How was someone supposed to get over a man that the world loved? Whether he was bad or good, people liked him no matter what.

  “Did you hear that he’s doing a one-off show in London in a few months?” I heard one of the girls at work ask another while we sat in the canteen at lunch. “If there are tickets available, I’m going. I haven’t seen Alex Harbour live in years.” It was a good thing these groupies didn’t recognize me from the few photos that had been taken of Alex and me. I was worried they’d lynch me if they knew who I had once been to him.

  “His new album is meant to be amazing. I love the title, too,” the other girl replied, excitedly.

  “Wonderlust. Yeah, it’s cool. Did you hear that the song is meant to be about some new chick he met?” My ears pricked up at her words. I hadn’t heard that.

  “Lucky bitch, who ever she is. I just hope he gets out of rehab in time for this concert.” What? Rehab? That had to be a lie. Then again, why was I even concerned?

  “Nat, can you take Amy’s clients please?” Neil, my boss, asked as he took a seat next to me. “I had to let her go this morning. Her sales figures haven’t improved.” He was a sweet guy, though a little geeky. He wasn’t much older than me, but wasn’t my type at all.

  “Sure,” I smiled.

  “I’ve spoken to HR about getting you bumped up to team leader, too. You’re wasted on the phone lines.” Wow, that was quick.

  “Oh, Neil, you didn’t have to do that. I haven’t been here that long.”

  “I know talent when I see it, Nat.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I couldn’t see myself being here much longer. Telesales wasn’t really my thing. Truth be told, I was missing the music industry.

  “Well, thank you.”

  “How about we go for a drink after work to celebrate?” I had to suppress a sigh. Why was I always getting into these situations?

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Neil. I’m out with my friend tonight. Maybe some other time.” It was going to be fun keeping this guy at arm’s length.

  I clocked off at five and walked to the pub to meet Liv. She was now working for a graphic design company not too far from the call center.

  “Don’t hate me,” she pleaded as I wandered in and took a seat. Our drinks had been ordered and were already on the table in front of her. When she looked behind me, I turned, stunned to see David sat at the bar looking at me.

  “You told him I was back?” I glared at her.

  “I had to. You love him, Nat. Even Alex Harbour didn’t change that. You’ve been lost since you got back.”

  Putting my face in my hands, I counted to ten. David wasn’t the reason I was lost, at the moment. “I don’t need this right now, Liv.”

  “Well, that’s tough because I’m leaving you to it. David bought your drink. Make sure you thank him,” she grinned, kissing the top of my head before walking off.

  “You don’t seem happy to see me,” David stated, taking a seat.

  “I’m not really prepared for this, that’s all.” The pub was really quiet tonight. I felt as if everyone could listen in on our conversation.

  “Why didn’t you call and tell me you were back?”

  “I don’t know,” I sighed, playing with my wine glass. “We didn’t really end things well last time we saw each other.”

  “Were you sleeping with him?”

  “David!” I fumed. That was none of his business.

  “I need to know what I’m up against! I’m not giving up on you, Nat. I’m in love with you.” The world fell down around me at his words. David loved me? What the hell was going on? Was I in some parallel universe?

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. Don’t make me say it again. It’s been hard enough.”

  “You’ve really split up with Sarah?”

  “Months ago. I want you, Nat. I never should have let you leave for LA. I was a fool.” Here I was being offered everything I’d ever wanted, and only one person came to mind—Alex.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Why? You want me, I want you. Let’s just see where it takes us. I could make you happy. I know I could.”

  “I was sleeping with Alex.” Hearing him gasp at my revelation, I dropped my eyes down at the table. “David, I don’t want to hurt you. Believe me, if you’d told me all this a year ago, things would be so different.”

  “You fell for the rock star?” Sipping my wine, I nodded. “Fuck!” he muttered under his breath. “What are you doing back here then? If he’s so fucking perfect, why aren’t you with him?”

  “He’s Alex Harbour. It would never have worked. I got out while I could.”

  “Give us a chance then. Nat, I can make you happy. I won’t pressure you into anything, but give us a chance to get back what we had before.” Something in his eyes made me want to believe him. I’d wanted him once, so maybe I could learn to want him again. It was like Alex always used to say: the best way to get over someone was to spend time with someone else. A few dates with David wouldn’t do me any harm. It might keep Alex off my mind, too.

  Chapter Twenty

  When I was younger I was sure that I’d have my life sorted by the age of thirty, yet I was far from that. I’d been ‘seeing’ David for three months, but as much as he tried, our relationship was just about sex to me. The connection we once had was gone. There was no point in continuing our relationship, and if it weren't my birthday today, I would have broken it off with him.

  “I’ll see you later for your birthday meal with your parents?” Leaning over the bed, he pecked my lips before slipping his jacket on. “We can talk seriously about you coming back to work for me, too.” Ugh, not this again. While I may have still been at the call center, I was a team leader now. It wasn’t my dream job
, but things hadn’t exactly been easy for me. Alex had been thrust back into the spotlight because of his new album—which was a global success. I hadn’t seen this much hype about him since his Steel Roses days, and none of it had helped me to get over him. I still craved his touch. I still went to bed some nights alone and cried myself to sleep. I was still in love with him.

  “We have nothing to talk about,” I frowned, watching David open my bedroom door. Liv was hovering outside with a card and gift.

  “Yes, we do. I’ll see you later.” David smiled, walking out of view.

  “Happy birthday!” Liv came in and sat on the corner of my bed. “You have a huge parcel by the front door, too.” She handed me her gift and card.

  “Thanks. Who is the parcel from?”

  “No idea. UPS just delivered it.” I opened her card and gift. She’d bought me my favorite perfume. David had bought me a beautiful, platinum diamond necklace. In fact, my parents had gotten me the matching earrings. I wasn’t sure if I liked the fact that they must have planned that.

  “Open it then!” Liv ordered as we stood looking at the large brown box. I had no idea who it could be from. Ripping the tape, I quickly opened the box. “A telescope?” Liv frowned as we gazed into the box. There was also a pack of pens with a card attached to it. I knew who it was from the moment I opened it, though. He’d remembered my birthday.

  “This is from Alex,” I gasped, tearing open the card.

  Happy 30th Birthday, Straight Lace

  I’m hoping you still watch the stars at night. If you do, this will help you see them better. I’ve included a star gazing book and a box of pens that you can organize by color.

  Love,

  Alex (aka The Asshole)

  P.S. I miss you.

  Tears stung my eyes as I read the note. What did I even do with this? He missed me, but that wasn’t enough. I’d never be enough for him.

  “Wow, Nat. That is…so damn romantic.” Liv widened her eyes as she passed the note back to me after reading it. “Why does he refer to himself as The Asshole, though?”