Revik gasped, holding up his arms. “Gods… ‘Dori.” Tears filled his eyes. “I can’t. You’re right. I can’t stop it…”
Balidor stared down at him, his gray eyes flickering between Revik’s.
For a moment, he only looked at him, his expression stone.
“You really do believe it, don’t you, runt?” he said finally. “You really believe he’s out there somewhere still, that he controls you.” Disbelief colored Balidor’s words, warring with the anger that still lived there. “You think he’ll rise from the grave to force you to kill your wife, is that it? Or is it Salinse you fear? Is it even real, Nenz, this belief in your uncle’s shadow? Or is he just a voice in your head? Is it just an excuse?”
The confusion returned to Revik’s face, right before he shook his head. Tears ran down his cheeks. Balidor hit him again, but the empty, lost look never left Revik’s eyes. He didn’t fight back when Balidor hit him again, knocking his head against the floor.
Revik stared up at the other seer, his face unmoving.
“Kill me,” he told Balidor.
For a second, the older seer hesitated, staring down at him.
“Kill me,” Revik said again. “Please, brother. Kill me. Kill me…”
The anger returned to Balidor's voice.
“It’s too late, Nenz. She’ll die without you. You know that.”
Revik shook his head. The words penetrated that time, though. Jon saw his expression crumple, just before he looked away, wiping his eyes with his hand.
“No, brother.”
“Yes, Nenzi. She will.”
He shook his head. “We should never have been married. I didn’t know who I was.”
There was a silence. Then Revik’s jaw hardened.
“No,” he said next. “That’s not true. I knew. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t know why, but I knew.” He swallowed, his voice thick. “I just didn’t care. I wanted her.”
Again, Jon saw something in his words penetrate the mask of Balidor’s face.
Or maybe it wasn’t his words. Maybe it was the openness in Revik’s face, the lost note in his voice as he lay there, refusing to fight back. Balidor stared down at him, as if warring with his own feelings. Finally, he shook his head, clicking sharply.
“It doesn’t matter now. You know it doesn’t.”
“It does matter.”
Balidor’s voice grew angry. “You can’t change it, Nenz. It’s too late.”
Revik shook his head again. His jaw clenched as he stared at the floor.
“You know I am right,” Balidor said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “You will remember this now. Even if you do not want to, you will remember.”
Revik didn’t answer, his eyes still focused on the green tile.
Jon just stared at the two of them in the monitor, looking between their faces even as he wondered why they were no longer fighting. His surprise grew into shock when Balidor lowered his hands with a sigh, glancing at Tarsi and Vash, as if to confirm something he’d heard only in his head. Jon saw him gesture an acknowledgement, probably to that same message, right before he climbed easily up off the younger seer.
Jon watched in disbelief as the Adhipan leader leaned down, offering a hand to help Revik up, too. After a pause, he saw Revik respond, if only by looking at him.
As much in confusion as anything, Revik took the proffered hand. He let Balidor pull him to his feet, then stood there, unmoving, while Balidor gauged his face.
Balidor seemed as unsure how to react as Revik.
“You feel better, brother?” he said finally.
Revik looked at him, eyes incredulous. “No.”
Something in his response broke the tension on Balidor’s face. He laughed.
The laugh even sounded real, Jon thought.
“You’re sure?” Balidor said.
“Yes, I’m fucking sure.”
“Are you hungry?”
Revik rubbed his mouth, staring at the blood that came away on his pale hand. He looked at the other seer, his eyes still holding that confused disbelief. Then he seemed to be thinking about his question, and Jon saw a frown furrow his brow.
“Yes,” he said finally.
Balidor laughed again, even more genuinely than before. Clapping Revik on the shoulder, he turned his head to look towards the organic window.
“Bring us food, my friends,” he said, louder. “As much of it as you can. Make sure it is something I can eat. None of that damned human crap.”
“Curry,” Revik spoke up. “I want curry. Jon. Tell them what kind.”
Balidor amended, “Except curry. But not for me.”
“And hiri,” Revik added.
“Bourbon also would not be amiss.”
Revik gave a low snort, almost a grudging laugh. Folding his arms around his chest, he winced, looking at one of his hands. The knuckles on it were swelling, already bruising under the bright red. It looked like he might have broken it.
Turning away from the window, Jon gave Dorje an incredulous look.
The Tibetan-looking seer only smiled at him, patting his arm. Jon stared, a little alarmed when he saw tears in the other’s eyes. Dorje wiped them away, smiling wider, even as Jon glanced at Vash and Tarsi, who were also smiling.
“What the fuck just happened?” he said, to no one in particular.
Tenzi, who stood next to him, laughed.
51
DINNER CONVERSATION
REVIK LEANED AGAINST the wall of the tank, a plate balanced on his thighs.
Chewing on a piece of bread, he winced when it hit the part of his mouth still sore from getting hit in the face. His hand hurt the worst, even more than his jaw, where Balidor had clocked him harder than he’d been hit in at least a few years.
Well, apart from his time with Terian.
He found himself studying the face of the other seer warily.
He knew, roughly, what they’d done. Balidor explained it, how they’d needed to get at the part of his light he protected under the Dreng, to heal the rift––to repair the damage there.
He felt different. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about it, though.
Balidor leaned against the wall beside him, his posture totally at ease. He took a large bite of an iresmic wrap while Revik watched, chewing contentedly as his light coursed over and into that of the food. Revik couldn’t see the light, of course, but he could see the difference in the other’s expression, even before he sighed, turning towards him.
“You like curry when you’re blind?” Balidor said.
Revik nodded, only then realizing he was still staring. Forcing his eyes away, he returned them to his plate.
“What?” Balidor said. “You want to ask me something. What is it?”
Revik felt his jaw stick in the bread. Without looking up, he took another bite, chewing about half as long as he should have before swallowing. He kept his eyes on the organic plate.
“She said she loved you?” he said, his voice neutral.
Balidor laughed. It sounded a little bitter.
“Nice,” he said, resting the wrap back on his plate. His voice held a trace of his previous anger. “Feigned nonchalance. Very good, brother.”
“Did she?”
Balidor gave him a sideways look. After a pause, he clicked in irritation.
“Yes,” he said, blunt.
Revik felt his chest tighten. He didn’t look up.
“Why didn’t you go with her?” he said finally.
“I wanted to. I asked her.” Balidor gave him another look, his face briefly hard. “Hell, I begged her, brother. Right before I kissed her. And after, too.”
Revik felt his jaw clench more. Taking another bite of curry, he didn’t speak.
“Nenz,” Balidor said. Anger sharpened his voice, forcing Revik to turn. “She told me she didn’t love me like that. She was clear about it.” Giving a low snort, he took another bite of the wrap. Chewing, he looked at Revik again, his gray eyes holding a denser irrit
ation. “Hell. She’s always been clear about it.”
Revik didn’t answer. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at his plate, holding bread in his hands without moving. Forcing himself to focus his eyes, he scooped up another chunk of the green curry, nodding without looking at the other man.
“I understand.”
“No,” Balidor said, his voice angrier. “You don’t.”
When Revik looked over, the older seer scowled.
“She’s never been unfaithful to you, Nenz. Never. That whole thing with me… it was a fucking op. I may have lied about manipulating her into it, but the op part was true. She felt like crap about it afterwards. I’m kind of amazed she went through with it at all, to be honest.”
Revik just looked at him, studying his face. Then he nodded, inclining his head, a seer’s concession without real agreement.
“She told me differently,” he said.
“Did she?” Balidor’s voice was skeptical.
“Yes.” He looked back at the Adhipan leader. “She said she had feelings for you. She told me she didn’t sleep with you again because she was afraid of what might develop between the two of you.” Swallowing, he averted his gaze, pushing the bread through the curry without seeing it. “She also said it was intimate. The sex.”
Balidor didn’t answer for a moment.
Then he sighed, clicking, leaning his head against the green tile.
“Gods above, Nenz.” He stared at the far wall. “She can’t control her light. She’d never been with anyone but you… she opened to me as if I were you. She didn’t know any different. She didn’t even realize she was making love to me, when we could have just had sex.”
Revik felt his jaw harden more, until it hurt. He felt his body tense along with it, but didn’t let himself look up, or think too much about the other’s words.
“You know what I mean,” Balidor said, exasperated. “Why didn’t you teach her anything?”
“Teach her anything?” Revik stared at him. “Like what?”
“Like about her light. Like about sex, Nenz. How it’s different for seers.”
Revik felt his jaw harden to granite. “You think I should have taught my wife how to fuck other men?”
“No.” Balidor clicked softer, but more irritated. “But you could have shown her something. I nearly had a heart attack when she did that to me.”
Revik held up a hand, turning on him sharply. “Enough.”
“I only mean––”
“Enough!” Revik growled. “I don’t want to hear any more about this, brother! Unless you want me to start hitting you again.”
Balidor raised an eyebrow. Then he looked away, clicking softly with a smile.
“I don’t think I came out the worst in that fight,” he said.
“The hell you didn’t.”
“I let you have those on the wall.”
“Sure you did.”
“I had you on the ground first.”
“I’m blind, brother Balidor…”
Balidor chuckled loudly, raising a hand in a peace gesture as he leaned back against the wall.
“Always there is an excuse,” he joked.
There was a longer silence, where the two of them just ate.
Then Balidor shifted his eyes back to his face, the humor in his expression gone.
“Where would she go, brother Revik?” he said.
Revik turned, staring at him. “What?”
“Where do you think she is? Where would she go, if she wanted to disappear?”
Revik continued to look at him, almost blank, feeling something in his chest stop. It occurred to him, studying the other seer’s face, that he hadn’t really believed them before, when they told him they didn’t know where she was. Looking at Balidor now, it felt true.
“I don’t know,” he said finally. “Have you checked the States?”
“As well as we could, with the contacts we have there.”
“San Francisco? What about her family? She has an aunt she was close to.”
“We have looked, brother.”
“No one has heard from her?”
Balidor gestured a short no, then modulated it slightly with the same hand.
“She called Vash,” he amended. “Once. To tell him she was leaving China. That was it.” He looked away, resting his shoulders and back against the wall. After a pause, he gave a humorless chuckle. “She quit, you know. Before she left.”
“Quit?” Revik looked at him. “Quit what?”
“Being the Bridge.”
Revik frowned at him. “What the hell does that mean?”
Balidor shrugged with his free hand, taking another bite of the thick wrap. Once he’d finished chewing what was in his mouth, he turned his head.
“Honestly, brother,” he said. “I have no idea. She said she was ‘tired of pretending.’”
Revik winced at the words. Staring down at the curry, he realized he was no longer hungry. After a pause, he moved the plate, setting it on the floor beside him, then shoving it further away with one bare foot. He stared at the floor a second longer, trying to think before he gave up, resting his face on his arms. He tried to relax, but couldn’t.
“Gods,” he said after a moment. “Can’t you track her? Vash or someone?”
Balidor shook his head. “We’ve tried. No one can find her. We lost her not long after she got to the Forbidden City.”
“Well, the shields there would hide her,” Revik said, raising his head. “It is no wonder you would lose her there. No one saw her leave?”
“No.” Balidor met his gaze uneasily. “I taught her to shield well, brother. She is very good at it now. Better than me. She might know we would watch for her exit.”
“She has to go into the Barrier sometime.”
“Perhaps she has found a construct. Someone to shelter her.”
“Like who?”
“I don’t know, brother. Any ideas?”
Revik frowned, staring at the far wall. For a moment he didn’t speak. Then he turned, looking at the other seer, his arms still crossed over his knees.
“Jon said she would never speak to me again,” he said.
Balidor raised an eyebrow. “Jon doesn’t understand seers as well as he thinks.”
Revik didn’t feel reassured. He gestured with one hand, not really agreeing.
“He knows Allie,” is all he said.
52
CASUAL SEX
“I DON’T WANT to do this.” I looked at Ulai, feeling my face tighten as I gazed up at his pale blue eyes. “Seriously. Do I have to do this?”
Voi Pai answered me before he could.
“Yes,” she said, cold.
I looked over, saw her staring at me with those vertical pupils. She sat in a wooden chair a few yards from the bed, her thin arms folded.
I knew this room. It was the same kung fu palace where I’d woken up when I landed here the first time. I remembered the bed with the wooden frame, the detailed carvings, the antique furniture and kites hanging from the ceiling, the swords decorating the walls.
“What is the problem, Esteemed Bridge?” Voi Pai said. “You agreed to this. You agreed in front of witnesses to bond with the group.”
I glanced at her, but Ulai spoke up before I could answer.
“She’d rather not be in the open construct for this.”
“She must.”
“Why, venerable Voi Pai? Can we not simply allow an open scan of her light? That would bond her to the group just as well, would it not?”
“It will take too long.” Voi Pai sniffed. “It won't open her light enough.”
“You have allowed it for the younger seers––” Ulai began, but Voi Pai cut him off.
“She will be taking her clothes off for strangers soon enough. It is best to rid her of any false modesty now.” Voi Pai turned when she saw me clench my jaw. Her pupils narrowed to thin lines inside the yellow irises.
“I recognize this is awkward, Esteemed
Sister,” she said. “Particularly given your soul’s age. But we have interested parties already. I cannot refuse them forever. Nor can you delay putting off repaying your debt for as long as you seemingly desire. Further, you are now a member of the Lao Hu. You cannot live in my home and use our constructs and not be bonded to the rest of your brothers and sisters.”
“But why like this?” I said, not hiding my irritation. “Can’t you train me for other work? I’m telekinetic for the gods’ sakes. Doesn’t this seem a little––”
“Low born?” Voi Pai said, smiling.
“Wasteful, I was going to say.” Looking at Ulai, I bit my lip. “If you think you’re going to draw Revik here, playing some stupid game––”
“The Esteemed Bridge perhaps does not understand the relative economics of training an infiltrator versus training a concubine,” Voi Pai interjected, her voice sharper. “One takes years, to do it properly. We have already begun you in this, as per our agreement. The other, Esteemed Bridge, takes weeks. In addition, given who you are, one pays significantly better.”
She smirked.
“…Sadly, it is not infiltration.”
Gesturing with one manicured hand, she exhaled in exaggerated patience.
“Your husband, I could use as an infiltrator. He is highly ranked, experienced, and male concubines are far less interesting to most of my clients. Even the Sword.” Those predatory eyes returned to mine. “You, on the other hand, have garnered a list as long as my arm, and that is only from a few, discreet inquiries.”
I folded my arms. “I would have thought a female prostitute would be more, I don’t know. Common,” I said. “You can’t go anywhere in America without tripping over a few dozen of them. They stand on the streets there sometimes.”
“This is not America,” she said with a harder smile.
“You have planes,” I grumbled.
“You are missing the point,” Voi Pai said. “The Lao Hu do not sell it, Esteemed Bridge. And you are, for want of a better term, a unique product.”
Frowning, I looked at Ulai. His face was serious, almost drawn.
Voi Pai gestured towards him, then between us.
“I have given you your favorite pet as a handler,” she said, exasperated. “I am using your training as a means of bonding you to my people, via the construct. I am not even requiring a group session of you with my senior infiltrators, as I have done with adult recruits in the past. What more do you require of me, Esteemed Sister?”
Shadow (Bridge & Sword: Awakenings #4): Bridge & Sword World Page 51