Sally Berneathy - Death by Chocolate 01 - Death by Chocolate

by Sally Berneathy

  “You’re not leaving,” I said.

  “We’ve been through this before. I thought you understood that I have no other choice.”

  “No, I just understood I might as well agree with you until I could figure out how to change your mind.”

  “Lindsay,” she protested, “you can’t go around making decisions for other people!”

  “I certainly can when those other people are about to make the wrong decision!”

  “Fred, you understand, don’t you? You see that I have no choice except to hide from this man.”

  “You can’t run the rest of your life,” Fred replied. “We’ve got to get rid of him.”

  “Good idea.” I handed Fred the butcher knife.

  “Lindsay, sometimes I worry about you. We’ve got to find this guy’s weak spot and hone in on it. Paula, I need for you to tell me everything you know about your father-in-law.”

  Paula told Fred what she’d told me. There wasn’t a lot to go on. Lester Bennett, like his son, maintained a perfect public persona as an upstanding member of the community. He worked for a freight company, was a deacon in the church, a member of several local civic groups and paid his taxes on time. His only eccentricity was a well-hidden talent for beating his wife.

  “If we had more time, we could do a lot with that, but I suspect this guy’s getting ready to make his move. Okay, I need to do some research. In the meantime, we need to get an eyeball identification and be certain this really is Lester Bennett we’re dealing with.”

  “Who else could it be?” Paula asked.

  “I don’t know. One of David’s buddies on the police force?”

  “But the description the apartment manager gave fits Lester perfectly.”

  “Could be a disguise. We have to consider that he’s been coming in and out of your house, and nobody’s noticed him. That suggests he uses disguises.”

  “Or that we have neighbors who mind their own business,” I said. “You’re the only one who knows everything that goes on.”

  “And I never noticed him, so he must be very well disguised. Now, we need to figure out how to flush this bird into the open so Paula can identify him.”

  “Making a positive identification isn’t going to keep me from going to prison for murder,” Paula protested.

  “It’s a damn good start!” I said.

  She sighed, and the gentle exhalation was like her spirit slipping away in the small, dark room. “I guess I should be glad neither one of you feels compelled to turn me in for murder or try to convince me to turn myself in.”

  “Never happen,” I assured her. “We’re your friends, and we’re going to help you, whether you like it or not.”

  That brought a half-hearted chuckle from her. Another good start.

  “I know our justice system too well to suggest you do that,” Fred said, and I added that remark to his knowledge of maximum security prisons. “Okay, let’s go over our plans one more time before Lindsay and I leave. Lindsay goes in her back door, changes clothes, comes to Paula’s front door, and you let her talk you into staying. I’ll get on the computer and see what I can find out about Lester Bennett. If you’d like, I can install a removable bar on both your doors, one that locks into a slot on each side when you’re inside the house. That’s the only way I can think of to be sure he can’t break in without leaving evidence. He could still break out a window, but that would mean leaving evidence, and he’s been careful not to do that so far. Oh, and I’ll fix your back window tomorrow.”

  “My back window?”

  “I had to disassemble it to get inside.”

  “He broke it,” I clarified.

  “I put some cardboard and duct tape over it, so you should be fine tonight.”

  Paula shot to her feet. “You broke out my window and put cardboard and duct tape over it? Lester could waltz right in here any time he wanted to!”

  Fred and I both stood. “He not only could, he already did,” I reminded her. “And that was when you had a real window.”

  She wrapped her arms about herself.

  “I’ll stay here tonight,” Fred offered. “I’ll sleep on the sofa, and if anyone comes in, I’ll take him out.”

  Take him out? I didn’t think he meant he’d take the man out to dinner.

  Fred and I were way overdue for a chat about his strange skills.

  Paula went back to her bedroom, and Fred and I walked downstairs.

  I started to ask him some questions, but realized I didn’t dare talk because of the microphone under the coffee table.

  At the back door, I stretched up on tiptoe, grabbed his ear and whispered, “When this is over, you will tell me about your Ph.D. in B&E.”

  He leaned down close to my ear and I thought I was finally going to get some answers.

  “Maybe,” he whispered.

  Men! God only put them on earth so pharmaceutical companies would have a market for Prozac and Valium.

  I pulled on my black sweatshirt and made the return journey to my house through the darkness and the wilds of my home-grown jungle.

  As soon as I walked in the back door, Henry came bounding through the house to meet me. That was a little surprising since he normally ambles, saunters or, occasionally, moseys.

  I thought he might be hungry…I was ready for another chocolate fix myself…but he turned and bounded back toward the living room. I followed him and saw him stretch upward on the front door, then hiss and bat at the knob.

  “Need to go potty, big boy? Sounds pretty urgent.” I yanked off my sweatshirt, then unlocked and opened the door.

  Henry darted out, arching his back and spitting at the person sitting on the top step of my front porch.

  Rick.

  My almost-ex jumped up immediately. “Lindsay, what the hell have you been doing for the last half hour that you couldn’t answer your door?” he demanded.

  Trust Rick to have perfect timing. In the still, quiet night, Loony Lester wouldn’t have a bit of trouble hearing that I’d been unreachable for half an hour. I could only hope he wouldn’t figure out that I’d been out of the house through the back door. At least I’d taken off my sweat shirt, though I still wore the dark pants.

  “I’ve been sleeping!” I shouted to be sure Lester could hear.

  “No, you haven’t! You’re still dressed. And anyway, you’re a light sleeper. I rang the bell, beat on the door and even stood in the yard and called your name and threw rocks at your bedroom window.”

  “You threw rocks at my window? Did you break it?”

  “No! They were little pebbles. Besides, your window’s wide open. They went inside.”

  “I don’t believe this. You stood in my front yard in the middle of the night, yelling and throwing rocks into my bedroom?”

  “Pebbles, and I wasn’t yelling all that loud.”

  “I fell asleep on the sofa, wearing ear plugs. I didn’t hear you.” I was a little surprised I hadn’t heard him from Paula’s house, but she did have all her windows and storm windows closed with blinds and heavy curtains for further insulation. I almost smiled at the incongruity of holding a life and death conference in Paula’s bathroom while Rick shouted and tossed rocks into my bedroom window.

  “Ear plugs?” he repeated. “You hate to wear ear plugs. You always complained when I snored and you had to. Why would you be wearing them tonight?”

  I thought about that for a moment. “Because Henry was snoring.”

  He looked askance at the cat who stood poised to spring, his tail switching, as if ready to attack at the slightest provocation. I needed to get a sign, “Beware of Attack Cat.”

  “The cat was snoring? I don’t think so! I think somebody else was snoring! I knew when you didn’t come to the door that you had a man in there with you, and I know who it is! It’s that cop. I didn’t miss the way you were looking at each other.”

  I felt a bit of a glow in spite of the circumstances. “What way was Trent looking at me?”

  Rick fold
ed his arms. “Don’t pretend you didn’t notice. We’re not divorced yet, Lindsay. You don’t have the right to be sleeping with some macho cop when you’re still my wife.”

  I didn’t see any point in reminding him that he was sleeping with the Muffy creature. I wasn’t in the mood nor did I have time to argue with him. I had important things to do, like going over to Paula’s house and pretending to argue with her and then coming back home and spending some time mulling over the way Rick thought Trent and I were looking at each other. Not that we were, of course. From now on, Fred and Henry would be the only males in my life, and Henry was only visiting.

  “If nobody’s here,” Rick declared, “you won’t mind if I come in to see for myself.”

  “I mind.” I slammed the door in his face then dashed upstairs and changed into a pair of shorts. Maybe Lester hadn’t yet noticed that I was wearing black sweat pants in eighty degree temperatures.

  Meanwhile Rick alternated between ringing the doorbell, banging on the door and shouting. I could only hope somebody would call the police and report him for disturbing the peace.

  Actually, I could call and report him for disturbing the peace or trespassing or being obnoxious or maybe just for being Rick. Surely he violated several laws by being himself.

  I placed the call, told the dispatcher that some strange man was making a lot of noise and wouldn’t leave my front porch. That wasn’t a total lie. Rick is a pretty strange man.

  I went downstairs and opened the front door.

  He folded his arms, his jaw jutting stubbornly. “I’m not leaving until you let me come in.”

  “You might want to change your mind on that one. I called the police and they’ll be right over.”

  He nodded and smirked. “Called the police? You mean you leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder?”

  “Okay,” I said. “You got me. I have a man in here, so there’s no way you’re coming in.”

  He threw his arms into the air. “I knew it! Lindsay, how could you do this to me? What chance do we have to put our marriage back together if you’re cheating on me?”

  I could feel my back teeth clenching, the enamel wearing away…and after eight years of marriage to Rick, I didn’t have a lot of enamel left. “Go away and let me get some sleep! I have to get up in less then five hours!”

  “Did you open my gift?”

  “No, I forgot all about it.” I lifted a hand to my forehead and pressed against the headache growing there. “Okay, I’ve changed my mind. You come in, unwrap the gift and look around to your heart’s content.” The second I unlatched the screen door and opened it, he slipped inside, a triumphant smile on his face.

  I slipped outside. “I’m going over to Paula’s to spend the night. Be sure and lock up when you leave.”

  “Lindsay!”

  I ran across the yards with him right behind me. I wasn’t thrilled about leaving my house unlocked with a maniac on the loose, but I didn’t see any other option. Anyway, I could count on Rick to hang around and act so crazy, nobody would dare approach my house. When he makes up his mind he wants something, nothing stands in his way. I guess that’s how he got to be top salesman. It’s also how he got to be in the middle of a divorce.

  I rang Paula’s doorbell then knocked loudly for effect.

  “Lindsay, you’re making a scene!” Rick said through gritted teeth. “Let’s go back to your house and talk about this.”

  Paula came to the door rubbing imaginary sleep from her eyes. “Lindsay, is something wrong?” Then she saw Rick and gave me a panicky look.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said, pushing through the door then turning back to Rick where he still stood on the porch. “I really did call the cops, and you know how strapped for entertainment they are here in Pleasant Grove. They’ll be over any minute and slap on the handcuffs and leg irons.” Then I closed the door in his face again.

  It felt so good, I opened it and smiled. “Habit forming,” I said before closing it a second time.

  Fred lay stretched out on the sofa, fully clothed except for his shoes, and I took the opportunity to tweak his big toe, knowing he couldn’t say anything. He scowled at me and I blew him a kiss.

  He’d moved the coffee table across the room. I’d have to ask him later if that meant he snored and didn’t want Lester to hear him.

  Paula and I went to stand beside the coffee table to have our discussion for the benefit of the man on the other end of the microphone. We got as close as we could because we didn’t dare talk too loudly. The last thing I needed was for Rick to hear any of it. For perhaps the only time in my life, I was willing to admit that I should have listened to my mother. I couldn’t imagine myself as a lawyer, but even that would have been preferable to marrying Rick.

  Paula and I didn’t have a script for our discussion, so we improvised as we went. I assured her that, since my father was a lawyer, I was close personal friends with the toughest criminal lawyers in the country and that we would put together a defense team for her that would make O.J.‘s dream team look like law school rejects. Total bull shit since my father practices corporate law with a focus on real estate. I could probably get her a good deal on a strip shopping center, but I figured Lester the Louse who drove a truck for a freight company wouldn’t know that. I didn’t dare look toward the sofa, however. Fred was probably choking in an attempt not to laugh.

  “All right, Lindsay,” Paula said, and there was something in her voice that got my attention, something very intense that hadn’t been there in our mock discussion. “I’ll stay. I’ll even turn myself in to the police tomorrow—”

  I shook my head and made a face at that comment which seemed to me to be giving Lester a deadline as surely as the business about running away. However, she ignored me and continued.

  “But you have to promise me one thing.”

  “Sure,” I said uneasily, though I didn’t want to promise anything right then.

  “If I’m convicted and sent to prison or if I’m not but they try to take Zach away from me, you’ll make sure he has a good home, that you’ll do whatever it takes to keep him away from that monster.”

  Suddenly the neck of my tank top seemed to be choking me. It’s only make believe, I told myself. Strictly for Lester’s benefit. But Paula didn’t sound like she was playing pretend anymore. Did she believe that story about the lawyers? Did she really think I could do anything to help? “All right,” I said. “I promise.”

  “Then I won’t leave. I’ll stay and fight.”

  “Good. Great. But let’s don’t do anything hasty like turning yourself in before we talk to those lawyers and get everything organized.” And since those lawyers were imaginary, that could take a very long time.

  She stared at me in silence too long. I began waving my hands in a beckoning, come on and say it! motion.

  “All right,” she finally agreed. I could only hope the microphone would distort her voice enough that she wouldn’t sound as phony to Lester as she did to me. Paula and I were going to have a talk at work tomorrow…assuming the shop wasn’t bugged. Maybe I’d write her a note.

  On the way out, I tweaked Fred’s other big toe then went home to get a few hours of sleep.

  My evening, up to that point, had not been the stuff of which memories were made. At least, not the kind of memories you treasure down through the years and tell your grandchildren about.

  But when I walked out and saw two police officers handcuffing a struggling, furious Rick on my front porch, that scene pretty much made up for all the awful things that had happened.

  You’re being mean-spirited, I chided myself. Bad Lindsay! Revenge isn’t sweet. It’s ugly. Stop taking such delight in it.

  Having properly chastised myself and given lip service to rising above my baser traits, I strolled over to enjoy every delicious moment. Henry sat in front of the door doing his guard cat duty and trying to look solemn and detached, but he had that Cheshire cat grin on his face. He was enjoying it, too. I winke
d at him.

  “Lindsay!” Rick shouted as the officers dragged him down the porch steps. “Tell them I’m your husband! They think I was breaking into your house!”

  I folded my arms and studied him, this macho man struggling ineffectually against two police officers, one of whom was a slightly-built woman. “Were you breaking in?” I asked.

  “Of course not!” he protested.

  The officers halted and turned to look at me. “Ma’am,” the male officer said, “are you the party who called to report an intruder on your premises?”

  “That would be me. I went over to my neighbor’s house because this man refused to leave.”

  Rick’s face changed from red to purple, and he gave such a huge lunge in his effort to get to me that the female officer stumbled before yanking him back. “Damn you, Lindsay!” he shouted.

  “Hey!” The male officer gave an extra jerk on the handcuffs. “You don’t need to use that kind of language to the lady.”

  “We caught him in the living room,” the woman said. “When we asked for proof that he lives here, he became belligerent. Is he your husband? Does he live here?”

  “He’s my estranged husband,” I said, regretting my obsessive tendency to be honest. “Our divorce will be final any day. He does not live here, never has and never will.”

  “Do you want to press charges for trespassing?”

  I would have loved to, but it probably wasn’t a very good idea. I tilted my head to one side, trying to look thoughtful and undecided as I observed and savored every nuance of the situation. Rick’s eyes bulged from his purplish face in a most unattractive manner, and he continued to struggle even though he surely knew by now that it would only cause him more problems. But that was Rick—never give up!

  “If he’ll promise to go away and leave me alone, I won’t press charges,” I said magnanimously.

  Rick glared at me.

  “Well?” the woman prompted. She didn’t appear to have fallen under the spell of Rick’s charm.

  Rick’s glare intensified.

  “Fine.” The officers turned to escort him down the sidewalk to the squad car.

  “All right!” he snapped. “All right! If that’s what you want, Lindsay, I’ll leave you alone forever! You’ll never see me again!”