Touch the Heavens

by Lindsay McKenna

  Dan took in a shaky breath. “My God, you punched out at seven thousand?” he asked incredulously. He could feel the warmth of her body against him. She should be dead. Ejecting at that altitude in a spin usually killed the pilot. Dan pulled her away from him, searching her pale features.

  Chris barely nodded. “You don’t understand. Jim—” she looked up at him “—was my fiancé. We were to be married last December. I should have stayed with him.” She pressed her hand against her mouth. “I should have stayed. Maybe I could have made up the difference—”

  Dan gripped her harshly. “No!” he breathed, giving her a shake. “Dammit, don’t you realize that you’re lucky to be alive? Jim made the mistake by trying to pull that bird out at too low an altitude. He should have punched out like you did.” He searched her face, disbelief in his voice. “You must have been injured in that ejection.” He couldn’t believe it. She was whole and functioning after a close call like that. Further, the fact that she had loved Jim Rosen must have impaired her emotionally. Dan was awed by her strength and will to survive such a crippling incident. And it only made her that much more special in his eyes. Truly, Chris Mallory was an exceptional woman beyond any he had ever known.

  Her shoulders drooped with dejection. She muffled a bitter sound, pulling from his grip, walking aimlessly around the room. “I had back compression and ankle problems for a while. No big deal. Every pilot who punches out gets it.”

  Dan turned, watching her guardedly. “They put you in the hospital?”

  “Yes.” She halted, staring down at the coffee table. “I wasn’t in very good condition for a while.”

  “More importantly,” Dan murmured, walking to her side, “is how you were dealing with Jim’s loss.”

  Chris barely looked over at Dan, feeling as if someone had taken a knife and gutted her emotionally. “They kept me at the hospital for observation. I was tested by the base psychiatrist, interviewed by my commander and helped by the chaplain.” She managed a weak smile. “The chaplain pulled me through the worst of Jim’s death.”

  Dan nodded, the silence gathering in the room. “How long ago did this happen?”

  “Ten months.”

  “And what did the investigation show?”

  She sighed brokenly. “That one of the mechanics who worked on that T-38 had left a wrench behind. The wrench slid and jammed under the right rudder, causing us to go into an uncontrolled spin.” She shrugged. “Pitiful, isn’t it? A man’s life is wasted because a mechanic got sloppy on the job and didn’t count his tools when he was finished servicing the T-38.”

  Dan understood her bitterness. “You could have died, too.”

  “All the Board of Inquiry saw was the loss of one pilot and the loss of a two-million-dollar plane. I was cleared after the investigation. I got a reprimand for not bailing out earlier when I disregarded Jim’s orders.”

  “And then you went back to flying status?”

  She nodded. “Yes, three weeks later my commander checked me out in a T-38, and I was off to teach recruits to fly again.”

  “But you’re still blaming yourself, Raven.”

  Chris jerked her head up, glaring at Dan. “That’s my business!”

  “No,” he countered swiftly, “you’re wrong. It’s my business.”

  Her eyes widened. “Do you think I won’t do as I’m ordered?”

  “I’m more concerned that you’ll ride a bird down trying to save it when you ought to be punching out.”

  “You needn’t worry about that, Major.”

  Dan eyed her speculatively. His gut instinct said not to believe her. He had heard the anguish in her voice earlier about punching out and leaving Jim behind. And he recalled the force of her nightmare that had held Chris in its grip. What would happen if she and another student put a bird into a spin and they couldn’t pull it out? Would she ride it down because of this past trauma, trying to atone for a supposed mistake on her part?

  He searched her wan features, and his heart contracted with compassion. She was emotionally wrung out, broken by the confrontation. “I’m going to put a lid on this, Chris,” he began, putting the flight cap back on his head. “I’m going over to talk to Brodie now. I want to find out how he got hold of this information.”

  Chris grimaced. “That wouldn’t be too hard. Any crash becomes common knowledge at a base. If Brodie has a buddy at Reese, it was bound to come out.”

  “Well,” Dan said grimly, “Brodie knows bits and pieces of what actually occurred.” He walked up to her, cupping her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “When I get done with Captain Brodie, I’m coming back over here. I think we both need to get away from here for a while.”

  “And go where?” she asked, bitterness tingeing her voice. Was there any place far enough away from this cauldron of anguish?

  “Just away,” he returned quietly, catching her violet gaze. “I feel like driving until we’re too tired to stay awake. We’ll get a couple of rooms and sleep until we decide to wake up. No schedules to meet. No demands.”

  Chris felt her heart exploding with emotions she had never before experienced. The touch of his fingers against her cheek possessed a healing balm. “All right,” she murmured brokenly.

  Dan released her, taking a steadying breath. He cared for Chris and was frightened of what the unstable future might hold for both of them. Brodie wouldn’t be detoured. He knew in his gut that the vindictive captain would spread his own version of Chris’s supposed incompetence. What would it do to her? How would it impact on her flying? Would it destroy her proud spirit and wash her out of the school? All of those possibilities were very real. And because he believed in Chris, he had to move quickly to try and shore up her broken defenses so that she could continue at TPS and graduate as she deserved. “I’ll be back,” he promised, opening the door.

  As an hour passed, lethargy stole upon Chris. She had slowly changed from her robe to a pair of comfortable jeans, a sweater of pale lavender to match her eyes and a light jacket of white trimmed in dark blue piping. Her ebony hair fell in soft planes around her face. Only the application of makeup took away her pallor. Putting the delicate pearl earrings in her earlobes, Chris added a touch of light perfume to her pulse points—anything to halt her spiraling depression. When Dan returned he was also in jeans, a plaid shirt and a dark brown leather jacket. He gave her a reassuring smile as he held out his hand to her. “Come on, Raven.”

  She picked up her overnight bag and, without a word, slid into the Corvette. The sun was dipping below the western horizon, its long rays outlining the sagebrush and Joshua trees across the desert valley. Just being close to Dan helped assuage some of the raw pain she was experiencing. His hand rarely left hers as they drove out the gate of Edwards, heading toward Lancaster in the distance. Little by little, Chris felt herself stabilizing. Dan had made no effort to force her into conversation. The silence acted as a healing cocoon to her charged emotional state.

  Darkness fell rapidly, and Chris continued to grope her way through the trauma. The lights of the Corvette stabbed into the blackness of the asphalt highway. Oddly, it brought a parallel to her mind about Dan and herself: he was like light in the darkness of her soul. He, more than any other man in her life, had unselfishly given her strength, encouragement and belief in herself. A new kind of warmth invaded her and she turned her head, looking at him as he drove.

  “You’re a special man, Dan McCord,” she whispered.

  He glanced at her, a tentative smile barely pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Think so? I forced you into reliving that incident.” He grimaced. “That’s like some jerk asking me to talk about my days in Vietnam. It’s a pretty ugly episode, and I wouldn’t want to drag it up again.”

  Chris responded to the bitterness in his voice. “You had no choice,” she countered softly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  He lifted her hand, kissing it. “That’s another one of your fine assets, Raven. You always forgive the other person.” His eye
s were dark and searching as he looked over at her. “But more important, I want you to be able to forgive yourself. You were right in punching out. Jim was wrong. I’ve been in enough spins to know when to eject. And so had he. Let it go, Chris. It won’t bring him back.”

  She winced at his gently spoken words. “You’re right.”

  “Whether you want it or not,” he said firmly, “I’m going to be here to help you.”

  Her lips curved into a tender smile. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  His eyebrow rose. “Sure?” he queried.

  “Very sure.”

  Dan sighed inwardly with relief. She was over the loss of Jim Rosen, the man she had loved. That admittance alone lifted the heaviness he had carried in his heart since finding out Chris had been engaged. He spotted a restaurant up ahead and pulled off the interstate. Parking, he turned, putting his arm to rest behind Chris’s shoulders. Shadows and light played across his strong, concerned face as he carefully observed her. “Look,” he said softly, “I feel like driving forever with you, Raven. I think we both need this time away from the base.” He leaned forward, caressing her silken hair, his fingers coming to rest beneath her chin. “You need this time.” His voice grew husky. “And I need the time with you.”

  Chris trembled. The invitation was there, gently being offered to her on her own terms. Her lips parted and she closed her eyes, leaning against his cradling hand. “Yes,” she whispered fervently. “I wanted to be with you, Dan....” Gratefully, she felt him pull her forward. The instant his mouth brushed her waiting lips, she melted against him. A small cry was torn from her throat as his kiss deepened with tenderness.

  As he drew away, his eyes smoldered with barely contained passion. He caressed her cheek. “Come on,” he said huskily. “We both could use a breather and some food.”

  Chris didn’t dare trust her legs. She waited until Dan walked around, offering his hand to help her out of the car. It was so natural, leaning against him, his arm going around her waist, protecting her. He kissed her hair. “You’re an incredible creature,” he whispered against her ear. “I never realized how much courage you possess, Raven.”

  She responded to his gently spoken admission by simply laying her head on his shoulder. Dinner was a quiet, intimate affair. The black leather booths were in the shape of crescents, effectively blotting out any nearby diners. She wasn’t hungry, but Dan forced her to eat a small salad. A smile came to her lips as the waitress brought the beef Stroganoff for Dan. He ladled some of it out in the small plate and put it in front of her.

  “Eat,” he ordered.

  She picked up the fork, holding his gaze. “When I first met you, I never thought you had so much sensitivity.”

  He tilted his head, studying her. “Just thought I was some hot-rock jet jockey on the make like all the rest?”

  “But you aren’t,” she returned, meaning it. Chris searched his relaxed features. There was a depth of peace in him that she longed to reach out and possess. There was no peace within her. There never had been. Dan gave her that serene feeling that no matter what storm she had yet to weather, she could do it if he was at her side. That thought shocked her into a new discovery about how she felt toward him. She had never relied heavily on anyone during her life. Up until now all those vague feelings of happiness had simmered deep within her every time she thought of Dan. He hadn’t forced or cajoled her to move any faster than was emotionally possible. Now, looking deep in his eyes, Chris felt the depth of his commitment to her. It left her shaken.

  “We’re all complicated human beings,” he said in answer. “And I think test pilots are more so than most. Our Jekyll-Hyde personalities, if you will. What I’m like as an instructor pilot, I’m not necessarily like in my personal life.”

  “I want to know the personal side of you,” she heard herself say. Chris blinked, shocked at herself. Suddenly she didn’t care if it was the right or wrong thing to admit. That was how she felt about Dan.

  Dan gauged her in the gathering silence. “If I have my way, you will, Raven.” He reached over, capturing her hand momentarily. “And just as important, I want to explore and know the woman, Chris Mallory.”

  She compressed her lips. “That’s dangerous, Dan....”

  “I’m used to taking calculated risks with touchy aircraft. I’ll take my chances with you.”

  That was true. Dan had proven he was able to deal with her better than any man in her past. She picked disinterestedly at the Stroganoff until Dan finished eating. Paying the bill, he led her out into the starry night. Even in April the cold winds were cutting across the high desert. Dan drew her close, walking slowly toward the car. “While we were sitting in there, I got an idea,” he said. “You know what I’d like to do?” he asked, kissing her temple.

  She shook her head, looking up into his face. “What?”

  “Head north on the interstate toward the sequoias that sit above Bakersfield. I’d like to share tomorrow up in the mountains with you, just hiking or sitting and watching the world go by.”

  Chris slowed to a halt, slipping her arms around his neck, pressing her body against him. Right now, more than at any point in her life, she realized the importance of living for the moment. She would not continue living in the past because that was dead and gone. “All right,” she agreed huskily. “Let’s do it.”

  His eyes widened briefly, surprise written in their depths. His arms tightened around her waist. “Going to throw caution to the wind?” he asked, a smile beginning to tug at his strong, mobile mouth.

  “I think it’s about time I did.”

  “Sure?”

  Chris leaned up, brushing his mouth with her lips. “Very sure,” she whispered against them. “Take me away, Dan,” she breathed. “All I want to do is be with you.”

  * * *

  IT WAS NEAR eleven at night when they finally stopped. A motel situated near the base of the Sierra Nevada had looked inviting.

  Dan came back to the Corvette, leaning down to speak to her. “They’ve got a single left,” he said, watching the play of shadows across her exhausted features. “What do you want to do? We could keep going and —”

  Chris wearily rubbed her eyes. “I’m too tired to go on, Dan.”

  Darkness lingered in his blue eyes. “Raven, I’m no saint. I won’t promise to keep my hands off you if we sleep together,” he admitted gruffly.

  Chris looked up at him. “Then I’m in good company, because I’m far from sainthood myself.”

  Dan managed a deprecating smile. “As tired as we both are, we’ll probably be asleep the instant we hit the pillow.” He reached out, giving her shoulder a firm squeeze. “Hang on, and I’ll sign us in.”

  The room was small but cozy, the rough paneling reminding her of a log cabin. The intimacy between them both remained strong and unbroken. Perhaps under ordinary circumstances Chris would have been nervous or worried. But she was fatigued to the point where her mind refused to work any more. Dan noticed her sluggish movements and took over, getting the shower started and then urging her into the bathroom.

  “Go on,” he coaxed, handing her the overnight bag. “I’m going out to lock the car and get a map from the motel manager. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Chris nodded. The warmth of the shower increased the exhaustion that stole into her mind and body. Slipping into the floor-length nightgown, she stepped from the bathroom fifteen minutes later. Dan was sitting on the chair, intently studying the map of the sequoia region when she padded into the room.

  He lifted his head, his eyes intent upon her. Chris was immobilized by his hungry, disturbing look. She was drained, yet her entire body reacted instantly, the desire mirrored in Dan’s gaze. Without a word Dan put the map aside and stood, coming over to her.

  “You look positively beautiful,” he breathed. The silk gown molded to each curve of her body, the plunging neckline revealing the shadowed valley between her breasts. Her hair was damp, the blue black tresses framing
her pale face, her eyes the richest hue of violet he had ever seen. He leaned over, kissing her lips like a brush touching canvas. “Get in bed before you fall over,” he commanded huskily. “I’ll be joining you in a little while.”

  Her heart pulsed heavily in her chest as his light kiss stirred her desire for him. Dan gave her a pat on the rear and Chris turned, catching the twinkle in his blue eyes. He made her happy by just being himself. Sliding in between the cool sheets, she wondered when a bed had ever felt so good as her eyes began to close. She had meant to turn off the light, but had forgotten. Seconds and minutes seemed like unrelenting hours as Dan showered. She was nervous, excited and aching to fulfill their collision course destiny. Yet, despite everything, her black lashes dropped closed, and Chris slid into the abyss of sleep despite her intentions to stay awake.

  She was pulled briefly from sleep when Dan joined her in bed. Chris groaned, rolling onto her back, forcing her eyes open. Her black lashes barely rested against her cheeks as she gazed up at Dan. There was a thoughtful, concerned look in his eyes as he studied her. She was wildly aware of the naked length of his body against her own; the thin cotton of his drawstring pajamas the only barrier between her and his lower body. Reaching over, he snapped off the light and then brought her close.