“I’ve called this meeting with all of you girls to get to the bottom of all the gossip and rumors that are going around. I will put an end to it today!” she says in a stern voice. “Charlize, you seem to be in the middle of all of this. I heard that there were several of your teammates that were doing drugs and drinking and I want you to tell me who they are.”
Chapter Eleven
Charlie
OH MY FUCKING GOD! She didn’t just call me out in front of all my teammates, as if I would say anything. I feel all the blood leave my face and my mouth is dry. “Coach, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know who you heard that from, but they had to be misinformed. I haven’t been around the girls enough to know any of that information.” The whole team looks at me, as if I were a snitch.
“Charlize, you and I had a conversation about this yesterday.”
“No Coach, we had a conversation about me being bullied. I think you’re thinking of someone else.”
With that, the coach dismisses everyone, but pulls me aside to talk to me. “How dare you not tell me what is going on with my team,” she says angrily.
“How dare I? How dare you, call me out in front of all my teammates, teammates that already don’t like me because they’re jealous of my abilities and whom I happen to be sleeping with. That was not just wrong, that was totally out of line. You should be ashamed of yourself; you have made this an impossible situation. If you didn’t want me to play for you, why did you sign me? I’m done here; there is no way I will ever gain the respect of my teammates after the stunt you just pulled.” I turn and walk away, slamming the door as I leave.
I call Zain as I start to walk home when I hear a ring in my ear that I have a new text. I leave Zain a message and walk home. I look at my text I just received. It’s from a blocked number.
“You think you are so high and mighty, but yet you don’t require the same from the man you are sleeping with.”
There’s a video attached. I hover my finger over the arrow to start the video, afraid to see what is on it. I don’t remember touching the button, maybe it was because my finger was so close to it that it automatically started. I don’t even realize it’s playing until I hear Zain’s voice and my eyes flash to the video.
Zain: “Hey man, it’s good seein’ ya.”
Dylan: “Yeah man, the guys are missin’ your stuff, you know they all wanta try it. You got ’em hooked and now you’re MIA. How are you supposed to sell that shit if you don’t give us a sample?”
Zain: “I’ll get it to you this way if I have to, but I can’t come over anymore.”
Dylan: “That’s real lame ass, ya know it, right?”
Zain: “Maybe so, but that’s the way it has to be.”
I feel sick; he’s been lying to me the whole time. Not only is he using, but also he’s selling—that’s even worse. I have to get out of here, I can’t stay. There’s no way I can play for a coach that would throw another player under the bus to get answers. I can’t respect a coach like that.
I come up with a plan, but I have to move fast before Zain gets back. I pack my things and call a taxi. I call my mother on the way to the airport, but she doesn’t understand what the coach did and how this is going to affect the team. I know that when she tells Dad, he will blow up. I’ll have to figure out a backup plan. I call Jessie and see if I can crash at his place for a while and arrange for him to pick me up at the airport.
At the airport, I text Zain.
“How could you? You told me you weren’t using, but you forgot to tell me you were selling. Why, why would you do this? I loved you and you throw that away by selling drugs. You knew how I felt about drugs we just talked about it and you reassured me that they weren’t a problem, and now you have other kids hooked on what you’re selling them. How could you do that? How could you ruin someone’s life like that? I’m sorry, but I can’t be any part of that. Just to make my day even better, I quit the team, the coach wanted the names of players and people breaking their contracts by partying … but hey thanks for caring. It’s been real, I love getting my heart shredded by the one person I thought would never do that.”
I forward him the video that was sent to me. I’m lucky there’s a flight that is leaving Chattanooga within the hour and I can leave this place and put it behind me.
Dad called me before I boarded and told me how disappointed he was in me. He doesn’t get it, I didn’t do anything wrong. How does he expect me to play for a coach who has no regard for the school rules? But he doesn’t understand. Another bridge burned.
Just as I hang up with him, Zain calls. I’m already an emotional basket case. “Char, what the hell is going on? I just got a call from Dylan saying that the school has closed down the Rugby house. The softball team has withdrawn half the team’s scholarships. What the hell did you do?”
“What did I do? You think I had something to do with this? For your information, I didn’t do anything. The coach called me out and I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. As for the rugby team, I don’t know anyone on the team except for Dylan and I don’t know him either, other than when you introduced me to him. Remember I was only at one party and I didn’t hang around long enough to even know who was there, so don’t blame this fucking mess on me. I walked out after the meeting. I don’t know what happened after and frankly I don’t give a fuck, and for you to blame me or think that I could do something like that shows me just how much you trusted and cared and that hurts me more than anything else.”
“Char, where are you? I’m sorry … Let me come get you so we can talk and figure this out. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions, it’s just Dylan called and …”
“You lied to me, you said you weren’t using, you lied.” Tears are now flowing down my face. My heart feels like it’s being yanked out of my chest. I want to curl up into a little ball and die. Everything I had worked for all my life is crumbling in front of me. No scholarship, no home, no money, no softball and worse, no Zain. I loved him, I thought he was the one, I knew he was the one. Fuck my life.
“It’s not what you think. Char. Just listen to me.”
In a quiet voice, almost a whisper, I say, “I have to go, they’re calling my flight. Goodbye Zain, I … I lo … love …” I end the call as I walk to the jet.
The flight attendant catches me before I head to my seat. “Miss, are you all right?” I’m sobbing as I shake my head. She puts her arm around me as she takes me to another area of the jet telling me that I can sit there. There isn’t anyone else in the seats around me. She hands me some tissue. “Can I get you anything?”
Still not able to speak, I just shake my head again. I jump as my phone rings. It’s Zain again. I turn off my phone and drop it into by backpack as I turn my face toward the window and cry for everything I have just lost in the last two hours.
Before we land, the flight attendant gives me a cool cloth for my eyes. I can tell they are swollen, I’m sure I look like shit, but right now, I don’t give a fuck. As we taxi up to our gate, I reach into my backpack for my phone. I need to make sure Jesse is going to be here. There are twelve missed calls and voicemails, and twenty-six texts. I scan through the texts; all but two are from Zain. I type out a quick text to Jesse letting him know I am grabbing my luggage and will be out shortly.
I pull my two large bags out front. As I see Jesse, he pulls close to the curb and I throw my bags in the trunk. He looks up at me. “You look like shit, what happened down there?”
I feel my eyes start to burn and I know that if I start to talk, the tears are going to start again. I just put my head down, shake my head, and get into the car. “Thank you for picking me up and letting me stay with you for a while,” I whisper.
“You know I will be there for you, whatever you need.”
I jump when my phone rings. I look down; it’s Coach. I answer the call. “Hello.”
“Modell, where the hell are you?”
“What do you need, Coach?”
“I need to know where my best player is.”
“It’s too late for that, Coach; I told you that this morning. You had your chance to fix things and you threw me under the bus. That’s not how things should have gone down, do you honestly expect my teammates will believe me now? It’s all over campus that I am the one that turned everyone in; everyone from the Rugby house to softball think I did this.”
“Charlize, this investigation was going on for a while now. Yes, what you said has brought more light to it, but it wasn’t you that brought them down.”
“How do you even think that the team would accept me back after what you did to me this morning? You sacrificed me.”
“I can supply you with a letter from the Athletic Director.”
“You send me the letter outlining the investigation of both the Rugby house and the softball team, and I will think about what my options are.”
“I’ll send you something from the Dean, but we want you back.”
“Again, I will have to think about my options. I’m back home for now.”
Chapter Twelve
Zain
WHAT THE FUCK is happening? I meet with Dylan to give him some more phone apps to hand out and to try. I figured it’s a good way to get my name out there and to make sure they are working properly. Then I get a text from Char with a video of me this morning with Dylan and someone referring to drugs and me. SHIT! That’s it; she thought I was selling drugs. Fuck me!
I dial her number, but it goes straight to voicemail. I drive back to my place and the air in my lungs is sucked out when I see my place is empty, she’s gone, she left me.
My phone buzzes, I look at it, it’s Dylan. “What is it, Dylan? It really isn’t a good time.”
“I would say it’s not a good time. That fucking bitch of yours just got our house closed down.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This morning, there was a softball meeting and that fucking cunt spilled her guts about our house and the softball players. They’re shutting down our house and half the girls on the team lost their scholarships. That’s what fucking happened.”
“I don’t believe she would do that. If that were the case, she would have done it when she first got here and was dragged to the Rugby house. I think you’re wrong.”
“I talked to several of the girls. They were all in the room together when the coach called the bitch out.”
“The coach called her out in front of all the players? Dylan, think about it, if that was you in a room with all your teammates and the coach asked you for names would you give them up?”
“Dude, all I know is we have to now live in the dorms and several of the girls lost their funding. The bitch did us wrong.”
“I won’t believe it; I know she wouldn’t have done that.”
“Then bring her here and have her tell us to our faces.”
“I can’t.”
“Why, the fuck not.”
“Because she isn’t here.”
“See, exactly what I was saying. Why would she care when she was going to turn tail and run? She did it, man, I’m telling you.”
“She worked all of her life to be here and to play softball, she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t burn bridges like that. She had a good reason for leaving, and giving up teammates isn’t one of them.”
“Then what was it, what would make her just leave everything behind that you said she worked her whole life for. Tell me, because it would have to be a something big.”
“Someone sent her a video of us this morning insinuating I was selling drugs to you.”
“That’s a bunch of bullshit.”
“Dylan, she sent me the video, I have it, and it does. If I hadn’t known it was me, I would have said the same thing. Think about the conversation, about me getting the guys hooked on it. Dude, it’s pretty damming. Here, I’m sending it to you.”
“Fuck dude! Who the hell was watching us? If the cops thought we were selling, this video would sign our convictions.”
“That’s what I mean. We were good, her and me, real good, but with what happened this morning and her getting this video, I’m sure she thinks I lied to her.”
“Haven’t you talked to her?”
“I just figured it out right before you called me. I have called and left texts all day and she hasn’t called or texted me back. I have to find her, man, I have to tell her.”
“Well, when you find her, and if you need my help, give me a call.”
“Thanks, Dylan. I’ll be out of here as soon as I can. It’s been real.”
I try to call Char again, but again it goes straight to voicemail. I send her another text trying to explain. I never thought I could feel so lost without her. She’s my other half. I need her like I need air to breathe. Everything is spiraling out of control. How could everything change in a span of two hours? I’m panicking as realization starts to set in at the prospect of never seeing her again. My heart is beating like a scared rabbit’s, as I start to hyperventilate. Fuck! What am I going to do? How am I going to find her? I need to stop and think, get a hold of myself. I sit on the edge of my bed, our bed, and lean over, my head in my hands. Then it comes to me, our call earlier, she said they were calling her flight, she’s heading home. Of course she is.
I throw my things into my suitcase and book a flight to Portland. I don’t even know where I am going. All I know is I need to find her.
I fly into Portland later that week, after settling with the landlord to have what’s left of my things sent to my house in Oregon. I still haven’t heard from Char and it’s eating me up inside. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep, I need to know where she is. I Google her and find her parents’ number and call them, but they don’t know where she is either. They knew she was supposed to be coming home, but her parents weren’t happy she didn’t try to stick it out. They also said that the coach was looking for her as well. They wanted her back. She must be falling apart as well. She didn’t really talk about any friends she might have had other than her ex, but I can’t imagine her going back to him, at least not in that way. Knowing that her parents, for the first time in her life, are disappointed in her has got to be agonizing for her. Her parents gave up so much for her. She must be devastated.
A week goes by and I haven’t gotten anywhere. She’s off the grid. Maybe I was wrong; maybe she did tell the coach. Maybe she used me to get at them. FUCK! I scream at the top of my lungs. If she really loved me, she wouldn’t do this. I’m barely living. Thank God, Mom and Dad are out of the country again. At least I don’t have to worry about answering their questions. I have to get out of here; I’m going crazy. I pack my shit up, but this time I’m going to drive, I’ll have more time to think, to get over her. I’ll fuck whatever comes along to get her out of my system. No way in fucking hell will I ever fall for this bullshit again. Life has no color, no feeling—it’s nothingness.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlie
TWO WEEKS POST-ZAIN. I’m still an emotional mess. The coach keeps calling, Mom and Dad keep calling, and Zain has now stopped calling and I’m sad all over again. I don’t know how long this pain is going to be in my chest. I keep trying to push myself.
I moved out of Jesse’s place after he woke me up again trying to have sex with me. Sex is the last thing I want right now. Zain was so good, he knew just where to touch me to make me feel good. He knew me better than I knew myself. I feel my core tighten at the thought of Zain. Fuck! Why would he do that? He knew how I felt about drugs and the day after our conversation, he’s selling to Dylan. How could I be so stupid?
I have to find a place to work. Living on the streets is not where I want to be, and it’s getting colder at night. Winter will be here soon. I can’t call my parents; they were so disappointed that I didn’t stick it out in Tennessee. I just felt there was no way it would work.
I can’t find anything that will pay me more than minimum wage and I don’t have any skills that I ca
n use for a job. I haven’t even worked in a restaurant before, and no one wants to hire and inexperienced server. I know what I have to do and I cringe at it. I don’t have any choice though. This is my only option.
I walk into the club. It’s dark inside and it smells of sweat, booze, sex, and tobacco. Fuck, what am I doing? There’s a girl on the stage. She’s swaying to the music as the men around the stage stuff dollars down her T-string. That was all she had on. I step into the dark room and wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I walk over to the bar and ask the bartender for the manager. He points me in the direction of the office. I knock on the door and wait for an answer. A few minutes later, a young girl opens the door and stumbles out smelling of sex. I look from her to the man behind the desk; he’s buttoning his fly. He looks at me as if I’m dinner and he’s starving. He looks me up and down and licks his lips. I clear my throat to try to draw his attention back to my face.
“What can I help you with, doll?”
“I’m here for a job.”
“Have you ever danced before?”
“Not this kind of dancing, but I’m a fast learner.”
“Dance for me.”
I look at him as if he’s crazy.
“If you can’t dance for me, how do you expect to dance with the men in the audience? If you want the job, dance.”
I do my best performance of Jennifer Beals that I remember from Flashdance.
“I suggest you work on some other dances. Come early and work on the pole and watch what the other girls do, you’ll catch on. I’m Benny.”
“I’m Charlize.”
“We’ll call you Liz. When you’re not on stage, you’ll be serving or in the private rooms.”
My eyes must have had a look of horror because Benny started to laugh at me. “No hookin’ here. We run a legit business. If I find you hookin’, you’re out. Clear?”
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