“Crystal. When can I start?”
“Come on, I’ll show you around.” He pulls the door open and I follow him out. “Braydon, this is Liz, she’s new, and she’ll be hanging out here and starting to dance.”
“Nice to meet you, Liz.” He reaches out his hand to me.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Braydon.”
“Follow me and I’ll show you the dressing rooms. You work for tips only here. The nicer you are to the clientele, the more you’ll make.”
I follow him, and he opens the door. No announcing he’s coming in, he just pushes it open. There are two girls standing there in just their T-strings. “Starla and Bambi, this is Liz, she’s new to the business, give her some tips on what to do and what makes a guy spend money on you.”
“Hi, I say with a little wave of my hand.”
“Stop being bitches ladies, say hi.” The ladies finally say hi, but they are checking me out thoroughly.
“Why don’t you go out front and you can start to serve. Talk to Braydon about what he wants you to do.” He walks over to a locker. “This will be your locker; you can keep your costumes in there or whatever.”
“Thank you, Benny.”
“Don’t mention it. Do you have anything else to wear?”
“Not with me.”
“Well, know that the less you wear, the more you make.”
“Okay.”
“Go help Braydon.”
“Yes, sir.”
I walk out to the bar and tell Braydon that I am supposed to help serve. Braydon doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that should be working in a place like this. But then maybe he’s saying the same thing about me too. All I know is I have to make enough money to get off the streets.
The first night goes well. I learn a lot from Braydon, he’s really nice. He told me that he’s working his way through college; he can work fewer hours and makes more money in a place like this. When we close, Braydon walks me out. He looks around the parking lot. “Where’s your car?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Do you live far from here?”
I don’t know how to answer that question since I am living wherever I lay my head. “No, I don’t live far from here.”
“Let me drive you home.”
“No!” I say quickly, not wanting him to know I’m living on the streets. “I mean, thank you, but I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, why don’t you meet me here tomorrow at noon, I’ll help you with some dances.”
“Thank you, Braydon.”
I turn and walk away. Once he gets into his car and drives away, I go to the back of the building, grab my suitcases, and look for some place dry and warm to sleep.
I’ve been at the club for a month now; the money is starting to get better as I learn more and more. I still can’t stop thinking about Zain. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over him. I should have listened to his messages, but I was so hurt by what I saw, I didn’t know how to approach him. I call my parents from time to time; I know they worry about me. Hell, I worry about me. I’m still on the streets, but hopefully I will get off them soon.
I met a young girl recently. I don’t know her whole story, just that she ran away from home to look for her mother. She is from the Seattle area. I don’t like the idea of a sixteen-year-old girl on the streets. She has no clue what to stay away from, no matter how tough she thinks she is. Braydon is working tonight. He’s very nice. I know he is interested in me, but I don’t know if I can go through another relationship like the one I had with Zain. I don’t know if I will ever get over him.
I work the closing shift with Braydon. He walks me out again, and again he asks if he can drive me home. I again tell him no, that I will be fine. He drives away and I go to the back to get my luggage, but it isn’t there—all my things are gone. FUCK! I yell, not realizing that Braydon had driven back into the parking lot and was standing behind me.
“You know if you move in with me, you wouldn’t have to live on the streets anymore.”
I jump when I hear him speak. I press my hand to my chest, as if to hold my heart from flying out. I look up at him, surprised. I stammer over my words. “I … um … You … I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally spit out.
“Liz, I have your luggage in my car. Come on and get in. I think you know me well enough to know I’m not a killer.”
“I really can’t.”
“Give me one good reason why.”
“There is a young runaway and we stay together so nothing happens to her. I can’t leave her on the streets by herself.”
“Where do you stay?”
“Usually off Burnside.”
“Get in.”
“But …”
“Get in, dammit!”
I get into the car and he drives to Burnside.
“Tell me when you see her.”
We drive for a few minutes before I see her. “There she is.”
“Call her over so she can get in and she can stay with us too.”
I look at Braydon, as tears brim my eyes, and say the only thing that comes out of my mouth. “Why, why me?”
“I like you Charlie, and I don’t want to see anything happen to you either. If that means we take on your runaway friend to keep her safe, then I am willing to do that.”
“You know my name?”
“It’s on your luggage.”
“Oh.”
I roll down my window and holler for Raven. She comes over to the car. “Raven, this is Braydon. We’re moving in with him.” She gives me a scared look. “I work with Braydon, he’s a good guy. We need to get off the streets. It’s getting colder, and the shelters are all full.”
“Then I’ll get a job to help pay for rent.”
“Fine, get in the car,” I say and open the door, letting her in.
That was the first day we were all together. Raven was sixteen when she ran away from home. Her mother disappeared not too long after she was born. She thought her grandparents had something to do with her disappearance so she decided to look for her. I don’t think I could ever do what she did. Even at eighteen, I was scared to be on my own. I don’t know what I would’ve done if Braydon hadn’t come along.
I got Raven a job at the club. No, if she were my sister I wouldn’t want her to have that job, but she needed money. She had hired a private investigator to find her mother, and he required a lot of money for his time. I hope he can find her so she can get out of here and be the sixteen-year-old she needs to be. She should be in school getting ready for prom and graduating with her class instead of living on the streets having to take her clothes off in front of men to survive. But it’s better than the alternative of living on the streets and never knowing who’s going to grab you and sell you in the sex trade.
Raven is beautiful, long black hair and intense green eyes. I have to laugh because she would never refer to herself as being short; she would always say she is vertically challenged at five-foot-five-inches. Even at her height, she has long legs, so watching her move on the stage and on the pole is amazing. She has a way of moving, she’s so agile.
Not too long after starting at the club, she signed up for taekwondo. She felt that she needed to have some source of martial arts to protect herself. Needless to say, Raven and I became best friends very quickly.
The three of us, Braydon, Raven, and I, are the three musketeers. We are always together; we work together, go to school together, and live together. In fact, when I came home from Tennessee, I went in and talked to the athletic director at the local college. I was going to ask about getting a tryout for the volleyball team the next year. He introduced me to the coach, and I made the team with flying colors. It was a great season; we were undefeated and won the national title. It felt good to use my athletic talents, other than hanging from a pole at night.
Raven and I shared a room for a long time. Although there was chemistry between Braydon and me, I still was having a hard time getting over Zain. I k
new he was my soul mate, and no matter who I was with, that wouldn’t change.
Braydon was amazing, and I grew to love him more every day. He knew what happened to me in Tennessee and with Zain. He waited until I was ready, never pushed me for anything. He’s a beautiful man, with his long dark curly mop and the greenest eyes that are outlined with long dark lashes. He stands six feet tall and has broad shoulders and a trim waist. He is constantly working out. In fact, Raven and I are always tripping over his weights, and I swear I’ve broken my toes on them.
One night after closing, I was helping Braydon in the back room, bringing up the liquor and stocking the shelves, when our bodies touched. He looked down at me and I looked up at him. I don’t know what it was that pulled us together, but it did. I could feel that wall that I had built around my heart being chipped away, but that night a big chunk of the wall came tumbling down. That was about a year after we met. He was so good to me. Loving, caring, and extremely patient, and I loved him. I never thought I would feel this way again. There will always be a part of me that loves Zain, but Braydon is all I need.
Living the lifestyle that I’m living makes me look at things differently. Not that I’m a big drinker, and drugs are still something I won’t tolerate, but piercings and tattoos, that’s what I’m talking about. I love the look of them. It is as if I am a piece of art. I am the canvas. I got my first tattoos, which are music notes behind my ear and a pair of cleft notes on my inside wrists. They are cool; when I put my arms together, they make a heart. I found a great tattoo artist. He is an amazing artist, and I was addicted after my first one. I don’t talk to my parents a lot and the tattoos are a sore subject. Just another thing they are disappointed in me for. The wings on my back came next, and for some reason, I have a thing for the sea. I had an anchor put on my neck, and on the other side, the saying “Anchored to Love.” I know that I was in love with Zain, he was my anchor. But he’s gone now.
As the years went on, I had several more tattoos placed on me. I now have a full sleeve on my right arm. A half sleeve on my left. A skull candy on my chest, “LOVE” on my right knuckles, “MEOW” that is on the inside of my left arm. I don’t know if I will ever get enough of them. I know the men at the club like it. I also have my belly button pierced, along with my nipples. It seems to pull the men to my stage, but for the amount of years I have been dancing, I’ve built up a clientele. I have been working my way through college; I’m going to nursing school. I finally decided, in fact, if I could have afforded it, I would have wanted to become a doctor. To have the ability to heal or maybe help someone that has been sick for a while, and find out what it is that all others have overlooked. But, there is no way I could ever afford that, so I do what’s best for me. I don’t have very much longer before I finish.
Chapter Fourteen
Charlie
IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS since moving back from Tennessee, and four years that Braydon and I have been together. God I love him. He’s going to graduate college next winter. One night we drove to the beach. We built a fire on the beach and watched the sunset, then we walked along the beach as I looked for shells with the light on my iPhone. We made love under the stars, and for the first time in a long time, I felt complete. The last of the wall that I had built around my heart fell away. It wasn’t the same kind of love that I felt for Zain, but it was love all the same. We sat and watched the sunrise. It was beautiful out, no wind, just him and me and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.
We walked along the beach holding hands in comfortable silence, just taking in the sounds of the seagulls and the waves when he stopped and turned to me. I still remember the look in his eyes. They were so loving, filled with desire and hope as he dropped to a knee, never breaking eye contact with me. “Charlie, I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You are my sunset and sunrise; I want to wake to your beautiful face and fall asleep looking at you, knowing that when the sun rises again you will always be there. Please say you will be my sun and moon so you can share your life with me, be my wife, my lover and my forever. Marry me.”
He pulled a little box out of his jacket and opened it. Inside lay a beautiful princess cut solitaire. I looked at the ring, then back up into his longing eyes as a tear ran down my cheek. There was a lump in my throat; I couldn’t speak, so I nodded my head. He pulled the ring out of the box and placed it on my finger, kissed it, then stood and took my face in his hands. “I love you Charlie, thank you for making me the happiest man alive.” He pulled me to him as he placed his lips on mine, kissing me softly. Then he grabbed me around my waist and spun me into the air and yelled, “She said yes!” It was so uncharacteristic of him. All I could do was giggle and hold on tight.
We went from the beach to his parents’ house to tell them the news. I had met them a couple times, but I knew they didn’t like me a lot. I think it had to do with the tattoos. I understand people jump to conclusions about people that ink their bodies; I get that. But get to know the person first before judging them.
I mean who are they to talk? His sister was strung out on drugs and had her son taken away. I never understood why they didn’t raise their own grandson. Who would allow their own flesh and blood to be raised by someone else? A stranger, no less. Never knowing if they are getting the care that I know a grandparent could give them. I know that it was when Braydon was a baby, but I can’t imagine it would have been that much harder to add a small child.
Braydon knew how I felt about his parents and how they felt about me. But he was happy and wanted to share his good news with them, and I wasn’t going to stand in his way of that.
When we got to their home and he told them the news, to say they were shocked was an understatement. I don’t know what I did to make them hate me so much. It’s not as if we hadn’t been dating for the last four years. I tried to ignore their attitudes and I knew that we were going to have to sit down and talk about them, but for now, I will play nice, nice and kill them with kindness.
The drive back to our place was a quiet one. I knew Braydon knew I was upset about his parents’ reaction. I knew he wanted their blessing as well, I get that, but there comes a time that you have to think for yourself and do what you want to do.
I figured I would just call my parents and tell them. We haven’t been close since I came home from Tennessee, and when I told them what I was doing to work my way through school they were pissed. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t move back in with them. I didn’t want to feel obligated to take their advice, and the only way I felt I could get around that was by not taking anything from them.
Raven was ecstatic when I showed her the ring and was excited about helping plan my wedding. Raven was concerned about my feelings for Zain. She knew how I felt about him and that I would always love him, but that time is gone and I love Braydon. Zain will always have a little piece of me, maybe because he was my first.
We decided to wait until after Braydon and I had graduated from college, so that would be two less stressful things out of our lives. I could work a little less at the club and graduate at the same time he does. We plan for a small Christmas wedding.
Chapter Fifteen
Zain
IT’S BEEN five fucking years since Char walked out of my life and disappeared off the planet. The easygoing, fun-loving kid I used to be has grown into an angry man. I’m not angry with everyone, but mostly women. I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind. No one has ever measured up to her. I don’t know what she did to me, but since she left my life, there is no color or joy in my life.
After she left, I didn’t know what to do. I called her and texted her, but she wouldn’t call or text me back. I flew to Portland and talked to her parents, but they had been out of touch with her as well, they weren’t happy with her decision on coming home.
I’m a computer geek, I should be able to find her, but she dropped off the grid. I’m so mad; I hate her so much for what she did, not only to me, but to my friends as well. But
God I’m still in love with her and would do anything to get her back.
I stayed in Oregon for six months, hoping and wishing I would hear from her, but when I didn’t, I just got madder. I thought the only way to get her out of my mind was to fuck her out. For about a year, I was the biggest manwhore ever. If it had two legs and a pussy, I was game. Unfortunately, it didn’t help. I was doomed to live a colorless, loveless life.
A few years back I started to travel more; California, Florida, Hawaii, Australia, any place warm that had good surfing. But for some reason, I just kept getting pulled back to Oregon. I’m tired. I think I want to settle down, live in one place, and find a job that I like, with people I like. Maybe that will make me happy. Well, hell, I’ll try it and see what happens.
Chapter Sixteen
Charlie
TWO THOUSAND THIRTEEN came in like a storm. Braydon and I are both going to school full-time and working as much as possible so when we graduate college, we won’t have any school loans. Raven has been taking a lot of classes too. She should be graduating with Braydon and me.
April and May were hard months for me. I don’t know if it was from the stress of finals or what, but I ended up with strep throat and was put on antibiotics and couldn’t work. I’m feeling a lot better now, and I’m excited that I only have six months of school left.
At home, we take turns cooking. It’s my turn tonight and I am going to make meatloaf. I am mixing up the meat with the eggs and breadcrumbs when all of a sudden I feel sick. I look up at Raven.
“God Charlie, you look green.”
I rush to the sink to wash my hands off. I don’t even dry them before I run to the bathroom and lose everything I ate for lunch. Fuck, just what I need, to get a stomach virus after having strep. I hope to God that this year gets better.
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