Robert Louis Stevenson: An Anthology

by Kevin MacNeil

  ‘Hammersmith,’ said Florizel, ‘I may leave the champagne to you.’

  And with that he turned away and began to go round among the guests. Accustomed to play the host in the highest circles, he charmed and dominated all whom he approached; there was something at once winning and authoritative in his address; and his extraordinary coolness gave him yet another distinction in this half maniacal society. As he went from one to another he kept both his eyes and ears open, and soon began to gain a general idea of the people among whom he found himself. As in all other places of resort, one type predominated: people in the prime of youth, with every show of intelligence and sensibility in their appearance, but with little promise of strength or the quality that makes success. Few were much above thirty, and not a few were still in their teens. They stood, leaning on tables and shifting on their feet; sometimes they smoked extraordinarily fast, and sometimes they let their cigars go out; some talked well, but the conversation of others was plainly the result of nervous tension, and was equally without wit or purport. As each new bottle of champagne was opened, there was a manifest improvement in gayety. Only two were seated—one in a chair in the recess of the window, with his head hanging and his hands plunged deep into his trouser pockets, pale, visibly moist with perspiration, saying never a word, a very wreck of soul and body; the other sat on the divan close by the chimney, and attracted notice by a trenchant dissimilarity from all the rest. He was probably upwards of forty, but he looked fully ten years older; and Florizel thought he had never seen a man more naturally hideous, nor one more ravaged by disease and ruinous excitements. He was no more than skin and bone, was partly paralysed, and wore spectacles of such unusual power, that his eyes appeared through the glasses greatly magnified and distorted in shape. Except the Prince and the President, he was the only person in the room who preserved the composure of ordinary life.

  There was little decency among the members of the club. Some boasted of the disgraceful actions, the consequences of which had reduced them to seek refuge in death; and the others listened without disapproval. There was a tacit understanding against moral judgments; and whoever passed the club doors enjoyed already some of the immunities of the tomb. They drank to each other’s memories, and to those of notable suicides in the past. They compared and developed their different views of death—some declaring that it was no more than blackness and cessation; others full of a hope that that very night they should be scaling the stars and commercing with the mighty dead.

  ‘To the eternal memory of Baron Trenck, the type of suicides!’ cried one. ‘He went out of a small cell into a smaller, that he might come forth again to freedom.’

  ‘For my part,’ said a second, ‘I wish no more than a bandage for my eyes and cotton for my ears. Only they have no cotton thick enough in this world.’

  A third was for reading the mysteries of life in a future state; and a fourth professed that he would never have joined the club, if he had not been induced to believe in Mr Darwin.

  ‘I could not bear,’ said this remarkable suicide, ‘to be descended from an ape.’

  Altogether, the Prince was disappointed by the bearing and conversation of the members.

  ‘It does not seem to me,’ he thought, ‘a matter for so much disturbance. If a man has made up his mind to kill himself, let him do it, in God’s name, like a gentleman. This flutter and big talk is out of place.’

  In the meanwhile Colonel Geraldine was a prey to the blackest apprehensions; the club and its rules were still a mystery, and he looked round the room for someone who should be able to set his mind at rest. In this survey his eye lighted on the paralytic person with the strong spectacles; and seeing him so exceedingly tranquil, he besought the President, who was going in and out of the room under a pressure of business, to present him to the gentleman on the divan.

  The functionary explained the needlessness of all such formalities within the club, but nevertheless presented Mr Hammersmith to Mr Malthus.

  Mr Malthus looked at the Colonel curiously, and then requested him to take a seat upon his right.

  ‘You are a new-comer,’ he said; ‘and wish information? You have come to the proper source. It is two years since I first visited this charming club.’

  The Colonel breathed again. If Mr Malthus had frequented the place for two years there could be little danger for the Prince in a single evening. But Geraldine was none the less astonished, and began to suspect a mystification.

  ‘What!’ cried he, ‘two years! I thought—but indeed I see I have been made the subject of a pleasantry.’

  ‘By no means,’ replied Mr Malthus mildly. ‘My case is peculiar. I am not, properly speaking, a suicide at all; but, as it were, an honorary member. I rarely visit the club twice in two months. My infirmity and the kindness of the President have procured me these little immunities, for which besides I pay at an advanced rate. Even as it is my luck has been extraordinary.’

  ‘I am afraid,’ said the Colonel, ‘that I must ask you to be more explicit. You must remember that I am still most imperfectly acquainted with the rules of the club.’

  ‘An ordinary member who comes here in search of death like yourself,’ replied the paralytic, ‘returns every evening until fortune favours him. He can, even if he is penniless, get board and lodging from the President: very fair, I believe, and clean, although, of course, not luxurious; that could hardly be, considering the exiguity (if I may so express myself) of the subscription. And then the President’s company is a delicacy in itself.’

  ‘Indeed!’ cried Geraldine, ‘he had not greatly prepossessed me.’

  ‘Ah!’ said Mr Malthus, ‘you do not know the man: the drollest fellow! What stories! What cynicism! He knows life to admiration and, between ourselves, is probably the most corrupt rogue in Christendom.’

  ‘And he also,’ asked the Colonel, ‘is a permanency—like yourself, if I may say so without offence?’

  ‘Indeed, he is a permanency in a very different sense from me,’ replied Mr Malthus. ‘I have been graciously spared, but I must go at last. Now he never plays. He shuffles and deals for the club, and makes the necessary arrangements. That man, my dear Mr Hammersmith, is the very soul of ingenuity. For three years he has pursued in London his useful and, I think I may add, his artistic calling; and not so much as a whisper of suspicion has been once aroused. I believe him myself to be inspired. You doubtless remember the celebrated case, six months ago, of the gentleman who was accidentally poisoned in a chemist’s shop? That was one of the least rich, one of the least racy, of his notions; but then, how simple! and how safe!’

  ‘You astound me,’ said the Colonel. ‘Was that unfortunate gentleman one of the—’ He was about to say ‘victims’; but bethinking himself in time, he substituted—‘members of the club?’

  In the same flash of thought it occurred to him that Mr. Malthus himself had not at all spoken in the tone of one who is in love with death; and he added hurriedly:

  ‘But I perceive I am still in the dark. You speak of shuffling and dealing; pray for what end? And since you seem rather unwilling to die than otherwise, I must own that I cannot conceive what brings you here at all.’

  ‘You say truly that you are in the dark,’ replied Mr Malthus with more animation. ‘Why, my dear sir, this club is the temple of intoxication. If my enfeebled health could support the excitement more often, you may depend upon it I should be more often here. It requires all the sense of duty engendered by a long habit of ill-health and careful regimen, to keep me from excess in this, which is, I may say, my last dissipation. I have tried them all, sir,’ he went on, laying his hand on Geraldine’s arm, ‘all without exception, and I declare to you, upon my honour, there is not one of them that has not been grossly and untruthfully overrated. People trifle with love. Now, I deny that love is a strong passion. Fear is the strong passion; it is with fear that you must trifle, if you wish to taste the intense joys of living. Envy me—envy me, sir,’ he added with a chuckle, ‘I am
a coward!’

  Geraldine could scarcely repress a movement of repulsion for this deplorable wretch; but he commanded himself with an effort, and continued his inquiries.

  ‘How, sir,’ he asked, ‘is the excitement so artfully prolonged? and where is there any element of uncertainty?’

  ‘I must tell you how the victim for every evening is selected,’ returned Mr Malthus; ‘and not only the victim, but another member, who is to be the instrument in the club’s hands, and Death’s high priest for that occasion.’

  ‘Good God!’ said the Colonel, ‘do they then kill each other?’

  ‘The trouble of suicide is removed in that way,’ returned Malthus with a nod.

  ‘Merciful heavens!’ ejaculated the Colonel, ‘and may you—may I—may the—my friend, I mean—may any of us be pitched upon this evening as the slayer of another man’s body and immortal spirit? Can such things be possible among men born of women? Oh! infamy of infamies!’

  He was about to rise in his horror, when he caught the Prince’s eye. It was fixed upon him from across the room with a frowning and angry stare. And in a moment Geraldine recovered his composure.

  ‘After all,’ he added, ‘why not? And since you say the game is interesting, vogue la galère—I follow the club!’

  Mr Malthus had keenly enjoyed the Colonel’s amazement and disgust. He had the vanity of wickedness; and it pleased him to see another man give way to a generous movement, while he felt himself, in his entire corruption, superior to such emotions.

  ‘You now, after your first moment of surprise,’ said he, ‘are in a position to appreciate the delights of our society. You can see how it combines the excitement of a gaming-table, a duel, and a Roman amphitheatre. The Pagans did well enough; I cordially admire the refinement of their minds; but it has been reserved for a Christian country to attain this extreme, this quintessence, this absolute of poignancy. You will understand how vapid are all amusements to a man who has acquired a taste for this one. The game we play,’ he continued, ‘is one of extreme simplicity. A full pack—but I perceive you are about to see the thing in progress. Will you lend me the help of your arm? I am unfortunately paralysed.’

  Indeed, just as Mr Malthus was beginning his description, another pair of folding-doors was thrown open, and the whole club began to pass, not without some hurry, into the adjoining room. It was similar in every respect to the one from which it was entered, but somewhat differently furnished. The centre was occupied by a long green table, at which the President sat shuffling a pack of cards with great particularity. Even with the stick and the Colonel’s arm, Mr Malthus walked with so much difficulty that everyone was seated before this pair and the Prince, who had waited for them, entered the apartment; and, in consequence, the three took seats close together at the lower end of the board.

  ‘It is a pack of fifty-two,’ whispered Mr Malthus. ‘Watch for the ace of spades, which is the sign of death, and the ace of clubs, which designates the official of the night. Happy, happy young men!’ he added. ‘You have good eyes, and can follow the game. Alas! I cannot tell an ace from a deuce across the table.’

  And he proceeded to equip himself with a second pair of spectacles.

  ‘I must at least watch the faces,’ he explained.

  The Colonel rapidly informed his friend of all that he had learned from the honorary member, and of the horrible alternative that lay before them. The Prince was conscious of a deadly chill and a contraction about his heart; he swallowed with difficulty, and looked from side to side like a man in a maze.

  ‘One bold stroke,’ whispered the Colonel, ‘and we may still escape.’

  But the suggestion recalled the Prince’s spirits.

  ‘Silence!’ said he. ‘Let me see that you can play like a gentleman for any stake, however serious.’

  And he looked about him, once more to all appearance at his ease, although his heart beat thickly, and he was conscious of an unpleasant heat in his bosom. The members were all very quiet and intent; everyone was pale, but none so pale as Mr Malthus. His eyes protruded; his head kept nodding involuntarily upon his spine; his hands found their way, one after the other, to his mouth, where they made clutches at his tremulous and ashen lips. It was plain that the honorary member enjoyed his membership on very startling terms.

  ‘Attention, gentlemen!’ said the President.

  And he began slowly dealing the cards about the table in the reverse direction, pausing until each man had shown his card. Nearly everyone hesitated; and sometimes you would see a player’s fingers stumble more than once before he could turn over the momentous slip of pasteboard. As the Prince’s turn drew nearer, he was conscious of a growing and almost suffocating excitement; but he had somewhat of the gambler’s nature, and recognised almost with astonishment that there was a degree of pleasure in his sensations. The nine of clubs fell to his lot; the three of spades was dealt to Geraldine; and the queen of hearts to Mr Malthus, who was unable to suppress a sob of relief. The young man of the cream tarts almost immediately afterwards turned over the ace of clubs, and remained frozen with horror, the card still resting on his finger; he had not come there to kill, but to be killed; and the Prince, in his generous sympathy with his position, almost forgot the peril that still hung over himself and his friend.

  The deal was coming round again, and still Death’s card had not come out. The players held their respiration, and only breathed by gasps. The Prince received another club; Geraldine had a diamond; but when Mr Malthus turned up his card a horrible noise, like that of something breaking, issued from his mouth; and he rose from his seat and sat down again, with no sign of his paralysis. It was the ace of spades. The honorary member had trifled once too often with his terrors.

  Conversation broke out again almost at once. The players relaxed their rigid attitudes, and began to rise from the table and stroll back by twos and threes into the smoking-room. The President stretched his arms and yawned, like a man who had finished his day’s work. But Mr Malthus sat in his place, with his head in his hands, and his hands upon the table, drunk and motionless—a thing stricken down.

  The Prince and Geraldine made their escape at once. In the cold night air their horror of what they had witnessed was redoubled.

  ‘Alas!’ cried the Prince, ‘to be bound by an oath in such a matter! to allow this wholesale trade in murder to be continued with profit and impunity! If I but dared to forfeit my pledge!’

  ‘That is impossible for your Highness,’ replied the Colonel, ‘whose honour is the honour of Bohemia. But I dare, and may with propriety, forfeit mine.’

  ‘Geraldine,’ said the Prince, ‘if your honour suffers in any of the adventures into which you follow me, not only will I never pardon you, but—what I believe will much more sensibly affect you—I should never forgive myself.’

  ‘I receive your Highness’s commands,’ replied the Colonel. ‘Shall we go from this accursed spot?’

  ‘Yes,’ said the Prince. ‘Call a cab in heaven’s name, and let me try to forget in slumber the memory of this night’s disgrace.’

  But it was notable that he carefully read the name of the court before he left it.

  The next morning, as soon as the Prince was stirring, Colonel Geraldine brought him a daily newspaper, with the following paragraph marked:—

  ‘MELANCHOLY ACCIDENT.—This morning, about two o’clock, Mr. Bartholomew Malthus, of 16 Chepstow Place, Westbourne Grove, on his way home from a party at a friend’s house, fell over the upper parapet in Trafalgar Square, fracturing his skull and breaking a leg and an arm. Death was instantaneous. Mr. Malthus, accompanied by a friend, was engaged in looking for a cab at the time of the unfortunate occurrence. As Mr. Malthus was paralytic, it is thought that his fall may have been occasioned by another seizure. The unhappy gentleman was well known in the most respectable circles, and his loss will be widely and deeply deplored.’

  ‘If ever a soul went straight to Hell,’ said Geraldine solemnly, ‘it was that paral
ytic man’s.’

  The Prince buried his face in his hands, and remained silent.

  ‘I am almost rejoiced,’ continued the Colonel, ‘to know that he is dead. But for our young man of the cream tarts I confess my heart bleeds.’

  ‘Geraldine,’ said the Prince, raising his face, ‘that unhappy lad was last night as innocent as you and I; and this morning the guilt of blood is on his soul. When I think of the President, my heart grows sick within me. I do not know how it shall be done, but I shall have that scoundrel at my mercy as there is a God in Heaven. What an experience, what a lesson, was that game of cards!’

  ‘One,’ said the Colonel, ‘never to be repeated.’

  The Prince remained so long without replying, that Geraldine grew alarmed.

  ‘You cannot mean to return,’ he said. ‘You have suffered too much, and seen too much horror already. The duties of your high position forbid the repetition of the hazard.’

  ‘There is much in what you say,’ replied Prince Florizel, ‘and I am not altogether pleased with my own determination. Alas! in the clothes of the greatest potentate, what is there but a man? I never felt my weakness more acutely than now, Geraldine, but it is stronger than I. Can I cease to interest myself in the fortunes of the unhappy young man who supped with us some hours ago? Can I leave the President to follow his nefarious career unwatched? Can I begin an adventure so entrancing, and not follow it to an end? No, Geraldine; you ask of the Prince more than the man is able to perform. Tonight, once more, we take our places at the table of the Suicide Club.’

  Colonel Geraldine fell upon his knees.

  ‘Will your Highness take my life?’ he cried. ‘It is his—his freely; but do not, O do not! let him ask me to countenance so terrible a risk.’

  ‘Colonel Geraldine,’ replied the Prince, with some haughtiness of manner, ‘your life is absolutely your own. I only looked for obedience; and when that is unwillingly rendered, I shall look for that no longer. I add one word: your importunity in this affair has been sufficient.’