I waited, sure that whatever he was doing he would be in in just a minute. I waited longer. Eventually, I got up to search for my unpredictable man. Was he mine? Ah, not going there!
I walked through the kitchen first, then the family room. I followed the smell that was all too familiar. I found him sitting on the couch smoking a joint. He patted the seat next to him for me to sit. I walked over and sat down as he offered it to me. I thought about it, but then declined. He must have thought I was judging him by my refusal.
"It helps me fall asleep"
"Colt, you don't have to explain anything to me."
He accepted that. We just sat there rubbing on each other. Ironically, I was still naked because I had no clothes to wear other than my dress. Colt was still naked, I guess because he wanted to be. I rubbed his arm while he rubbed his hand up and down my leg. It wasn't sexual. It was sweet. I started to fall asleep when he scooped me up and carried me back to his bed. He laid me down so gently and then climbed in behind me. He pulled me close to him, spooning me. His chin rested in the crook of my neck.
His breathing started to labor growing slower and more even. As he fell asleep, he grabbed me just a little tighter. As if I was his comfort for the moment. The moment, being the key words. But there was no doubt, in that moment; I felt that he was mine.
CHAPTER 9
I woke up and glanced at the clock. Wow, thank the Lord I do hair for a living and my day does not have to start today until two o’clock. I rolled over and saw Colt was still sound asleep. I laid there thinking about if things could be different. If it could only be possible, I would stay in this moment. But neither of those things can happen.
All of a sudden I heard, "There you go over thinking again"
"Why is it you say that all the time?"
"Why is it you over think all the time? This is supposed to be fun, remember? Are you not having fun? Huh?"
He grabbed me and started tickling me. I swear, I almost peed on myself I was laughing so hard.
"There you go. Now can you just stay just like this forever? Because that laugh of yours is one of my favorite sounds in the world."
When he stopped tickling me, he turned me to face him.
"I’m serious, Sadie. I never want to see you sad. You deserve the world, beautiful. You deserve the best a man can offer. I never want you to settle for anything less."
What he was saying was so sweet, but so wrong. I did not deserve that.
"If only that were true."
"Why can't you see it already is?"
"Because, I know my past. I know things you would never want to know about me. You certainly wouldn't still feel that way if you did."
'"Try me"
"And take the chance of losing the only person in the world who has ever made me feel like I was special’s opinion of me, no way."
"To think that there is anything you could say to me that could change what I already know is true about you. That deserves a no way."
“Colt, don't do this, please."
I was starting to get scared. I was not ready to have this taken from me yet. I needed someone to see me the way he saw me, because being honest with myself, meant admitting I didn’t.
"Sadie. What could be so bad? What is the worst thing about yourself you wish you could change? And by the way, stop. Remember a couple of minutes ago when I told you I never wanted to see you sad. I'm not asking you this to upset you. I'm trying to get you to see what I see, what's already there. I'm not trying to change you. I just want you to open your beautiful eyes and see what the rest of the world sees."
"Colt, I really don't want to talk about this. I'm getting the impression you think I have an inferiority complex. I like who I am. I'm good at what I do. At the risk of sounding conceited, I'm not ugly and I make a damn good friend. What I don't want to talk about, I feel, is normal. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. Or they wish they could take back some bad decisions they made. I'm okay, I promise. You don't have to fix me."
"Oh Sadie, this isn't pity. I'm sorry if I made you feel like it was. I can just feel something inside of you, which I know you’re scared to tell me. But I don't think it’s me. I think there probably isn't a person in the world that knows this information you’re protecting so dearly. Please tell me. Or at least give me a hint so I can guess it. You need to let this go."
"You know what? Fine, you tell me and then I will tell you."
"Now you've really got my attention. What could be so bad? Alright girl, give me your worst "
"How many people have you had sex with?"
"Really, this is your hang up?” He paused, staring at me in disbelief. When my expression didn’t falter, he went on to say, “The truth is, I don't know. I’ve never counted. Your turn."
"I have been with..."
"Stop right there! Before you answer, I want you to know that I don't care what that answers going to be. Do you hear me? I mean really hear what I'm saying to you. Because from this point forward, the only reason you’re going to give me a number is because you want to tell me. Not because you feel I have a right to know. I don't. Nobody does. That's your business. Not mine or anyone else's. If you’re thinking I didn't give you the number you were looking for because I don't want you to know it, that's not true either. I didn't tell you because I really don't know. Sadie, however many people you have given your body to isn't important. How you feel about each encounter is. But again, that's no one’s business but your own. As for the actual number, each experience you've had in your life has made you what you are right now. It’s molded you to be what I have in front of me. For that, I'm grateful for each and every one. There is no right number. It’s either you’re inexperienced or too experienced. No one is ever happy with the number they hear from the other. So now do you understand what I'm saying? You are amazing, kind, beautiful, and the sexiest woman I have ever met. Don't try to change a thing. Just be who you already are."
How do you respond to that? Seriously, what can you follow that up with? Words would not do justice to what he has just done for me. And he was right. With happy tears threatening to fall from my eyes, I looked at him, leaned in and just kissed him. Not an, I want to have sex or I am sorry please forgive me kind of kiss. Just a plain old simple thank you for being you kiss. I pulled back and he smiled that 100 watt smile of his. I stood up, walked into the bathroom, used that nasty toothbrush again (although it was not so nasty to use today) and grabbed my dress to put back on. Colt and I needed to call a cab so we could get back to our cars. Work was a must, but a shower was a definite.
The cab got there shortly after Colt put in the call. We hopped in and looked out separate windows. It was like a light switch went off from the time we approached the cab until the time we got inside. Outside of the comfort of his bed, I don’t know where we belong anymore. I surely was not going to ask. With all that going through my mind, the drive to the alley seemed a lot shorter. Colt paid the driver and we both got out and headed separate ways to our cars. I was almost inside mine when I heard, "Sadie!"
I stood back up and looked in his direction.
"Thanks for last night." Then he ducked into his car and drove away.
What a strange, complex man Colton Jennings is. But I agree, last night was a lot of fun.
CHAPTER 10
Work had been crazy lately. It was like the apocalypse was coming. Clients want to be squeezed in anywhere they could, which meant I was coming in early and staying late. The money is great, but I felt like I was falling flat on my face when it came to my roommate and best friend. We would talk on the phone and shoot texts back and forth, but I didn’t feel that was even close to enough. I had only seen Heather a hand full of times over the last week. Each time, she was with Jason. I would say that was fantastic but there was still tension between them. And if I could see it, I know Jason could.
It was finally Monday night. I had finished my last client and I was ready to get the hell out of work. I had alre
ady texted everyone and it seemed it was going to be a full house at the alley tonight. I remembered to bring a change of clothes this time. I had no desire to give anyone a show of my panties tonight. Heather was meeting me at my work in fifteen minutes. I was so excited to get some alone time with her. After I changed out of my dress, I put on my favorite green and purple long sleeve tunic top. I paired it with some black skinnies and 3 inch black strappy heels.
I know it is silly to wear heels when you are just going to change into bowling shoes once you get there. But I love how the right pair of shoes makes an outfit feel complete. It was probably close to the time Heather was going to be here by the time I was done changing. So I grabbed my purse and keys and walked to the front of the salon. You might have noticed that I have not mentioned Colt yet. There's a reason for that. I haven't heard from him, not once. I know we both felt awkward that morning when we got in the cab. Maybe we should have discussed where we were going to go from there, but we didn't. And now I wasn’t sure what to think. It had worked out pretty well that I had not had the time to. As I was thinking about all this, Heather walked in. Wow, she looked amazing. She never had to try hard, but it was times like these that I wondered why she never pursued modeling. Being a medical assistant was all she ever talked about in school. So it did not shock me in the slightest when she went to med school after we graduated. I just think she missed her calling. The exotic way her bright blue eyes open to her cheek bones. In school, she would turn every head she walked past. All right, I'm cutting myself off. I sound like I have a crush on her or something. I stand up, pulling her into a hug that felt long overdue. She gripped onto me like she felt the same way. She pulled back and asked if I was ready to get my drink on. And I responded with a, "hell yeah!"
The drive over to the alley was a short one. I only worked a couple blocks down from it. The owner of my salon was pretty smart locating it close to the college campus. We got a lot of business from its students. But I was sure that is also why ‘51’ and the bowling alley are a short distance from it also.
I had to be the one to bring up Jason. I made sure to not mention Shawn. I kept it to just asking her how things are going between them.
"We are good."
"Heather, it’s me, your best friend. You can talk to me."
“I know. It’s just that I don't know what happened that night and its eating me alive. I love Shawn to death, but he's Shawn. I would never want to be anything more than friends with him. How did my shirt end up on the floor, Sadie? How did Shawn end up in just his boxers? How the fuck did I end up passed out in a fucking bedroom? And how do I tell Jason? I love him, Sadie. I don't want to lose him. He would never forgive me."
"Heather, let’s think about this. You’re going to have to start asking questions. Talk to Shawn." She interrupted me so fast. “Talk to Shawn? Are you crazy?"
"Well, you can't avoid him forever."
"Watch me."
If we hadn't pulled up to the alley by then, I would have tried harder to reason with her. It seemed almost everyone's cars were already there.
I left the conversation where it needed to be left, in the car. We got out. I grabbed her hand, and we walked into the craziness that we know as Monday nights.
Everyone was already down on the lanes, so we walked over to the group Jason was in first. I was saying my hellos when all of a sudden; I was picked up off my feet and scooped up in the arms of none other than, Mike Harrison.
"Mike, put me down!"
"Aw, little one, I tell you every time. You've got to get used to this. It’s always going to happen. I just love you too much to stop torturing you."
He put me down and I grabbed him into a hug. I have not seen him since his big fight. A lot of the swelling was gone and the bruises were turning yellow and green.
"Did I tell you how amazing you were to watch? But if I haven’t yet then let me add, Stop dragging it out!"
“Ha,ha,ha, that's funny. You know full well if I take them down too fast, the promoters don't make as much money. If they don't, I don't. It’s all part of the game, Sadie. I got it under control. Don't you worry your pretty little self about me, I'm a big boy." He flexes as he says it making his chest muscle go up and down in opposite turns. I just slap his chest and turn to find Heather. She was sitting in a chair, staring off into space. What the hell could I do to help her? I walked over and asked if she wanted a drink.
She just held up her hand to show me she already had a beer. Jason walked over and leaned down. He brushed her hair to the side and kissed her forehead. You could just see that they were made for each other. I excused myself and walked up to the bar where I found Shawn standing there talking to Bryan. I went up and gave them both hugs and said hello. Bryan was complaining about all the crappy shifts he has been getting at work. Shawn just explained it was a round robin schedule. Everyone had to take turns for the hot nights. I was getting bored listening to them go back and forth so I attempted to walk around to the other side of the bar to get a drink. But luck wasn't on my side. Shawn broke conversation with Bryan and called for me to wait up. I stopped walking and turned as he quickly caught up.
"What's going on, Sadie?"
"What do you mean, Shawn?"
"Please, don't play stupid. Why was Heather freaking out that night? And why were you screaming at her?"
"Shawn, I'm not doing this with you and sure as hell not here."
I turned to walk away when he got louder.
"I don’t fucking get it! I pass out and all of a sudden you’re screaming at Heather to get out of the bed with me. Why the fuck is everybody mad?"
I didn't get the chance to respond. Jason’s fist came out of nowhere and with contact, broke Shawn’s jaw immediately. But he didn't stop with one hit, he kept going and going. Girls were screaming. Guys were trying to pull Jason off Shawn. Nothing was working until Mike showed up and took Jason down. Everyone stood there in shock. I was spanning the room when I saw Heather. She was standing toward the back with her eyes about to pop out of her head and her hands covering her open mouth. I immediately started moving, attempting to get through the tide of people all moving toward the scene to get a better look, while I was trying to go against it. It seemed to take forever but I finally made it. I grabbed her so hard and flung my arms around her. She was shaking terribly.
"Heather, it’s going to be okay. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay."
I just kept repeating those same words over and over but her shaking didn't simmer down one bit. I pulled out of the hug and grabbed her hand. We needed to get out of there, fast. I started walking, never letting go of her hand, but she was locked in place, she wouldn’t budge. I turned to see what was keeping her from moving and that is when I saw a freight train coming right for her.
CHAPTER 11
Jason looked like he was on a war path. Mike was still trying to rein him in, but the sea parted for Jason. He was in front of Heather in no time.
"Is this why you have been acting so weird? Tell me now, Heather! Tell me what the fuck is going on! I walk by Sadie and Shawn and all I heard is you were in bed with Shawn before I exploded. When the fuck did you cheat on me? Huh? Why the fuck didn't you tell me? God!"
Jason turned around and punched the first wall he could get close enough to.
Heather was sobbing to the point I thought she was hyperventilating. She just stared at Jason and shook her head back and forth over and over and over again.
"How could you do this to me? I loved you! Didn’t you know that? Huh, didn’t you know I would have done anything for you? You stupid bitch!" Tears started forming in his eyes. With that, Mike pulled Jason out the door.
I wasn’t sure if they left or not. But it wasn’t like I had a chance to find out either.
When the saga of Heather and Jason died off, everyone refocused on Shawn, who was lying on the bar floor unconscious. I left Heather and ran over to him, shoving people out of the way. I kept pushing people back away from him. I was not
going to let anyone move him for fear of a head injury. Sirens were being heard in the distance. It all seemed to be happening at once. I don’t know if I blacked out or what. All the noise faded out and time was standing still. All of a sudden I could hear someone saying its okay m’am’, we've got it. I kept swatting away hands but that voice kept returning.
“We have the situation under control. Please, step aside; we will take good care of him." When it became clear, I could see the paramedics stabilizing Shawn’s neck and putting him on a stretcher. Bryan came over to me and put his arms around me.
“He’s tough, Sadie. Shawn is going to be just fine."
I turned into his chest and just lost it. I cried so hard. I cried for Shawn. I cried for Jason. I cried for Heather. I even cried for myself. I just stayed in Bryan’s arms until all my tears were shed. He continued to rub his hands up and down my back soothing me. When I felt like I could pull it together, the ambulance was loading Shawn. We all watched it drive away in shock and then it hit me, where was Heather? I walked back to where I had just left her, but she wasn't there. I scanned the room and found her sitting back over at the lane we had been bowling at a few minutes ago. This seems insane because it felt like a lifetime had passed.
She was with Dave and Geoff. Bryan walked over with me. When I got there, Heather was in a state of shock. She had her eyes open but it was as if she could see through whatever was in front of her. I crouched down and looked her in the eye.
"Heather, hey it’s me, Sadie. I'm here honey. I'm right here."
No response was coming from her. I stayed there and rubbed her legs, waiting for some kind of response. In the meantime, the guys were talking. I started hearing words like ‘jail’ and ‘kicked out’, so I paid attention. Dave was the one talking now.
"They can't find out it was him."
Bryan spoke up and said, “What about his hand? The boxing league will kick him out if he gets an assault charge."
Geoff was next, "There is no way Shawn isn't going to report him. That's if he even makes it through, or all the people over there giving their report to the cops. We don't know how fucked up Shawn is. If shit really goes down, Jason could be looking at attempted murder. He is a skilled fighter. The law considers his hands deadly weapons. This isn't going away guys. The crazy shit is just getting started."
Finding Solace Page 5