When that last sentence was spoken, Heather finally came out of her trance.
She must have been listening because she just stood up and screamed, "No!" She ran like a bat out of hell through the alley and out the door. I was right behind her. She stopped at the car and I was there to grab her again in another hug.
“How can this be happening? How could I have done this? Sadie, I don't even fucking remember!"
I had nothing. What could I say? I stayed quiet for a while before I said,
"You didn't do this. You didn't do anything tonight other than get your heart ripped out. They did this, not you. Do you understand me?"
I wasn’t sure if I even believed what was coming from my mouth. It’s not that I blamed Heather for what happened tonight. It was just the fact that she slept with Shawn that started all this. That was her choice. She didn't respond. She just continued to cry. The ambulance was now gone and I had a decision to make. I needed to go to the hospital to be there for Shawn but I also needed to take care of my best friend. I wanted to call Mike and see how Jason was doing with all this too. I felt like I was being pulled into a million directions. Heather always would come first. That part was easy. The rest sucked ass. So I grabbed her, forced her to look me in the eye and said, “It’s time to go."
I got Heather in the car. It was not the easiest task but I managed it. When I turned the ignition over she asked, "Where are we going?"
"I'm not sure. I was thinking I would take you home and then go up to the hospital to check on Shawn."
"Sadie, can I please go with you?"
"Of course you can, girly. I was hoping I didn't have to take you home and leave you there by yourself."
"It's not that I can't be alone, Sadie. I just need to know Shawn is going to be okay. "
"Did you want to call Jason? Check on him too?"
"I can't. I broke his heart. Did you see him? I did that to him. I've never seen him like that. He looked so broken. How can I ever begin to say sorry to him? Jason had every right to call me a bitch. I deserved to be called much worse from him."
"Do you care if I call Mike?"
"I don't care. Just please don't tell him you’re with me."
"I won't. I promise."
I immediately pulled out my phone and dialed Mike's number. It went to voicemail, so I sent him a text.
Me: I NEED YOU TO CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN. I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU GUYS
I hit the send button and then turned up the radio. I didn't even pay attention to what song was playing; I just needed noise in the background. Heather stayed silent also. I guess we were just trying to prepare for what we were going to walk into. The hospital parking lot was pretty bare. It must not be a busy night for them. After we found a spot, I ran inside and Heather followed. The information desk told us he was still in the emergency room, which has to be a good sign, right? I mean, they didn't rush him to surgery.
We walked through the halls lost, until someone helped us and guided us to the waiting room. Dave and Bryan were the only people I recognized waiting. Heather slowed down as she rounded the corner and just seemed to stop at the wall. She never advanced to come closer. I wanted so bad to comfort her, but I needed some information. I walked over and hugged them both. They proceeded to tell me Shawn’s jaw, was in fact broken, and his upper cheek bone is fractured. No injuries were to his neck and they are waiting on the tests for brain damage. The doctors are positive he has a concussion. Now we just sit back, wait and see.
"Have either of you guys talked to Mike or Jason?" I tried to say Jason’s name a little quieter for Heather’s sake.
"No, we came straight over here after the ambulance left. We practically followed it. Did you?" Dave said with so much angst on his face. He's very much a peace, love, and harmony kind of guy. He and Bryan both came to EIU on scholarship from Huntington Beach, California. Although Bryan isn't as much the surfer type that Dave is, he's a softy too. Bryan didn't speak up. He just stayed sitting back in his chair, staring at the floor.
"No, I tried calling Mike, but it just went to voicemail, so I texted him to call me when he got a chance. I still haven't heard from him."
It felt like we had been waiting forever for more information. I started to notice how many people would come through the emergency room for the smallest things. One lady had a scraped elbow. I mean, seriously? I was just about to go find a vending machine or the cafeteria, when the doctor came out. He told us the tests all came back normal. Other than the concussion, he will be just fine. He explained that his jaw is wired shut temporarily. The cheek bone will heal on its own. The hospital would still like to monitor the concussion. So that meant he'd be staying for at least a couple days.
We asked if we could see him, but the doctor suggested we give him time to rest and heal first.
So, reluctantly, we headed out to our cars. Heather followed a safe distance behind. It wasn't as if Dave or Bryan were giving her reason to feel blame but she acted as if we all were shunning her. Truthfully, she was shunning herself enough for all of us.
When I reached for my door handle, I saw a shadow approaching. Colt was walking toward us and my whole body just locked up. It felt like an eternity since I had seen him last. He slapped the guys’ hands (some version of a hand shake they all conjured up) then walked over and pulled Heather in an embrace I was all too familiar with. It was one that made everything seem to be okay. She just opened up and cried. I could see her hands move into fists, clutching Colt’s shirt, as if she didn’t hold on tight enough that small feeling of security would vanish. He continued to hold her while my eyes burned with tears watching the two of them. This was all a nightmare and I was ready to wake up any minute now. Just as I finished that thought, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my purse and saw the screen. Immediately I hit answer.
"Mike?"
"Yeah, little one, it’s me. Sorry it took so long to get back to you. My phone has been blowing up."
"How is Jason? Is he okay? How is his hand? He punched that cinderblock wall so hard."
"Sadie, I'm not going to lie to you. He's fucked up. I'm not even talking about his hand when I say that. Jason has never fallen as hard as he did for Heather. I didn't even know this, but he bought an engagement ring already. I just found him in his room a little while ago holding the box. Part of me blames the fucker for moving so fast, but I can't really judge him. I've never been in love like that before."
"Mike, that hurts so much to hear. I love you guys like brothers but I have to tell you this. Heather loves him too. I don't understand what happened that night with her and Shawn but I know she would never do anything to risk losing Jason. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. She doesn't even remember how she and Shawn ended up in that bed together and Shawn tonight acted like we were all crazy for being upset about it. We both know Shawn. He's not going to scream in the middle of a bar about sleeping with one of his friend’s girlfriends?"
"Wait, are you saying that they may not have even fucked around?"
"I think that's exactly what I'm saying."
CHAPTER 12
As I had the revelation, I turned to look back at Heather. She must have been listening to the conversation because she let go of Colt and ran toward me.
"Oh my God, Sadie, you’re right! I remembered some bitch spilling her beer on me. I went into the bathroom trying to rinse it out but then it was soaking wet. I found the only bedroom that was not being used as a fuck pad. I thought I could wait out the time it took to dry. I must have passed out while I was waiting. Don't get me wrong. I remembered all of this before. I've played that night over and over again in my head. I just didn't understand how Shawn got there. I thought something must have happened and I blacked it out. He didn't have on any clothes, Sadie."
"Yes, he did. It wasn't much, but he still had his boxers on. When you guys ran out of the house, I stayed long enough for Shawn to get out of bed. And believe me, if I saw his junk, I would remember it," Colt added.
<
br /> "And like I said, if he was fucking around with his friend’s girlfriend, he wouldn't announce it to a bar full of people that would let it get back to Jason. Holy shit, guys!"
"It was all for nothing," Dave said with disgust.
I looked down and realized I was still holding my phone in my hand. Immediately, I put it up to my ear.
"Mike, are you still there?"
"Yeah, and I heard every word. This is unbelievable! What the fuck do we do now?"
"Maybe I should bring Heather over to talk to Jason." Heather and Mike responded simultaneously, "No."
"Okay, so it was a bad idea. Forgive me, you two."
"Sadie, let me talk to Jason. I can explain everything I heard. Let him process all of this, okay?"
"Sounds like a plan, and Mike? Thank you for being you."
"No problem, Sadie. Love ya and I will talk to you later.”
"Love ya too, bye"
I put the phone back in my purse and set it on the seat in my car. I could overhear Bryan asking Colt why he was not there tonight. That was an answer I would also like to know. Dave chimed in before Colt got caught avoiding the question.
"You were with Shelly, weren't you? You lucky bastard, I've been trying to get a piece of that for weeks. One smile from you tonight and you nail her. You suck!"
I lost my stomach. Should I turn around? Probably not, but guess what, I did. That action alone gave me the pleasure to see Colt staring right at me. His face could not have been any easier to read, and guilt was written all over it. I smiled at him. It was all I could think to do. He placed me in a friend’s zone, remember? I hated that I had to know what he was doing, but it kept me in check. I was not going to fall for someone who was not mine to begin with. Heather was still reeling in the information we had all put together. I was ready to leave.
"Are you ready to get out of here, Heather, it has been a long night for all of us and I'm ready for it to end?"
Colt looked at me like he wanted to say something but he just looked down instead. We said our goodbyes then got in the car and drove away. I couldn't wait to go to bed and pretend all of this was a dream. For Heather, it was still going to be a nightmare. She still needed to deal with Jason.
When I woke up I cracked my eye open at the clock. It wasn't even seven a.m., so I rolled over and attempted to fall back asleep. After about twenty minutes of tossing and turning, I gave up. I got out of bed and was walking to the bathroom when I heard a man's voice. I wanted to go downstairs to see who it was, but felt I needed to give Heather space. Living with someone meant you were always limited on alone time. So I brushed my teeth and headed into the shower. As I was washing my hair I remembered the last time I heard a guy’s voice downstairs. Yuck! Geoff is one gross douche bag. I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and turned off the water. While wrapping the towel around my head, I heard the front door open and then close. I guess whoever he was left. I applied my lotion and as I grabbed the towel to cover myself, I realized how happy I was that whoever was here had gone. I didn't bring any clothes with me, so I flung the towel around my body and walked out. I ran into my room and closed the door. I turned around and screamed my head off. Colt was sitting on my bed! What the hell is he doing here?
"What the hell are you doing here?” came out of my mouth simultaneously with the thought.
"Should I leave because even if I have to, it was worth it to see you in that towel?"
"Funny, Colt. Really, what are you doing in my room at seven thirty in the morning?"
"Well, I wasn't planning on it being grand central station at your house. I was hoping to talk to you before you went to work."
"Colt, do you know anything about me? My schedule hasn't changed one bit since we met. I don't work on Tuesday. At all, ever."
"Well thanks for blowing my cover story. I just wanted to talk, okay?"
"At seven thirty in the morning?" I knew I was snapping at him and shouldn't be. I was still reacting from what I heard last night and I needed to stop.
"Sadie, I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep last night after seeing you. When you and Heather left, Dave and Bryan came back to my place. There was no point for me to go in to see Shawn if they weren’t letting anybody. So I asked if they wanted to go have a beer. They filled me in on what happened and I feel awful that I wasn't there for you."
There for me? What was he talking about? And let’s go back four conversations ago and address the grand central station comment.
"What did you mean about grand central station?"
"Wow, way to deflect that one! What I meant was, I thought you and Heather would still be asleep. I didn't expect Jason to be here this early."
"Jason's here?" That one came out with a big smile.
"Don't go getting your hopes up on that one, beautiful. Those were some pretty sad faces I had to walk past."
"I can't imagine after last night they would be anything else, but it’s still a start."
"True. Now, back to me being here for you now because I wasn't last night?"
"What are you really talking about, Colt, because I'm a big girl? Before I met you I didn't have you to be here for me, so why wouldn’t I be okay now?"
"You didn't have me then, but you do have me now. That is the point."
"I don't get you. How do you think you can be here for me? Or am I missing the how to be a good friend bus? Jason and Shawn are your friends too. This all happened to you also. Are you saying I need to be here for you? Do you need me, because I am here if you do?”
"Listen here, beautiful, I'm always going to need you. Maybe I was just hoping you needed me a little too."
I wasn't sure how to respond. The last night we spent together was coming back to me. What I needed was that Colt. Not the one who didn't talk to me for over a week and was sleeping with some girl named Shelly. I just do not know what to say.
"Sadie. Why are you getting quiet on me? Did I say something to upset you?"
It’s like he was goading me to admit I was upset about his part in last night. Not going to happen. So I turned on the charm.
I removed the towel from my hair. Then I walked over to the opposite side of the bed, let my towel fall a little loose and seductively crawled over to his side of the bed. I rolled so I was lying on my back. Then I looked up at him and said, "Why would I be upset?"
"Are you doing this on purpose?" He said as he lay down next to me.
"Doing what? I'm just tired" I stretched out and the towel slipped lower. “I didn't get much sleep last night." Colt moved closer to me so we were right next to each other. He rolled onto his side so we were face to face. "Can we snuggle?"
"Are you tired too?"
Colt raised his arm so he could get to my hair. He played with it, running his fingers through it like a comb. I just closed my eyes and let him. I think I started to fall asleep when I heard him say, "Are you sleeping?"
I am not sure why I did not answer him. Or why I apparently wanted him to think I was asleep. He was quiet for a while and then he said, "If only things could be different. God, I'd make you mine."
He pulled me closer and spun me around so he could spoon me. I continued to stay quiet until I really did fall asleep. Being held in his arms always did make for the best sleep.
I woke up and Colt was gone. It was incredible how his smell lingered on my sheets and pillow. I rolled around breathing it all in. I wished he was still here, but I have a faint memory of him kissing my forehead and telling me he had to go.
I got up and went downstairs to see if it was safe to get some breakfast. The house was empty. I knew Heather had to work today. I just wasn't sure if she would call in sick or not. I looked out the window and her car was gone, so I could only assume she went in. I went straight for the Cap’n Crunch, my favorite cereal. What should I do for the rest of the day? I decided I owed it to myself to do nothing. So I sat down on the couch and ordered the first two seasons of Walking Dead. And you better believe I did not get up unless I had to, all
day.
CHAPTER 13
Two days later we were told we would be able to see Shawn. Heather drove us up there. I hadn’t really thought about how she was feeling (I know, selfish bitch here) I was just so excited to see him myself. So when we got out and started walking up to the hospital and she asked, “Do you think he's going to hate me?" I almost fell on my face.
"No! I don't know what he's going to remember, but if he does remember everything clearly, there is no way. He was worried about you. He didn't understand why you wouldn't talk to him. He's your friend, Heather. Don't forget that when you walk through that door. No matter how bad he looks.”
I stopped walking so she would really get the point I was going to make here without getting offended.
"These next few hours, they’re not about you or how you feel. Or how anybody else feels, including me. They are about Shawn. I'm only saying this because I know you. You’re my best friend in the world. Don't go in there and start crying about how bad you feel. Think about how bad he feels. His mouth is wired shut. Let’s just go be supportive."
"First, you can fuck off. I don't make everything about me. But secondly, you’re right. Let’s go see one of our best bros."
We continued to walk through the hospital parking lot and into the lobby. Heather stopped at the information desk and everything from the car until now felt like deja vu. This time, he had a room. Before we got on the elevator, we popped into the gift shop. Heather grabbed the whole box of Twix candy bars and ran at me so excited. "What? They’re his favorite?" She felt the need to explain herself because I was standing there with a dumbfounded look on my face.
"Are you trying to rub it in that he can't have them or what?"
Finding Solace Page 6