"Sounds like a plan to me!"
After we drained our bladders, we washed our hands and were back to the car before Mike was even done pumping gas. Who ever said it takes girls forever to do anything, has never met the girl power Heather and I have going on. We got back out on the road and were driving about five minutes when Mikes GPS lost signal. What the heck do we do now? Heather had navigation on her phone as an app. That wouldn’t even work. Where ever we were, no cell towers could be reached. I knew we were good for at least another ten miles because I had looked at the GPS back at the gas station to see how much further we had to go. So we just kept driving. When we reached the ten mile mark, no one knew what to do. So we kept driving. We had to have been on that road for another twenty minutes when the GPS kicked back on. The whole car was screaming with joy. We ended up having to turn back around, but in the end we made it there. Just took us a little longer than the others who had either been here before, or were smart enough to print from MapQuest.
I jumped out of the car as soon as it came to a stop. I loved them, but riding in a car for that long with them was enough to make me need a drink. We all walked in together, but Heather and I stopped and gasped at how beautiful this place was. It sat on top of a huge hill that almost seemed like a mountain. The view was amazing from all 360 degrees. The stone fireplace stretched to the ceiling and everything else was made from wood. Breathtaking is what it was. The group had all made themselves comfortable on couches around the fire. I walked over and sat next to Dave.
"How was the drive up, Sadie?"
"Eventful is a good word for it. No, I'm kidding, really it wasn't bad. How was yours?"
"Bryan and I went and picked up Shawn and Colt. It was all good."
"So where does a lady get herself a glass of wine around here?"
"Follow me. I’ll show you." As we walked over to the sample bar, Dave asked, "So what's going on with you and Colt?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"Just noticing a change lately and then on our way up here Shawn said something about you and Colt went dead silent. Something happened, Sadie, do you even know?"
"Nope, I don't have a clue. Honest. Ever since that night I came up to ‘51’ and you told me about Colt changing the rules for me, he has been different."
"I forgot about that night. Wasn't that the night you were hooking up with that Ash guy you went to school with?"
"I was not hooking up with him."
"Well, I saw your tongue in his mouth so whatever you want to call that, is fine by me."
"Funny, Dave, real funny."
"Okay, it’s all making more sense now. Oh Sadie, you go on and try the samples, then order a glass or bottle of whatever you like. Got it?"
"Sure do."
"Alright then, I'm going to go sit back down."
As I watched him walk away, I caught Colt looking at me. But when he noticed, he turned his head back to everyone else. Whatever! He did it too. I ordered a bottle of Riesling and walked back to join my friends. This time I sat next to Shawn. Everyone seemed comfortable and that meant a lot. Jason even joked around with Shawn and we all laughed. The day went by without any drama. By dark, it was time to pack up and go home. Jason stayed sober, as promised, so that meant Mike and I were in the back seat. The drive home was easier to navigate so we were back in half the time it took to get there. I was exhausted by the time we pulled into our apartment complex. I said good bye to the boys and Heather. She was going to go home with Jason and then I headed inside. After I took a shower, I got on some comfy clothes and went downstairs to lie on the couch. I was thinking about what a fun day it turned out to be when someone knocked on the front door. I got up and answered it, only to find Colt standing there.
I couldn't believe my eyes. They had to be deceiving me. Colt was just standing there looking as good as he always does.
I looked around but I couldn’t see his car.
"How did you get here?"
"I had Dave drop me off on our way back. Can I come in?"
I hadn't realized that I was blocking the door, so I moved to the side and said, "Sure."
He walked past me and then sat down on the couch. He was looking down at the floor when I realized I was still standing there with the door open unable to move. Colt was in my house. Who would have thought this was going to happen? Not me.
"You gonna close that any time soon, because I'm freezing over here?"
Oh shit, I hadn’t felt the cold until he said that. I closed the door and then walked over to sit on the opposite couch.
"What's going on, Colt? Is anything wrong?"
He looked up for the first time and there was hurt in his eyes.
"Sadie, there has been a lot wrong lately. How can you even ask me that?"
"I’m not sure I'm following you. Did something happen that I don't know about?"
"Sadie, we need to talk about that night at ‘51’. I have been out of line for the last month. You had every right to be with that guy. I don't have any right getting upset about it. I'm sorry I reacted that way and I need to know you can forgive me."
Wow! I totally didn't see that coming.
"You are right. If that is the only reason you have been acting cold to me, you should be sorry. Thank you for apologizing."
"So, I'm forgiven?" As he asked, he moved from his couch over to mine.
"Sure. Just don't do that again, okay. I missed you."
"I won't. I promise."
He leaned in to kiss me and at first, I pulled back a little. I was trying to decide if I should say anything about the chick he was with that night. But all train of thought was lost when he pushed forward and kissed me again. Holy cow, I missed those lips. We kissed for what seemed like forever when finally Colt pulled back.
"I missed the hell out of you, too."
We laid there cuddling on the couch until I started to fall asleep. Colt got up and walked through the kitchen to go out on the deck. By now I knew what he was doing. It seemed he and pot were becoming the best of friends. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask if he just enjoyed it or was using it as a coping mechanism. I knew he was under a lot of stress. I didn’t really care that he smoked. Only if it were something I could take the place of. I climbed the stairs and went to brush my teeth. Minutes later Colt joined me and asked if he could use my toothbrush. How things had changed. Gone were the days when I cared about sharing germs with him. After he was done, we went to my room and crawled into bed. Colt grabbed me and pulled me into our usual sleeping position. Once again I was back to my favorite place in the world.
All the chaos seemed to cease and everything was going as perfect as it possibly could. That was, until the holidays. For Christmas break all the boys went back home. Well, all of them with the exception of Shawn and Jason. College gave them practically a month off of classes, so that meant a month for me and Heather with none of the guys. With my line of work, the Christmas holiday is a nut house. Everyone and their brother needs to get in and wants to look the best that they possibly can for the family functions to come. So with that, at least for me, it meant that I was slammed and did not really have time to think until after the holiday came and went. The first weeks of January are always one of the slowest times of the year. With all that time on my hands and no sign of Colt, I found myself sitting down writing him letters.
My dearest Colt,
What can I possibly say? Let me make clear what I mean by that. I have plenty to say, but no words will ever be able to come out of my mouth without fear of what will come afterwards. I knew what I was getting into. I made that agreement with you that we would keep things simple. But simple is the last word I would use to describe what's in my heart. These last couple of weeks without you have only reaffirmed what my heart already knew was there. I'm so in love with you, Colt Jennings. You have brought light into some of the darkest places in my world. You allow me to be myself and you taught me that it was okay to be exactly who I am. And selfishly, I'm asking
for more. I want more. More of you, More of us, more of everything that we could share together. Please give me the chance to show you that we could make this work. How can I make you see that you are perfect for me, just the way you are. I know that you will probably never see this letter. I know this because I'm too scared of what the consequences would be if I gave it to you. So I guess I will continue to keep my feelings in hiding, because I will always take whatever I can get, as long as it means you're going to be a part of my life.
With all my love, Sadie
I stared at that letter for days. I cried over the fact I would never be able to give it to him. Why is life so unfair?
Two weeks later Heather and I were up at ‘51’ for the big coming back party. College classes started back up on Monday. It was Saturday night and it had been too long since we have all been together. Everyone was there. I looked over at Colt and it was like I was looking at a magazine model. It was almost as if I forgot just how gorgeous he is. He caught me gawking at him and sent me back a huge ass grin. Shawn has been managing the place while all the students went back home. It had to be a pain in the ass scheduling when all of the employees were gone. Now they are all back and Colt is back to help. The bar was packed. It was like the whole town showed up. Heather and I started our annual shot line up and all the guys came over to join. Pretty soon I was drunk and back out on the dance floor, which was becoming my second home when I am here. I love to dance. I have danced most of my life. Music just has an effect on my body. I don’t know how else to explain it. Heather joined me and we lit it up. It always seems that men think they can just come up behind you and grab whatever body part they want. That’s when we have the most fun though. Tonight it happened to her first. So I left her there to suffer for a while before I grabbed her hand and jerked her away from him. Next, it was my turn and eewwww, this guy stunk. I couldn’t see his face, but I could smell him from a mile away. Heather thought me gagging was so funny that instead of helping me, she left the dance floor completely. Bitch! I attempted to dance away from him but within seconds, he was behind me again. I couldn’t shake him. The final straw was when his hand attempted to go up my skirt. I flipped out! I turned around to slap him but never got the chance before he was lying on the ground. Colt stood over him making sure he was not stupid enough to get up, while Shawn came to escort him out. I just froze. Did that just really happen? I turned to Colt to say something but he cut me off before I had the chance.
"Don't, Sadie. Just don't. I told you this was going to happen. It doesn't help that you dance the way you do, practically begging men to fall all over you."
"What the fuck, Colt! I didn't ask for any of this to happen. I was just dancing. You can't be serious right now."
"I'm dead fucking serious. You…"
"Colt, stop." Heather was there, thank God, and Jason and Mike were right behind her. "She didn't do anything wrong and you know it. If it's anybody’s fault, it's mine, for leaving her out here with him."
"Fine, Heather, then it’s your fault too. Can't you guys just have fun without acting like total fucking sluts?"
"Watch your fucking mouth, Jennings! Don't talk like that to either of them ever again. Do you understand me?" Mike was in Colt’s face and if I did not do something fast, this was going to get even uglier. I just couldn’t get past the fact he called me a slut. Those words kept me locked in place. My heart was telling me he didn’t mean it. That he was just pissed. But my head was saying do not fall down this path again. This is how it started with James. I couldn’t move. Heather noticed me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it for support. It was enough to snap me out of it and get between them.
"Colt, what is your problem? If you don't want me here, fine. I won't come back. It’s bad enough having to come here and pretend you haven't fucked half the girls on this dance floor. But for you to call me a slut, fuck you. You judgmental prick." I turned around to walk off the dance floor when I was stopped by someone grabbing my arm. I looked over my shoulder and found it was Colt.
"Sadie, can I please talk to you in private?"
I pulled out of his grasp and continued to walk away.
"Sadie. Please!" He shouted it so loud it drew quite a bit of attention. More than I was comfortable with. If I kept walking, was it only going to get worse?
I stopped, but I did not turn around. I let him come to me. When he finally reached me, he walked around me so we could be face to face.
"Please, my beautiful, please just come talk to me."
That was the first time he called me ‘my beautiful’. It was a term of endearment I had not heard from him yet. I looked him in the eye and said, "You have five minutes."
"I will take anything you’re willing to give me right now. Just please come with me into the office."
I followed him into the room not even wanting to be there. I just wanted to leave. But if it made him feel better and he wouldn’t cause a scene that was what I was going to do. I sat down in a chair opposite of his desk and crossed my arms. I just sat there and waited. He would’ve had to have lost his fucking mind if he thought I had anything left to say to him.
"Sadie, please don't hate me. I'm so sorry. I never should have gotten mad at you or Heather. And I never should have said what I said. That word is- that word isn't you."
"That word? That word? You had no problem saying it out there in front of fifty fucking people but you can't say it now. Say it, Colt. Say slut. I'm a fucking slut!"
"Stop it, Sadie." He was up and out of his chair and in front of me in no time. "You know how I feel about that. I've told you time and time again how much I am amazed by you. I was pissed off. I watched that guy touch you and I lost it. I can't be jealous. I don't have the right to be. But I acted on my own feelings and then that pissed me off. Then you were about to tell me how wrong I was and how I should have never took it out on you or Heather. It was wrong, Sadie. I was wrong. Please say something to me."
"Colt, what I was going to say out there was thank you. That guy was more than I could handle. It shocked me when you punched him, but it shocked me more when you punched me. You are one of the only people who know my past. You said that to hurt me, Colt. You hit me where it would hurt and you did a mighty fine job. It hurt. It hurt a lot."
"Sadie, I'm not trying to diminish that what I said hurt, but people do that a lot. When people are mad they say things to hurt the other person. It’s not right, but it is what people do. If you think even the best people don't get mad and say something mean, you are going to be disappointed in humanity. I shouldn't have called you a slut because you aren’t one. I love having you here. I get to see you smile and have fun. It makes my day better. Please don't go. I know men are going to hit on you. Look at you. You’re fucking beautiful! It’s hard to watch, but I promise I can handle it. It’s the fuckers that go too far that make me lose it. I'm glad you’re okay with that part because that's one promise I can't make anymore. I care about you, Sadie. I don't want anyone to disrespect you. Including me! How can I get you to forgive me?"
"Colt, it hurt. I've explained that. But you have said you’re sorry and I need to accept that too. But I swear to you, you ever say something like that again, whatever we have that's between us, is gone. Do you understand me?"
"Yes. I do." He stood and grabbed my hands to pull me up from the chair. When I came to stand, I was pressed against him. He grabbed my face and kissed me so lightly on the lips. “I will always try to make you smile and never hurt you again." And then he kissed me again. This time I let him in. His tongue met mine and I exploded with want. I grabbed his crotch and started to rub up and down. He moaned in my mouth and pushed forward into my hand. Then he pulled back and took my hand away. "Sadie, there is nothing more I would like to do right now but we are in my office at my work. I can't."
As hard as it was to reign myself in, I did understand.
"I know. Let’s get out of here before I choose to forget."
"Girl, you are going to drive me craz
y for the rest of the night, you know that."
"I'm going to be your little slut tonight."
"Holy shit! Go, get out of here now."
He pushed me toward the door and slapped my ass on my way out.
I found Heather at the bar with Jason and Mike. I walked over to them and ordered a drink.
"Everything okay, Sadie?" Mike asked. He always did have my back. Best big brother award goes to him for the night.
"It is now. You guys ready to get your drink on with me?"
Jason leaned over and said "Whatever you want, it’s done."
Colt walked over and put his hands on Heather’s shoulders. "Hey girl, I'm sorry about what I said."
"No harm, no foul. You just watch your tongue next time, okay?” Heather looked very serious.
"Yes ma’am." And then he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I have to head back to work now, but you guys have fun."
And so we did. It ended up being a great night, especially after the bar closed, when Colt and I finished it off with a bang.
CHAPTER 20
It was spring and we were all hell bent to spend a day outside. Winter was awful as far as the weather went, so I decided a picnic was in order. I rented a pavilion in the local park. Colt said he would handle all the barbeque and Shawn was bringing the alcohol. Heather and I made all the side dishes the night before and were loading them all in the car when she dropped a huge bomb on me.
"I forgot to tell you last night, well, I didn't forget you were just asleep with Colt when Jason called and I didn't want to just walk in but anyway, Shawn dropped the charges!"
"Shut the fuck up!" I started jumping up and down. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! That is awesome!"
"Yeah, Jason is so relieved. He has felt horrible for so long and now it’s finally over. Isn't this the best day ever, I mean it was technically yesterday, but you know what I'm saying."
"Yeah, I know exactly what you are saying. This is great! Let’s finish getting all of this in the car so we can head over and celebrate."
Finding Solace Page 11