We grabbed the remainder of the dishes and packed them into the trunk. We had everything ready to go so we jumped in and drove to the park. On the way there Heather said, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't say anything about Shawn and Jason. I don't want them to be embarrassed or feel bad. I just want it all to go away."
"I completely agree. But I am going to celebrate whether they know it’s for them or not."
"Sounds like a plan."
We pulled into the park and could see that Colt and Bryan were already there setting up. I parked my car and we started to unload the trunk. Both guys noticed our efforts and ran over to help. In no time we had everything set up. Dave was next to show and then Geoff. (Who invited him?) Shawn backed his car up to the pavilion so they could unload all the drinks. Jason and Mike walked up with a washer set. Megan and Jeff even came. I had apologized to her after that night at ‘51’. It was wrong of me to judge whoever she likes and makes her happy. Bryan brought a radio and soon the party started. A washer tournament began with Heather and Jason against Megan and Jeff. Colt was manhandling the grill. Geoff went and grabbed Hoosier Golf from his car (who would have known he'd be good for something) and started a game with Dave, Bryan, Mike and Shawn. All just seemed right with the world. I went over and sat on the picnic bench next to where Colt was busy grilling the meat. When he noticed me sitting there he said, "Having fun yet, beautiful?"
"It couldn't be better. Great weather and great friends. What a ‘great’ idea of mine, ha ha."
"Look at you turning in to my little jokester. It was a ‘great’ idea though. Good call on the location too. I knew you were good for something."
"Har har, don't be a jerk. You know I'm good for a lot of things. Do I need to list how many times you called my name the other night when I..."
"Enough, I take it back. You’re wonderful, spectacular, amazing, the best of the best, the...."
"All that, just so I don't tell people that you love it when I ...."
"STOP! You suck, Sadie Warren, absolutely suck."
"Nice choice of words there, Colt. But it’s not the sucking I'm talking about it's the...."
Colt jumped over to me and covered my mouth. I was laughing harder than I had in years. His face was beet red. It was hilarious. He had no choice but to join me because I had no intention of stopping. Laughing felt good, people should do it more often. When that fit was over Colt took all the meat off the grill. Everything was too hot to eat so we walked over to see how Heather and Jason were doing against Jeff and Megan. Jason and Heather were getting their asses handed to them. Colt called winners for the next game. Of course we ended up losing to Jeff and Megan too, that's what I get for talking smack.
We all quit the games for a while so we could eat. The hamburgers looked fantastic. The chicken kabobs were cooked with green peppers and mushrooms, and I do not know where he found the bratwurst because they were huge. We had potato salad, Cole slaw, corn, and baked beans for sides. Heather and I even made brownies for dessert.
Everybody dug in. It was almost quiet while the food was being consumed. It was that good that nobody wanted to stop eating long enough to talk. When we all finally had our fill, we cleaned up and went back to the games. Hoosier Golf was next on my to-do list. I had never played, so I was determined to learn and win. Colt still wanted to win at washers so I paired up with Shawn and we played Jason and Heather. It was as if nothing ever happened between the two boys. We joked and laughed. The game lasted way longer than I thought, but in the end Shawn and I were the victors. By this time it was getting dark and time to pack up. Some of the guys needed to go to practice, while others had to go in to work. We all hugged and I thanked everyone for coming. They all thanked me in return for the idea and we agreed to do it again. When everything was packed up in my car, we left to go home.
The following week at the alley was just as it was at the park. Everyone got along great. Things felt like they were falling into place, and everything was going back to the way it was before. The only thing I did notice was Colt was high again. Do not get me wrong, it does not change him in any way, I just wonder where he is getting the money for this habit that seems to be getting more frequent. Mike was talking to the guys when I walked up to the bar for a drink.
"This guy is going to be all my nightmares coming true. He's skilled, guys. I have never been this nervous about a fight before. It doesn't help that they have been pumping this bout for months now either. Pay per View is charging $100 per purchase."
Jason spoke next, "Bro, you got this. You've been training for this moment for eight years. It will be a cake walk. Besides, it’s out of Chicago. We will all be there."
"I know you will and believe me that helps a lot. I just can't seem to fall in my groove like I normally am this close to a fight. I'm not scared or anything, just nervous."
All the guys started to pump him up. His fight was in five weeks. I already took the weekend off and have my tickets purchased. The plan is Colt, Jason, Heather and I are going to drive in Friday night and get the rooms while the rest of the clan wraps up the bar and comes up Saturday morning. Colt made his way over to join the group of us. After he took in a little more of the conversation he added, "Mike, I can roll on the mat with you if you want some extra training?"
"Colt, that would be awesome. My trainer seems to think we will be on our feet most of the time but I know this guy has got a background of being good on the ground too. Any extra help I can get would be awesome."
“I've been smacking him around in the ring too. Old fucker is getting sloppy on his boxing skills," Jason laughed and then finished with, “I'm just giving you shit, big brother, you'll be fine."
"Alright guys enough of making me sound like a pussy. Sadie, you ready to line up those shots of yours."
"You bet your ass."
We went on to have a great night of drinking and laughing. These people are my happiness. I want what's best for all of them.
It has been five weeks and the time has come for Mike's fight. Jason and Colt came to pick Heather and me up from the apartment. Jason was driving his jeep, which didn’t seem to work for Heather’s seven bags of luggage. I, for one, only brought a duffle bag and a suitcase. (Pretty proud of me, aren’t ya?)
After a much heated debate, Heather went back inside and shrunk it down to three. When we got it all secure in the back, it was time to hit the road. Jason had taken the top off so we could all enjoy the eighty five degree day. Nothing feels better than riding in a jeep and letting your hair go free. Okay, that's a complete lie. All of you girls know that when your hair is flying all over the place, that shit whips you in the face and it hurts. It’s not even worth the price to look good in my opinion. So I grabbed a band and pulled mine back. I turned to see Heather getting pummeled by her own locks and start laughing my ass off. Whatever, it was her call.
It took a little over an hour and a half for us to get to the hotel and holy shit, parking costs are outrageous in Chicago. We all checked into our rooms. Heather and I shared one connected to Colt and Jason’s by a door. We got two more that were just like ours for everyone else coming. Mike was staying here also, but they put him up in the penthouse or something like that. After we unpacked, we decided to go down to the lobby and grab dinner and then head over to the bar. The food was okay I thought, but not what I was expecting. The bar was a whole different story. It was packed! It seemed that everyone there came in to watch the fight tomorrow night. We found a table and ordered our drinks. I am not a tight wad but holy crap, even a drink was expensive. One beer was six dollars. Take me back home where it’s three dollars and twenty five cents. So I switched to Red Bull and vodka. I at least felt like I was getting more for my money that way. We had been hanging out for about two hours and we were all feeling mighty good from the alcohol, when the table behind us started talking loudly. It was not hard to hear the dude sitting behind Colt say, "Mike Harrison has no chance in hell tomorrow. This is going to be the easiest five grand I've ever made
. The payoff gets even bigger if he's taken down in the first round. Who knows how much I could bring in?"
Colt sat straight up when he noticed Jason get stiff. I didn’t want a fight to start, so I tried switching the subject.
"Hey Jason, when is your next match? Now that you have clearance to fight again, do you have one lined up?" I really thought that would work but I don’t think he heard a word of it. He was still glued to the guy behind Colt and the dude wouldn’t shut up. Then his friend chimed in.
"I don't know. Harrison has never lost at this level. He has a chance, if you ask me."
"Are you fucking crazy? Harrison is nothing but a pussy that has been fighting even bigger pussies. Reynolds is going to crush him."
Keith Reynolds has held the heavy weight title for two years now. But Mike could do this. I know he can. Jason went to stand up but Colt beat him to it and when he did, he made sure to do it with enough force that his chair flung back into the guy talking all the shit. Mister Big Mouth stood and turned around quickly. He took in the size of Colt and then his eyes wandered to Jason, then his form seemed to soften immediately. He was lucky if he was five foot six and he didn’t stand a chance. His buddy was not much bigger. The stare down lasted long enough for the guy’s friend to grab him. They both left and it still took until they were out of sight for the guys to sit back down. We finished our drinks and decided to call it a night. When we got back to the hotel rooms, of course we split up into couples. Colt played it off like we were just helping Jason and Heather out. Heaven forbid, we admit we hook up to our friends. Heather knows but I don't know what she had told Jason. There is a part of me that hurts because of this. But I just walked into the bathroom, changed into my jammies, pulled my hair up, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Normally Colt would have joined me by now, but when I walked back into the room and saw him out on the terrace smoking, I just got in bed and fell asleep.
It was the morning and Mike's fight was tonight. The day had finally come. When I woke up, I had an awful feeling this was going to be a bad day. I wanted the feeling to go away so I attempted to fall back asleep. Colt stirred in bed and then came to my side of the bed to cuddle with me. Something else was that was giving me that yucky feeling? Colt always slept with me in his arms and when I woke up he was on the other side of the bed. If this was a sign of what's to come today, I just want to go back to sleep. He whispered in my ear, "Good morning, my beautiful." Oh, now he wants to be all sweet.
"Good morning, Colt."
"Wow, what happened to you."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well for one, you're still facing the other direction. Two, you're answering me with short little responses instead of having a conversation with me and three, you went to bed last night without even saying good night. When I came to bed and tried to hold you, you pushed me away in your sleep. If that doesn't scream that there's a problem, I don't know what does."
Point taken. I didn't even know I pushed him away. Maybe my subconscious knows more than my conscience does.
“I'm just really nervous about tonight."
"And that explains why I'm still talking to your back?"
I rolled over to face him but I still didn't know what to say. So that's exactly what I said.
"What do you want me to say, Colt?"
"Wow! What did I do? Because you are crazy pissed off at me and I'd really like to fix it if I can."
"You can't."
"Let me try. And I can't try if I don't know what's wrong."
You want me to take the plunge don't you? You want me to throw it all out there, put it all on the line, and tell him he needs to either get on board or jump ship, right? Well, I can't. I'm not ready to take that risk yet. So I responded to him with something like this.
“Colt, I'm just going through some personal stuff right now. I have to figure it out my own. I'm sorry if I made you feel like it was you. It's not you, it's me, and it's just a decision I have to make on my own." It is the best that I could do.
"I don't believe you. You pulled away from me, Sadie. So please don't lie to me and tell me this doesn't have anything to do with me."
"Well then, let me rephrase what I was saying. It does have to do with you. It's just a problem you can't fix."
"Okay? Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"How is it our non-complicated relationship seems to be getting more and more complicated?"
"I don't have the answer for that question."
“Neither do I, Sadie, neither do I. But I do know one thing. You are one sexy ass woman and I can think of a lot of things I could do with this, instead of having this conversation." he grabbed my ass and pulled me towards him. "We can revisit it another time, I promise."
That was the first promise that he made to me that I did not believe he would keep.
Several hours later after doing a lot of things that require very little conversation, we showered and got ready for the day. By the time we were finished, Heather was banging on the adjoining door. When I unlocked it, she helped herself in.
"Sure am glad you guys are finished. Ever think people might hear you? Holy shit, you've got some lungs, girl."
I didn't know what to say and it showed all over my face. I looked to Colt for help. What he did floored me.
"Well, what can I say? I'm good like that. Ask all the girls."
What an asshole!
"Well, that's kind of funny that you mention it. In the bathroom at ‘51’, they talk about your dick all the time. It’s my favorite subject as well of course, so we have talked, plenty. Was there something specific you want me to ask them?" I couldn't help myself. I stayed in place as if I really was requesting an answer.
This time it was Colt who stood there like a deer in headlights. I waited as long as I felt needed to make my point, and then after no response, I walked out the door.
Once I was in the hall, I lost it. Heather followed me, but was smart to stay quiet and let me vent for a minute. After I started to cool down, I really felt bad. He didn’t offend me. He didn’t say one thing about me. All he did was try and make a joke, to take the pressure off of both of us, and I blew up. What the hell is wrong with me lately? I turned around and walked back into the room. I closed the door before Heather could follow me back in. Colt was standing with his back to me looking out the sliding door. How do I even start?
"Please don't turn around. It will be easier for me to say what I need to say. Do you remember all the times you felt jealous when you shouldn't have? Don't answer. Do you remember all the times you felt more than you knew you should? Don't answer. I feel all those things too. I hate feeling them too. I don't want anything to happen between us that we are not ready for. All it will do is tear us apart. I love what we have, but I hate feeling like a dirty secret. I hate that I walked into ‘51’ and saw you feeling up a girl but you can't even kiss me in front of people. I agreed to the arrangement. I know we said we wouldn't do serious. I don't want to get married, Colt. Not anytime soon at least. But why can't we find a balance? Okay, answer."
Colt turned around and I was scared. He didn't look mad. That's not why I was scared. I was scared because he held the power to rip away the one thing that made me whole.
"So I guess now is when we finish that conversation, huh? I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not ready to be tied down. I'm not ready to feel like I'm cheating on you if my friends see me making out with another girl. I sound like a selfish prick. I hear myself and wonder who I've become. There is something about you Sadie that makes you different. Maybe it’s our friendship. I respect you and care about you. But I want you to really hear me when I say this. I don't want to hurt you. If you feel yourself falling for me, leave this. Walk away from whatever this is. I'm really serious about that. I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't want to lose you but if it will keep you from hurting, I'm willing to let you go."
I think my biggest fear just happened. How do I back pedal? What do I d
o? Tears are starting to form in my eyes. Hell no.
"Here's the deal, Colt. When I said find a middle ground, I was speaking of respect. There has to be a way to take the secretiveness out of what we are doing. We are two adults who enjoy each other sexually, and happen to also be friends. There isn't anything wrong with that. So why do I feel so cheap? You can tell me not to develop feelings but you have to follow your own advice. So it comes down to this, do you enjoy spending time with me?"
"Absolutely"
"Do you enjoy having a sexual relationship with me?"
"Does that even require an answer?"
"Do you want this to stop?"
"Never."
"Then that's it. The only thing we change is the secret part of it. We see other people, we do our own thing but when we are together, we are together. Sound good?
Colt grabbed me and threw me on the bed. He kissed me with so much passion behind it I wondered if he meant anything he just said. He broke long enough to answer, "Best idea of yours yet" and then went back to kissing me. He started to kiss down my neck. Then his hands were up my shirt cupping my breasts. Colt shoved me down on the bed and then stripped his clothes off. He had every reason to stand proud. He was built like a Greek God. I pulled my shirt off and was wiggling to get my skirt over my hips when he grabbed it and jerked. I was left in my underwear but that was removed faster than I've ever seen him move. Foreplay went out the door. We both felt such a crazy need for each other that he just climbed on top of me and plunged in. He rocked back almost all the way out and then plunged in again, hard. This wasn't the soft loving kind of sex he's been giving me. He was back to marking what was his. I didn't mind that a bit. He may say he's willing to share me but actions speak louder than words and this was a claiming. I came so hard that at one point I thought I might squeeze him out. That's when he exploded in me, without a condom!
"Colt, holy fuck. What did we just do?"
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Sadie. I got carried away and didn't even think... Oh fuck, what did I do?"
Finding Solace Page 12