Finding Solace

by Speak, Barbara

  "How did they get you to agree to come over here?"

  "More like, why did I dive in willingly?"

  "Shut up."

  "They were coming over here regardless and there is no way I'm letting Jason out of my sight for the rest of his life."

  "You’re telling me you took on the shit water for love? That a girl!"

  Ash started to laugh and it was not long before Mike and Tony followed suit. Jason didn’t even crack a smile. I glanced over to Heather and knew the reason Jason wouldn’t laugh along instantly. I looked one more time at Jason and saw that he was about to blow.

  "Heather, you have to believe me when I say I'm sorry. But I'm not going to walk around all day looking and acting like a pussy. Get over it, please."

  Well, at least he said please. He was right in a way also. It wasn’t like anything happened, Ash told me. I didn’t want to stick around to find out how this was going to end. So I grabbed Ash and Mike and said, "Let’s do something crazy."

  Mike was all over crazy behavior. So when he said, "Like what?" I was shocked.

  "You normally have the best ideas, what's wrong with you?"

  "We could go parasailing?" came from Tony as he walked up.

  "Good idea, Tony."

  "You’re not invited."

  "What? Why?"

  "You didn't include me when you and Mike were wanting to do something crazy, so you’re not invited to my idea."

  “Are we five? Of course you are invited to anything I plan."

  Ash walked up behind me and wrapped me in his arms saying, "Unless it’s getting kinky with me."

  "Yes Ash, unless that.”

  "Come on, Tony. I want to go. Wait, how are you getting there?"

  He just looked at me and I knew I had him.

  "Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Do you want to go now? We can grab everybody and get out of here."

  "Sounds good.”

  Ash had already gone to collect Mike, Jason, and Heather. I was so excited about parasailing, not so much about having to get back in that water.

  Bungee jumping, putt-putt golf, go carts, we did it all. We decided to leave parasailing and the wave runners for the next day. Every one of us was completely exhausted by the time we got back. So, showers and sleep happened fast. The next morning I got up before anyone else. I went to sit on the deck and checked my Facebook page while I waited for everybody to wake up, so we could go get breakfast. I have a love hate relationship with Facebook. Reconnecting with old friends is great. Hearing that somebody hasn’t had a Twinkie in years, tried it again and liked it, is what I hate about it. I was looking up one of my favorite authors to see if the Maddock brothers really are going to get their own book. Two friend requests and a message had to be checked. I denied the requests because I never have a clue who half of them are. When I opened the message, I dropped my phone. Not by accident. More like I don’t want this in my hands kind of drop. I sat in that chair for at least ten minutes staring at it. Why now? Eventually I reached down to pick it up. Luckily the screen had timed out. It gave me a few more seconds to calm myself down. I did not even know he had a Facebook page. I entered my password and opened it to confirm, Colt had messaged me.

  HEY THERE BEAUTIFUL! JUST WANTED TO CHECK ON YOU AND SEE HOW YOU HAVE BEEN. I HOPE BY LEAVING THE WAY I DID, I DIDN'T HURT YOU SO MUCH THAT SEEING THIS MESSAGE MAKES YOU CRINGE. YOU ALWAYS DID DESERVE MORE THAN I COULD GIVE YOU. ME WALKING AWAY FROM YOU WAS A TESTAMENT TO THAT. I COULDN'T STAY. I COULDN'T NOT MOVE FORWARD. I NEEDED TO PUT THAT LIFE BEHIND ME AND TRY TO START OVER. STARTING OVER IN MY HEAD DIDN'T MEAN WITHOUT YOU. I HAVE WANTED TO CALL, TEXT, DRIVE THERE FOR GODS SAKE, JUST TO SEE YOU SMILE. I KNOW YOU’RE ASKING YOURSELF IN THAT SMART ASS ATTITUDE, THEN WHY DIDN'T I? I DIDN'T BECAUSE I KNEW ABOUT ASH BEFORE I LEFT. I KNOW YOU DESERVE SOMEONE THAT ISN'T AS FUCKED UP AS I AM. IT DOESN'T MEAN I MISS YOU ANY LESS. I MISS OUR CUDDLE TIME AND TALKS LATE AT NIGHT. MOST OF ALL I MISS THE SOUND OF YOUR LAUGH. I KNEW YOU NEEDED SOMEONE THAT COULD BE THERE FOR YOU. NOT SOMEONE YOU HAD TO TAKE CARE OF. DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I HAVENT BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU CONSTANTLY. MIKE HAS BEEN FILLING ME IN. NO I'M NOT A STALKER. JUST A GUY MISSING A GIRL THAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM. I KNOW YOU’RE ON VACATION AND I'M SORRY IF I'M INTERRUPTING, BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD COME VISIT ME NEXT WEEKEND. IT WOULD BE FUN. JUST PROMISE ME YOU WILL THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY? HOPE TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU SOON.

  COLT

  What was that? I know exactly what that was, I can’t kid myself. That was what I have been waiting for. That was Colt coming back to me. I can't get ahead of myself now, I won't. I needed to re-read the message ten times to decide how I felt about it. So I did, ten times. He gave reasons why, which I needed. But he never said he felt anything for me other than missing the friend that basically just shared his bed. I know it was more than just that to me, but to him? I doubt it. The thing that shocked me most was that he knew about Ash. At first, I hated that he found out. After a second thought, I changed my mind. Ash was never a secret. Never someone I felt I needed to hide. He was always the best part of my day. If Colt knew about him and wanted me for himself, that would have been all the reason he needed to act. To confess his feelings to me and he didn’t. He ran away. Something in me wanted to respond to him, but I wouldn’t. He deserved to suffer for a while like I did. I was still holding my phone in my hand when I heard someone come outside.

  "What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

  I turned to see Mike taking a seat in the chair next to me.

  "No one was awake, and it’s just so pretty out here."

  "I agree on that one. Are you having fun?"

  "I've had a blast so far. Best road trip ever."

  "Sadie, I have been meaning to talk to you, but I never manage to see you alone."

  "I think I know what this is about."

  "So, he did contact you?"

  "Yes, late last night."

  "Are you okay?"

  "I am. Mike, I needed a lot of questions answered and he gave me those. As far as going to visit him next weekend, there is no way."

  "I understand. I really do. You’re happy with Ash and he is a great guy. I just thought you should know Colt didn't hurt you on purpose. He cares about you. You know that, right?"

  "I do. But not enough. That's what mattered."

  "Sadie, you didn't....."

  "Hey you guys, what are you doing out here?" Ash walked over and gave me a kiss and then sat down in the chair on the other side of me. "It’s already getting hot as piss and it’s only seven thirty in the morning. Good thing we planned water activities today."

  Mike looked at me like he wished he would have had the time to finish. I was okay with where we left off.

  "I can't wait to rent the wave runners. That is going to be so awesome." I planned on racing every one of the guys and crushing them.

  "Sadie, you just want to race don't you? I can see it in your eyes already. Ash, do you know you have the most competitive girl I have ever met?"

  "Hope you like losing, princess, because this man's taking you down."

  The door opened again and out walked Tony. He looked a little green.

  "You feeling all right there, champ?" I had to ask.

  "Yeah, just think I ate something bad yesterday."

  Mike started laughing and said, "I told you to stay away from her. She looked nasty."

  We all started dying laughing. Tony walked right into that one. He did look off though. My worst fear came to a head. His cancer can't be back, can it? God, I hope not.

  Tony looked at me and as if he read my mind he said, "Sadie, stop worrying about that. It’s just a bug or something. I will be fine."

  "Why wouldn't you be fine?" Jason and Heather came outside and caught the end of the conversation.

  "It’s nothing, guys. I just have an upset stomach."

  "Okay. As long as you promise that's all it is. You better have learned from last time how Mom and Dad get when you keep us all in the dark." Mike loo
ked worried now.

  "I'm definitely not doing that again, I promised you guys I wouldn't."

  "Okay everybody. If he says he's just a little sick, we need to trust him. Let’s leave him alone now."

  "Thank you, Ash. See, at least somebody has my back."

  "We all do, Tony. But Ash wasn't there the first time around to even come close to understanding. No offense, Ash." If Heather hadn’t added that last part I might have gotten upset with her. It isn't his fault and he was only trying to help.

  "None taken. You’re right, I wasn't."

  "Alright guys. Who wants to go rent some wave runners? Tony, do you think you’re up for it?" Mike was eager to change the subject and I was grateful for it.

  "I'm down. Let’s go get something to eat first. It might make me feel better."

  After we got breakfast, we went by the same place I rented the boat from yesterday. The same guy was there so it was easy to get all six that we wanted. No one needed lessons this time and as soon as we were released, it was on. All six of us were flying around each other and jumping waves that boats were creating. Mike and Heather both fell off because they were being so reckless, but it was more fun that way. Riding on the water, with the sun and the wind was so freeing. I started to think about Colt again but then I would see Ash and it would all go away. At one point I circled everyone and declared it time to start the race. We laid down the map as far as the obstacles we had to complete before each race was considered done. Three boat wakes, two 360's and back to the starting point.

  First up were Mike and Ash. Winner holds their spot until they are beat was the rule. We all counted down from five and then "Go!"

  Mike went straight for a large boat that put out waves like no other so far. He launched in the air probably ten feet. Ash got his 360's out of the way and then went after two boats running side by side knocking out two in one. Mike finished his second and was spinning to get the 360's out of the way. Ash grabbed his last boat while Mike went after his and then Ash was at the finish line. Mike came in under a minute later.

  "You suck! That was shitty for me, but smart of you to take two out at the same time. I wish I would have thought about it."

  "Who wants to take me on next?" Ash was getting cocky already.

  Each of them went against him. Each one of them lost. His head was huge. When I was the last one left he said, "Anyone want to take this on again?"

  "I will." Knock him down to size, that is.

  "Oh, I forgot you wanted to play, Sadie."

  "I bet you did. Are you ready to get your ass kicked?"

  "We will see."

  We lined up and they all started counting down. "Go!" was heard but I was already gunning the engine. I knew with all the talk that he was going to do the same run again if possible. What he did not know is I had my eye on three boats coming that were evenly spaced apart. Ash cut through the first two while I went head on at the first boat. Pulling an "S" move, I took out all three that I needed while Ash was on his way back for number two. Completing my boats meant I only needing my 360's. I waited until I was almost back to the finish line before I did them. I splashed the crap out of my friends and kicked Ash’s cocky ass at the same time. I got to sit back and wait for him to come in, and let me tell you, the look on his face was priceless.

  "Would you like to talk anymore smack, Ash or do you think maybe you're done for the day?"

  "Ash, don't answer that. It was nice to see you get your ass handed to you by your girlfriend, but I'm ready to go parasailing. Let’s ride over there now and see if they have openings still."

  Jason managed to defuse the bomb that was about to go off between Ash and me. He didn’t like to lose any more than I did. Right then, my stomach growled loud enough to be heard by everyone and I needed to eat again.

  "Can we grab some lunch too?"

  Thank God for Heather because she backed me up saying, "I'm starving."

  None of the guys wanted to wait but with two hungry girls along, it meant that they had no choice. We found a little restaurant on the lake and it even had a place where we could park the wave runners. I was so grateful for inside seating. The temperature outside was 102 degrees. It wasn’t too bad if you were on the water, but sitting on a deck would have been miserable. Amazingly enough, once the guys sat down they all of a sudden had an appetite, and a huge one at that. Mozzarella cheese sticks, something called toasted ravioli (that the waitress said was a St. Louis thing), onion rings, potato wedges and jalapeno poppers were just the appetizers ordered. Not the sampler platter either. How they planned on eating all that was beyond me. Then again, each one of them was in the best shape their body would allow. I ordered a grilled chicken salad. Heather decided she liked that idea and ordered the same. Each one of the guys ordered a three quarter pound burger on top of all the other food. So my curiosity got to be too much and I had to try the ravioli. It is a finger food that you dip in marinara sauce. There was not a ton of flavor, but it was good enough I went back for a second one. One hour later I thought Heather and I were going to have to roll the boys out the door.

  We got back on the wave runners and I couldn’t help but tease Ash that he was going to sink his. He then pushed me off mine. Everyone laughed and I was right along with them. We were all having so much fun. I never wanted this feeling to end.

  When we got to the parasailing place, the line was forever long. We knew it was a bucket list thing, so we waited it out. Forty minutes later, we were next. They allowed three at a time so it made it easy to split the six of us up. Jason, Mike and Heather went on one while Tony, Ash and I went on the other. Each boat went in opposite directions which bummed me out. I wanted to see Heather freak out. She said she would be fine, but I knew she was going to lose it. We got loaded into the boat and we drove out to the middle of the lake. Then the harnesses were put on and the bar was handed to us. It seemed so simple that I knew nothing could go wrong. Well, that was until the guy told us to hold on and then we were climbing. Higher and higher we went. I have never been afraid of heights in my life, but something about being over water scared me to death. When the rope was at its maximum length, I finally opened my eyes. Big mistake, huge. I screamed at the top of my lungs. It didn’t matter that my boyfriend and one of my best friends were on either side of me. I was petrified.

  "Get me down. Get me down. Get me down!"

  "Babe, listen to me. You’re fine. You will be just fine.

  "Get me down!”

  "Sadie, shut up. You’re killing my eardrums."

  "Did you just tell me to shut up?"

  "Now you’re mad, good. At least you’re not screaming. Now look around. This is cool as hell."

  I did and it was. I don’t know what brought on the initial fear but I was past it.

  "That was crazy. I have never been afraid of heights or water. Combine them and I turn into a lunatic."

  "You weren't a lunatic, princess. You just needed to get past your fear."

  "Bullshit. She was too." Leave it to Tony to speak the truth.

  We floated behind the boat for a good ten minutes. I am glad I did it, especially with my boys. The rope started pulling us in and I started to freak again but I kept it under control this time. It had to be the fact I was at their mercy. I don’t really know for sure and I doubt I ever will. I have never been so glad to have my feet back on the boat, is all I can tell you.

  We got back to the beach area where we started as the other boat was pulling in. The three of them bounced out cheering each other on about how cool that was. How is that possible? I panic and Heather stays calm. The world must be coming to an end.

  "How did it go?" Mike asked.

  "Don't ask." Tony answered.

  "Why, did you get scared, Tony?

  "No, I didn't at all actually. Miss competitive over here, lost it like a crazy person."

  "Sadie, you did really, seriously? Jason, Heather, did you hear that? Sadie freaked out!"

  Ash stood next to me rubbing my
back to try to smooth the beating I was about to receive.

  "Shut up! You freaked? You always make so much fun of me and I loved it. This is awesome!"

  "Now you have to stop teasing Heather so much." Jason always hates how much I pick on her but it was just part of how we are.

  "Are all of you done yet? I'm ready to go now.

  "Aw, did we hurt your feelings?"

  "Mike, you’re going to be hurting if you don't leave me alone."

  "Point taken, let’s get out of here."

  We rode around on the wave runners until it was starting to get dark. None of us were ready to hand them over, but it was a safety issue. When we were back in the cars, Ash grabbed me and kissed me so sweetly.

  "If I haven't told you yet or before I forget to, I had the best time this weekend. Thank you for inviting me."

  "You’re welcome. I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun without you here. Thank you for coming."

  "Oh don't thank me for that yet. I plan to do that when we get back. After, of course you’re taken care of."

  "Never has an idea sounded so good."

  The next morning we packed up and left. All of us said we would do this trip again and make it an annual thing. The house was set to be our place forever. Well, that is, if they continue to rent it. The drive home was a smooth one. No one stopped unless it was a necessity. We made it back in a little under five hours. Ash and I unloaded all of our stuff and went inside to veg out. It is funny how after you sit in a car for five hours, all you want to do is relax and do nothing. The rest of the day was spent on the couch, cuddled up next to each other and watching movies. Not once did I think of Colt. Well, unless you are counting now, which actually was not then. Ha ha gotcha.